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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Anna Laura on July 26, 2001, at 3:30:33
Hi Everybody
I've been very sick in the last weeks. I feel a little bit better but i have no energy whatsover, anhedonic as usual (no curiosity, no feelings/sensations), i can barely make it trough the day. Even washing dishes makes me tired. Sometimes i wonder if i'm still alive.I'm switching to effexor: hope that it's going to help, 'cause i can't take it anymore.
I'm tired of living like this; Did anybody feel like i do and got over it?
Need some feed-back.Anna Laura
Posted by AKC on July 26, 2001, at 6:40:48
In reply to Does anybody else feel like i do?, posted by Anna Laura on July 26, 2001, at 3:30:33
Anna Laura,
Oh so recently. In fact, that is what makes what is going on with me seem so much like a miracle (though I am adament right now in not believing in such a thing - it is that little white pill).
After three years of constant hell, I reached a point in May that I just couldn't keep going on. I had no reason to - if it was just going to keep being the same, what was the point? I started pestering my therapist with that question. What was the point? What was the point with getting up each day? I had a job. Big deal. I had a couple of friends. Big deal. I had a home. Big deal. Nothing mattered anymore. If all I was going to show for it was constant emotional pain, I just couldn't keep doing it.
I hope for you the effexor works (which is part of my cocktail, and has helped me for the most part with my depression, even though I did sink into a bad one in May - there was a lot that led to that, including my ingestion of alcohol for the first time in three years).
I would love to pass on to you the strength to hold on for a little while longer - I would hope that for you the miracle will be just around the corner. That this awful period you are going through will give you a break. I don't know how long mine will last. But everyone deserves one - I got mine - you deserve yours - I hope it arrives soon - I hope effexor brings it to you.
AKC
Posted by Anna Laura on July 26, 2001, at 7:16:12
In reply to Re: Does anybody else feel like i do? » Anna Laura, posted by AKC on July 26, 2001, at 6:40:48
> Anna Laura,
>
> Oh so recently. In fact, that is what makes what is going on with me seem so much like a miracle (though I am adament right now in not believing in such a thing - it is that little white pill).
>
> After three years of constant hell, I reached a point in May that I just couldn't keep going on. I had no reason to - if it was just going to keep being the same, what was the point? I started pestering my therapist with that question. What was the point? What was the point with getting up each day? I had a job. Big deal. I had a couple of friends. Big deal. I had a home. Big deal. Nothing mattered anymore. If all I was going to show for it was constant emotional pain, I just couldn't keep doing it.
>
> I hope for you the effexor works (which is part of my cocktail, and has helped me for the most part with my depression, even though I did sink into a bad one in May - there was a lot that led to that, including my ingestion of alcohol for the first time in three years).
>
> I would love to pass on to you the strength to hold on for a little while longer - I would hope that for you the miracle will be just around the corner. That this awful period you are going through will give you a break. I don't know how long mine will last. But everyone deserves one - I got mine - you deserve yours - I hope it arrives soon - I hope effexor brings it to you.
>
> AKC
Dear AKC,Thanks for answering. I'm going through hell but your post kind of soothed this terrible state of mind.
I'm quitting the previous med cocktail: don't really know if this is withdrawal or it's depression. Feel apathetic up to the point i lay down on the couch doing nothing, can't even watch tv: everything it's such a bore and a day seems to last a century; i feel like i'm trapped in to eternity, and that will always be like that, even after death.
Accomplish anything it's such an effort! Even talking or moving is an effort. Your post gave me the strenght to type this mail down.
It feels like hell : you have been my air-conditioning inside this hell. I know that it won't last unfortunately, but thanks again AKC.A hug
Anna Laura
Posted by Patches on July 26, 2001, at 10:14:26
In reply to Re: Does anybody else feel like i do?, posted by Anna Laura on July 26, 2001, at 7:16:12
Hi AKC,
What a great message of hope. I hope your effexor coctail helps . My question to you is what comprises the cocktail? I need something desperately. The couch scene has been my scene so much this summer. Feel unloved, un-needed, barely tolerated, and very inept. I begin working in a month and I honestly don't know how I'm going to cope. The social anxiety, anxiety attacks, depression, lack of skill and feeling like I don't belong there or anywhere. I need a quick miracle.
Thanks, Patches
Posted by mila on July 26, 2001, at 10:17:45
In reply to Does anybody else feel like i do?, posted by Anna Laura on July 26, 2001, at 3:30:33
Anna Laura,
you have the makings of a saint.
m.
Posted by Lorraine on July 26, 2001, at 10:18:29
In reply to Re: Does anybody else feel like i do?, posted by Anna Laura on July 26, 2001, at 7:16:12
Anna Laura,
I struggle with these feelings constantly. I try to "tether" myself to the earth during good times to help me through the bad times. I have two children (major tether) so I figure that even if I am strapped to a guerney for life, suicide is not an option. I have a wonderful husband. I take the little energy I have roll it around on my tongue then rub it between my fingers until it glows. This tiny bit of energy is doled out carefully first to my children, then to my husband, then to my mother, then to my other friends and family. When I feel good, I write and call and visit my key relationships. I probably have the best relationships in the world (i kid you not) and I keep working to make them better. I cannot do that when I am feeling like you are now, but I do do it when the dark haze lifts a bit.I am trying to establish another tether--community. I'm not sure how that will go, but I went to an DMDA meeting last week and am sort of previewing the meetings in my area generally to find a spot for me. A place where there is more than one person present. Maybe a place with some purpose--like community outreach. When things are awful, like they are for you right now, a lot of times I'll get a sort of return on investment. Someone will call or write me a note that will touch me deeply.
I'm thinking about trying to also add the tether of spirituality--which is very tricky because I do not believe in a personalized god and pretty much shun established religions. But I do believe that there is a force larger than me and I do believe that when things are tough I really need as many tethers and support systems as possible.
I try to remember that this mood will pass if I can just get under the table and tuck my head beneath my arms--this mood will pass. There is always the next drug to try--although I have not been "stablized" on a med for over a year and it has been pure torture on my soul, honestly. I try to rely on systems when things get tough--you know, work the plan. Like I'm back in talk therapy.
Of course, none of this works well, but it keeps me here for another day. I wish you the gift of a good med and the stamina to wait for it :-)
Posted by Patches on July 26, 2001, at 10:18:34
In reply to Re: Does anybody else feel like i do?, posted by Anna Laura on July 26, 2001, at 7:16:12
Hi AKC,
What a great message of hope. I hope your effexor coctail helps . My question to you is what comprises the cocktail? I need something desperately. The couch scene has been my scene so much this summer. Feel unloved, un-needed, barely tolerated, and very inept. I begin working in a month and I honestly don't know how I'm going to cope. The social anxiety, anxiety attacks, depression, lack of skill and feeling like I don't belong there or anywhere. I need a quick miracle.
Thanks, Patches
Posted by mila on July 26, 2001, at 11:02:45
In reply to Re: -AKC- Does anybody else feel like i do?, posted by Patches on July 26, 2001, at 10:18:34
... I need a quick miracle.
you will, Patches. you have faith. you have a drive. this is as miraculous as it gets to begin with.
hold on to you vison of wellness, to your yearning for love. you'll get thereI am with you.
mila
Posted by AKC on July 26, 2001, at 11:56:14
In reply to Re: -AKC- Does anybody else feel like i do?, posted by Patches on July 26, 2001, at 10:14:26
> Hi AKC,
> What a great message of hope. I hope your effexor coctail helps . My question to you is what comprises the cocktailI know this is better for PB proper, but currently, topamax, effexor, and seroquel - topamax being quite the new miracle cure.
But I want to echo mila - hope, hang onto hope. Buecause my miracle cocktail might not work for you. I was so low this past May, I truly did not see the point to life - but I had enough reserve to hang on until the miracle happened. Stay strong, hold on. Even if it is just to the couch. And keep posting.
AKC
Posted by louisi on July 26, 2001, at 21:03:03
In reply to Re: Does anybody else feel like i do? » Anna Laura, posted by AKC on July 26, 2001, at 6:40:48
I feel that way. I hate myself, my life, everything about me.
The only thing that keeps me going is my daughter. She won't need me in another 4 or 5 years and at that point, who will really care what happens to me? Nobody.
Prozac stopped working for me and wellbutrin wasn't enough. Effexor made me sick.
So there you have it. Life sucks.
Posted by susan C on July 26, 2001, at 21:57:15
In reply to Re: Does anybody else feel like i do?, posted by louisi on July 26, 2001, at 21:03:03
L, your post sounds like me, it is tough, hang in there. Ask about Antiseizure meds. Depakote has helped a little...which is better than nothing, or worse, which is, like you, what happened when I tried Effexor.
> I feel that way. I hate myself, my life, everything about me.
>
> The only thing that keeps me going is my daughter. She won't need me in another 4 or 5 years and at that point, who will really care what happens to me? Nobody.
>
> Prozac stopped working for me and wellbutrin wasn't enough. Effexor made me sick.
>
> So there you have it. Life sucks.
Posted by Patches on July 29, 2001, at 0:07:57
In reply to Re: Does anybody else feel like i do?, posted by louisi on July 26, 2001, at 21:03:03
Hi Louisa,
Wow, don't you feel not so alone though after reading these posts?
We all say the same words. That alone really can give us some support. I was also on prozac and wellbutrin. Against the advice of my pdoc I stopped taking them for the summer. I weaned off the prozac slowly so for the past 3 weeks I haven't taken any meds.(Pdoc doesn't know--she said if I stopped, she wouldn't put me back on the prozac. Don't know why.) I know that's probably a big part of the down times, but April and May had such personal issues including sickness and death of loved ones. Work was also very stressful. I really felt on the verge of breakdown. Summer I knew would be less stressful, and I felt the prozac and wellbutrin weren't working. i guess I wanted to test them out. It has been a rough summer, but in a few weeks as work begins again I'm hoping that maybe the prozac will give me that boost of energy and hope that it did when I started with it long ago. If it doesn't maybe I'll ask about the topamax, effexor, seroquel cocktail that AKC mentioned. It's so hard finding something to work. And then I wonder if your body just gets so accustomed to the drugs they stop working. That's why I wanted a break from the prozac. I really thought it helped at first. For these past few weeks I've been as you say hated myself and everything about my life. My older daughter is in college and my younger daughter just graduated from high school, so I really feel that I'm just plain old tolerated and not needed by anyone. As I said before... just looking for love, tenderness, hopes, and dreams. When you reach my age though, reality starts slapping you in the face and saying, "Girl, things just aren't ever going to change so get used to it." That really depresses me! But maybe the meds will start working again; if not I'll look for a change. But until then we can all help each other by caring for each other... something we all seem to feel lacking from our significants. I hope it helps. Let's all try to keep in touch, kay?
Hugs, Patches
Posted by JH on July 30, 2001, at 17:43:23
In reply to Does anybody else feel like i do?, posted by Anna Laura on July 26, 2001, at 3:30:33
I feel a lot like Anna Laura does. I'm just tired of hoping that this time the med change will work. How many med changes and how much time is reasonable to give to my current PDOC? I've been seeing him for almost 15 months and I feel horrible right now. I'm on 225mg Effexor XR, 40mg Celexa, and 2mg Lorazepam. I don't know whether to stick with him or switch to an extirely new psychiatrist.
Jean
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