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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tabitha on February 15, 2003, at 17:11:19
Oh, how I've tried not to let this get me down, but... learned yesterday (Valentine's Day!) that my ex and my former friend, whose dating has been a bitter pill for me to swallow for some time, are planning to marry in September.
Oh. Crap. It's hard to fight these thoughts that my life is all wrong. Other people grow up, move on, marry, have kids. I'm just proud that I'm rarely suicidal. My little solitary life where I'm functioning (mostly) OK suddenly doesn't seem OK.
I need to go out for succor. Lattes and movie rentals is all I can come up with. A browse through the bookstore. A hamburger.
Posted by justyourlaugh on February 15, 2003, at 18:19:46
In reply to My self-esteem needs a shot in the self-esteem, posted by Tabitha on February 15, 2003, at 17:11:19
tab,
some people that "grow up,move on,marry and produce,,,,,sorry not your exact quote....
are just as tormented as yourself.
it knows no boundries...
how about we rent"12 monkeys"
sit by the fire an "freak out" about the state of ourworld today!
pass the popcorn tab...
peace
jyl
Posted by gabbix2 on February 15, 2003, at 19:48:34
In reply to Re: My self-esteem needs a shot in the self-esteem » Tabitha, posted by justyourlaugh on February 15, 2003, at 18:19:46
Oh Tabitha..
Its funny but its not. I was thinking the identical things, Identical, and I thought
"Tabitha has depression and she has her own house"
I know it doesn't make things better, but its funny isn't it, funny strange.
I feel so weird about the fact that I seem to be missing a whole section of life, but not have anything really cool that I did instead, you know.
I didn't do any real travelling, didn't write a book. Didn' Volunteer for Cuso. I just kinda got through it.:(And Just your laugh, you just crack me up.
Thanks.
Posted by Miller on February 15, 2003, at 20:58:28
In reply to My self-esteem needs a shot in the self-esteem, posted by Tabitha on February 15, 2003, at 17:11:19
Hi Tabitha,
Self-esteem sucks. There is no good amount. If you have too much, you come across like a stuck-up meanie. If you don't have enough, you end up with depression and ickies.
I am sorry about your ex and your ex friend. I was married REALLY young. We were together through highschool. 6 months after we divorced he married a friend I had in school. Ouch. They divorced several years later. It was really ugly. (What goes around, comes around?)
I say we all by some fudgcicles and Nutty Bars and get together for a basket weaving session. What ever happened to serenity? Somehow, we all got missed.
Take care.
-Miller
Posted by Tabitha on February 15, 2003, at 22:29:12
In reply to Re: My self-esteem needs a shot in the self-esteem » Tabitha, posted by Miller on February 15, 2003, at 20:58:28
I got a case of grape soda and a bag of sour gummy worms (Made with Real Fruit Juice!). 12 Monkeys is a perfect movie choice. We can watch and be glad we don't drool as much as the Bruce Willis character.
Posted by Miller on February 15, 2003, at 22:46:40
In reply to Re: OK gals, let's indulge, posted by Tabitha on February 15, 2003, at 22:29:12
I can bring the Cookie Dough ice cream!!! I may even have some chocolate sause for those of us in dire need of comfort food.
Name the time and place!!
-Miller
Posted by Miller on February 15, 2003, at 22:48:10
In reply to Re: OK gals, let's indulge, posted by Tabitha on February 15, 2003, at 22:29:12
I would also recommend the most comfortable clothes available. I have a sweatshirt that is about 3 sizes too big. I will put that on with a pair of jammie pants.
Someone will have to paint my fingernails during the movie though, ok?
Posted by jodie on February 15, 2003, at 23:42:23
In reply to Re: OK gals, let's indulge, posted by Miller on February 15, 2003, at 22:46:40
I'll bring the turtle cheesecake, and the movies..My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and my 2 favorite "chic flicks" (thats what my fiancee calls them), Pretty Woman, & Dirty Dancing.
Posted by kara lynne on February 16, 2003, at 1:29:22
In reply to My self-esteem needs a shot in the self-esteem, posted by Tabitha on February 15, 2003, at 17:11:19
...I think almost everyday about my long time ex (longer time boyfriend) getting married and his second child being due this month. It does seem like a lot of people get married, move on, have kids--- and like there's some magical validation that comes along with that kid-having that can come no other way. Hope I'm making sense; just came from talking with my boyfriend about moving out. We both know it would be better, but it's still heartbreaking.
Posted by bookgurl99 on February 16, 2003, at 9:17:36
In reply to My self-esteem needs a shot in the self-esteem, posted by Tabitha on February 15, 2003, at 17:11:19
LOL. This tag-line really made me laugh.
+ + +
Stuff with exes is really hard. It's even harder that your friend is with him. Why do women behave as though there's a huge man shortage, poaching on their friend's men when men make up 49% of the population? it's like, 'that one's still fresh, take him.'
(actually, lesbians are just as bad. trust me. i wasn't one week dumped when other girls tried playing matchmaker for me and their single friends.)
+ + +
i similarly have thoughts that my life is all wrong. for me, it's based on academic and professional achievement. but, if i think i'm worthless for not having a degree, how come i don't think that everyone who doesn't have a college degree is worthless?
similarly, do you really think that every single, unmarried, childless woman is worthless? surely you don't really think we are. why not give yourself the same credit?
+++
i wouldn't be bookgurl99 if i didn't have a book recommendation every now and then. Glance at "if the buddha dated" while you're at the bookstore. :D
Posted by gabbix2 on February 16, 2003, at 9:18:02
In reply to Can I Join?, posted by kara lynne on February 16, 2003, at 1:29:22
And you all have to work tomorrow.
Kara Lynn, I'm sorry, it is heartbreaking, even when you know its better. I've been there more times than I'd like to say. It'll be good though, after you've been on you're own for a while it seems you notice things that were really great all the time but maybe you didn't see when you were with your boyfriend. Things that aren't the same but you can love just as much.
I'm doing a terrible job at explaining this, its too early in the morning. I'll try again later.
Posted by kara lynne on February 16, 2003, at 14:39:38
In reply to Oh I missed it........ » kara lynne, posted by gabbix2 on February 16, 2003, at 9:18:02
No, you're doing a great job of explaining it. I long for that time after I've been on my own for awhile. I'm in that raw-est of states right now, where all the fear is magnified. I just read your other post "Tabitha has depression and she has her own house"... that really says it all for me right now!!! It's all a matter of perspective, I know, I could still be depressed in my own house-- but at least it would be my own house to be depressed in. But of course, maybe I would feel lonely in that house! The problem is it's so hard to go do anything in this state. I want to go today and at least drive around looking for apts. but I feel so damn bad I don't know how I could attract anything positive. Thank you for your understanding.
Posted by Tabitha on February 16, 2003, at 15:03:38
In reply to Re: My self-esteem needs a shot in the self-esteem, posted by bookgurl99 on February 16, 2003, at 9:17:36
>
> Stuff with exes is really hard. It's even harder that your friend is with him. Why do women behave as though there's a huge man shortage, poaching on their friend's men when men make up 49% of the population? it's like, 'that one's still fresh, take him.'A related question-- Why do social groups get so incestuous? I hate it when friends date each other, or date people in series from the same bunch. Eww. It just messes everything up. Can't we all date from outside our tribe? Then if it doesn't work out, the tribe is still intact.
>
> + + +
>
> i similarly have thoughts that my life is all wrong. for me, it's based on academic and professional achievement. but, if i think i'm worthless for not having a degree, how come i don't think that everyone who doesn't have a college degree is worthless?
>
> similarly, do you really think that every single, unmarried, childless woman is worthless? surely you don't really think we are. why not give yourself the same credit?Oh, I know this intellectually. I get so disgusted when my intellectual beliefs get blown away so easily. Just days before this happened, I was feeling good about myself, and feeling good about being single right now, and noticing I wasn't getting the usual Valentine's Day -related sudden urge to latch onto somebody. But, still, after learning this, those feelings were there. I was walking the bookstore, and saw a table full of wedding books, and it hurt. And I've known for a couple years that I don't want to marry again, ever. Yet there it is.
>
> +++
>
> i wouldn't be bookgurl99 if i didn't have a book recommendation every now and then. Glance at "if the buddha dated" while you're at the bookstore. :D
>
>Thanks, that does look interesting. I like that author.
Posted by bluedog on February 17, 2003, at 4:01:16
In reply to My self-esteem needs a shot in the self-esteem, posted by Tabitha on February 15, 2003, at 17:11:19
Hi Tabbycat
I know Valentines day is well over but I thought the following little piece might give you a laugh and might even give your self esteem that much needed shot in the arm.
I found this piece at the following link
( http://cazmatic.blogspot.com/ ) and I laughed myself silly about it:).
=================================================================================================="How do I love thee? Let me count my cash.
After a break-up with an ex-boyfriend, I was described as being “as affectionate as a traffic accident” which was supposedly meant to be an insult. It was probably the most flattering and accurate thing he ever said about me.
Call me cynical, call me cold, but I really don’t go in for big public displays of footsy or hand-holding or otherwise fawning all over you significant other – especially if you are sober. So you can imagine how much I’m looking forward to existing as part of humanity in the coming week.
I am the Ebenezer Scrooge of Valentines Day. This “holiday” will be here in less than a week, so its time to pay twice as much for a red rose as you would at any other time of the year – just to show your precious “poopsy snugglemuffin” or “schboogly kitty-snicker” or whatever other nauseating nickname you have for them – just how much you really love them.
You’ve all heard the arguments about how Valentines Day is just a commercialized activity designed to suck more money out of you as the retail industry doesn’t want to let go of the ludicrously inflated turnover it has enjoyed in the lead up to Christmas and then the after Christmas sales. Does this stop you from spending $50 on a pair of red silk boxers your boyfriend will never wear?
I’m not just anti-Valentines Day because I’m single either. I’ve been on the receiving end of these tokens of affection in the past and it’s really not all its cracked up to be. Especially when your birthday happens to fall exactly 2 weeks after “love” Day and your boyfriend whines about being obliged to spend so much money on you. Feeling obliged I might add, despite me saying “just get me something for my birthday, fuck Valentines Day” because they don’t have the balls to go against convention.
I’m not jealous that I won’t have a floral arrangement consisting of 6 roses, love-heart printed cellophane and a teddy bear waiting for me somewhere in a sea of almost identical bouquets at the reception desk downstairs at work. I can see it already, the same as every other year, they pile up – some of them never collected – making the reception area resemble the back of a hearse at a packed funeral.
And why do they always insist on having them sent to work anyway? I see it as some sort of smugness and an attempt to lord it up over the single chicks. So your husband can shell out $70 on a rose and bear. Big deal. But are you truly happy? Yes I know you’ll avoid the answer to that because society dictates you are a better person than me because you received a crass Valentines Day gift. Society dictates that your life is complete because you put an ad in the classifieds telling Mr. Bunnyfluffykins that he’s going to get some bunny lovin’ when he pops down the rabbit hole tonight.
Poor single Aunty Caz won’t have red roses wilting on her desk all day on Friday and won’t have that special someone to take her out to a restaurant and shell out double the normal price for a meal because it comes as part of the special “Valentines menu.”
Poor single Aunty Caz won’t receive a tasteful toy devil sporting a satin heat-shaped pillow inscribed with the words “Hot stuff!” Nor will she have the opportunity to buy any similar nonsense for someone else.
The Beatles got it wrong. Money, it seems, CAN buy you love. Especially if you make any purchases to coincide nicely with the date retailers deem you should be expressing your love to your “Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck” (™ Kevin Smith).
Nothing says I love you quite like a minimum cash outlay of $150 on gifts as part of a commercialized rort. Happy Valentines Day, big business!."
==================================================================================================Hope that cheers you up a bit
warm regards from an equally single bluedog (who also didn't get anything for Valentines day)
seeya gorgeous
Posted by IsoM on February 17, 2003, at 4:21:29
In reply to Re: Valentine, Schmalentines Day:) » Tabitha, posted by bluedog on February 17, 2003, at 4:01:16
I LOVED that piece, bluedog! It's how I feel about all those stupid highly commercialized holidays. I notice that all the flowers shoot up double their normal price & I think "how many red or pink teddy bears (or panties, or candles, etc, etc) does one person need????" I saw in the store I work in, the Easter candies are already out. I called out to a fellow worker "Next week, we'll bring out Halloween candy & the week after, Christmas again." She agreed.
It's not cynical to feel that way either. It's plain common sense. All the public is doing is helping to foster a warped, highly commercial economic system that's corrupt & self-centred, & thinks nothing of the rest of the not-so-wealthy world.
End of rant.
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on February 17, 2003, at 9:49:30
In reply to My self-esteem needs a shot in the self-esteem, posted by Tabitha on February 15, 2003, at 17:11:19
> Oh, how I've tried not to let this get me down, but... learned yesterday (Valentine's Day!) that my ex and my former friend, whose dating has been a bitter pill for me to swallow for some time, are planning to marry in September.
----------------Wow. The same thing happened to me, but much more rapidly and secretly. My wife told me she wanted a divorce in December of 98, just as I was moving 1000 miles away (she was supposed to move with me). About that time, my best friend was getting pretty cagey... wouldn't return calls, spoke little. A few months later, I asked my wife if she had seen him at all (since I hadn't heard from him) and she very convincingly said no. A few months later we were divorced (no kids or property, so it was quick). I find out later that only 2 months after our divorce, she married my former best friend. What gets me most is how morally superior she made herself out to be (she was sporadically religious), while seeing nothing wrong with cheating and lying to me.
Still, it all worked out for the best. I'm with a far better person now, and I'm sure that she's driving him crazy right now, wherever they are.
Anyway, you have my sympathies, and I'm sure that someone else will come along. It took me several years to find another girlfriend, but it was well worth the wait. Go to the bookstore and have a coffee and brownie. Read some magazines.
Posted by beardedlady on February 17, 2003, at 10:20:29
In reply to Re: My self-esteem needs a shot in the self-esteem » Tabitha, posted by Eddie Sylvano on February 17, 2003, at 9:49:30
"Shirley Valentine": Best chick flick I've ever seen (and perfect for those snowed under).
beardy : )>
P.S. I'll bring the Jif!
Posted by PuraVida on February 18, 2003, at 12:55:04
In reply to How about Shirley Valentine's Day?!, posted by beardedlady on February 17, 2003, at 10:20:29
This IS an awesome film - big confidence booster...
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 15:54:19
In reply to Re: How about Shirley Valentine's Day?!, posted by PuraVida on February 18, 2003, at 12:55:04
Serves me right for getting behind.
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 15:57:08
In reply to My self-esteem needs a shot in the self-esteem, posted by Tabitha on February 15, 2003, at 17:11:19
Ouch. I'm sorry, Tabitha. That has to hurt.
Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 15:59:06
In reply to Can I Join?, posted by kara lynne on February 16, 2003, at 1:29:22
I'm sorry, Kara. The mind might know that it's better but it takes a while longer for the rest of you to figure it out.
Take extra care to pamper yourself now.
This is the end of the thread.
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