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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by rickjen on September 9, 2009, at 18:59:44
My therapist is not the warm and fuzzy type. Has anyone ever had success with such a personality? I had a therapist before who was very warm, friendly and engaging. This therapist is almost the opposite. I want to give him a chance. I have seen him 4x. He is kind of on the serious side. Today while walking to his office from the waiting room (it is a large practice) I asked, "how are you" and he said, "fine. i will ask you how you are when we get in the office". also was telling him about some very painful things i have faced such as witnessing the attempted murder of a relative, being in an orphanage and he doesn't respond with any kind of empathy. Just listens. Isn't a therapist supposed to "comfort" the person? Thanks, R.
Posted by Dinah on September 10, 2009, at 8:42:06
In reply to Therapist very business like, posted by rickjen on September 9, 2009, at 18:59:44
I don't suppose I do see it as the job of a therapist to comfort us. To listen, yes, to interject helpfully, yes. To explain patterns that we might not see, absolutely.
I think of my therapist as very nurturing, but in the traditional sense of the word, he really isn't. If I tell him things from my childhood, he might point out that they were harmful to me, if he thinks I'm underplaying them. But he's not likely to sympathize with me. And by the standards of many therapists he has firm boundaries and is not really very warm and fuzzy. But I wouldn't like very warm and fuzzy. I need a bit of firmness and distance to feel safe and able to say what I need to say. Having him sympathize with me might be pleasant, but I can get that from friends and relatives. He offers something I can't get elsewhere.
As far as the hall thing goes.... My own boundaries keep me from talking to him until the door is shut, even commonplace things. But this is totally me, not him. I think it used to annoy him even. And even now, he'll stride on ahead of me half the distance of the hall and make no effort to stay anywhere near me, never mind talk. But I think what your therapist was trying to do was remind you that the hall is not a private place, and that you should be careful what you say there. I think that was a caring thing to do, although he may not have expressed himself well.
However....
It's my opinion that it doesn't matter a whit. There are a lot of therapists out there, all with very different styles. If you find you aren't comfortable with this one, or don't like his approach, it's perfectly ok to look for another that suits you better. The question to ask is whether it is really not a good fit, or if you're trying to avoid something by leaving. However, you've not seen him long, and it seems perfectly reasonable to me if you don't think he offers what you need. It's like dating. You don't have to marry the first person you date.
Maybe you could try asking him what he thinks the job of a therapist is, and his approach to therapy? You might find the answers intriguing, or you might find them offputting. But in either case, you'll have discovered something.
And this might sound odd, but can you listen to the flavor of his listening? Listening can feel completely different from different listeners.
Posted by antigua3 on September 11, 2009, at 7:01:20
In reply to Therapist very business like, posted by rickjen on September 9, 2009, at 18:59:44
My immediate observation is that he is a blank-slate type of therapist--he mirrors back what you're saying to him, without emotion, in an attempt to have you look inside yourself for how you're feeling. My psychiatrist is like this, and I don't like it, and we're working our way through it, but I don't think he's likely to change. He has plenty of good attributes that offset this, and it took us a really long time to establish trust. He's more psychoanalytical, whereas my T is psychodynamic and is definitely the warm and fuzzy type.
Talk to him about it, and if you don't feel comfortable with his answers, as Dinah said, there are plenty of Ts out there with different styles to suit us.
just my thoughts,
antigua
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