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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by dreamer on August 4, 2001, at 21:44:46
I remember the extreme lifestyle .
Thought yes just go back, better the devil you know.
Since i stopped drinking socially I'm a mess easily bored, harmlessly anti-social .
I no longer think this is a phobia or a problem i think it's disinterest in the visible reality and ambience, an idealist, romantic? who knows.
Within my imagination I feel content. Luckily I project my inner world creatively. But sometimes instead of constantly striving for a high from work I urge for a quick escape from this rocky plateau.
A recent slide down called for xtra med dose self medicating. This chemical game to remain mildy to pleasantly hypomanic is just a replacement for alcohol and prevent the slide .
Mood stabilizer would rob me of the euphoric bliss that makes life real and memories become merely bad dreams that I can shake off.
Creatively I need these waves, luckily my pdoc understands.
Inner world inner struggle.
My work is my children so sacrifices have to be made- remain clean and strange.
Just early morning rambling.
Posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 22:07:28
In reply to Today, posted by dreamer on August 4, 2001, at 21:44:46
> I remember the extreme lifestyle .
I've been thinking back too my past also -- do we glorify it? Is boredom better? I have to think so. I am glad that you have your creativety to turn to. And I am glad you have your children. Thank you for sharing -- for letting me see into your world -- it helps me in mine.
AKC
Posted by dreamer on August 4, 2001, at 22:14:59
In reply to Re: Today, posted by AKC on August 4, 2001, at 22:07:28
And I am glad you have your children. Thank you for sharing -- for letting me see into your world -- it helps me in mine.
>
> AKCShould of said art is like my children never had the maternal urge.
Posted by kid_A on August 4, 2001, at 22:30:17
In reply to Today, posted by dreamer on August 4, 2001, at 21:44:46
im poor right now, so maybe i have no excuse for saying that ive chosen not to get drunk tonight at home... perhaps if i had money i would be out buying alcohol... all of the drugs that i used to do have been replaced by perscribed drugs, its like a ritual to me somehow that i enjoy, every day effexor, every afternoon, effexor, xanax three times daily, geodon at night, combined with remeron or ambien... i prefer ambien because it doesnt make you drunk in the morning like remeron and it gives you that really really nice 'tired' feeling, really quickly... but the remeron makes me hungry, which is good, because i must have low blood sugar, and i need to eat when i take my effexor or else i feel like im on the bad downward spiral of a bad bit of ecstacy, and this goes on every day, and some say, its all in your mind, you can just use willpower to make yourself happy, and i come home drunk and i forget or cant take my geodon so im getting spikes of depression where there used to be a pleastant apathy, and i still need to drink myself stupid to escape, but its fun, so i can piss off for saying that very last sentence, we get labeled, we get pigeonholed, we get stuck in cages and prodded with sticks, we get dosed up and manic, we get dosed up and drowsy, and try to maintain that feeling for as long as you can, because no emotion is better than being desperately sad, clawing your eyes out on the floor at 4am, and get up the next day and do it all over again, and thats why i drink, because its controlled burn, we burn ourselves for fun, its a wishdream... we want to be burned...
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