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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 24 to 48 of 48. Go back in thread:
Posted by S. Howard on November 4, 2000, at 21:45:38
In reply to Re: Avoiding family--ps, posted by noa on November 2, 2000, at 17:20:01
Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married;Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry. I'm just fine, considering I can barely breathe.
The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ill mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice.
Thank you so much for the birthday flowers, dear. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh
for my grave. I'm sure it won't be long, but don't give a second thought to attending my funeral. I'm sure that person you live with would never allow you to attend. I'll bet she never even watched the videotape I sent you of my hemorrhoid operation.
Well, beloved son, it's my bedtime. Since I lost my cane beating off muggers last week, I usually fall two or three times on my way to the bedroom, but don't you worry about me. I'm getting used to the cold floor, since my heat has been turned off, and the frost on my bed helps to numb the constant pain. Don't you even think about sending me any more money, because I know you need it for those expensive family vacations you take every year. Give my love to the grandbabies and my regards to whatsherface, the blond with the black roots, who stole you screaming from my bosom.
Merry Christmas,
Love, Mom
Posted by Emmanuela on November 4, 2000, at 23:30:37
In reply to Re: new eGroup for live chat (and polls), posted by Dr. Bob on November 2, 2000, at 18:44:36
Any further info re: psychobabble chat in egroups? I've been getting the message 'Applet ChatApplet can't start: error'.
Thanks
Emmanuela
Posted by Maniz on November 5, 2000, at 11:18:28
In reply to Re: new eGroup for live chat , posted by Emmanuela on November 4, 2000, at 23:30:37
The chat applet works ok in IE5
you may have a java problem or security settings. Set security to medium.
The problem I have I that I never find anyone there, is there a schedule?
> Any further info re: psychobabble chat in egroups? I've been getting the message 'Applet ChatApplet can't start: error'.
>
> Thanks
>
> Emmanuela
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 6, 2000, at 6:13:26
In reply to Re: new eGroup for live chat » Emmanuela, posted by Maniz on November 5, 2000, at 11:18:28
> > I've been getting the message 'Applet ChatApplet can't start: error'.
Are you using a Macintosh by any chance? They say:
> You will need a Java enabled browser (IE 3.0 or higher; Netscape 3.0 or higher) to use Chat. eGroups Chat is not currently supported for WebTV or Macintosh.
> http://www.egroups.com/help/chat.html#3
That includes me! :-(
> The problem I have I that I never find anyone there, is there a schedule?
That's one drawback of live chat. People who are interested are going to have to schedule meetings there (unless it gets so popular that there's always someone there).
Bob
PS: Are other people having trouble connecting to Psycho-Babble, or is it just my ISP?
Posted by Rainwoman on November 6, 2000, at 8:38:47
In reply to Re: live chat software and schedule, posted by Dr. Bob on November 6, 2000, at 6:13:26
> > > I've been getting the message 'Applet ChatApplet can't start: error'.
>
> Are you using a Macintosh by any chance? They say:
>
> > You will need a Java enabled browser (IE 3.0 or higher; Netscape 3.0 or higher) to use Chat. eGroups Chat is not currently supported for WebTV or Macintosh.
>
> > http://www.egroups.com/help/chat.html#3
>
> That includes me! :-(
>
> > The problem I have I that I never find anyone there, is there a schedule?
>
> That's one drawback of live chat. People who are interested are going to have to schedule meetings there (unless it gets so popular that there's always someone there).
>
> Bob
>
> PS: Are other people having trouble connecting to Psycho-Babble, or is it just my ISP?Hi All!
Boy, Dr. Bob, you sure work quick! I guess once word gets out more people will be chatting. I can't get to it from work due to security blocking software, however I can from home, at least I think.I think it would be neat for those of us who are alone to be in contact through the holidays. Family can be a PITA, I guess that is if you have one. But you know what they say, Fate makes our relatives, choice makes our friends! And, what better way to spend a holiday then talking with friends that can completely understand the idiosyncrasies(sp?) of our illnesses. Also, there are so many places where you can send free electronic cards etc., if you are in the mood to send a little x-mas cheer to someone who might need it! Hope I'm not being to much of a hokey. I just am trying to learn to appreciate what I have or can have rather than dwelling on the downsides. I am really happy I am volunteering on Thanksgiving. I'm starting to ponder the Big sister, Big brother program also. Just have to make sure I can honor that kind of commitment first. Can't be letting down a poor little girl that doesn't have alot to appreciate to begin with. The idea that just because I don't have alot of positive family experiences doesn't mean I can't make them for myself and others is actually starting to take root. But ya know, I remember being so depressed and hearing people talk like me and I wanted to puke on their little cheery faces! It made things so much worse to see other people able to have such enthusiasm and I wasn't capable of it. Seemed so cruel. I have to wonder if I will end up back there. That is something I have to consider when I think about the BBBS program. Just have to be sure that I completely understand this and can find a way to handle it and still honor my commitment. What do you guys think?
I hope all of you are doing well. I think about you guys and hope things are going well for all you kind peoples!
Michele
Posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:50:53
In reply to Re: live chat software and schedule, posted by Dr. Bob on November 6, 2000, at 6:13:26
I had trouble connecting to PB/PSB on Sunday. Could not get on at all.
Shar
Posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:55:18
In reply to Re: live chat software and schedule, posted by Rainwoman on November 6, 2000, at 8:38:47
I always figured that I would make a terrible Big Sister in reality. I would WANT to contribute to the well-being of a youngster, but figure I am so screwed up, they would get screwed up by osmosis!
So, I stick to the type of activities that are less one-on-one.
Shar
Posted by noa on November 6, 2000, at 12:20:31
In reply to Volunteering, BB, BS » Rainwoman, posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:55:18
Being a Big Sister is a big committment. But perhaps some one:one activities, that don't involve ongoing committment to an individual child, could be a good fit. There are lots of groups that do group service activities where you don't have to commit beyond that one day. It can be fun to do this with a group.
Posted by Emmanuela on November 6, 2000, at 13:44:54
In reply to Re: live chat software and schedule, posted by Dr. Bob on November 6, 2000, at 6:13:26
Connecting just fine now, but all alone in the chat room...I'll attempt to schedule a time for chat - Thanks.
Emmanuela
Posted by Emmanuela on November 6, 2000, at 13:51:21
In reply to Re: live chat software and schedule, posted by Rainwoman on November 6, 2000, at 8:38:47
Michelle - I'm still visualizing wiping clean a cheery little face - very funny - I am volunteering with Hospice, working with grieving children and grieving adults. My committment is once a week, and no matter how awful I may be feeling, I've been able to honor the committment. Sometimes it's all I can do to get through the sessions, and sometimes I'm at the top of my game. And they call me bipolar - hah! What do they know?? My advice would be to go for it - if you can drive or walk over there to take on a sweet little girl, 'twould be wonderful. Let me know what happens.
Very best, Emmanuela
Posted by Emmanuela on November 6, 2000, at 13:53:28
In reply to Connecting to PB/PSB, posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:50:53
Shar - I think the server was down all day - terrible thing when we need our fix, no?
Emmanuela
Posted by noa on November 6, 2000, at 13:55:28
In reply to Re: live chat software and schedule, posted by Emmanuela on November 6, 2000, at 13:44:54
> Connecting just fine now, but all alone in the chat room...I'll attempt to schedule a time for chat - Thanks.
> Emmanuelaput in on the calendar there, too! If it is when I can get to the library, I can join in. Can't chat at work--no Java (a good thing, cuz that would be dangerously distracting!)
Posted by Emmanuela on November 6, 2000, at 14:30:21
In reply to Re: live chat software and schedule, posted by noa on November 6, 2000, at 13:55:28
noa - kindly list good chat times for you, since you have an actual Schedule to which you must adhere. (Kindly note that Lumptonians, no matter the degree of somnamulence, never end a sentence with a preposition). I for one will attempt to scurry (sic)to the chat room and thus save us both from talking only to ourselves.
Emmanuela
Posted by noa on November 6, 2000, at 14:57:23
In reply to Chat schedule - noa, posted by Emmanuela on November 6, 2000, at 14:30:21
I could do a chat anytime between 5:45 pm (eastern US time) and 7:45 pm today or tomorrow.
Posted by noa on November 6, 2000, at 14:58:05
In reply to Chat schedule - noa, posted by Emmanuela on November 6, 2000, at 14:30:21
Or, 9 am to 5 pm (Eastern US) on Saturday
Posted by Lexie on November 6, 2000, at 16:32:26
In reply to Re: live chat software and schedule, posted by Dr. Bob on November 6, 2000, at 6:13:26
I received an E-Mail back stating that my request for membership to the BP E-Group had been denied by the medeator. Is this going to be a lot like this board where you have to be a part of the "popular" to get responses to your posts or to feel a part of the group. Or is everyone going to be welcome to take part. Do you look over Psycho-Babble to see what the person's previous history might be? Just curious why someone might be excluded from membership. Lexie
Posted by Emmanuela on November 6, 2000, at 18:19:36
In reply to Re: Chat schedule - noa, posted by noa on November 6, 2000, at 14:58:05
Hi noa - It's 7:15 p.m. your time now, and I'll mosey on over to the chat room and see if you're there.
Emmanuela
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 7, 2000, at 0:26:18
In reply to Request for membership denied, Dr. Bob What's up?, posted by Lexie on November 6, 2000, at 16:32:26
> I received an E-Mail back stating that my request for membership to the BP E-Group had been denied by the medeator.
Which eGroup? The new psycho-babble-open eGroup is open to everyone. The old psycho-babble-tips eGroup is limited to those who have registered here (and plan to add some Links).
Bob
Posted by noa on November 7, 2000, at 7:13:26
In reply to noa - In case you're there, posted by Emmanuela on November 6, 2000, at 18:19:36
> Hi noa - It's 7:15 p.m. your time now, and I'll mosey on over to the chat room and see if you're there.
> EmmanuelaShoot. I checked in at that time, but didn't see you. Oh, well. Let me know when the next chat is.
Posted by Lexie on November 7, 2000, at 7:27:04
In reply to Re: Request for membership denied, posted by Dr. Bob on November 7, 2000, at 0:26:18
> > I received an E-Mail back stating that my request for membership to the BP E-Group had been denied by the medeator.
>
> Which eGroup? The new psycho-babble-open eGroup is open to everyone. The old psycho-babble-tips eGroup is limited to those who have registered here (and plan to add some Links).
>
> Bob
I apologize, the eGroup I was talking about is obviously not associated with Psycho-Babble. It is 00_Talk_BP, a support group for people with Bipolar disorder. The membership is still open and although the only questions they ask are gender, age and zip code they can deny any membership. I will look for the Psycho-Babble eGroups in the future. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. Lexie
Posted by Hannah on November 10, 2000, at 19:51:38
In reply to Re: Plans for getting through the holidays?-Long, posted by ksvt on November 2, 2000, at 20:14:36
Hi did things get worked out for you? I don't think you're being small-minded or ridiculous. I think any decision you make is fine. I hope you've made it by now and aren't still worrying about it. Sorry I don't have any words of wisdom but I do sympathize. I have fantasies of just leaving town with no explanations to anyone. So you're a better person than me whatever you decide! Actually I'll just muddle through as usual. Wishing you well.
> Please indulge this story of my own holiday (t-giving) dilemma, and tell me if I'm being small minded and ridiculous. For the last several years, any of my family members within hailing distance come to my house for dinner or to my brother's house - he also lives in my area. T-giving is probably my favorite meal to cook, I do it with relative ease, as things go, and I'm much happier not having to travel. This year, my 80 year old father has decreed that t-giving dinner should be held at his house, which is about 2 hours away. He, has done this, says my stepmother, not out of a desire not to travel, but rather out of a sense of nostalgia for a time when all of his kids would be there for a dinner hosted by my parents. The problem is that only 2 of the 5 siblings live close enough to go, my parents got divorced about 20 years ago, and my stepmother hates to entertain and hates to cook. She gets very nervous when there are a lot of guests, in fact most of my siblings and spouses pretty much pledged a few years ago never to eat another meal there because it made her miserable and she made us feel miserable. My father, in his myopic way, is oblivious for the strain this puts on her. She has inferred that this is not her choice at all. If the 2 of them come to my house, they'll drive over and stay the night. No one who would be going to their house, has the job or school flexibility to do anything other than drive over for the day. Therefore, his plan puts 9 people in 3 different cars on the road at night, 7 of them, over some very curvy mountainous roads. My children, who are 12 and 15, will drop in front of the TV as soon as they walk in his house because there is really nothing for them to do there, and they will only emerge for dinner. My brother and sister in law will have to spend the entire time following their 1 year old around because the house is not child proof in a major way. My father, very much out of the blue, wrote each of my children letters recently in which he expressed his strong preference that we travel to his house for dinner. Since he's written them each about 1 or 2 other letters in their lifetimes, I found this to be very manipulative. I have some pretty major problems with him so I don't trust my instincts on this at all. I vacillate between resenting the hell out of him for even creating this problem, to feeling extraordinarily guilty about being such an ungreatful child and thinking this is no big deal. My brother thinks it is no big deal to just say no to him. I have a tougher time. I can't talk to my husband about this because he's made it clear that he'll be very unhappy if we indulge this wish - he, too, hates to travel, gets bored silly in my dad's house and can't stand listening to my step mother banging dishes in the kitchen because she thinks people are lingering at the table too long. Any advice? Thanks ksvt >
>
>
>
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> Good question. I've had no family to celebrate holidays with for two years now. My dad is the only one left and he doesn't really know how to celebrate holidays -- they have always been another day in the year for him. I always celebrated with my mom and husband and his family, but that's over. So it's either leaving town to be by myself someplace restful, or trying to celebrate with a father who doesn't know how. Not much to look forward to. I'd leave town but I did that last year and got a lot of grief for it. I don't know whether I can get away with it this year. It's on the list of things to talk about in therapy. Meantime, I am anxious to get all of my Christmas shopping done asap I think in a vein attempt to will the holiday away. It won't work, but that doesn't make the anxiety go away.
Posted by Hannah on November 10, 2000, at 20:04:52
In reply to Re: Volunteering, BB, BS, posted by noa on November 6, 2000, at 12:20:31
This site lists volunteer opportunities by zipcode
It's a nice way to get an idea of what's needed.
> Being a Big Sister is a big committment. But perhaps some one:one activities, that don't involve ongoing committment to an individual child, could be a good fit. There are lots of groups that do group service activities where you don't have to commit beyond that one day. It can be fun to do this with a group.
Posted by Dona on November 11, 2000, at 13:54:25
In reply to the holiday blues, posted by Nibor on November 2, 2000, at 17:07:34
As I have mentioned on this board before, my mom died in February--it tore our siblings apart. I had total knee replacement in September. And quite frankly, I am already depressed thinking about the holidays. I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up in mid January.
My husband just found out that he may lose his job of 23 years. My daughter has autism and she lives in the community in supported living but the landlord is selling her house so she has to find a new place to live. The list is endless.
I feel overwhelmed and find it REALLY hard to list all the things I should be grateful for ( there are many). I just need to figure out how to get through each day without taking a handful of pills and trying to slip away.
Posted by ksvt on November 11, 2000, at 21:42:56
In reply to Re: Plans for getting through the holidays?-Long » ksvt, posted by Hannah on November 10, 2000, at 19:51:38
>Hannah - for some reason my posts haven't been coming through. My situation fortunately resolved itself without my intervention. This was a good thing because by the time things got worked out, I had consternated to the point of emotional paralysis and was pretty incapable of being part of any solution. Thanks very much for answering my post. I've been pretty down, and getting a response meant alot. ksvt
i did things get worked out for you? I don't think you're being small-minded or ridiculous. I think any decision you make is fine. I hope you've made it by now and aren't still worrying about it. Sorry I don't have any words of wisdom but I do sympathize. I have fantasies of just leaving town with no explanations to anyone. So you're a better person than me whatever you decide! Actually I'll just muddle through as usual. Wishing you well.
>
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> > Please indulge this story of my own holiday (t-giving) dilemma, and tell me if I'm being small minded and ridiculous. For the last several years, any of my family members within hailing distance come to my house for dinner or to my brother's house - he also lives in my area. T-giving is probably my favorite meal to cook, I do it with relative ease, as things go, and I'm much happier not having to travel. This year, my 80 year old father has decreed that t-giving dinner should be held at his house, which is about 2 hours away. He, has done this, says my stepmother, not out of a desire not to travel, but rather out of a sense of nostalgia for a time when all of his kids would be there for a dinner hosted by my parents. The problem is that only 2 of the 5 siblings live close enough to go, my parents got divorced about 20 years ago, and my stepmother hates to entertain and hates to cook. She gets very nervous when there are a lot of guests, in fact most of my siblings and spouses pretty much pledged a few years ago never to eat another meal there because it made her miserable and she made us feel miserable. My father, in his myopic way, is oblivious for the strain this puts on her. She has inferred that this is not her choice at all. If the 2 of them come to my house, they'll drive over and stay the night. No one who would be going to their house, has the job or school flexibility to do anything other than drive over for the day. Therefore, his plan puts 9 people in 3 different cars on the road at night, 7 of them, over some very curvy mountainous roads. My children, who are 12 and 15, will drop in front of the TV as soon as they walk in his house because there is really nothing for them to do there, and they will only emerge for dinner. My brother and sister in law will have to spend the entire time following their 1 year old around because the house is not child proof in a major way. My father, very much out of the blue, wrote each of my children letters recently in which he expressed his strong preference that we travel to his house for dinner. Since he's written them each about 1 or 2 other letters in their lifetimes, I found this to be very manipulative. I have some pretty major problems with him so I don't trust my instincts on this at all. I vacillate between resenting the hell out of him for even creating this problem, to feeling extraordinarily guilty about being such an ungreatful child and thinking this is no big deal. My brother thinks it is no big deal to just say no to him. I have a tougher time. I can't talk to my husband about this because he's made it clear that he'll be very unhappy if we indulge this wish - he, too, hates to travel, gets bored silly in my dad's house and can't stand listening to my step mother banging dishes in the kitchen because she thinks people are lingering at the table too long. Any advice? Thanks ksvt >
> >
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> >
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> > Good question. I've had no family to celebrate holidays with for two years now. My dad is the only one left and he doesn't really know how to celebrate holidays -- they have always been another day in the year for him. I always celebrated with my mom and husband and his family, but that's over. So it's either leaving town to be by myself someplace restful, or trying to celebrate with a father who doesn't know how. Not much to look forward to. I'd leave town but I did that last year and got a lot of grief for it. I don't know whether I can get away with it this year. It's on the list of things to talk about in therapy. Meantime, I am anxious to get all of my Christmas shopping done asap I think in a vein attempt to will the holiday away. It won't work, but that doesn't make the anxiety go away.
Posted by Hannah on November 16, 2000, at 13:55:11
In reply to Re: the holiday blues, posted by Dona on November 11, 2000, at 13:54:25
Hi Dona I don't think I've read any of your posts before but it sounds like you have a really difficult situation to deal with. Christmas was so hard after my grandparents died and that's been years ago. Maybe it would help to do things differently this year instead of trying to keep all the old traditions. I try to keep things as simple as possible.Maybe you could ask your family what is the one most important family tradition for them and just do that. I'm really sorry about your siblings. That seems like it happens in a lot of families.
I hope you have someone to talk to that can be a support for you. It seems like your family may be so stressed out themselves they may not be able to give you as much help and support as you need.I hope you post again. I think this post must have gotten lost way up here and no one saw it!
Take care of yourself as best you can and don't give up!Hannah
> As I have mentioned on this board before, my mom died in February--it tore our siblings apart. I had total knee replacement in September. And quite frankly, I am already depressed thinking about the holidays. I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up in mid January.
> My husband just found out that he may lose his job of 23 years. My daughter has autism and she lives in the community in supported living but the landlord is selling her house so she has to find a new place to live. The list is endless.
> I feel overwhelmed and find it REALLY hard to list all the things I should be grateful for ( there are many). I just need to figure out how to get through each day without taking a handful of pills and trying to slip away.
This is the end of the thread.
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