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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by PuraVida on June 22, 2001, at 3:55:49
Can anyone help me by telling me what I already know? Only, I'm so involved, I can't see it. I started dating a guy almost 3 months ago who, I thought, was so different that it wouldn't work - but as I got to know him, I was wrong. We have a lot of deep things in common, as far as how we grew up, thoughts on life, etc.
A few weeks ago we had a spell of about 3 nights in a row where we were practically "living together" at his house. He told me where the key was, I started dinner one night, and he came in saying "honey, I'm home!" By Sunday I was scared - he was talking more future than he had been, and the look in his eyes when he looked at me was...what I want someone to feel for me.
I went home that night, didn't stay with him.Then two days went by without communication, the Wednesday we talked, but only to make plans for Thursday, when we were going to sail as a group on a boat I chartered. He doesn't seem to like to sail, so I was thrilled that he came, and even more so that he asked me to teach him how to sail. I thought, this guy really likes me, and better yet, the feeling is mutual.
Then four days go by without a call (he was out of town) But, then he got back early, but didn't bother to call me to let me know, despite his suggestion that we'd spend the night together when he got back.
So, when I reached him, after finding out he hadn't called when he said, and he couldn't get together when he said, and no explanation why, and when he told me his week "looked like hell", to which I'm supposed to make out "no time fot you..." Well, I laid it on the line, said we needed to talk.
Tonight we "talked" - he said it was only 48 hours, and that he didn't think he could be with me without dissapointing me if this is what I wanted, of course, no. It is not what I want, just more understanding and consistancy, I told him.
I laid it on the line - I like him, respect him (big for me) and want to go forward. He says he thinks I'm ready to bail and we're different (like different sports, he's morning, I'm night...)
So, what do I do? On my meds before Prozac I didn't care so much - now, I see things so much more clearly - maybe too much? Guys - is this just fear in him? Can he get over it if I wait it out? Or, as I may be telling myself, is he just a typical committment-phobe, finding whatever excuse he can find to keep clear of real feelings. Still, if you could have seen how this guy looks at me...THAT is what is so confusing - how can you give something up that you are so obviously happy with???
Posted by Willow on June 22, 2001, at 7:48:37
In reply to The three month mark: relationships, posted by PuraVida on June 22, 2001, at 3:55:49
Woah, slow down! Go out on dates. Enjoy each other. Give yourselves time to get to know each other better. Three months is too early to know anything.
I know this is easier to say. Maybe getting involved in some other things that interest you will help. I don't know. I'm crappy at this stuff!
Willow
Posted by Glenn Fagelson on June 23, 2001, at 0:06:32
In reply to The three month mark: relationships, posted by PuraVida on June 22, 2001, at 3:55:49
> Can anyone help me by telling me what I already know? Only, I'm so involved, I can't see it. I started dating a guy almost 3 months ago who, I thought, was so different that it wouldn't work - but as I got to know him, I was wrong. We have a lot of deep things in common, as far as how we grew up, thoughts on life, etc.
>
> A few weeks ago we had a spell of about 3 nights in a row where we were practically "living together" at his house. He told me where the key was, I started dinner one night, and he came in saying "honey, I'm home!" By Sunday I was scared - he was talking more future than he had been, and the look in his eyes when he looked at me was...what I want someone to feel for me.
> I went home that night, didn't stay with him.
>
> Then two days went by without communication, the Wednesday we talked, but only to make plans for Thursday, when we were going to sail as a group on a boat I chartered. He doesn't seem to like to sail, so I was thrilled that he came, and even more so that he asked me to teach him how to sail. I thought, this guy really likes me, and better yet, the feeling is mutual.
>
> Then four days go by without a call (he was out of town) But, then he got back early, but didn't bother to call me to let me know, despite his suggestion that we'd spend the night together when he got back.
>
> So, when I reached him, after finding out he hadn't called when he said, and he couldn't get together when he said, and no explanation why, and when he told me his week "looked like hell", to which I'm supposed to make out "no time fot you..." Well, I laid it on the line, said we needed to talk.
>
> Tonight we "talked" - he said it was only 48 hours, and that he didn't think he could be with me without dissapointing me if this is what I wanted, of course, no. It is not what I want, just more understanding and consistancy, I told him.
>
> I laid it on the line - I like him, respect him (big for me) and want to go forward. He says he thinks I'm ready to bail and we're different (like different sports, he's morning, I'm night...)
>
> So, what do I do? On my meds before Prozac I didn't care so much - now, I see things so much more clearly - maybe too much? Guys - is this just fear in him? Can he get over it if I wait it out? Or, as I may be telling myself, is he just a typical committment-phobe, finding whatever excuse he can find to keep clear of real feelings. Still, if you could have seen how this guy looks at me...THAT is what is so confusing - how can you give something up that you are so obviously happy with???Dear Liz,
Although there are exceptions, in my
opinion, 3 months is way, way too early
for a man to say, Honey, I'm home!".
I do not get the part when you laid it on
the line with him. What do you mean with
this sentence, "he said it was only 48
hours and that he didn't think he could
be with me without disappointing me..."I have a few questions for you to think
about:
1) What is it that you respect about him?
2) What is it that you already know
about the relationship?3) How do you feel when you are away
from him?I hope that you do not get hurt, Liz;
He could be fearful about getting close
or he may be trying to play the "aloof"
game with you in order to throw you off
balance and make you more eager for him.
If he is playing games with you, that
should serve as a big red flag for you.
A relationship just cannot thrive and
grow without trust.Glenn
`
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