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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kid_A on January 6, 2002, at 2:35:56
What do you do when its an onslaught, like Job, do you know Job, that happless joke of a bet... But I can't believe that... that i'm the target of bad luck and downward spirals... Holding my head in my hands at 3:26am, and nothing seems like an accomplishment...Is there a silver lining? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? When i think im finally getting up, something hits me like a rock and i'm down again, climbing up out of a hole and being kicked all the way up...
Sometimes I feel like i'm being dared just to do it, just to finish it, but i can't think like that... sometimes i feel like the awful participant in a horrible bet, how much can you endure before you cry, oh why oh why have you forsaken me?
It's 3:29, and i'm home, after a night drinking out, and it's all gone and nothing is left, and i dont feel any better for it... All the good things disapear in my mind so fleetingly that they hold no comfort for me... and its me, its me, its me...
"And I said to him:
From some country
that I have misplaced
I can recall a few things...
but the light of the kitchen
gets in the way.
Yet there was a dance
when I kneaded the bread
there was a song my mother
used to sing...
And the salt of God's belly
where I floated in a cup of darkness
I long for your country, fish.The fish replied:
You must be a poet,
a lady of evil luck
desiring to be what you are not
longing to be
what you can only visit."-anne sexton
Posted by Lini on January 6, 2002, at 10:07:05
In reply to Exhausted and Depressed..., posted by kid_A on January 6, 2002, at 2:35:56
hey there, i can feel how you're feeling. that was me at 12 am yesterday and i had to will myself to sleep, no alcohol, no drugs, just sheer will to make it to the next day.
the alcohol makes it worse i think. but i know, before the "worse" still sucks.
i'm glad you're on here and writing. and i hope for you and for all of us, that it gets better. my guess is that it does.
another late night poet,
lini
Posted by Dinah on January 6, 2002, at 13:04:43
In reply to Exhausted and Depressed..., posted by kid_A on January 6, 2002, at 2:35:56
I'm sorry you're feeling so low today. I sometimes think the greatest accomplishment is to just keep on going, to keep on waking up each morning and starting over. They ought to give awards for that. If it helps any, you're not alone in the tunnel. Feel free to call out in the darkness.
Parenthetically, I can't stand the book of Job. I can't quite understand how anyone's conception of God can include such a bet.
Posted by kid_A on January 7, 2002, at 9:31:38
In reply to Re: Exhausted and Depressed..., posted by Lini on January 6, 2002, at 10:07:05
> i'm glad you're on here and writing. and i hope for you and for all of us, that it gets better. my guess is that it does.
>
> another late night poet,thanks for the words, i hope you'll continue to post some of your writing... ive been a bit of a loner in that department, and i don't know where all of it goes, perhaps just out into space, but i continue to write, and to post, in some hopes that it will keep me sane...
poet in temporal relapse
Posted by kid_A on January 7, 2002, at 10:19:08
In reply to Re: Exhausted and Depressed... » kid_A, posted by Dinah on January 6, 2002, at 13:04:43
> I'm sorry you're feeling so low today. I sometimes think the greatest accomplishment is to just keep on going, to keep on waking up each morning and starting over.
bleh, every morning now i wake up I have a splitting headache and i feel like my body is in two places at once... something wacked w/ my meds, time for a tune up, pdoc appt. 2morrow, thank god...
> Parenthetically, I can't stand the book of Job. I can't quite understand how anyone's conception of God can include such a bet.
agreed, i read a particularly good essay about the paradox of Job, in that Job asks of God why he would punish him for nothing, and God replies that it is not his place to question, yet we know as observers that Job is really just the object of a bet, which leads us to the paradox itself in that we question if something is right because it is truly right by some standard scale, or is it right solely becasuse God says it is right, by the book of Job's account, if God said that murder was right than we would have to belive him...
sticky sticky stuff... but I love the old testament, fire, brimstone, lots of wars and chopping off of toes... pretty gruesome stuff for a religious work...
Posted by KB on January 9, 2002, at 8:44:37
In reply to Exhausted and Depressed..., posted by kid_A on January 6, 2002, at 2:35:56
I know what you mean about Job - if I ever write a memoir it's going to be titled "waiting for the locusts"!!!
This is the end of the thread.
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