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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by likelife on February 6, 2003, at 0:16:37
OK, feel free to yell at me, but I felt like putting this out there. Valentine's Day is coming up--not always the happiest holiday on record for me. I'm finally in the midst of a stable relationship and am relieved that my husband and I will be doing absolutely nothing to celebrate.
Anyways, I started musing to myself (one of the late-night variety muses) about the nature of love. And I find that I have a hard time putting a finger on what exactly it is, or perhaps more appropriately, what exactly it means for me. I've got some ideas, some of which are very concrete, like going out to my car and finding that my husband has already scraped off my windshield for me, and the way hearing him breathe rhythmically and open-mouthed with a heavy whoosh calms me at night when I can't sleep. Something about that signals love to me. It sounds trite, but I see it as the interpretation of simple things as meaningful.
I get stuck on some of the more intangible stuff though. Does love mean that someone will never leave you? Probably not. Does it mean you'll always be happy together. Over the long run, maybe, but I don't even think it's necessary.
So then, what is love? Romantic, platonic, cosmic, seismic, whatever...
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on February 6, 2003, at 9:44:32
In reply to what's love got to do with it?, posted by likelife on February 6, 2003, at 0:16:37
> So then, what is love? Romantic, platonic, cosmic, seismic, whatever...
-------------------I don't think that there will ever be a definition that everyone agrees with, since it seems to mean such different things to different people, depending on what emotional needs they have.
For that matter, is love for a parent or child different than love for a mate? Being coldly scientific, I see love as an appreciation for the behavioral and physical qualities that we value most. Ultimately, it all stems from our desire to proliferate and protect our genes, and the genes of those whose qualities we identify with (genes similar to ours). We're trying to shape the course of humanity.
That's a biological idea. A psychological definition might be that love for others is a projection of the feelings we have for ourselves (hence the whole "have to love yourself first" notion). Ultimately, it's a selfish thing.
People balk at the idea that love has evolved from more simple, practical concerns on the organism's part, but the fact that it's so hard to say *why* we love someone is only evidence of the fact that we're motivated by factors which we don't conciously understand or control. I think that a lot of human emotion and experience is a rationalization we create for our own behavior, whose true origin is beneath our cognitive creation. It makes sense to us that we do things for a reason we intended, so we (amazingly easily) come up with reasons ("she's so nice", "her sense of humor is unique." "etc"). Look behind the excuses we give, and we're really only newly minted minds on top of more primitive systems.
All that said, I love my girlfriend dearly, and wouldn't trade that experience for anything.
Posted by rayww on February 6, 2003, at 15:23:40
In reply to what's love got to do with it?, posted by likelife on February 6, 2003, at 0:16:37
I think you have to feel love before you can share it. That becomes hard in the disorders because the emotions can do reversals. You might actually hate and resent those who are closest to you, while lust after strangers. Therefore before you define love, perhaps take a look at the disorder and try to figure out in which part of it you are real. Then, hold onto that belief and let it carry you through the rough spots.True love can do that. True love is a belief as well as an emotion. True love is also a verb. Acts of kindness will help others feel your love even when you yourself aren't able to feel. In your down times you may not even recognize an act of kindness done in your behalf. That again is where belief comes into play. That's why I suggest love is a belief.
This is the end of the thread.
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