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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on January 4, 2002, at 20:20:39
I have made a probably rash and ill-considered promise to myself to never cut myself again. I consider it a rash promise mainly because I don't think I was ready for it. I instantly began obsessing about cutting and feeling that itchy-crawly anxiety/tension. I am now considering amending the promise to only apply to razors and not to my very safe cuticle scissors. But I hate to break a promise, even one made to myself. And I probably won't break this one. It's just hard. Especially in the morning when I first wake up.
Are there any ex-cutters out there? What do you do about the obsessing and the tension? Does it eventually go away?
Posted by Mair on January 4, 2002, at 22:18:21
In reply to What is an ex-cutter to do?, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2002, at 20:20:39
Dinah - I"ve cut myself but not enough to legitimately call myself a cutter or an ex-cutter for that matter. I do know that I once quit smoking and then started up again after my internist intoned that I could never have another cigarette for the rest of my life. I think this is the wisdom of the "never say never" expression. I eventually quit again but it took a few years. What always helped me at least in the beginning was continually telling myself that I hadn't really quit at all, but rather chose not to have a cigarette at whatever moment I had the urge. I always left open for myself the possibility that i would have a cigarette later on - just not at that moment. After I had quit for awhile it became more useful for me to tell myself that i was no longer a smoker, and to imagine myself in that light, but i don't think that would have worked for me in the beginning.
It's been some years since I last cut myself but even now i get urges to hurt myself that seem incredibly powerful. In my mind it takes a conscious act of will not to act on them. I know it's probably a different animal from smoking, but maybe it would be helpful to avoid the pressure of continually thinking that you can't ever do this to yourself again. Also I don't think you should be freaked out if you slip every now and then. Just forgive yourself and keep trying.
Mair
Posted by Dinah on January 4, 2002, at 22:39:35
In reply to Re: What is an ex-cutter to do?, posted by Mair on January 4, 2002, at 22:18:21
As always, Mair, excellent advice. I do think half the problem is that I've told myself I can't do it. I'll just tell myself I won't do it right now. (I just have to figure out how to forget the promise.)
Posted by Krazy Kat on January 5, 2002, at 10:52:20
In reply to Re: What is an ex-cutter to do? » Mair, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2002, at 22:39:35
> Dinah:
I don't know much about cutting, but it seems like it falls into the obsessive/compulsive category, at least some of the time. Can a med help alleviate some of the intrusive thoughts about it, do you think?
- K.
Posted by kid_A on January 5, 2002, at 18:01:26
In reply to What is an ex-cutter to do?, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2002, at 20:20:39
> I have made a probably rash and ill-considered promise to myself to never cut myself again.
It's probably been about, maybe, 2 months since i cut myself last, before that it had been a very long time but it was in the middle of a breakdown and it was enough to nulify the feelings that led up to it... I look at the scars daily, I stopped just cutting a while ago and started cutting words, I'm a writer and I hold a great appreciation for the word... So in one arm is the word WHORE, in the other JESUS... what a dichotome...
I never make promises, like has been said, its easier just to admit to the fact that you are at the moment in a stage of non-cutting... Medication has certainly helped my cutting, though lately I've been so broke that my meds have been cut down drasticly...
I can't say that I'm an ex-cutter, for me it still holds a great fascination... if you have a chance, read the poem Cut, by Sylvia Plath, its more about mental illness care than cutting, In fact it may not even be about cutting at all, though when read it does instill some of the fascination of cutting, as well as the ritualistic aspect and obsessive feelings that cutting induces...
When I'm somewhat stable I write, when Im very unstable I cut, this is my story... some stories don't have endings, just open pages that you fill in as you go along, and eventually as you learn more about why you cut, it begins to hold less fascination, and someday you don't cut any more...
Wishing you luck and easy love.
Kid.
Posted by Dinah on January 6, 2002, at 9:11:37
In reply to Re: What is an ex-cutter to do? » Dinah, posted by Krazy Kat on January 5, 2002, at 10:52:20
> > Dinah:
>
> I don't know much about cutting, but it seems like it falls into the obsessive/compulsive category, at least some of the time. Can a med help alleviate some of the intrusive thoughts about it, do you think?
>
> - K.You may be right, but I'm leery of medications at the moment. And if I remember correctly, I actually cut more for some reason on Luvox, which helped for my other OCD thoughts. There must be some other phenomenon involved in cutting.
Thanks,
Dinah
Posted by Dinah on January 6, 2002, at 9:27:54
In reply to Re: What is an ex-cutter to do? » Dinah, posted by kid_A on January 5, 2002, at 18:01:26
Isn't it funny how we each have our own reasons for cutting? Sort of like with medications, different people different responses.
My cutting is a purely pragmatic response to overwhelming agitation and anxiety, that itchy crawly feeling. I'm not sure about the obsessive ruminations about cutting. They may be the cause of the anxiety or they may be the result.
Very occasionally, cutting might involve self punishment, but I almost always use other disfunctional ways to punish myself. There is almost certainly an obsessive quality about it too, since I can be triggered. I can be triggered into almost any of my obsessions.
Oh well, I will try not to think of myself as an ex-cutter, just someone who chooses not to cut today.
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 6, 2002, at 15:14:44
In reply to What is an ex-cutter to do?, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2002, at 20:20:39
I haven't cut (well, apart from a few minor scratches) in 7 months now. What I do when i feel that deep urge is to pluck!! I pluck the hairs on my legs!! OK, so its probably not hugely healthy, but its a damned site better than cutting!
Or you could take up s moking!!!
Nikki xx
> I have made a probably rash and ill-considered promise to myself to never cut myself again. I consider it a rash promise mainly because I don't think I was ready for it. I instantly began obsessing about cutting and feeling that itchy-crawly anxiety/tension. I am now considering amending the promise to only apply to razors and not to my very safe cuticle scissors. But I hate to break a promise, even one made to myself. And I probably won't break this one. It's just hard. Especially in the morning when I first wake up.
> Are there any ex-cutters out there? What do you do about the obsessing and the tension? Does it eventually go away?
Posted by Dinah on January 6, 2002, at 16:56:30
In reply to Re: What is an ex-cutter to do? » Dinah, posted by NikkiT2 on January 6, 2002, at 15:14:44
Nikki,
That's quite a coincidence. When I first started getting the urges to cut, I did pluck the hair on my legs instead. The sharp pain did serve the same purpose. I had quite forgotten that. I think I'll give it a try again.
Thanks!
Dinah
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