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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jena Lyn on October 2, 2000, at 21:38:51
all,
things have been goin' pretty good lately...until tonight, what do I do when something takes me by surprise? I wasn't ready for a curve ball tonight, and I am a mess right now ... any advice?
Jena
Posted by Greg on October 2, 2000, at 23:03:34
In reply to when life throws you a curve, posted by Jena Lyn on October 2, 2000, at 21:38:51
Hey Jena,
I'm not sure if I've talked to you before or not but your name sounds familiar. Don't have a lot of advice, but some possibilities might be to call a friend for talk, a nice hot cup of tea, maybe a bubble bath (that really helps me when I'm stressing, I know, not very manly huh?), try reading a book? Not knowing specifically what's going on, it's hard to make suggestions that are helpful.
My thoughts are with you and I hope the rest of your evening is peaceful.
Greg
all,
> things have been goin' pretty good lately...until tonight, what do I do when something takes me by surprise? I wasn't ready for a curve ball tonight, and I am a mess right now ... any advice?
> Jena
Posted by Nibor on October 2, 2000, at 23:27:15
In reply to when life throws you a curve, posted by Jena Lyn on October 2, 2000, at 21:38:51
Hi, Jena
I guess it's easier said than done, but please try to concentrate on the things that had been going well...and not letting something spoil it. You know it's a symptom of this illness we have that tries to keep us focused on the negative. We tend to think that good things are temporary and happened just by luck...and that bad things are permanent and what we deserve. Well phooey...that's the disease talking and IT'S NOT TRUE.
Take care of yourself. Think of Greg in his bubble bath, and take one of your own...or pamper yourself in some other indulgency. Get some rest and remember that we care what happens.
Love,
Nibor> all,
> things have been goin' pretty good lately...until tonight, what do I do when something takes me by surprise? I wasn't ready for a curve ball tonight, and I am a mess right now ... any advice?
> Jena
Posted by shar on October 3, 2000, at 20:19:40
In reply to Re: when life throws you a curve, posted by Nibor on October 2, 2000, at 23:27:15
Jena--
So glad to hear from you! I've been thinking about you.One thing that may possibly help is to be very aware of "where you go" once this has happened. Usually, if something is awful, and we are in the present time, we feel awful, we may cry, we may get afraid. None of those Feelings will damage you.
Too often, though, we go somewhere else. We have a feeling and then make a prediction of what it means, what's going to happen, etc. Or, we may go back to some event that was traumatic to us and then get hopeless that it will never end, etc.
The trick is to stay in the present where it feels really crappy. This is my humble opinion. Although it feels crappy, that's where you are. You don't have to change it, you don't have to "get out of the mood" or whatever.
Unless you are seriously concerned about hurting yourself, then you need to call a counselor or go to the ER.
I think things that are distracting are good. They don't even have to be fun. Even just getting out of the house can be good, go to a store, or window shopping or people watching; talking to a friend can be a great help even if you aren't talking about what's bothering you. But will that take the feeling crappy away 100% ? Probably not.
The feeling will go away, though, and in the meantime, like the others have said, try to do something else. You will come around if you give yourself a chance.
Good luck,
Shar
Posted by Jena Lyn on October 3, 2000, at 21:34:17
In reply to Re: when life throws you a curve, posted by shar on October 3, 2000, at 20:19:40
All,
I feel like Im at the end of my rope. I just need to GET away, seriously, like for a week with NO ONE around me, no distractions...I don't know. I don't even think that would help. My mind is my worst enemy right now. I can't sleep, I can't do anything ... the CHAOS thats battling in my mind is consuming me and I JUST WANT IT ALL TO STOP. I don't know what to do, Im thinking of calling my therapist...I haven't been in therapy since April, I think its about time I head back ... my friends don't understand, one of my biggest problems right now is with my ex-best friend/best friend whatever she is now, we got in this huge fight last night and she did what she always does, THREW EVERYTHING in my face. I feel like she gets mad at me for being sick, for being sad, for being annorexic, for being ME and i cannot deal with it AT ALL. Why does she have to do that? Just because she can, because she knows all about me and all about whats "wrong" with me? Its now fair...and its not like I can just avoid her or take her out of the situation, she's in all of my classes, we have mutual friends, etc...I really don't know what to do ... anyways, thanks for listening...I hope you guys are doing better than I am...
Jena> Jena--
> So glad to hear from you! I've been thinking about you.
>
> One thing that may possibly help is to be very aware of "where you go" once this has happened. Usually, if something is awful, and we are in the present time, we feel awful, we may cry, we may get afraid. None of those Feelings will damage you.
>
> Too often, though, we go somewhere else. We have a feeling and then make a prediction of what it means, what's going to happen, etc. Or, we may go back to some event that was traumatic to us and then get hopeless that it will never end, etc.
>
> The trick is to stay in the present where it feels really crappy. This is my humble opinion. Although it feels crappy, that's where you are. You don't have to change it, you don't have to "get out of the mood" or whatever.
>
> Unless you are seriously concerned about hurting yourself, then you need to call a counselor or go to the ER.
>
> I think things that are distracting are good. They don't even have to be fun. Even just getting out of the house can be good, go to a store, or window shopping or people watching; talking to a friend can be a great help even if you aren't talking about what's bothering you. But will that take the feeling crappy away 100% ? Probably not.
>
> The feeling will go away, though, and in the meantime, like the others have said, try to do something else. You will come around if you give yourself a chance.
>
> Good luck,
> Shar
Posted by shellie on October 3, 2000, at 23:11:46
In reply to Re: when life throws you a curve, posted by Jena Lyn on October 3, 2000, at 21:34:17
Jena, sounds like a good idea to call your therapist. Sometimes friends can't understand and it is good to work out things with someone who is there to help you, and who is not personally affected by your problems. Sometimes friends feel threatened by their own insecurities and sometimes friends, because they cannot understand, are just insensitive. Also try not to let yourself spiral down when you get a thrown a curve--try really hard to maintain treading water until things seem less intense. Don't make any major decisions, and please don't go off alone. And make that call to your therapist; you really need an anchor right now. shellie
Posted by Jennifer on October 6, 2000, at 4:03:36
In reply to Re: when life throws you a curve, posted by Jena Lyn on October 3, 2000, at 21:34:17
Jena Lyn,
It's been awhile since I've been on the board...a few curve balls my way too. My first thought when reading your post was "that's a friend?". I don't think that she falls into the definition of what I call a friend. Anyone that would throw things in your face is insecure and knows that being your "friend" gives her a chance to feel superior to someone. She needs some real help. I know you said you can't avoid her, but think about ways that you might. Do you have to stay after class and talk with all the girls? Do you have to go to things that she participates in other than class? Do you have to sit near her?
Maybe you could find some new friends (bookstore, coffee shop, anywhere) so that you can form some positive relationships without her in the picture. No need to get mad at her. Just tell her calmly and to the point that you are having a few challenges right now, and you need some time to work on them. Don't tell her "she" is pissing you off. She's the type that thinks you blame things on everyone else, and her own insecurity will make her mad if you tell her she is exacerbating your problem. Put it onto yourself, and let her know you plan to get together with her "in a month or so" for a girls night out. She won't think you can live without her, but you can. The worst thing that you can have as a person with emotional challenges, is an emotionally challenging "friend". Look for supportive people, and don't spread all of your problems out on the table. Those who want to hear all of your life problems right away are the "caregiver" type that want to "help" you by telling you that you don't know what's best for yourself. Keep off of the subject of your health. When anyone asks me, I'm either "great" or "so-so", never awful...even though I am. They are much more helpful when I'm not a whiner.
Sorry this was so long...I just couldn't pass yours up. Good luck. Jennifer> All,
> I feel like Im at the end of my rope. I just need to GET away, seriously, like for a week with NO ONE around me, no distractions...I don't know. I don't even think that would help. My mind is my worst enemy right now. I can't sleep, I can't do anything ... the CHAOS thats battling in my mind is consuming me and I JUST WANT IT ALL TO STOP. I don't know what to do, Im thinking of calling my therapist...I haven't been in therapy since April, I think its about time I head back ... my friends don't understand, one of my biggest problems right now is with my ex-best friend/best friend whatever she is now, we got in this huge fight last night and she did what she always does, THREW EVERYTHING in my face. I feel like she gets mad at me for being sick, for being sad, for being annorexic, for being ME and i cannot deal with it AT ALL. Why does she have to do that? Just because she can, because she knows all about me and all about whats "wrong" with me? Its now fair...and its not like I can just avoid her or take her out of the situation, she's in all of my classes, we have mutual friends, etc...I really don't know what to do ... anyways, thanks for listening...I hope you guys are doing better than I am...
> Jena
>
> > Jena--
> > So glad to hear from you! I've been thinking about you.
> >
> > One thing that may possibly help is to be very aware of "where you go" once this has happened. Usually, if something is awful, and we are in the present time, we feel awful, we may cry, we may get afraid. None of those Feelings will damage you.
> >
> > Too often, though, we go somewhere else. We have a feeling and then make a prediction of what it means, what's going to happen, etc. Or, we may go back to some event that was traumatic to us and then get hopeless that it will never end, etc.
> >
> > The trick is to stay in the present where it feels really crappy. This is my humble opinion. Although it feels crappy, that's where you are. You don't have to change it, you don't have to "get out of the mood" or whatever.
> >
> > Unless you are seriously concerned about hurting yourself, then you need to call a counselor or go to the ER.
> >
> > I think things that are distracting are good. They don't even have to be fun. Even just getting out of the house can be good, go to a store, or window shopping or people watching; talking to a friend can be a great help even if you aren't talking about what's bothering you. But will that take the feeling crappy away 100% ? Probably not.
> >
> > The feeling will go away, though, and in the meantime, like the others have said, try to do something else. You will come around if you give yourself a chance.
> >
> > Good luck,
> > Shar
Posted by JaneST on October 9, 2000, at 1:26:56
In reply to Re: What's a friend?, posted by Jennifer on October 6, 2000, at 4:03:36
Jena Lyn:
Have to agree: "friend"...obviously you've been honest with her...yet she 'uses' it against you...and to gain what? How did that benefit you as Her friend?...to me friends know what hurts, that it hurts...my ex-best/best friend uses 'best friend' to describe me...because I AM her friend...but I don't use that term to describe her.
Life is choices...and we just don't have to make it that hard. Calling your therapist is easy! Just do it! (and sorry to plagerize)
All the best,
Jane
Posted by Jena Lyn on October 9, 2000, at 21:29:10
In reply to Re: What's a friend? » Jennifer, posted by JaneST on October 9, 2000, at 1:26:56
Thanks guys...I think I am going to call my therapist. Im out of town now for a funeral...my great grandma... but when I get home I think Im going to for sure. Ive talked to my mom and some of my friends about it, they are all supportive, which helps even though I know that what they think shoulnd't control this decision. We'll see...but thank you for your support! I hope all is well with all of you...
SUNSHINE
Jenifer
> Jena Lyn:
>
> Have to agree: "friend"...obviously you've been honest with her...yet she 'uses' it against you...and to gain what? How did that benefit you as Her friend?...to me friends know what hurts, that it hurts...my ex-best/best friend uses 'best friend' to describe me...because I AM her friend...but I don't use that term to describe her.
>
> Life is choices...and we just don't have to make it that hard. Calling your therapist is easy! Just do it! (and sorry to plagerize)
>
> All the best,
> Jane
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