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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 4, 2011, at 22:10:33
So I know the last I posted things were going well with new T. Then we had a session where she spent more than half of the time complaining about her billing issues (she has to go through another therapist, it's a pain in her a**, blah, blah, blah). I didn't enjoy it, but thought I'd give her a pass. The next session she spent most of the session telling me about her half sister having a man with a disability move in with her and how concerned she is about that. I work with people with disabilities so I spent most of that session educating her. The session after that we spent talking mostly about recent insurance issues (my organization has brought HR in house, which means I had COBRA for one month and now it's a mess). It turns out she wanted me to do all of the work on that, even for checks she had received. I had to call insurance and get check numbers and clear dates rather than her just rechecking her records. WHATever.
This week, I got a call from my brother early Monday morning because my father was dying. On the trip to their state, I called and left her a message that my father was bad off, I was headed out of town and would not be there for my Tuesday session. At that point, I didn't know how long I would be gone.
My father died an hour after I arrived. When we got back to my parents' house, I checked my email. New T sent an email basically saying, "I got your message. Sorry to hear about your dad," and then in the SAME PARAGRAPH she talked about billing issues.
I emailed her that my father died and she wrote back offering me a phone session at, of course, full price. No thanks.
That is the very last straw. I think there's a maturity issue here, as well as a total focus on money that I am not used to and can't reconcile with. I'm planning to email her next week and cancel remaining sessions on the books and start to look for another T. I'm not sad, not even really mad, just annoyed.
Posted by annierose on March 5, 2011, at 8:09:08
In reply to Done with New T, posted by TherapyGirl on March 4, 2011, at 22:10:33
I'd be mad too. It's your therapy, your time, and it should be all about YOU ... even as hard as that can be sometimes.
Good Luck in your search.
So sorry to hear about the death of your father. Are you doing okay? Were you close?
Posted by sigismund on March 5, 2011, at 13:41:47
In reply to Done with New T, posted by TherapyGirl on March 4, 2011, at 22:10:33
It is a testament to the human desire for connection, feeling, meaning and love that they would pay(!) for this kind of treatment.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 6, 2011, at 18:35:38
In reply to Re: Done with New T, posted by annierose on March 5, 2011, at 8:09:08
Thanks, Annie Rose. I'm doing okay -- still can't get my head around it. Close is a relative term, but I was as close to my father as anyone in my family and I miss him. He went pretty suddenly.
Haven't figured out what to say to new T yet, but I'm leaning towards an email that just says I don't want to do therapy right now. I'm not really interested in providing feedback in the hopes that she will change because I think she's just not the T for me.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 6, 2011, at 18:37:00
In reply to Re: Done with New T, posted by sigismund on March 5, 2011, at 13:41:47
Ain't it the truth? My T of 25 years worked for a nonprofit, so the money issue never came up. I understand people have to make a living and I don't mind paying for a T's expertise. I do mind when they're so worried about the money that they can't be compassionate or empathetic. That's a deal breaker for me for sure.
Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2011, at 20:23:50
In reply to Done with New T, posted by TherapyGirl on March 4, 2011, at 22:10:33
I'm so sorry to hear about your father.
It does sound as if this therapist hasn't quite figured out what it means to be a therapist. I hope that in the time you did spend together she was able to be helpful with the transition.
Do you think you'll be looking for a new therapist?
It *is* good to see your name.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 6, 2011, at 20:41:52
In reply to Re: Done with New T » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on March 6, 2011, at 20:23:50
Yes, I've already started the search for a new T and have emailed one tonight asking for a phone consult, which she apparently offers for free (or a 20-minute in person thing).
That should have been my first red flag with current T -- when I talked to her on the phone and asked for an short, initial "interview" session, she said no. Not exactly no, just that I had to do all the paperwork and pay for the extended new client session and then we would decide if we could work together. Funny how it's all about her, huh?
The grief over my dad, piled on the grief over losing my T is probably going to put me over the top, so I will definitely find a new T.
I did talk to my T 3 or 4 times this week and she was great, as always. I called her crying on my way out of town and then apologized for calling her. She called me right back and said it was okay, that this was an emergency. I also get to see her a week from Wednesday -- first time in over a year!
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 7, 2011, at 12:45:39
In reply to Re: Done with New T » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on March 6, 2011, at 20:41:52
This is the email I sent to new former T a little while ago:
Because of my father's death, and the energy and time it will take for me to deal with that in terms of visiting my family, etc., I need to cancel the rest of my sessions for right now. I realized over the last week, more than ever, that I need to simplify my schedule and concentrate on just a few things. It feels more productive to process my grief with friends and with my brothers rather than in therapy at this point. I appreciate your help over the last year.
Posted by Daisym on March 8, 2011, at 18:55:44
In reply to Re: Done with New T - Email, posted by TherapyGirl on March 7, 2011, at 12:45:39
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Losses like that are disorienting and do seem to unleash all the past losses. I'll keep all of you in my prayers.
I think the email you wrote to former new T was fine although I do think it would have been OK to provide feedback around the money stuff. I always find it interesting when the business aspects creep into the time we are already paying for, kind of like double payment. This isn't an issue for me, thank goodness, but I've heard it more than once from friends. I think all therapists, of any kind, need to be reminded from time to time that we are paying them for their "hands on" time, which should be at a high enough rate to cover the other stuff that takes up their time. I know my home visitors work on a 60/40 split - 60% in front of clients and the other 40% to do the paperwork. They should never, ever do paperwork on client time nor should they ever ask a client to sort out billing issues.
Ug - bad timing but that is usually how these things get revealed. I'll be interested if she follows up with you and wonders about her recent behavior during sessions.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 8, 2011, at 19:01:49
In reply to Re: Done with New T - Email » TherapyGirl, posted by Daisym on March 8, 2011, at 18:55:44
No need to be curious, Daisy -- she wished me well and sent me on my way via email, which was fine. She really is a lightweight and I seriously suspect she is not in the business for exactly the right reasons.
On the bright side, I phone interviewed a new T last night and will be seeing her tomorrow to see if we can work together. She does EMDR, which I am very interested in, and specific work on grief and loss. She's also older than I am, just slightly but still. Younger Ts aren't going to work well for me, I think.
Thanks for the prayers. It is unbelievably hard and still surreal.
Posted by emmanuel98 on March 9, 2011, at 20:00:42
In reply to Re: Done with New T - Email » Daisym, posted by TherapyGirl on March 8, 2011, at 19:01:49
sorry about your father. Hope you are doing well. One time my p-doc (also my therapist) took a call during our visit because it was from my insurance company and he was having a hard time getting paid for my sessions for some reason (no problems apparently with other patients with the same insurance). This was very uncharacteristic of him and felt very passive-aggressive to me. When I asked him what the problem was, he said, you don't need to worry about that. But he had just used up 15 minutes of our session on the phone. Another time he called me to sy he hadn't been paid and I called the insurance company myself and fixed the problem. I didn't mind this. I do feel some responsibility to see he gets paid and one of the problems that therapists have is that, because of confidentiality, they tend to do all their own billing and deal with all the crap from insurance companies. It's a wonder more of them don't b**ch about it in sessions.
Posted by floatingbridge on March 29, 2011, at 21:31:42
In reply to Re: Done with New T - Email » Daisym, posted by TherapyGirl on March 8, 2011, at 19:01:49
Therapygirl, I liked your email. I find the theraputic relationship difficult and strange: I feel I can show respect by 'assisting' with billing issues a bit, and notice the resentment I feel when the professional courtesy isn't returned: that respect is shown for my time & sensitivity shown for my vulnerable position as client.
Your email sounds alright to me. Brisk enough to show a bit of bristle. You only 'owe' T the explanation you feel like giving.
I am reading the board from the bottom up. I am sorry to hear about your father.
Best to you.
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