![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jane on September 19, 2000, at 19:51:17
So I guess the title of this thread says it all for me right now. I'm bummed out on this issue, so I just thought I would start a thread on "trust, friendship (and garbage)" and see if I get inspired. :-( jane
Posted by shellie on September 19, 2000, at 21:13:29
In reply to trust, frienship and all that garbage, posted by jane on September 19, 2000, at 19:51:17
Jane,
Last week my pdoc said to me, "I don't think you really trust me." And I thought immediately, "well, of course not, I don't trust anyone." But that didn't feel pathological to me--it actually felt fine. That night I thought a lot about trust, even looked it up in the dictionary to capture all the nuances. Trust is a very complicated idea. I learned very early not to trust and it created a hole in me. I think very young children need to trust fully and completely. As I get older, I seem to put less emphasis on trust and I think that serves me well. I get less disappointed and more pleasantly surprised. I am not suspicious, just not as vulnerable. I trust aspects of people, but never an unconditional trust. When I start to feel disappointed, I get the sense that I've gone down the wrong road.
I like this quote by emerson for several reasons, but I thought of it now because it mentions betrayal:
"To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch. . .to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!"
I think by EmersonŐs standards I have already succeeded in my life. My standards are much harsher. So when I feeling like a failure, this is a good thing for me to read.
Hope you could identify with something--if not, maybe someone will come closer to what you are feeling. Shellie
Posted by shar on September 20, 2000, at 11:22:16
In reply to trust, frienship and all that garbage, posted by jane on September 19, 2000, at 19:51:17
Jane,
I'd say for most of the babblers trust issues are right up there on top of the heap. I believe it's rare they we will get them totally worked out 100%, but I have noticed many people are opening up a little more.Of course, a betrayal or perceived betrayal, can make us go right back to not trusting. An instantaneous trip back to when we were young, with those "youngish" coping mechanisms, etc.
I can give you my word that I won't betray you knowingly, and I'd want you to tell me if I did something that felt bad to you. Over these airwaves, I am your friend and all that garbage.
Do not hesitate to post. These are important issues you are bringing up! I still believe we have to watch our backs at all times.....
Take care,
Shar
> So I guess the title of this thread says it all for me right now. I'm bummed out on this issue, so I just thought I would start a thread on "trust, friendship (and garbage)" and see if I get inspired. :-( jane
Posted by Racer on September 28, 2000, at 1:28:18
In reply to Jane: Art thou inspired?, posted by shar on September 20, 2000, at 11:22:16
Big topic, yeah. It's one I've wrestled with a lot, with only a little insight.
I do know that my mother was perfect until I was about 10 years old, and that she paid a lot of attention to me, teaching me to trust her absolutely. So, hitting puberty with all the crap that happened then was devastating. Mother turned into a witch, she even admits that she didn't know what to do and fell down on the job.
So, what do I do? I don't know, but I know that I hold a bit of myself back, while otherwise trusting until proved wrong. It means that I get hurt a fair amount, but the part I hold back helps keep me in one piece.
Friendship is a hard question, too. I know that I'm better about it now, though, because I no longer waste my time with 'friends I don't like that much', formerly a large group of my social network. Now I only waste time with friends I like and respect -- not a waste at all! And I'm trying to learn to pay attention to that little frisson of doubt that tells me when someone isn't going to be my friend. It's usually right!
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.