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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DAisym on February 11, 2009, at 23:32:48
Today we talked about how I dont feel like I own my own body. I reclaimed my mind (at least most of it) somewhere along the way, but my body is something to keep clean, dress up, put shoes onit gets me where *I* need to go like my car, right?
More and more, Im working to feel things in my body, especially more intimate things. It is super hard and I often dissociate especially when something feels good. It is almost like a switch gets thrown and I *have* to leave this feeling RIGHT NOW. Im afraid to feel good, afraid Im in trouble, afraid of some other unnamed things. I told my therapist that since I hurt my knee, Im more away of my body both how it can fail me and how much I need it.
We wandered into this via talking about shame, blame and fear. My therapist said, the more we talk about the disconnect between your body and your brain, the more Im thinking it is super important. And I feel like Ive been avoiding it with you because it is so hard for you. I didnt really know what to say to that. He is right the few times Ive actually run away from therapy, cancelled sessions, etc. was when I tried to talk about my body image, weight and sense of attractiveness. He sounded almost disappointed in himself projection on my part?
At the very end I said I felt strange and sad I needed some reassurance from him but I wasnt sure for what. He waited and seemed willing to give me whatever it was, but I couldnt come up with it. So I left, reluctantly, with a strong sense of a lost chance.
Tonight I think Im worried (who me?) that Ill get really hurt by talking about all of this. What if my therapist doesnt think Im attractive? I mean, *I* dont think I am, but *hes* not allowed to think that! And do I want to really bring my body and those feelings into therapy? because while it has been there, it really hasnt if that makes any sense at all. I feel so insecure around all of this and I want to try and pretend it doesnt matter.
But it doesI think he is right.
It might be super important.
Posted by muffled on February 12, 2009, at 0:33:23
In reply to Bringing your body to therapy, posted by DAisym on February 11, 2009, at 23:32:48
Incredibly important.
In so many ways.
Incredibly hard.
For so many reasons.
:-(
Baby steps....
Take care,
M
Posted by Phillipa on February 12, 2009, at 1:08:49
In reply to Re: Bringing your body to therapy, posted by muffled on February 12, 2009, at 0:33:23
Muffled I admire you you seem to really be in touch with your feelings and body. Hard to do for me. Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on February 12, 2009, at 8:17:47
In reply to Bringing your body to therapy, posted by DAisym on February 11, 2009, at 23:32:48
> At the very end I said I felt strange and sad I needed some reassurance from him but I wasnt sure for what. He waited and seemed willing to give me whatever it was, but I couldnt come up with it. So I left, reluctantly, with a strong sense of a lost chance.
It sounds very much like when I'm wanting a hug. Not to say that you are wanting a hug. But that was the image that came immediately to mind. Me standing awkwardly shifting from foot to foot wanting I'm not sure exactly what. My therapist is not opposed to the occasional hug, and that hug makes me feel like he accepts all of me. Of course I could be totally wrong about what you are wanting, and I know your therapist feels differently about hugs, just as mine feels differently about phone calls, etc.
Oh my. That reminds me of the day he told me that he had bought a house elsewhere and I burst into tears. Well, actually I burst into heaving sobs and shudders and hiccups. We'd come to town for the day and I was hot and sweaty with no a/c and the water had not yet been declared safe for bathing. Plus I was seriously stressed and oozing cortisol and adrenaline, and my blood sugars were off. The resulting miasma was horrendous I'm sure. He came and sat next to me and put his arm around me, and I wailed "But I smeeelllllll!!!" and he laughed and said he smelled too. Except he didn't of course. :(
Well, at least he didn't before he sat next to me. He probably did after.
But he still feels the same about me. Even after that. I think if you really care about someone, they are never really unattractive. Because you can't see them clearly because who they are to you is overlaid on top of the merely physical.
>
> Tonight I think Im worried (who me?) that Ill get really hurt by talking about all of this. What if my therapist doesnt think Im attractive? I mean, *I* dont think I am, but *hes* not allowed to think that! And do I want to really bring my body and those feelings into therapy? because while it has been there, it really hasnt if that makes any sense at all. I feel so insecure around all of this and I want to try and pretend it doesnt matter.Well, my therapist isn't allowed to notice my body because he might see a woman, which would mean he's not seeing *me*. He does make the occasional compliment when I wear something nicer than usual, I think mainly as a positive reinforcement strategy. And when I say something too negative about myself he makes a weak protest.
I don't think I'd like it if he said I was ugly or anything.
What would you like your therapist to think about your body and appearance? What precisely would you not like? Is there overlap?
It is really hard for me, even now, to talk about my physical body. I don't really think of it as me at all. Just the thing I'm stuck in. There's even a dismissive hand gesture I use when I mention it.
Posted by antigua3 on February 12, 2009, at 9:34:59
In reply to Bringing your body to therapy, posted by DAisym on February 11, 2009, at 23:32:48
>
> More and more, Im working to feel things in my body, especially more intimate things. It is super hard and I often dissociate especially when something feels good. It is almost like a switch gets thrown and I *have* to leave this feeling RIGHT NOW. Im afraid to feel good, afraid Im in trouble, afraid of some other unnamed things.>>This is really important, Daisy, and another step forward. I know exactly what you mean about disassociating and the feeling that you shouldn't be feeling "good" about something physical.
You know, of course, that shame keeps us from allowing ourselves to accept that something feels good (you know what I mean about feeling good here, don't you? It's such a hard thing for me to say directly, still).
But you also have to consider that it's a physiological response. Sometimes we can't help it, and we certainly couldn't help it when we were young. Our bodies just responded in a certain way, and it led us (or me, anyway) to have a great deal of shame around this issue.
We were just talking about this the other day, and while my Ts were trying so hard to make me understand that it isn't my fault my body responds, I still can't get my head around it because of the inherent shame and the true horribleness of it, kid or not.
> We wandered into this via talking about shame, blame and fear.
>>I think that's a natural path for this discussion.
> My therapist said, the more we talk about the disconnect between your body and your brain, the more Im thinking it is super important.
>>It is very important, but it's so intimate that it's no wonder that you would disassociate. I do it all the time.
>He sounded almost disappointed in himself projection on my part?
>> Yes, I think so.
> At the very end I said I felt strange and sad I needed some reassurance from him but I wasnt sure for what. He waited and seemed willing to give me whatever it was, but I couldnt come up with it.>>Maybe you just wanted reassurance that these are perfectly natural and normal responses given your history.
>
> What if my therapist doesnt think Im attractive? I mean, *I* dont think I am, but *hes* not allowed to think that!>>In discussing transference w/my pdoc, this was my exact response. I mean, how could he think I was attractive? And if he doesn't, how will that make me feel? But, like you, I don't think I am attractive, but having it pointed out to me would be very painful.
> And do I want to really bring my body and those feelings into therapy? because while it has been there, it really hasnt if that makes any sense at all. I feel so insecure around all of this and I want to try and pretend it doesnt matter.
>
>>You may not want to bring them into therapy, and should protect yourself until you feel ready, but your feelings about your body are very important, because they lead us to our mind and our images of ourselves, which often need to be adjusted to reality. You are more beautiful than you think you are, and he can see a beauty that you don't, yet.antigua
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