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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Roo on November 30, 2001, at 12:20:52
I just need to vent. I am terrible with money. I'm
not sure if this has anything to do with depression
or not. It feels like a real psychological thing. I
spend money I don't have. it's a pretty regular thing
for me to bounce checks. A couple of times a yeaar I
get myself into a really bad situation where I'm $600
or so overdrawn in the bank and have to ask someone
(family member) to bail me out. I think they're finally
through with that. I'm 32 years old, I should have my
shit more together. I make enough money to support myself
I'm just not responsible. Again, I'm in the emergency
situation of being $600 or so overdrawn in the bank.
I'm not about to ask anybody for help (not that they'd
give it anyway at this point). The only positive thing
is that maybe if I just let the shit hit the fan and don't
depend on someone to bail me out and my bounced check
fees amount to like $1000, I'll finally learn my lesson
and be more responsible. This has me feeling pretty shitty.
I hate that I do this, but I keep doing it and never seem
to learn. I've gone to financial counseling before, but
I always seem to go back to my bad habits. I'm pretty
discusted with myself right now. Anyone relate?
Posted by akc on November 30, 2001, at 12:38:45
In reply to Financial Stress, posted by Roo on November 30, 2001, at 12:20:52
Roo,
Maybe we will get to know each other!
I haven't had the problem of bouncing checks in some time (I did break that habit in my early 20s), but I am so irresponsible with money. Somehow, I've been lucky. To the point that I am so in debt, it is crazy. And there is no reason for it. I have had every financial break a person could ask for and then some. If I don't get my act together, I won't be bouncing checks, but I won't be able to pay my bills, either.
So what do I do? Spend some more. My latest gadget is a cool looking cell phone. Books and books and books and books. I probably have 300+ books in my house to read. I eat out all the time, by software for my computer -- more and more and more in debt.
Then I whine and complain that I don't have any money and am in debt and have to stay at my job that I don't really care for because I need the ridiculous salary I earn (I do earn a ridiculous amount -- trust me on that -- thankfully, or I would never be able to afford my medical treatment).
I relate -- totally relate. Somehow we just have to quit spending. I don't know how. This problem is almost as big as cutting and eating is and is probably bigger than drinking was.
Online shopping??? Do I hear it calling my name?
akc
Posted by susan C on November 30, 2001, at 13:27:55
In reply to Financial Stress, posted by Roo on November 30, 2001, at 12:20:52
hi,
in the thirty years my partner and i have been together, we have NUMEROUSLY closed our checking account and dealt in cash or money orders only. Only to reopen an account, then close it again. Then the credit cards arrived, and tho we didn't 'overdraw' we have kept a running debit for a long time...
We have never been able to live a life style to which we would like to become accustomed.
I read once a survey of millionaires and multimillionaires. To a one, they all felt they 'didn't have enough money'. They always felt they needed 500,000 more.
mouse on a pile of receipts
Posted by kiddo on November 30, 2001, at 13:55:57
In reply to Financial Stress, posted by Roo on November 30, 2001, at 12:20:52
1.) Do you know if this is an 'impulse'? Just shopping once in awhile and picking up something that isn't the best choice?
Or......
2.) Are you preoccupied with shopping?
3.) Do you buy things you can't afford, don't need, or use; then feeling guilty and/or ashamed afterwards?
My sister has this problem. She had huge debts, went for financial help, got her credit cards consolidated and all of that, six months later, she was worse off than in the beginning-not only did she have the first debt, but all of the ones she ran up since.
This is an actual disorder/dysfunction. There are about 8 million people in the US with it. I don't know if you have it or not, but if you have a therp/pdoc you see, I'd definitely talk to them about it if you feel you should.
Kiddo
> I just need to vent. I am terrible with money. I'm
> not sure if this has anything to do with depression
> or not. It feels like a real psychological thing. I
> spend money I don't have. it's a pretty regular thing
> for me to bounce checks. A couple of times a yeaar I
> get myself into a really bad situation where I'm $600
> or so overdrawn in the bank and have to ask someone
> (family member) to bail me out. I think they're finally
> through with that. I'm 32 years old, I should have my
> shit more together. I make enough money to support myself
> I'm just not responsible. Again, I'm in the emergency
> situation of being $600 or so overdrawn in the bank.
> I'm not about to ask anybody for help (not that they'd
> give it anyway at this point). The only positive thing
> is that maybe if I just let the shit hit the fan and don't
> depend on someone to bail me out and my bounced check
> fees amount to like $1000, I'll finally learn my lesson
> and be more responsible. This has me feeling pretty shitty.
> I hate that I do this, but I keep doing it and never seem
> to learn. I've gone to financial counseling before, but
> I always seem to go back to my bad habits. I'm pretty
> discusted with myself right now. Anyone relate?
Posted by Roo on November 30, 2001, at 14:15:19
In reply to Re: Financial Stress Cash Only » Roo, posted by susan C on November 30, 2001, at 13:27:55
Thanks everyone, for your responses. The shame
makes it hard to talk about with anyone else. I
am really depressed right now and think i'm going
to leave work early, go hide underneath the covers
and try to forget this shit is happening, and forget
questions like "how am i going to EAT this month?".Kiddo,
3.) Do you buy things you can't afford, don't need, or use; then feeling guilty and/or ashamed afterwards?The answer to that question would be a definite yes.
Maybe i'll talk to my therapist about this in our
next session (If I can afford to go, that is).
Posted by tina on November 30, 2001, at 14:49:51
In reply to Re: Financial Stress--everyone, posted by Roo on November 30, 2001, at 14:15:19
> 3.) Do you buy things you can't afford, don't need, or use; then feeling guilty and/or ashamed afterwards?
>
> The answer to that question would be a definite yes.
> Maybe i'll talk to my therapist about this in our
> next session (If I can afford to go, that is).What about establishing your own refund policy. If you get the item home and think about it for a minute with a clear mind, decide whether it is necessary and if it's not, take it back.
Do-able??
Posted by JohnDoenut on November 30, 2001, at 14:55:38
In reply to Re: Financial Stress--everyone, posted by Roo on November 30, 2001, at 14:15:19
Yea this is a serious problem. Its an addiction, the urge to buy things or spend money all the time. It can have its roots in any number of disorders.
I would suggest getting treatment for yourself first. Then get a financial advisor to help you out with managing your money or lack thereof. There are also tons of websites with really good financial information. www.money.com has lots of really good nononsense money advice.
As for those millionaires, it all depends on what sort of lifestyle they are living. These sound like the type who live on tons of money. They act towards millions the way we may act towards thousands. Then there are those who live below thier means. In other words they allow their money, millions to earn interest they live off of and live like most people. You wouldnt even know they were millionaires.
Anyway, good luck with it all.
And I thought I had money problems! :) :(JohnD
Posted by kid_A on November 30, 2001, at 16:26:58
In reply to Financial Stress, posted by Roo on November 30, 2001, at 12:20:52
i was just talking about this to someone else, in the past weekend i had to renew my drivers liscence, my plate tag, car payment, phone bill, 247.00 payup front to insurance for being late in payment, plus electricity... after the paycheck that doesnt leave much for my rent... which will obviously bounce... this month alone i had 4 nsf charges because i stupidly didnt deposit an 80 dolar cheque i had...im learning, not really, i spend beyond my limits, im not very stoic, i live each day for that day and don't think about the consequences... i spend beyond my means... but ive also learned tricks... tricks that allow me to have a little money even though im dead negative in the hole...
this month w/ about 28 dollars in the bank my 625 dollar rent check will go through... god know that will be 1 nsf plus the negative 625... i get a paycheck each week but am i going to deposit it? hell no, that would mean that i would just still have negative money and no money at all for myself... i put it in savings and wait until i get my next check so then i can transfer them both over to checking and finally get myself into the black...
ive actually started even keeping a registry, everything you say i know first hand, ive been having my dad bail me out for a couple months, but this time, it was just way too much... it all started when i had a 467 dollar repair bill that just destroyed me financially... there are a lot of little tricks you can do to...
like 1, if you are out of cash on a wed. and you get paid on a friday, you can write checks at the grocery store over the amount, and they wont get cashed until friday...
second, if your gonna be negative, take some money out to live on until you can put yourself back in black... no use dumping money into a hole that just makes you LESS negative...
man, im trying to learn, i feel like a loser just having these problems... but then again, i feel like im just totally the opposite of my father, stoic, and saving for a rainy day... i just never know when my day could come and all my life would be wasted saving.
don't fret, there are others out there, especially me, who know exactly how you feel.
Posted by NikkiT2 on November 30, 2001, at 17:05:55
In reply to Financial Stress, posted by Roo on November 30, 2001, at 12:20:52
Oh god i can relate!!!
but my shit has hit the fan and the bank has closed my account (£3000 over drawn, £15,000 in collected loans), mortgage is foreclosing on me (£24,000), £3000 on credit card that is starting legal proceedings. Plus I've lost my job and thus I'm not being paid.
*sighs*
Nikki xxx
Posted by akc on December 1, 2001, at 10:49:46
In reply to Financial Stress, posted by Roo on November 30, 2001, at 12:20:52
Yep -- I'm a mess. I just spent another $100 on Amazon.com. Just because Blockbuster didn't have the DVD I wanted to rent.
Posted by Shar on December 3, 2001, at 2:12:03
In reply to Financial Stress, posted by Roo on November 30, 2001, at 12:20:52
I was wondering if, to resolve this situation, one has to "hit bottom" first? I have also been in terrible financial straits, and it took time, and then NOT enough money to support myself to make me frantically careful with money.
When I had a good job $$ wise, I could be less careful now and then, and know that the outcome might be messy or unpleasant, but I was not going to literally face starvation or be ousted from my home.
Now, I make choices between filling med prescriptions vs. food vs. bills. Playing revolving bill game, which I hate.
All of this feels shameful and hideous to me.
Shar
Posted by Roo on December 3, 2001, at 12:39:25
In reply to Re: Financial Stress---Roo, posted by Shar on December 3, 2001, at 2:12:03
> This has helped. Just helps to know I'm not
alone....thank you...
This is the end of the thread.
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