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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 12 to 36 of 45. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on August 15, 2002, at 10:16:31
In reply to I'm butting in - Gabbi, Dinah , posted by Ted on August 14, 2002, at 23:16:18
Hi Ted, always glad to have you join a conversation.
I think you hit the nail on the head. My husband probably is mildly depressed and that's why he likes me mildly depressed as well. And while he admits the truth of that, he's not willing to seek counseling. And my reactions to meds have scared him off that idea too.
I have to admit two things though. First, I really like that he is responsible and dependable, and I suppose I have to realize that his placing such a high priority on productivity is just part of that.
And second, I really am not productive in a really good mood. I usually want to go to the park with the munchkin or have an imprompty picnic on the living room floor while watching Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius.
Posted by Dinah on August 15, 2002, at 10:21:33
In reply to Re: Productive?! Ewwww...., posted by .tabitha. on August 14, 2002, at 23:37:50
Thanks for the P.S. :) You're right. My son loves me in that mood. And that's the most important thing.
About that guy, it was a quick and easy way to learn his priorities, wasn't it? You and Gabbi should get together and write a book....
Posted by Ted on August 15, 2002, at 10:45:36
In reply to Re: I'm butting in - Gabbi, Dinah » Ted, posted by Dinah on August 15, 2002, at 10:16:31
Hi Dinah,
> Hi Ted, always glad to have you join a conversation.
Thanks
> I think you hit the nail on the head.
My coworkers and my former pdoc all thought I should offer counselling services because of my uncanny ability to diagnose.... :-)
> I have to admit two things though. First, I really like that he is responsible and dependable, and I suppose I have to realize that his placing such a high priority on productivity is just part of that.
Well, it sounds like a classic case of OCD! Be sure to tell him that any SSRI will help, with both the OCD and the depression. If he refuses to listen, crush some prozac and put it in his peanut butter sandwich. :-)
> And second, I really am not productive in a really good mood. I usually want to go to the park with the munchkin or have an imprompty picnic on the living room floor while watching Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius.
This sounds *so fun*. I wish I had both a mother and a wife like you! :-)
Ted
Posted by Dinah on August 15, 2002, at 10:52:40
In reply to Re: I'm butting in - Gabbi, Dinah » Dinah, posted by Ted on August 15, 2002, at 10:45:36
Posted by Kari on August 15, 2002, at 13:36:26
In reply to Re: LOL and Thanks :) (nm) » Ted, posted by Dinah on August 15, 2002, at 10:52:40
Hi Dinah,
Just wanted to say that a family member of mine can't stand when people (whether adults or toddlers) are in a good mood, laughing, playing or behaving in any way that is short of being robotic. The kind of behavior described above results in this person becoming angry, sarcastic and insulting. He suffers from compulsive personality disorder and chronic mild depression but refuses to admit anything is wrong.
There really are people like that...Kari.
Posted by Gabbi on August 15, 2002, at 14:38:55
In reply to Re: LOL and Thanks :) (nm) » Ted, posted by Dinah on August 15, 2002, at 10:52:40
Posted by Gabbi on August 15, 2002, at 15:37:02
In reply to Re: LOL and Thanks :) (nm) » Ted, posted by Dinah on August 15, 2002, at 10:52:40
Unproductive my ______ is it unproductive just because you also enjoy it? My favorite memories from growing up are days like those, except it was bananna bread and l'il rascals repeats, after "snow sliding" down the Dad-made snow hill in the back yard. Having memories like that is what make your child feel special and secure.
Unless of course when your son is 19 you tell him that you regretted every moment of it...But wait I think I'm projecting my Mom onto you.
You Rock
Dinah
Posted by Dinah on August 15, 2002, at 19:50:11
In reply to Sounds familiar, posted by Kari on August 15, 2002, at 13:36:26
It's good to see you on this side of the site.
Yes, it's funny. Once I had left my OCD book out and my husband was reading through it. He called me all excited and said "Listed honey, this describes me perfectly". When I checked what he was reading, it was the description of obsessive compulsive PERSONALITY disorder. And I have to admit, the man knows himself. (grin)
But he has many fine and wonderful qualities, and I suppose I just have to take the bitter with the better.
Dinah
Posted by Dinah on August 15, 2002, at 19:55:42
In reply to Re: Dinah and boy genius, posted by Gabbi on August 15, 2002, at 15:37:02
Well, I can't imagine telling my son that, no matter what age or how obnoxious he grows up to be. :)
(And sorry again about your mom.)
I would never give up those times no matter how much my husband thinks they are unproductive. It just saddens me that he doesn't enjoy it, I guess.
I do wish though, that I had more of those moods. There are also many times when I just have to retreat and can't take a whole lot of fun. Those are the moods that I don't like in me. :(
Oh the joys of mood and anxiety disorders, for both me and my family.
Ah well, I do my best, and I keep hoping to do even better.
Posted by Ted on August 15, 2002, at 21:21:42
In reply to Re: Welcome to PB Social, Kari! :), posted by Dinah on August 15, 2002, at 19:50:11
> ... I suppose I just have to take the bitter with the better.
Ahh! But like I said earlier, you can sweeten the bitter with a little powdered prozac in the PB&J :-) There are *SO* many people I would like to do that with that I would run out of paper writing all their names down.
Ted
Posted by Dinah on August 15, 2002, at 21:29:05
In reply to Re: Welcome to PB Social, Kari! :) » Dinah, posted by Ted on August 15, 2002, at 21:21:42
We sort of did that with my father. The doctor told him Remeron was a sleeping pill. It did help his sleep, but didn't do much for his depression or disposition I'm afraid.
Perhaps Prozac in the PB&J isn't what's needed after all. But I'm not sure how to slip in a full course of psychotherapy without him noticing. (grin)
Posted by Ted on August 15, 2002, at 21:32:04
In reply to Re: Dinah and boy genius, posted by Gabbi on August 15, 2002, at 15:37:02
Gabbs,
> Unless of course when your son is 19 you tell him that you regretted every moment of it...But wait I think I'm projecting my Mom onto you.
That's awful and just plain mean. My parents weren't mean, just uninterested. They never had a clue and didn't want to. I had to talk them into coming to my highschool graduation, and I graduated with honors in the top 3% (I didn't have to beg, but they were just not particularly interested; they took no photos at all). They just didn't care and no mattter what, I didn't do well enough. I live only 1 (long) day's drive from them, and they have come to see their grandson only twice in 6-1/2 years.
Oh well. I guess we're not all lamenting our lives here because of stellar childhoods & parents. :-)
Ted
Posted by Dinah on August 16, 2002, at 5:00:10
In reply to Re: Dinah and boy genius » Gabbi, posted by Ted on August 15, 2002, at 21:32:04
How awful for you.
I'm not sure plain out mean isn't better in a way. At least it gives you something to fight against.
I'm sure this is something you already know, but it certainly wasn't personal. I'm sure that's just the way they are wired. :(
Posted by SandraDee on August 16, 2002, at 10:10:23
In reply to Re: Dinah and boy genius » Gabbi, posted by Ted on August 15, 2002, at 21:32:04
I have got some uninterested family members and then the mean ones (err one really).
Anyhow... I think it just goes back to our expectations. I had to really back down my expectations of my mother. And when she says mean stuff right to my face without even flinching, I just force myself to let it roll off my back like water of a ducks back. Some still gets in and hurts, but it's been easier, for me, since I've lowered that bar. My dad helped me a lot with that. Long story... so I'll spare you all and end it here. Sounds like you are doing well these days. Glad to see your posts more and more.
Posted by Kari on August 16, 2002, at 11:40:55
In reply to Re: Welcome to PB Social, Kari! :), posted by Dinah on August 15, 2002, at 19:50:11
Thanks, Dinah :)
I'm sure your husband has many fine qualities :)
The example I gave was extreme and many people have obsessive-compulsive traits of one kind or the other.The important thing is that you learn to appreciate your personality , including the "less serious" side and be grateful for the ability to express those aspects, since not every one is capable of that :)
Posted by .tabitha. on August 16, 2002, at 14:48:19
In reply to Re: Dinah and boy genius » Gabbi, posted by Ted on August 15, 2002, at 21:32:04
Sorry Ted. My mom was kind of like that. For instance, I was in those little school pageants where the kids were taught to do choreographed routines, and she let me know she hated having to come to that stuff. I had a special role and everything. I looked up in the audience after my part and she was sitting there not even clapping or smiling. I think I was like 8 at the time :( She had her depression too, but sheesh. What kind of awful message to send to a kid.
Posted by Dinah on August 16, 2002, at 14:49:31
In reply to Re: Welcome to PB Social, Kari! :) » Dinah, posted by Kari on August 16, 2002, at 11:40:55
Posted by Dinah on August 16, 2002, at 14:52:27
In reply to Re: Dinah and boy genius » Ted, posted by .tabitha. on August 16, 2002, at 14:48:19
I can't believe there are so many parents out there that should be forced to attend lifelong parenting classes.
If I ever do that to my son, I hope someone forces some sense into me. But I'm pretty certain I won't.
I'll screw my poor son up in my own special way. :)
Posted by Ted on August 16, 2002, at 16:59:33
In reply to Re: Oh Tabitha..., posted by Dinah on August 16, 2002, at 14:52:27
> I'll screw my poor son up in my own special way. :)
My therapist says that no parents are perfect, and that the goal is "to screw up just enough that the kids will move out and leave the parents alone."
I like her philosophy.
Ted
Posted by Dinah on August 16, 2002, at 17:19:26
In reply to screwing up our kids » Dinah, posted by Ted on August 16, 2002, at 16:59:33
I like that too.
Is she consistently that wise?
Posted by Ted on August 16, 2002, at 17:56:08
In reply to Re: screwing up our kids » Ted, posted by Dinah on August 16, 2002, at 17:19:26
> Is she consistently that wise?
Yeah -- pretty much. She's divorced, has 3 kids (the youngest is 17). She's been through it all.
She also says that all therapists worth anything also have their own therapist. I thought that wat interesting.
Ted
Posted by BeArDedLADY on August 16, 2002, at 18:26:07
In reply to screwing up our kids » Dinah, posted by Ted on August 16, 2002, at 16:59:33
This Be the Verse
They f*** you up your mom and dad
They may not mean to, but they do;
They give you all the faults they had,
And add some new ones just for you.They were f***ed up in their time
By fools in old style hats and coats,
Who half the time were sloppy stern,
And half at one another's throats.Man hands on misery to man,
It deepens like a coastal shelf,
Get out as quickly as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.Philip Larkin
Posted by Dinah on August 16, 2002, at 21:53:09
In reply to Re: screwing up our kids, posted by BeArDedLADY on August 16, 2002, at 18:26:07
There's a lot of truth in that.
I can see a few ways that I am repeating the same patterns as my mother. I guess that's inevitable.
But for the most part, I'm trying to come up with my own dysfunctional parenting style. I expect my son to start a support group when he grows up for "Children of Moms who Memorized all the Parenting Books". :)
Posted by Ted on August 16, 2002, at 22:35:20
In reply to Re: screwing up our kids » BeArDedLADY, posted by Dinah on August 16, 2002, at 21:53:09
Dinah & Beardy,
> I can see a few ways that I am repeating the same patterns as my mother. I guess that's inevitable.
Only if you want there to be.
Fortunately my wife knows and understands how seriously her parents messed up and she is determined not to repeat the same mistakes (too many to list here). Her sister, OTOH, is oblivious to their parents' parenting problems and is raising her family in the traditional dysfunctional style.
> But for the most part, I'm trying to come up with my own dysfunctional parenting style. I expect my son to start a support group when he grows up for "Children of Moms who Memorized all the Parenting Books". :)
ROFLMBAOUIC
My son's group will be "Children of moms who read all the parenting books and decided the authors were full of crap and from dysfunctional families of their own".
Yikes! too wordy. Anyway, my wife won't listen to *anybody* (often even me). It's amazing just how much is biological, though. Our son, at 6-1/2, shows all the OCD and potentially bipolar/depressed behaviors my wife and I have, and I don't think they are learned because we are constantly trying to un-teach them.
Ted
PS: My secretary has a bumper sticker which reads:"MY FAMILY IS MORE DYSFUNCTIONAL THAN YOUR FAMILY"
(and her's really is!)
Posted by Dinah on August 16, 2002, at 22:51:12
In reply to Re: screwing up our kids - Dinah, Beardy, posted by Ted on August 16, 2002, at 22:35:20
I think you're right about biology though. Well not always, or I'd have to be adopted and I'm not.
My husband and I are a lot alike, and we always hope that genetics isn't additive or, gasp, multiplicative.
On the other hand, my parents are a perfect match in one way only. They are both completely insensitive with skins like rhinos. And they gave birth to me, one of the most oversensitive persons in the world, with no skin at all.
So maybe our kids aren't doomed after all.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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