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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Phil on June 16, 2001, at 18:37:31
Actual notes from Doctors on their patient's charts...
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me.
The patient is tearful an crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-ol male. Mentally alert but forgetful.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
She is numb from her toes down.
While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
The skin was moist and dry.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Paitent was alert and unresponsive.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
She stated that she has been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
The patient was to have a bowel re-section. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead.
Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Posted by Willow on June 16, 2001, at 21:58:32
In reply to This is funny..., posted by Phil on June 16, 2001, at 18:37:31
And on another post someone said to trust the doctors. Keep the laughs coming!
Willow
Posted by yo-wazzzup on June 17, 2001, at 0:11:31
In reply to Re: This is funny..., posted by Willow on June 16, 2001, at 21:58:32
> And on another post someone said to trust the doctors. Keep the laughs coming!
>
> Willow
Posted by Craig on June 17, 2001, at 1:50:17
In reply to This is funny..., posted by Phil on June 16, 2001, at 18:37:31
Posted by Marie1 on June 17, 2001, at 10:56:37
In reply to This is funny..., posted by Phil on June 16, 2001, at 18:37:31
> Actual notes from Doctors on their patient's charts...
>
>
> Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
>
>
> On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
>
>
> She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
>
>
> The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me.
>
>
> The patient is tearful an crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
>
>
> Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
>
>
> Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-ol male. Mentally alert but forgetful.
>
>
> The patient refused an autopsy.
>
>
> The patient has no past history of suicides.
>
>
> Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
>
>
> Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
>
>
> Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
>
>
> Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
>
>
> Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
>
>
> She is numb from her toes down.
>
>
> While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
>
>
> The skin was moist and dry.
>
>
> Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
>
>
> Paitent was alert and unresponsive.
>
>
> Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
>
>
> She stated that she has been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
>
>
> I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
>
>
> Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
>
>
> Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
>
>
> The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
>
>
> The patient was to have a bowel re-section. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead.
>
>
> Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
>
>
> The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
>
>
> Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
>
>
> Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
>
>
> Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Posted by coral on June 17, 2001, at 15:56:30
In reply to This is funny..., posted by Phil on June 16, 2001, at 18:37:31
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!!!
Posted by Willow on June 25, 2001, at 22:59:43
In reply to This is funny..., posted by Phil on June 16, 2001, at 18:37:31
DEAR DOCTOR
(M. Jagger/K. Richards)Oh help me, please doctor, I'm damaged
There's a pain where there once was a heart
It's sleepin, it's a beatin'
Can't ya please tear it out, and preserve it
Right there in that jar?Oh help me, please mama, I'm sick'ning
It's today that's the day of the plunge
Oh the gal I'm to marry
Is a bow-legged sow
I've been soakin' up drink like a sponge"Don't ya worry, get dressed," cried my mother
As she plied me with bourbon so sour
Pull your socks up, put your suit on
Comb your long hair down,
For you will be wed in the hourSo help me, please doctor, I'm damaged
There's a pain where there once was a heart
I'm sleepin, it's a beatin'
Can't ya please take it out, and preserve it
Right there in that jar?Oh help me, please doctor, I'm damaged
There's a pain where there once was a heart
It's sleepin, it's a beatin'
Can't ya please tear it out, and preserve it
Right there in that jar?I was tremblin', as I put on my jacket
It had creases as sharp as a knife
I put the ring in my pocket
But there was a note
And my heart it jumped into my mouthIt read, "Darlin', I'm sorry to hurt you.
But I have no courage to speak to your face.
But I'm down in Virginia with your cousin Lou
There be no wedding today."So help me, please doctor, I'm damaged
You can put back my heart in its hole
Oh mama, I'm cryin'
Tears of relief
And my pulse is now under control
http://www.keno.org/Deardr.htmlHas lyrics to many songs.
Willow
ps thought i would try to keep the thread going
This is the end of the thread.
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