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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Devilot on May 26, 2003, at 14:45:19
Hi, as the subject line said, I'm new to this site. I think its great that there is a place for people to come and discuss their experiences and problems with understanding and supportive people like the ones I've been reading here.
I'm often, if not always, very depressed. I drink a lot to try to get away from it and myself. And when I don't drink, I don't sleep. Insomnia rules my nights and days. Work is incredibly harder these days. It's been about a year I've felt this way, and its getting worse. I'm not a very open person emotionally. I used to be, but time and time again, I got hurt by trusting the wrong people, and now I'm closed off to friends and family. I really don't know what I can do to help myself get back to how I was before. I've been in therapy, and it helps, but I've lost my medical insurance since being cut down to part-time at work due to this depression. I'm taking Risperdal for sleep I guess, but it knocks me cold and getting out of bed in the morning is nearly impossible. On top of that, I have like 50 dreams a night when I take it, and it makes me feel like I'm going mad at times.
Anything anyone can suggest, or any comments you might make will be extremely appreciated.
Sorry if I come off too whiny.
Posted by mair on May 26, 2003, at 15:34:24
In reply to I'm new here..., posted by Devilot on May 26, 2003, at 14:45:19
Whine Away - it's what we all do, and besides you didn't sound particularly whiney anyway.
I don't know anything about risperdal, but I'm wondering if you're feeling so knocked out on it because you're self-medicating with alcohol. I've discovered with the meds I take that it really is tough to drink more than a very small amount of alcohol and not feel pretty washed out the next day.
Have you lost your medical insurance because you've been switched to part-time? I know that at the place I work, people who quit or are let go or roll back their hours, are generally allowed to stay on the insurance for awhile as long as they cover the cost. I don't know whether this would be prohibitively expensive for you or out of the question now that you've been dropped. Does the fact of no insurance mean that you are without a psychiatrist, or that you are going to be terminating or curtailing therapy? I only ask because you don't mention any drugs other than risperdal.
As you've no doubt discovered, there is a meds board here to address the drug questions, and I'm sure you don't find my questions to be the least bit helpful. I do know that depression can be so profoundly isolating particularly when you feel cut off or marginalized by the people around you. It's unfortunate that one of the worst symptoms, the withdrawal, is at the same time one of those things that make it so difficult to ask for or accept help.
I think there are all sorts of pluses to participation on this site, not the least of which is to be able to interact with people who come closer to understanding how you feel than most of the people who surround you. So I'm glad you let us know you're out there, and I hope you tell us more about what's going on with you.
Mair
Posted by Devilot on May 26, 2003, at 18:33:25
In reply to Re: I'm new here... » Devilot, posted by mair on May 26, 2003, at 15:34:24
I'm sure the alcohol has an effect on the risperdal too, but I usually don't mix the two and it still knocks me for a loop. As for the question of me picking up the insurance, I can do that but it's gonna cost me a bit more than I can afford right now. This is why I've stopped going to therapy. I've been trying to become more open about things with my family and friends, but I feel like I've hit a wall. Depression is ruining everything in my life, and I keep thinking I'll be able to think my way out of it somehow. Obviously I know that without the proper help, and possibly meds, I'm fighting an even tougher battle, but my independent nature, and "I can do it alone" attitude always seem to get in my way. I'm tripping myself up and knowing it. Still, I continue the cycle. I know I'm not alone, and I'm very grateful to be able to discuss this with other people that understand.
Thank you Mair for your post.
Posted by mair on May 26, 2003, at 21:48:31
In reply to Re: I'm new here... » mair, posted by Devilot on May 26, 2003, at 18:33:25
I'm curious about your statement that you think you should be able to "think" your way out of depression. I don't look at it that way because sometimes I think I'm just making all of this more complex than it should be - like I over think. My bugaboo is that I feel, lots of times, like I should be able to will my way out of my depression. I think this arises from those rare times when I'm comparatively depression-free and when things just seem so much clearer.
If you're an independent sort, you may not be able to ask for the help you need - I mean your independence may be tied in a bit to an inability or inbred disinclination to communicate your needs. I realize I'm shooting from the hip here. I had a therapist once who referred to me as a person who likes to figure things out for herself. I think that's incorrect - I just don't know how to do things otherwise. Over the last several years, I've gotten some more open about the fact of my depression, but I've discovered that letting people know you are a depression-sufferer, and letting people know what kind of help you need from them are 2 entirely different things. I mean sometimes I don't even know what I need from others; I just know I'm not getting what ever that is.
Does any of this sound familiar?
Mair
Posted by Dinah on May 26, 2003, at 22:04:26
In reply to I'm new here..., posted by Devilot on May 26, 2003, at 14:45:19
Welcome!
I hope you come to find this place as supportive as I have.
My only immediate thought is that I really liked Risperdal, but it certainly isn't the best sleep med out there. In fact I had to take it in the morning because it made me a bit wired. Even if it doesn't react that way for you, there are probably more effective medications for that. You should really talk to your pdoc about the insomnia. And as Mair suggested, you might want to post on the medication board to ask about the medication aspect.
Posted by Devilot on May 26, 2003, at 22:32:21
In reply to Re: I'm new here... » Devilot, posted by mair on May 26, 2003, at 21:48:31
You know Mair, it sounds very familiar, and that is part of why I feel like I've found a good place to express some things. As for my statement of thinking my way out of depression, it's more a matter of me trying to will myself out of that mindset or that 'mood'. And that therapist you spoke of sounds like a friend of mine, she thinks I do that too. She may be right, but I can't help being the way I am sometimes. This is my undoing in the end. However, as I said before, this is somewhat recent, a year or there abouts, and I'm still learning about it and about how I seem to keep falling into the same patterns in my depression, and thus, in my life. I definitely don't always know what I need from other people. And asking for it? Ha ha. Yeah right. But, I'm trying to be optimistic, and I'm trying to help myself by asking others for help. This is why I found my way here. I think my risperdal is calling me.
Posted by Devilot on May 26, 2003, at 22:47:45
In reply to Re: I'm new here... » Devilot, posted by Dinah on May 26, 2003, at 22:04:26
I've spoken to my doc about my insomnia, which is why she gave me risperdal, but as I've said, it makes me pretty groggy in the morning, and I tend to drink a lot, so I don't take it as often as I probably should to get used to it. At the moment, I'm really working on letting my family and friends in on more of 'what's up' with me, but it's not so easy. Thank you for welcoming me, and I hope to continue this, as well as other, types of therapy. You all seem very compassionate and understanding. :) See? Depressed people can smile!
Posted by lostsailor on May 28, 2003, at 5:58:38
In reply to Re: I'm new here... » Dinah, posted by Devilot on May 26, 2003, at 22:47:45
you can not whine enough here. We are all pros at being self-absorbed at times and vent together.
Risperdal does take a bit of getting used to. If you mention this all to doc, he may just give you something else. One thing that is very often overlooked and/or not really understood is that drinking prior to bed ruins a night's rest.
I don't drink a lot, any longer=:), but know now that I prefer to have a drink or two at happy hour or dinner timeish and have it washed out of me when I cral/fall into bed. Spirits disrupt a certain part of the sleep cycle, which i can't name' (sorry) and may not go well with risperdal.
May I recomen a frozen Ambian with an ativan olive>>????
welcome to our humble abode...
~tony
Posted by Devilot on May 28, 2003, at 20:53:58
In reply to Re: I'm new here...welcomtobabble, posted by lostsailor on May 28, 2003, at 5:58:38
Thanks Tony, and everyone else for welcoming me to this site. I'm feeling a little less different here than I do around most of my friends and family. It's a vaguely familiar feeling I haven't felt in some time now.
A little bit of an update for anyone who's been reading my posts: I haven't had a drink in days, and have been just taking my risperdal at night to sleep. Getting out of bed in the mornings seems to be getting better than before. I guess I just need to stick with it and stay sober to really reap the benefits of taking it. At any rate, I've been depressed still, but a little more aware and capable of supressing it. I'm not sure if this has any relation to not drinking, or if it's more because I want to feel OK, but I've noticed a little change, and I'm optimistic. Once again, thanks to all of you for being so open armed to me. It's a nice feeling. :)
This is the end of the thread.
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