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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Miller on December 22, 2002, at 20:30:19
So, I have been thinking a lot about this site as well as others similar. I keep wondering why I am so drawn to a place like this. On one hand, I feel as if I am a five-year-old in the middle of a teenage gang. You know the feeling; a little uncomfortable, wanting to impress, doubting my abilities, etc. Yet, I also feel the need to get feedback from other people who I think may know more than I.
I was thinking that it is really hard to tell, without actual words, the perception people are getting from me. The people on this board that I think don't like me, am I being paranoid? Are there people that I have hurt? Do some of this community think I am really bad news? Am I being avoided and ignored because of my lack of communication skills?
I think that to start or to respond to a post takes so much courage. We know what happens if people are in disagreement. But when an opinion is formed, is it possible to change it on a forum such as this?
I responded to a post earlier that made think about how I act and react to posts. I do feel so close to others that express emotional pain. I know they may be like me and continually check the board for responses in an attempt to find the cure to their misery.
I am disappointed with myself for not being able to help others as they need to be. Yet, I know that when I am sad and alone, I want to have something to hold on to. It could be anger, hope, humor, or any other emotion that will alleviate the pain for even a little bit. Why is it that when I try to send the things I think I would need, it doesn't help anyone? How can I backtrack and get people to know that I am not evil, mean, or hurtful?
Thanks to anyone who has read this post. There is no need to reply. Most of this is rambling and retorical.
To all that are hurting: I hope you find peace. If there is something you want, or need, to feel better, please ask.
-Miller
Posted by dReamerz on December 22, 2002, at 21:09:46
In reply to Threading, posted by Miller on December 22, 2002, at 20:30:19
Miller...
Just be you..I don't think you are evil..I don't know you well but I feel you are a sweetheart...the other post I think the suicidal one I also was in the same place--hard to think straight in that place--
I can't give advice here , I admit that..just sharing and being a part of the whole is good..not everyone may like you..using a place like this is healthy , it empties the trash that hurts from inside yourself.
Posted by Tabitha on December 23, 2002, at 0:43:26
In reply to Threading, posted by Miller on December 22, 2002, at 20:30:19
I've been hoping you stick around. I like your posts.
Posted by mikhail99 on December 23, 2002, at 7:52:03
In reply to Threading, posted by Miller on December 22, 2002, at 20:30:19
> So, I have been thinking a lot about this site as well as others similar. I keep wondering why I am so drawn to a place like this. On one hand, I feel as if I am a five-year-old in the middle of a teenage gang. You know the feeling; a little uncomfortable, wanting to impress, doubting my abilities, etc. Yet, I also feel the need to get feedback from other people who I think may know more than I.
I DO know those feelings, when I post, I must sit here for 10-15 minutes, trying to be careful, yet still helpful with whatever it is I'm trying to say. You don't want to open yourself up to anyone's anger but you still want to help so much.
>
> I was thinking that it is really hard to tell, without actual words, the perception people are getting from me. The people on this board that I think don't like me, am I being paranoid? Are there people that I have hurt? Do some of this community think I am really bad news? Am I being avoided and ignored because of my lack of communication skills?I think that most of the time, we can't worry too much about people's perceptions on this board. Don't we all spend too much time worrying about that in our day to day interactions? I know I do and I get so tired of it. And I don't think anyone here thinks you're bad news, you communicate very well.
>
> I think that to start or to respond to a post takes so much courage. We know what happens if people are in disagreement. But when an opinion is formed, is it possible to change it on a forum such as this?
>
> I responded to a post earlier that made think about how I act and react to posts. I do feel so close to others that express emotional pain. I know they may be like me and continually check the board for responses in an attempt to find the cure to their misery.I'm ALWAYS checking on responses on these sites...I think I'm becoming quite dependent on them!
>
> I am disappointed with myself for not being able to help others as they need to be. Yet, I know that when I am sad and alone, I want to have something to hold on to. It could be anger, hope, humor, or any other emotion that will alleviate the pain for even a little bit. Why is it that when I try to send the things I think I would need, it doesn't help anyone? How can I backtrack and get people to know that I am not evil, mean, or hurtful?
>
> Thanks to anyone who has read this post. There is no need to reply. Most of this is rambling and retorical.
>
> To all that are hurting: I hope you find peace. If there is something you want, or need, to feel better, please ask.
>
> -Miller
>Miller, I personally think that if you're coming from a place that is helpful and compassionate, it's pretty hard to be perceived as evil or hurtful. As far as I can see (I'm still kind of new around here) you're always trying (and succeeding) to be helpful and compassionate. Don't be so hard on yourself about posting here, like I said earlier, most of us here are already too hard on ourselves about our relationships and work. This is a place to pass on our experiences and advice and hope for the best. It's good for us to put ourselves "out there" too to learn that we can interact normally and we can be helpful to others.
Well, I started blathering again... :-) I hope that you found a nugget of something helpful in here. Take care of yourself!!!
Posted by Dinah on December 23, 2002, at 7:59:25
In reply to Threading, posted by Miller on December 22, 2002, at 20:30:19
Miller, I remember feeling the same things when I first started posting here. I remember making a post and being terrified that it would be taken wrong. (OK, that still happens.) I've never been easy with people and it was difficult.
I commend you for being strong enough to be able to articulate your concerns.
For what it's worth, I see you as someone in a lot of pain who tends to be pretty hard on yourself. You seem to be nice and to want to help people, and I'd like to get to know you better.
Social life here is probably not that much different from the real world. Some people instantly charm everyone. Others (like me) take a while to find a niche. Not everyone will like you, but a lot of people will. And there are no "right" answers or questions. We're all just doing the best we can. So join in on whatever threads interest you, or start your own.
Posted by Dinah on December 23, 2002, at 8:01:05
In reply to Re: Threading, posted by mikhail99 on December 23, 2002, at 7:52:03
Posted by daizy on December 23, 2002, at 8:22:05
In reply to Threading, posted by Miller on December 22, 2002, at 20:30:19
> "I keep wondering why I am so drawn to a place like this. On one hand, I feel as if I am a five-year-old in the middle of a teenage gang. You know the feeling; a little uncomfortable, wanting to impress, doubting my abilities, etc. Yet, I also feel the need to get feedback from other people who I think may know more than I."
I totally feel the same. I also get over paranoid about what people may think of me and my opinions. I read posts and relate to them in one way or another and want to reply, but then hesitate in doing so. Im also not good at communicating. I cant write down what I actually want to say in the ways that Im thinking it. I know that this site has stopped me from thinking that I was going mad, and that I was the only one suffering. Eyeryone here has nothing but encouragement for each other, and thats what we need when were feeling down. hope thats made some sense?? Keep posting!
Posted by Miller on December 23, 2002, at 8:58:37
In reply to Re: Threading » Miller, posted by dReamerz on December 22, 2002, at 21:09:46
Thank you so much for the encouragement. Dinah has told me on many occassions that I am very hard on myself. That I am. I can justify why others do things and what motivates them. When it comes to myself...that is another story.
I hope I can learn to share with everyone here so I will be able to "empty my trash" and begin to relive my negative feelings.
Thank you for your kind words.
Posted by Miller on December 23, 2002, at 9:00:04
In reply to Re: Threading » Miller, posted by Tabitha on December 23, 2002, at 0:43:26
Thanks for the encouragement. I do enjoy so much of this board. I hope I will be able to shake this insecurity.
Have a great and peaceful holiday.
Posted by Miller on December 23, 2002, at 9:04:25
In reply to Re: Threading, posted by mikhail99 on December 23, 2002, at 7:52:03
You are right in so many ways. I feel like I spend most of my time trying to be a person that everyone else wants me to be. I have to wonder what I really want to be to make myself happy.
Your post made me consider taking the plunge and sharing an experience or two to see what kind of feedback I will get. Let's see if I can muster the courage.
Thank you very much.
Posted by Miller on December 23, 2002, at 9:11:19
In reply to Re: Threading » Miller, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2002, at 7:59:25
Thanks Dinah.
I am in a lot of pain right now. I wish I could "fix" it. I think the frustration of not being able to feel better takes place of good judgement sometimes. What I am trying to say is that I feel really bad and don't know how to handle it. I don't know why I can't just "let it go' like so many NORMAL people tell me. Uuurrggg!
I thank you very much for being about to give me so much support in the little time I have been here. It's a relief to know I will get a honest, yet compassionate response from you.
Posted by Gabbix2 on December 23, 2002, at 13:47:07
In reply to Re: Threading » Dinah, posted by Miller on December 23, 2002, at 9:11:19
Miller I read your first post "Threading"
And I've been trying to respond for about a day now. I'm hopelessly lethargic and really down'
not thankfully acutely miserable but I just can't form a proper thought. If I did respond though, It would all be good. I hope you understand my ability to ramble but not actually respond.And what you said about not being able to feel better.. the frustration. yeah, you said a mouthful. I said to someone yesterdya If I could just snap out of it; just to get the worried scared look off my Dad's face never mind how it would make me feel.
It breaks my heart, he shouldn't have to worry about me at his age.
Posted by Miller on December 23, 2002, at 13:55:26
In reply to Re: Threading » Miller, posted by Gabbix2 on December 23, 2002, at 13:47:07
I totally agree!! Between my husband and my work, I feel guilty for feeling miserable. I am so frustrated that I can't "snal out of it" like everyone wants me to.
"Why can't you see what you do have??" I hear that question so many times. I wish I had a least one answer or two.
I'm sorry you are feeling so out of energy. I feel the same way so much of the time. On my good days, I feel like I am running at half-speed. My bad days are like a a toy needing to be re-wound.
The good news is that ,my shrink and I have agreed on a plan of action. In January, I am taking three weeks off work and having "concentrated" sessions with him. I will be seeing him every other day during those three weeks.
We are hoping to get to the bottom of my suicidal thoughts. He and I both agree that if I get that out of my way, I can deal better with my depression and anxiety.
Good luck and I hope you find peace
Posted by daizy on December 23, 2002, at 14:18:30
In reply to Threading, posted by Miller on December 22, 2002, at 20:30:19
"feeling; a little uncomfortable, doubting my abilities, also feel the need to get feedback? The people on this board that I think don't like me" ??????????????????, Am I being avoided ??????
Posted by Dinah on December 23, 2002, at 17:58:38
In reply to Re: Threading » Gabbix2, posted by Miller on December 23, 2002, at 13:55:26
I hope it helps. Suicidal thoughts are so much a part of this illness. And just taking time off to concentrate on you will probably be helpful.
Posted by Miller on December 23, 2002, at 19:26:36
In reply to Re: Threading, posted by daizy on December 23, 2002, at 14:18:30
Daizy,
I don't understand what you are asking me. Please be more specific and I will answer whatever I can. Thanks for responding and reading my post.
-Miller
Posted by Miller on December 23, 2002, at 19:30:28
In reply to Re: That sounds like a good plan. » Miller, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2002, at 17:58:38
Dinah,
Thank you. I am hoping this time off of work and school will enable me to "get my shit together". After my attempt to kill myself with the sleeping pills my psychologist and I talked a lot about what I need. I think it would do me more harm than ggod to go into an inpatient program. The outpatient programs are usually more group therapy, which would make me WAY too uncomfortable. So the best compromise we came up with is to have concerntrated sessions every other day. The days I don't see him I will have "assignments" that he and I will discuss. I just hope this will help me get out of this horrible darkness I can't shake. Wish me luck.
Thanks for the encouragement.-Miller
This is the end of the thread.
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