Psycho-Babble Social Thread 27690

Shown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

boo hoo

Posted by Ctrlaltndel : ( on July 31, 2002, at 14:07:40


My x boyriend came round to see how I was doing..had an intelligent/enlightening(?) conversation first time in weeks ..he's a lot older than me -father figure ...felt so safe in his arms....things aren't looking too good I'm trying to change all these dark negative thoughts so positive thought results in positive outcome...
Bleak City

dreamer

 

Re: boo hoo » Ctrlaltndel : (

Posted by Gabbi on July 31, 2002, at 16:29:59

In reply to boo hoo, posted by Ctrlaltndel : ( on July 31, 2002, at 14:07:40

Theoretically I'm a feminist, all though this depression has turned me into a vulnerable lonely sobbing wreck, who doesn't have near the standards she used too.
Yeah, my ex, last time I saw him was in March, he got a little too aggressive in bed (fine for some guys, but to me he too was a father figure) I burst into tears, cause he just wasn't supposed to want to be rough.
He actually stopped and apologized and just held me, I've never had anyone do that for me before, the usual reaction is "why are you getting all weird on me"

I've only talked to him a few times since, I phone just to hear is voice on the answering machine, it sounds so reassuring. He's nice always but always kindly reminds me that I want more than he can give and sadly its not even an excuse, I do suck the life out of people.

Every once in a while I feel healthy and positive, so I call him thinking okay I can handle just a casual friendship,be fun, lighten up then I crash again, and I become someone he worries about, wants to help, but doesn't want as a partner.

I still think about the last time I was with him and the tenderness and how safe it felt, and cry like a little kid.

 

boooo fed up bluezzz » Gabbi

Posted by Ctrlaltndel : ( on July 31, 2002, at 17:22:30

In reply to Re: boo hoo » Ctrlaltndel : (, posted by Gabbi on July 31, 2002, at 16:29:59


Gabbi-Gabbi

I got the residual benzo effect of misery ..with fear Oh well..
Hows your house hunting going-or shouldn't I ask- when do you move out of your fathers?
My search is usless..what worries me is losing the cat..I know it's only a cat but she's my shadow and reminds me of good times
Somone suggested getting a man to look after me but that's definately not my style and no one appeals anymore.. I just want to evaporate slowly into the ether......
BOOHOO.
dreamer

 

Re: boooo fed up bluezzz

Posted by Gabbi on July 31, 2002, at 18:03:12

In reply to boooo fed up bluezzz » Gabbi, posted by Ctrlaltndel : ( on July 31, 2002, at 17:22:30

You get the benzo-blues too huh, I get the post booze blues too, The house-hunting isn't going, I'm able to stay at my Dad's for one more month he's going away, and didn't want me here (for reasonable reasons) but now I have someone to come in once a week to "check on me" too weird too weird I used to DO that kind of work, god its humiliating.

Don't know where I want to live, I hate this town, the city used to be "home" but in the few years I've been doing nothing but not killing myself everyones moved married, got their P.H.D so that wouldn't be home either...

I've tried to settle for a man before too, it never worked, the only ones who will accept me are one's who are so lethargic and depressed Its that "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member" catch.

OHHHH to evaporate, ohhhh, without all the pain and ugliness of doing yourself in, nevermind the unsuccessful attempts which leave you labelled as an attention seeking wank.

I just don't get it, My Dad's friends husband died two weeks ago, she truly loved him, last week she cooked dinner for My Dad and His girlfriend, she goes out with them, has her "moments" but still works. I know this is an "illness"
b sometimes I guess I still think there is a trick I haven't learned to this life thing.
Oh the ex-boyfriend, one good thing he taught me when he rejected me last was that effexor was no good for me.

IF I take all 100 capsules at once

Oh how I would love to just leave it at that.
But the necessary just in case disclaimer:
NO, I didn't O'd over a man, it was the last straw.

Don't feel you must comment on anything I've said just a fellow commiserator with the blah icks'which are somewhat gentler than the anxious icks
its all relative. However. feel free to post more of your own bluezz. I'll listen.

Gabbi Gabbi

 

Re: P.S. dreamer

Posted by Gabbi on July 31, 2002, at 18:08:17

In reply to Re: boooo fed up bluezzz, posted by Gabbi on July 31, 2002, at 18:03:12

I have a really awful "film noir"type but true story, that well you being the artist might also find hysterically pathetically funny, (though with a touch of guilt) I cannot post it here out out of respect not out of "appropriateness" But if you could use a sick laugh.....

you'd have to e-mail me though (don't feel obliged)

 

P.S. dreamer

Posted by Ctrlaltndel : ( on July 31, 2002, at 18:46:50

In reply to Re: P.S. dreamer, posted by Gabbi on July 31, 2002, at 18:08:17


Gabbi Gabbi...Your posts are welcome to my dizzy brain..I have one month too..
all the pap about living in the now without the worry..life gets so pathetic till it's laughable crazy and worries fly away and I fly and land with a thud.
The world of seedy junky sometimes whispers and I feel I want to sell my soul to some powder..and open the exit door.
Today is a crying day but it's hay fever season so I fit in..I'm spending my credit card cause I feel like I won't be around to payback. Do I get wild or sit in meditative bliss knowing that I have control over my lifespan.
I'm finishing my paintings for ego reasons confidence and arrogance= strength.
I have an annoying friend who justs wants to use my computer internet for porn..and he has popped me some of his pills..he's ugly inside and stale and watches soap operas..well we all need a hobby I guess.
I tried to sleep with him once but found it all too pathetic and laughable..it was the first time ever I felt like an object-cold ..I got paranoid thinking he was doing voodoo he wants my computer if I live on the street HA yeh right...such a good friend.
So now maybe with the stress I get manic I 'm trying to remain intact but like a virus inside contaminating ..I need some relief some hope ..I'm trying
life eh you gotta love it the mighty jester o' god or whatever...3 cheers for life HIPHIP~HORAY x3!
Just think of fruit become the fruit..blah blah blah.


dreamer...sorry yeh I'm a rambling in incoherent city..but email me the story..
bluestatic at easy dot com...

 

Re: boooo fed up -don't even think about

Posted by Gabbi on July 31, 2002, at 18:47:35

In reply to Re: boooo fed up bluezzz, posted by Gabbi on July 31, 2002, at 18:03:12

Giving up your cat. Just don't. Unless it would be best for the cat. I gave mine to my Mom which is sort of okay, because I know he has a yard, and the fat little fuzzball who like a puppy comes when he's called, can pretend he is an intrepid hunter of wild things...However, I still cry about him.

I think when you have an attachment like that you have to act like its your child, and you wouldn't give up your child to find a place to live (maybe thats a broad assumption:) You would somehow find a place. Its the same with kitty, you will find a place for the two of you. You can't give up the unconditional love or the last attachment you have to better times.. You just can't period.

 

Re: P.S. dreamer » Ctrlaltndel : (

Posted by Dinah on July 31, 2002, at 21:09:39

In reply to P.S. dreamer, posted by Ctrlaltndel : ( on July 31, 2002, at 18:46:50

Dreamer, I have been thinking and thinking about what to say, and I haven't been able to think of a damn thing.

Ultimately, I suppose, we are all the captains of our own fates, the masters of our own souls. (Sorry, my mother quoted that poem to me all through my childhood along with "I have to live with myself, and so, I must be fit for myself to know".) And even if I were with you in real life, in reality there would be little enough I could do. Over the internet I can't even give you a big hug.

But I hope and pray you choose life. I have grown to care for you during all these months on the board. And this board would be much poorer without your presence.

Sending many good thoughts your way.

Dinah

 

Re: boooo fed up bluezzz » Ctrlaltndel : (

Posted by ShelliR on July 31, 2002, at 21:21:37

In reply to boooo fed up bluezzz » Gabbi, posted by Ctrlaltndel : ( on July 31, 2002, at 17:22:30


I totally agree about the cat. Animals bond with us in a way that is both comforting and nourishing.

Years ago, I was about to lose my apartment because my "illegal" cats, were found by maintenance for the third time. (managament wouldn't buy any more that they were "visiting" cats.) I had hidden them for over four years before I got caught and got an eviction notice.

The most astounding thing happened. I called the department of tenant rights or something, the one who regulates apartments for my county. I asked them if there was any thing I could do, told them about my situation, including living on social security (disabilitiy).

First they told me that there were dozens of people fighting rental evictions and not enough staff; anyway, it didn't even look good for me .

But a day or so later I get this call from a government attorney. He thought my case was really interesting and wanted to present the cats as being needed for my disability under the same statute as blind people with seeing eye dogs, i.e., it would add to my disability (depression) to live without the cats.

Because the rental company owned tons of rental buildings in the city in which I live, they didn't want to take a chance in court and they settled. It was pretty amazing. Part of the deal was that it couldn't be discussed. That is sad, because it was a precedent case and might have opened the door for lots of people to own pets in apartment buildings (after all, look at all the people in therapy and/or medication for depression.)

In another way it was lucky for me. If we actually had to go to court, the local newspaper might headline "disabilied tenant, Shelli R. won the right......" And since I had just started a photography business, I wasn't thrilled about announcing my disability to the world.

Now to get back to you. I wouldn't bet again on a landmark case, but maybe you could hide your cat (if she is indoor), then hope not to be caught, or give them a extra deposit if she is found. This suggestion is only if desperate, but you could keep it in mind.

Shelli


I'm a portrait photographer. It seems like I work full-time hours for part-time pay. There's parts of it that arevery rewarding, (I love shooting) and turning over the final product.

The "just me" part has both advantages and disadvantages. My clients don't know or care that I am depressed. They want their pictures and there's no one else to put the load on. On the other hand, I have no bosses to answer to and I have become a lot more independent in terms of making decisions for myself. I tried the office thing (evaluating studies) for a while, but I couldn't do even the mildest office dynamics thing.

I have tried to hire people to help me print, but I am so perfectionist that it was impossible. If you saw my house, you'd never believe that i'd be at all perfectionist, but I can only
be perfect up to 16 x 20 inches.

By the way, I learned photography when I got disability for depression. Gave me some money (not much) and the time to learn the profession. So I wouldn't feel bad about going on disability.

Shelli

 

Re: boooo fed up bluezzz » ShelliR

Posted by Ctrlaltndel : ( on July 31, 2002, at 21:48:58

In reply to Re: boooo fed up bluezzz » Ctrlaltndel : (, posted by ShelliR on July 31, 2002, at 21:21:37

HI Shelli
Now to get back to you. I wouldn't bet again on a landmark case, but maybe you could hide your cat (if she is indoor), then hope not to be caught, or give them a extra deposit if she is found. This suggestion is only if desperate, but you could keep it in mind.

Yeh I'm trying to find somewhere with access to garden..sort of basement /ground floor..I'd sneak the cat in..no worries

>
I'm a portrait photographer. It seems like I work full-time hours for part-time pay. There's parts of it that arevery rewarding, (I love shooting) and turning over the final product.

I'm doing some pictures of myself soon..but it will have to be on the cameras timer which makes it difficult..I used to do photography--used it as research for paintings..I get a kick out of photography

> The "just me" part has both advantages and disadvantages. My clients don't know or care that I am depressed.

I use the moody stereotype artist (which I dislike)..I can't hide my depression if I have to deal with clients I'd have to arrange an appointment with them when hyper

I'm also a perfectionist : )

I'm on disability..until I get settled and the confidence ...

happy shooting Shelli : )

dreamer

 

Having animals when disabled

Posted by judy1 on July 31, 2002, at 22:01:45

In reply to Re: boooo fed up bluezzz » Ctrlaltndel : (, posted by ShelliR on July 31, 2002, at 21:21:37

My therapist told me ANY animal can qualify as a companion animal for a disabled person. In my case my dog (when fully trained) will be allowed in restaurants, etc. because I need him to stay grounded and he helps my panic disorder. I live in California and this is state law. I am not familiar with other states- but here any animal, cat, bird, etc. qualifies- so it is illegal to evict someone who is disabled (mental or physical) if the animal is listed as an aide. Hope this helps- judy

 

ps from judy

Posted by judy1 on July 31, 2002, at 22:03:01

In reply to Having animals when disabled, posted by judy1 on July 31, 2002, at 22:01:45

actually this is under the ADA- so it must be federal. take care- judy

 

Re: sort of an aside about animals

Posted by Tabi T. Ha :-) on August 1, 2002, at 0:56:02

In reply to Having animals when disabled, posted by judy1 on July 31, 2002, at 22:01:45

That is so great, the animal aide law, only in CA (I love California). Not sure if UK is liberal like that or not.

Dreamer I second all that stuff about keeping your kitty. Somehow I imagine you're devious enough to manage it ;-)

I had 2 illegal cats for many years in an apt, then I bought a condo, and there was still a 2-pet limit in the condo rules. Well I had 5 pets in there at one point (2 bunnies 2 parakeets 1 guinea pig). Sadly I realized it was too much for me to take care of so many animals, and gave away all but the parakeets, who later died of old age (at 15 yrs, I had them their whole lives). I still miss my bunnies, and fight the impulse to get another. Now I make do with the cat who isn't really my cat but lives in my yard and I feed her but don't do the litter-box thing.

 

Re: housing and animals

Posted by Ctrlaltndel : ) on August 3, 2002, at 12:05:11

In reply to Re: sort of an aside about animals, posted by Tabi T. Ha :-) on August 1, 2002, at 0:56:02

Disabled folks right for some contentment!

If I don't find an apartment this month I'm staying here with my pussy of cat until the bailiffs (sp?)come and I'm nuts anyway so ....


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