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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2003, at 3:42:45
When my little episodes are over and I realize how I've acted. How immature and needy and dependent and unreasonable and selfish and.... so many things.
At least I hope this means it's over. Or maybe tomorrow I'll be acting like a child again.
Good thing I'm mostly a hermit. It reduces the number of people I have to apologize to.
But except for embarassed, I'm feeling a bit better.
Posted by likelife on February 27, 2003, at 6:14:11
In reply to It's always so embarassing, posted by Dinah on February 27, 2003, at 3:42:45
I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. And you're right, some of the things we do can be so embarrassing--this is something I agonized over for a long time. What my husband has been gracious enough to recognize is that I'm not acting "immature and needy and dependent and unreasonable and selfish..." willfully; my intentions aren't to hurt or frustrate or anger or annoy anyone (usually :)). Now, if only everyone else had his power of insight, and if only I could believe as he does that I am not *completely* at fault for my actions.
What I'm trying to say is that I understand, and I hope your period of feeling better lasts and lasts and lasts, Energizer bunny style.
Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2003, at 8:12:10
In reply to Re: It's always so embarassing, posted by likelife on February 27, 2003, at 6:14:11
I'm fortunate (or smart) that I save most of my acting out for my therapist. And I pay him well to put up with it.
Yet still I cringe. The whining, the little girl voice, the theatrics....
Still, shame is a real step up. :) I hope the worst is over and I'm back to my right senses again.
It's good to know I'm not alone. Thanks.
Posted by beardedlady on February 27, 2003, at 9:04:18
In reply to It's always so embarassing, posted by Dinah on February 27, 2003, at 3:42:45
Well, you didn't do it on the board. You were perfectly coherent, lucid, calm. You expressed your feelings well.
So, here at least, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.
I'm glad you're feeling better and hope it lasts.
beardy : )>
Posted by Emme on February 27, 2003, at 9:16:36
In reply to It's always so embarassing, posted by Dinah on February 27, 2003, at 3:42:45
Hi Dinah,
I can sympathize with not liking the way you think you become at times. Actually, you used a lot of words that range a bell for me. You seem to understand that it's the illness and *not you*, not who you really are.
And for what it's worth, your posts here always strike me as kind and thoughtful and sensible. Definitely not childish.
I do hope that you aren't too much of a hermit all the time. Social interaction is normalizing for me, even if it's difficult or I'm not very perky.
Take care,
Emme
Posted by ROO on February 27, 2003, at 9:28:59
In reply to It's always so embarassing, posted by Dinah on February 27, 2003, at 3:42:45
Do you really think you acted _that_ badly, or
do you think you're exaggerating a bit?Even so, sometimes I'm a little relieved when my
friends "show their ass" so to speak, or throw fits
of some sort...some part of me is like "whew! I'm glad
I'm not the only one who's crazy in this world"....
Takes the pressure off to always have to be perfect....Sometimes, when I act "badly" I can even laugh at myself, be
surprised at my own "wildness" and unpredictability and inability
to be "contained" at all times.........it shows there's a certain
passion in us...we're not damn robots........(As long as I'm not calling
my best friend a bitch or something like that...I'm talking more like
throwing a fit and slamming doors, etc)....Don't shame yourself....there's a little child in you that needed
to do this....maybe ask the little child what it needs, what it wants, and
then she won't feel the need to act out so much....but don't shame her.
Posted by gabbix2 on February 27, 2003, at 10:05:03
In reply to It's always so embarassing, posted by Dinah on February 27, 2003, at 3:42:45
Wow I can't relate to that at all..: )
Of course you shouldn't be embarassed here Dinah.
But I sure no what you mean. Even at the time
I'm acting that way, I know I'm going to end up being embarassed,I know my feelings are just showing off all over but I can't get outside of it.
Its some sort of reality hallucination. Thats the only way I can describe it.
When its over I think 'What was THAT all about.'
Funny though I didn't think you sounded "needy or helpless, or childish.
At all. And you selfish? ha!
Posted by laurarn on February 27, 2003, at 10:24:08
In reply to Re: It's always so embarassing » Dinah, posted by beardedlady on February 27, 2003, at 9:04:18
Hi Dinah. I second beardy's post. I didn't see you post as much but certainly didn't notice anything out of sorts.
I'm just so glad for these boards and the honest sharing you all do. You guys will never know what a help this is to me in my search for better living with my illness. I am much more accepting now of my diagnosis, medications, and spending time in therapy learning how to live.
I need to see people post both when feeling good and when desperately clinging to something that will help them keep going on. I grew up never getting the chance to share when I was feeling sad or angry. That was a very big no no.
So, I am learning from all of you. Thanks!
Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2003, at 10:55:26
In reply to Re: It's always so embarassing » Dinah, posted by beardedlady on February 27, 2003, at 9:04:18
> Well, you didn't do it on the board. You were perfectly coherent, lucid, calm. You expressed your feelings well.
>
> So, here at least, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.
>
> I'm glad you're feeling better and hope it lasts.
>
> beardy : )>Thanks. Hey! I must be getting better. Now my therapist takes the brunt of it. At least I know I'm paying those bills for something. :)
Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2003, at 10:58:52
In reply to Re: It's always so embarassing » Dinah, posted by Emme on February 27, 2003, at 9:16:36
Thanks Emme. I'm a hermit by nature, I'm afraid, and social interaction is stressful to me. Internet social interaction suits me much better, so I'm so glad to have Babble and you guys.
I wish I was sure it wasn't me. There is a calm rational sensible side to me, but there is also an extremely *extremely* childish side to me that takes over sometimes. I'm not sure that's the illness. I think that's just me. :(
Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2003, at 11:00:42
In reply to Re: It's always so embarassing---Dinah, posted by ROO on February 27, 2003, at 9:28:59
> Don't shame yourself....there's a little child in you that needed
> to do this....maybe ask the little child what it needs, what it wants, and
> then she won't feel the need to act out so much....but don't shame her.That's what my therapist says, and I know you are both right. But I still am ashamed of that side of me. (And it's not all that easy to reason with, besides.)
Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2003, at 11:06:07
In reply to Re: It's always so embarassing, posted by gabbix2 on February 27, 2003, at 10:05:03
> Wow I can't relate to that at all..: )
> Of course you shouldn't be embarassed here Dinah.
> But I sure no what you mean. Even at the time
> I'm acting that way, I know I'm going to end up being embarassed,I know my feelings are just showing off all over but I can't get outside of it.
> Its some sort of reality hallucination. Thats the only way I can describe it.
> When its over I think 'What was THAT all about.'
> Funny though I didn't think you sounded "needy or helpless, or childish.
> At all. And you selfish? ha!
>
>That's it exactly. That's exactly what I think. "What was THAT all about." And I like your description.
Believe me, I can be selfish. I pitched a major fit about my therapist going away for a few days vacation and cancelling my appointment. I'm glad he can relax and spend time with his family. Really I am. I know it was unreasonable of me. He told me I could call him, and even offered to set up a schedule for phone calls while he was away. And still I acted like a brat.
Ah well, even if his only purpose was to be the recipient of that nonsense, so that my family can be spared, he's serving a pretty useful function.
Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2003, at 11:09:21
In reply to Re: It's always so embarassing, posted by laurarn on February 27, 2003, at 10:24:08
I tried to keep the worst of it off the board this time. But I'm glad my openness has helped. It always helps me to know that other people feel the way I do, and directly from their lips, like on this board.
On the other hand I get furious when people like my therapist who haven't experienced it try to "normalize" it. Because coming from him it sounds.... oh, I don't know. But not good.
Posted by shar on February 28, 2003, at 0:27:55
In reply to It's always so embarassing, posted by Dinah on February 27, 2003, at 3:42:45
This is the end of the thread.
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