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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bookgurl99 on January 29, 2003, at 0:29:02
I ran into an ex-partner of mine recently. We were together for a little under two years, but it was an intense, short relationship and I was deeply in love. We moved in together around the same time that I developed OCD symptoms.
The relationship fell apart largely due to my mental health problems -- she couldn't deal with it, actually discouraged me from getting help at the time. By the time I got it and was well, she had fallen out of love with me. So she left me. The breakup was about 3 years ago.
I just ran into my ex today. There is still this stab-like pain when I see her. It really bothers me, because in all other respects I have moved on with my life.
Maybe part of it is that the rejection was due to a mental illness that I had no control over at the time, and I feel shame over that. Plus, in almost every other previous breakup, _I_ had been the one to make the choices to split.
But I want to not feel this way. I'd like to be able to even just exchange words with this ex-partner. But right now I can't.
I can't explain this feeling. Does anyone else go through this? Have you ever felt this way? How do you deal with an ex who rejected you?
Posted by Phil on January 29, 2003, at 6:44:36
In reply to running into an ex-partner., posted by bookgurl99 on January 29, 2003, at 0:29:02
bookgurl,
She should feel, not shame, but maybe a little guilty for leaving because you were sick. Discouraging you from getting help is not 'civil or supportive.' (I use civil where I never did before) That was your first clue.
I think every human being on the planet deals with those feelings at some time. Journaling could help get it out of your system-you can get as angry as you want.
The best way to deal with it is to get on with your life like you're doing. The best revenge is living well.
I wouldn't encourage you to want a dialogue with this woman; we all have to stay away from people that aren't good for us. What she did wasn't right. Realize what you've learned from the experience and apply it.
Intense, short relationships are awful and what you feel is almost always the result.
Friends first-take your time-listen to what they 'say.' Most times it can be fairly easy to pick up on people's real intentions and feelings.
We just have to be willing to hear the truth.
My first real love happened about 22 years ago. We were together 4 years when I found out she had been sleeping with her boss. I was devastated but it's weird, I still feel love for her and always hope she's happy. We all deserve it. We all have shortcomings. It's life, ain't it great?!
You'll find or will be found by the right one and you will know.
Try like heck to focus on the good times y'all had, it's not that hard. Praying for the other person's happiness can change your feeling towards them also.Phil
Posted by ROO on January 29, 2003, at 9:06:24
In reply to Re: running into an ex-partner., posted by Phil on January 29, 2003, at 6:44:36
Bookgurl--
Just wanted to say, Yes, I've felt that way...Not too
long ago, this summer, I was in a short, intense relationship
with a guy who ended up leaving me because of my depression.
I felt horribly rejected...it pushed all my buttons...(One of my
buttons is "depressed people are unlovable")...and like you, it hurt
my pride, because previously, I had always been the one to leave my
relationships and this time _I_ got dumped. So I _still_ feel a stab
of pain when I think of him...not because the relationship was so great, but
because it pushed a lot of my buttons and I got rejected.Time (and being with someone else that I had a lot of fun with) helped heal
the wounds and give me perspective and I am able to see that his rejecting me
wasn't all about me being this totally flawed person....it's also about him and
what he can't deal with inside himself....so....I've let go of a lot of angerAlso...I try to focus on what _I_ need from someone...do _I_ want to be with someone
that can't deal with my depression? That can't be with me during the good times AND the
bad times? Nooooooooo.....so HE's not for ME...he did me a favor!Anyway...just wanted to let you know...I know how you feel...the sting will lessen...especially
now that you have a sweetie that you really love and that really loves you (I've seen you post
quite a bit about your GF and you seem to have a really good relationship with her). Yay!
This is the end of the thread.
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