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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Roo on September 9, 2002, at 10:06:18
Isn't that funny I live in Durham Ontario and if I can find a way to put this on social I will..and by the way 6ft 1
..sandy blonde hair physically fit Blue eyes soon to be meds free if things keep getting better , single , bold , spiritual
and enjoy everything ..if you know what I mean, that life has to offer anyways ...Hmmm my brother is a fireman in
Florida...Helecopter rescue called Bay Flight too...only I don't live on the very edge anymore..???Guess its time to
start to enjoy life again ..Remeron with Clonazepam ....Long live..boy am I happy ..see you on social (-: Robin DJ
Hey Robin DJ---How was your weekend? I had a great one--went to the beach. A couple of my friends
rented a house on Emerald Isle...the weather was perfect...the water was not too cold, not
too warm...perfect...just floated around with friends, laughing and talking, eating
seafood, playing frisbee. Very nice. Still struggling a little with depression---feeling a
little raw (emotionally) without that drug buffer. (Been off meds for a month or so)..but I'm wondering if I can just work really
hard with these distorted thoughts and deal with them that way. I just can't take a drug that
numbs me sexually and emotionally...too big a sacrifice...and I've already done it for too long
(8 years). Really enjoying all those feelings coming back...physical, spiritual and otherwise.
Sometimes I'll get moved to tears---that's really amazing. I like that. I think I used to be
scared of the fact that I"m an emotional person. Of course there's the dark side too...I'm finding that
now without the buffer of the drug, I can take things way too personally, not trust friend's as much,
start feeling like a "loser" and have a harder time pulling out of that....feel like a failure, etc.
Just cross your fingers for me...that I can handle my emotions and be happy without meds....Please God!!
I guess if I have to take them, I will...maybe next time I'll try Remeron, like you, since it's not supposed
to effect sex. But then I'm also afraid of turning into a porker on it. Well, i'll cross that bridge when
it comes.So tell me more about you----you say you're spiritual--what do you mean by that?
How old are you? Somehow I'm guessing you're young? In your twenties? And you climb
mountains? That's cool. I've gone rock climbing a few times and was both terrified and
having a blast! I love to hike. It's part of my sunday ritual to take a long 3 hour hike
in one of the forrests here. It's really sooothing. I think I'm going to take a solo
camping trip to the mountains soon. Well not totally solo, i'll take my dog.Glad you are feeling happy, Robin D.J. It inspires me!
Posted by Dinah on September 9, 2002, at 10:19:29
In reply to Robin D.J., posted by Roo on September 9, 2002, at 10:06:18
You've pretty much described my own medication dilemma. I finally decided to go with low doses of mood stabilizers, benzos, and additional therapy. I used to go every other week to therapy while I was on Luvox, now I go every week or sometimes twice a week. Because I am a bit more unstable in my emotions and things do affect me more than before. But maintenance therapy seems to really help, and it's a better option for me than the blunted SSRI experience.
Have you evaluated what options you have to compensate for the bad side of increased feeling? And I have a contingency plan for going back on meds. If this or that happens, I will go back on an SSRI.
(By the way, my official diagnosis is cyclothymia and OCD, but I have the sort of mood instability, rejection sensitivity, and other internal feelings that would go along with borderline personality disorder, although I don't fit the criteria because they are mostly action based, and I don't have the behaviors. The way we experience being on and off meds makes me wonder if you also are cyclothymic. I'm sure I should remember, but my memory is not great.)
Posted by Roo on September 9, 2002, at 11:54:30
In reply to Re: All those emotions.... » Roo, posted by Dinah on September 9, 2002, at 10:19:29
Dinah--
If you don't mind...describe your the sorts of emotions
that make you unstable and how you're handling them now...what
sorts of things tend to get you in a funk? How are those things
different now than they were when you were on an SSRI?Do you feel that your getting stronger, more able to handle your
feelings? Do you find that the episodes where you're in a funk aren't
lasting as long?
Posted by Dinah on September 9, 2002, at 12:53:20
In reply to Re: All those emotions...., posted by Roo on September 9, 2002, at 11:54:30
LOL. Sorry Roo. I forgot my email address was no longer at the top of the page. :) It's bullyforyou77 at yahoo.
> Dinah--
>
> If you don't mind...describe your the sorts of emotions
> that make you unstable and how you're handling them now...what
> sorts of things tend to get you in a funk? How are those things
> different now than they were when you were on an SSRI?
>
I guess it's all kinds of emotions, mainly anxiety and anger, occasionally sadness, or self hatred. I have a tendency to react badly to anger from others, so if my husband is angry, I'll have the urge to cut or to commit suicide. I get too much sensory input of any sort (including anger) and it makes me... hmmm... The best way to explain it is those screen savers where the picture dissolves into pixels? I just lose the ability to think clearly, get really agitated, etc. There's occasional oh, what did noa call it? flaming amyglada attacks? based on something that sets me off from childhood. My main problem has never been depression... A lot of rejection sensitivity too, from the few people I care about.> Do you feel that your getting stronger, more able to handle your
> feelings? Do you find that the episodes where you're in a funk aren't
> lasting as long?Well, in the first few months off of Luvox I was way more unstable than I am now. Everything seemed more intense than normal. I'm now back to normal for me. Except that ever since my first hypomanic episode on Wellbutrin, I don't think normal for me is as good as it used to be. (Or maybe it was the postpartum depression that permanently destabilized me).
I think I am in general getting stronger, but it's darn hard to tell because as I'm getting stronger I'm also getting in touch with the feelings I've isolated and ignored for many many years. So I'm experiencing my feelings more than I used to, but that's on purpose. So I guess I am getting stronger because otherwise I wouldn't be willing to get in touch with my feeling self. I'm using my newfound strength to rely less on dysfunctional coping mechanisms, and it may not look on the surface as if I'm getting stronger.
On the other hand, a lot of my strength comes from therapy. Having the opportunity to process the overwhelming sensations. Being able to release some of the energy of the urges to hurt myself, etc. by talking about them (because I can't talk about those things to just anyone). In general having a safe place to explore my feelings and a safe person to emotionally lean on, and sometimes just realizing that I'm not on my own to deal with these things. All that is invaluable to me, and I consider my therapy maintenance therapy, as necessary as insulin to a diabetic to keeping my overall stability in the face of what I consider to be biological deficits in my emotional regulation system. And of course, I also learn skills and new ways of thinking in therapy that help me gain strength, but I'm hard to get through to, so they have to be reinforced over and over again before they finally sink in.
But... Have I ever gotten to what I think is probably "normal" in terms of emotional stability? No. I haven't.
Posted by Robin David John on September 9, 2002, at 14:41:02
In reply to Robin D.J., posted by Roo on September 9, 2002, at 10:06:18
Hi ROO ..sorry i didn't get back to you earier ..I went to government job today at 7am ..just finished at 3pm ...last week when I was feeling better I got a part time job ..I will answer you questions tonight when I get home between 11 and 12 ..Sounds like you had a good weekend ..maybe you can tell me some more about yourself in the mean time ..age, exiciting thing you like to do , hobbies, you know the kind of things that I will tell you about myself...talk to you then . Till the sun sets have a great day.
Robin DJ
Posted by Roo on September 9, 2002, at 16:01:37
In reply to Re: Robin D.J. » Roo, posted by Robin David John on September 9, 2002, at 14:41:02
..maybe
you can tell me some more about yourself in the
mean time ..age, exiciting thing you like to do ,
hobbies, you know the kind of things that I will
tell you about myself...talk to you then .
Till the sun sets have a great day.
> Robin DJHey Robin DJ---
Some stuff about myself....I dunno....I always feel
hokey doing this....um....I write, paint, play music, love
animals (have a dog and 2 cats), love being outside...trying
to figure out right now if I want to go on a big hike...
I love friendship...I hang out with my friends quite a bit, and
we're all pretty tight...we have been friends for over half our
lives (I am 34 years old) most all my friends are gay women, which is cool, but
it's kind of hard to meet guys that way!.....I like to cook.....and yes, I'm
cute. someone told me once that I looked like Jeneanne Garafalo
from Cats and Dogs (She starred opposite Uma Thurman, Thuma was supposed
to be the pretty one, and Jeneanne the ugly one--although she AINT ugly...you
know how Hollywood is...) I'm very petite--5 feet tall...not skinny, but curvacious and
muscular. I work out regularly. I have dark reddish brown hair, blue eyes, and fair skin and freckles.
I tend to wear kind of funky, arty clothes
.........I drive a toyota pick up and put my big ole rottweiller in the
back. I've kind of gotten into meditation in the past year...find it helps
with mood stuff. Just discovered church in the past year...but it's a funky
open minded Unity church...I don't think I could deal with anything too
conservative.Why do I feel like I've just written a personal ad? (Blush)
Do you want to be my PsychoBabble Flirtation Partner? No one
will be harmed since you are in Canada and I'm in North Carolina!!(I'm teasing you, by the way)
Posted by Robin David John on September 9, 2002, at 19:12:02
In reply to Re: Robin D.J., posted by Roo on September 9, 2002, at 16:01:37
Roo i am home for a quick bit from work...Ill be able to write you later ..you sound like a very energetic lady ..wish they were like that you up here ..they are here but I haven't found someone yet gotta go back to work ..I promise I'll write you back at 12 midnight or a little after
till the moon goes down have a great ni...Yes I am told I am very se....handsome and ...well tell you laterRobin
Posted by Tabitha Ðòñë ƒ£îþþëÐ on September 10, 2002, at 0:43:36
In reply to Re: Robin D.J., posted by Roo on September 9, 2002, at 16:01:37
isn't this a conflict of interest with your duties as Site Flirtation Monitor??
Posted by Roo on September 10, 2002, at 7:59:02
In reply to Re: But Roo..., posted by Tabitha Ðòñë ƒ£îþþëÐ on September 10, 2002, at 0:43:36
Tabitha! Thanks for the laugh! Yes, but I am
above the law, you see, as officials often are...
What was I supposed to do, just let you and Ted tantillize
me to death?
Posted by Roo on September 10, 2002, at 11:05:45
In reply to Re: All those emotions...., posted by Dinah on September 9, 2002, at 12:53:20
Dinah...you sound like you are doing well. I think you're
more stable than you think. You are certainly brave.
Thanks for sharing your experiences with me--it has helped a lot.
Sounds like we're in a similar place...purposely feeling our feelings...
learning new coping mechanisms....Is your husband supportive? I'm sure this has come up in other
posts, but I can't remember....Do you have supportive friends?
Posted by Dinah on September 10, 2002, at 12:45:35
In reply to Re: All those emotions....Dinah, posted by Roo on September 10, 2002, at 11:05:45
Thanks Roo, but if you had seen me Friday in therapy, you wouldn't be all that certain of my stability. I also need to really increase my ability to do my work. I'm just not as productive as I should be. That's the main focus of the CBT part of my therapy right now.
>
> Is your husband supportive? I'm sure this has come up in other
> posts, but I can't remember....
>
I shield him from most of it. He's moderately supportive, but he also gets angry. So I try to shield him from anything that will anger or scare him. (same thing maybe?)> Do you have supportive friends?
My only close real life friend (apart from my husband, who really is my best friend) died suddenly last spring. But I've got some really supportive friends here on babble, and on babble open, so I consider myself very fortunate in that way.
Dinah
Posted by Roo on September 10, 2002, at 13:24:11
In reply to Re: All those emotions.... » Roo, posted by Dinah on September 10, 2002, at 12:45:35
> Thanks Roo, but if you had seen me Friday in
therapy, you wouldn't be all that certain of
my stability. I also need to really increase
my ability to do my work. I'm just not as
productive as I should be. That's the main
focus of the CBT part of my therapy right now.
What's your job?
>
> >> >
> I shield him from most of it. He's moderately
supportive, but he also gets angry. So I try to
shield him from anything that will anger or scare
him. (same thing maybe?)
What sorts of things does he get angry about? (Ignore me
if I'm too personal or you just don't want to talk about it...I'm
just curious...)
>>
> My only close real life friend (apart from
my husband, who really is my best friend) died
suddenly last spring. But I've got some really
supportive friends here on babble, and on babble
open, so I consider myself very fortunate in
that way.
I am really sorry about your friend, Dinah.
>
> Dinah
Posted by Dinah on September 10, 2002, at 14:36:44
In reply to Re: All those emotions...., posted by Roo on September 10, 2002, at 13:24:11
>
> What's your job?
> >
Just boring office work. I can do it from home or in the office. At home it's hard to stay on task; at the office I tend to get overstimulated. Too many lights, sounds, calls, and especially interactions with others. My therapist wants me to work at the office and take klonopin as necessary. I'm resisting a bit as I enjoy drinking in the quiet of an empty house.
> > >
>
> > >
>
>
> What sorts of things does he get angry about? (Ignore me
> if I'm too personal or you just don't want to talk about it...I'm
> just curious...)
> >
Definitely things like urges to cut. But even expressing unhappiness makes him feel defensive. Typical guy thinks he needs to take care of everything and gets angry when he can't.
> >
>
> I am really sorry about your friend, Dinah.
> >
Thanks, Roo. She was a friend from way back but also worked at my office, and I've often wondered if my increased aversion to the office has anything to do with her death.Dinah
This is the end of the thread.
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