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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by johnj on June 25, 2002, at 18:50:23
I had been stable for almost 10 years and have been fighting a battle since last September. I have been sleeping horrible even after upping my benzo tranzene from 7.5 mg to 22.5 mg. I am a zombie in the morning and just can't get to sleep or wake up early. I cannot excercise due to my mood creaping even lower(possible med problem?). I just want a nights sleep in peace.
My doctor says the insomnia is a symptom of my depression. I actually don't feel too depressed just exhausted and sleepy. I don't know what to do and at work today three of us talked to our supervisors boss since he has been harassing one the employees. It felt good to get it off my chest and stick up for someone while others just turn their heads. I handled the situation well, I just don't handle the anticipation to the confrontation well. I feel maybe I should quit my job, but that is not a smart option. In the past there was some situation that sent me feeling bad. Right now, I don't have too many pressures, but find myself sinking into the quicksand. I feel I must be getting crazier by the day, and will just pop one day and end up in the hospital. Sorry for the rant, but I am so spent. I am also afraid to try any new meds....I take 50mg of nortryptline, 600 mg lithobid and 15 to 22.5 mg of tranzene. Is this a disease that will truley get worse and there is no real recovery? Sometimes I wish I would sleep and wake up like the days before the panic attack and depression.
Posted by Alii on June 25, 2002, at 19:00:40
In reply to Is it ever ok to give up?, posted by johnj on June 25, 2002, at 18:50:23
JohnJ--
I am too wiped from arriving home late from long flight last night to reply intellegibly.
I'm not very up on my meds currently but may I offer up a suggestion? Perhaps copy your post from here to the Psycho-Babble board which might draw some med suggestions.
As for the support.....I'm offering up that I hear ya and wish I had words to help. The need for sleep can make any underlying problem seem worse.
Thank you for your rant. Glad you got this and the work situation off yer chest.
--alii
Posted by lou pilder on June 25, 2002, at 19:03:23
In reply to Is it ever ok to give up?, posted by johnj on June 25, 2002, at 18:50:23
johnj,
When you said,"Is it ever OK to give up?", what did you mean as to what you are contimplating giving up?
If you could clarify that, then I would have an understanding as to how I could,if possible, be supportive to give you my answer as to whether or not it would be OK to give (it) up.
Best regards,
Lou
Posted by johnj on June 25, 2002, at 19:50:55
In reply to Re: Is it ever ok to give up? » johnj, posted by lou pilder on June 25, 2002, at 19:03:23
10 years ago when I was at my worst I contemplated suicide. Now, I feel that is not the correct path, but still think about the pain and sometimes I wish I would not wake up or if I had some physical illness that would take me it would be better. Or just stop taking any meds and see what happens, maybe there is an outside chance working out again(which helped me once before)would bring me back to the real me. I can't lie that I do wish I would just die sometimes. But, again this is not the real me thinking things like that and Irealize that.
johnj
Posted by johnj on June 25, 2002, at 19:53:11
In reply to Re: Is it ever ok to give up?, posted by Alii on June 25, 2002, at 19:00:40
Alii,
thanks for the kind words. It has just been a rough time lately, and I feel I don't have much of an answer to why now?
Posted by lou pilder on June 25, 2002, at 19:55:04
In reply to Re: Is it ever ok to give up? (Lou), posted by johnj on June 25, 2002, at 19:50:55
johnj,
I then understand that "give up" means taking your own life. Now I can respond in my next post.
PS I also share your experiance and would like to tell you some of the things that I have experianced.
Lou
Posted by lou pilder on June 25, 2002, at 20:16:04
In reply to Re: Is it ever ok to give up? (Lou) » johnj, posted by lou pilder on June 25, 2002, at 19:55:04
johnj,
Right now you have a friend. Your plea has been heard. There is now a guardian assigned to you. You have an advocate.
Some of the greatest people have had the same thoughts as you have. Some were kings. Some were presidents. Some were great artists.
When our hearts become dispaired, the enemy attacks us to make us think of those thoughts.
those thoughts are not your thoughts. Those thoughts are lies. And they are put into your mind by the Great Lier. Now is the time to take a stand. Now is the time to resist. Now is the time to love life and hate death, for the enemy is at your door with those thoughts. But the enemy can passover the door to your heart and you can choose life.
You can choose now to go on a new road, to sing a new song, to have a new life.
Resist the enemy, and he shall flee.
Lou
Posted by lou pilder on June 25, 2002, at 21:08:28
In reply to Re: Is it ever ok to give up? (Lou) » johnj » lou pilder, posted by lou pilder on June 25, 2002, at 20:16:04
Friends,
I just answered johnj and told him that "his plea has been heard."
When I was on the Road, I was transported into the future to The Kingdom of God. I was told there that "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.
Now you see that when a person is considering suicide,they are concious of hopelessness and their spirit is as poor as it can be.
So I was told there that people that have those thoughts are "blessed". And they will be in the Kingdom of God.
Then I was told, "Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord and He will lift you up"
Lou
Posted by lou pilder on June 25, 2002, at 21:21:45
In reply to Re: Is it ever ok to give up? (Lou) » johnj » lou pilder, posted by lou pilder on June 25, 2002, at 20:16:04
freinds,
I just told johnj that he has "a guardian assigned to him". You see, when a person has suicide thoughts, he is concious of hopelessness. I was told in the City of Peace that God sends a helper to those that recognise their spiritual depletion. And then I was told, "I will send you a comfoter, and He shall lead you to all truth."
Lou
Posted by lou pilder on June 25, 2002, at 21:46:17
In reply to Re: Is it ever ok to give up? (Lou) » johnj » lou pilder, posted by lou pilder on June 25, 2002, at 20:16:04
Friends.
I have just mentioned the Great Lier in johnj's thread. There is a Great lier attempting, now, to decieve you. He must be overcome to receive the Crown of Life. For there are 3 things that we must overcome in order to receive the Crown of Life. One is the Deceiver. The Deceiver says to choose death. God says to choose life. So the Deciever is against life. He tells you to commit suicide.
Now the Deceiver can be overcome. When I was in the City of Peace, I was told to "Resist the Deceiver and He shall flee".
When I was in the City of Peace, I was told that the Deceiver would tempt us. He will make false promisis to us including great riches. The Rider told me that He was tempted by the Deciever to be given all the kingdoms of the world if He would fall down worship him.The Rider said that He responed to him by saying,"You shall worship God only,and Him only shall you serve.
Lou
Posted by Lini on June 25, 2002, at 22:21:32
In reply to Re: Is it ever ok to give up? (Lou), posted by johnj on June 25, 2002, at 19:50:55
John -
I know exactly what that feels like. The apathy. For me, it wasn't that I wanted to kill myself, just that I didn't particulary care if I died. Definitely hoped for some type of illness to "solve" things for me, so I relate to what you're saying. Have you read "The Noonday Demon" by Andrew Solomon? He has some personal accounts that you might be able to relate to.
Listen, I am sorry that this sucks so much right now. I won't get too cliche, but the truth is that it does pass. I got my meds switched/upped/downed/reversed and I somehow found optimism, and at times, even happiness. But jeez, it was a long road. It's good that you're able to write about it here, you'll find that alot of people here have felt the way you do and are at different stages of moving forward. There is alot of support here, so help yourself to it, feel free to write until you figure things out. :)
[Oh yeah, and just ignore whatever advice doesn't work for you, cause there might be some!]
take care,
-L
Posted by Bookgurl99 on June 26, 2002, at 2:39:05
In reply to Is it ever ok to give up?, posted by johnj on June 25, 2002, at 18:50:23
Accept that these trials are part of a life-long illness, relapsing and remitting, something that can be masked with drugs -- like diabetes, early Parkinson's disease, etc. -- but will always be there.
But, remember that tomorrow is a better day. You have been through this struggle before and survived.Sometimes, unfortunately, getting well takes longer than we wish it would -- these 'flare ups' are life disrupting.
If you remember that it takes time to heal, and cut yourself some slack to have space to heal, you may get through more smoothly.Good luck,
and remember to keep talking back, : D
bookgurl99
Posted by Fi on June 26, 2002, at 11:56:14
In reply to Is it ever ok to give up?, posted by johnj on June 25, 2002, at 18:50:23
Bookgurl99's message was wise.
Its a *very* common thing to wish you could just go to sleep for a while and wake up better (hibernation can be a very pleasant idea as a day dream). Its entirely understandable when facing some unpleasant slog, and that's what living with psychological problems like depression can be like.
It does usually get better in the end- unfortunately, it can take longer than physical things. I wouldnt think that you need fear changing meds if the current ones dont work- different people respond to different ones.
Depression can also be something which comes and goes. Sometimes there is some clear stressful trigger, sometimes not. You can still get better.
Its very valuable that you are able to see that your thinking is affected by your depression, and not act on thoughts like leaving your job.
You need to be kind to yourself to help you get thru this tough time, till you start to feel better.
Fi
Posted by Alii on June 26, 2002, at 13:11:21
In reply to Re: Is it ever ok to give up(ali), posted by johnj on June 25, 2002, at 19:53:11
> Alii,
> thanks for the kind words. It has just been a rough time lately, and I feel I don't have much of an answer to why now?JohnJ--
I mean no offense and am still wackily tired from my trip. But your question to as why there isn't much of an answer to why now.....over on Hawaii I saw a bumper sticker that cracked me up....I think it is somewhat based on pidgin: why? cuz can
It almost sounds like some kind of zen koan.
For now know there are folks here listening.
Namaste.
--Alii
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