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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Little Soul on January 3, 2009, at 2:27:09
Okay, so I wanted to really respond to your post DAisym and to yours Dinah. But I'm in a real bad way right now and need someone to talk with me - I can't sleep or stop crying.
I had therapy today and my T kinda sprang it on me that she is going away for a long weekend. She is going to Cananda and her cell doesn't work there so she can't receive any calls and of course she is going with her boyfriend and probably doesn't want to be bothered anyway (which is a reasonable request in most circumstances).
Usually she has a chance to give me some notice about her trips and I have a chance to work it through with her, you know like make plans for myself duting her absence, and who else to call during this time. Also she is very good about reassuring me that she will return (a lot of my therapy recently is dealing with abandonment issues).
Anyway, she said I could call tonight if I needed to talk to her about anything. So I called her early in the evening and we spoke briefly. That was okay but I was still pretty upset. She said I could call back latter on if I still needed to talk more. So I did and it sounded like her phone was turned off. I tried a couple of other times after that getting more and more anxious because I couldn't get a hold of her. I ended up having a full blown panic attack. I'm feeling very upset and started putting myself down, saying "why would she want to talk to me anyway, I'm such a needy client", and other abusive things to myself. I called my three emergency numbers and I got three voicemails. I could really use some help, anyone? - I don't know what even to ask for - I just know I'm huring and don't know where to turn. Sorry for the downer post. I know I'm a newbie and probabhly should be doing more giving than taking but I'm really struggling. Any thoughts, kind words, or perspectives on hopefulness?
LS
Posted by workinprogress on January 3, 2009, at 3:04:24
In reply to Can't Sleep, Hurting, posted by Little Soul on January 3, 2009, at 2:27:09
Litttle soul-I'm so sorry you're hurting so bad. I totally understand. I think often the idea of distance makes things feel unsafe. And thinking you have access (her saying call again if you need to) and then not making contact is frustrating, disappointing, and- if you're not terribly secure in the relationship- scary. You worry you aren't important enough, you don't deserve it, or that it just isn't safe. AND- I imagine this trip is extra triggering- t's going away is hard and scary under normal circumstances, but going away with this new person that feels threatening to your relationship (feels, not necessarily is) is about as bad as it can get. So, it seems natural you would feel scared and would need extra reassurance. That's not needy. As my t would say, that's just having needs- everyone has needs. Maybe reassurance isn't what you need, only you can know. What do you feel? - fear? Longing? Sadness? What do you need? Try to think about those things and remember that feelings and needs based on them are normal and ok.
And try hard to give yourself some breathing room. You're going through a really hard space- it takes a lot of courage.
(((((((little soul)))))))
> Okay, so I wanted to really respond to your post DAisym and to yours Dinah. But I'm in a real bad way right now and need someone to talk with me - I can't sleep or stop crying.
>
> I had therapy today and my T kinda sprang it on me that she is going away for a long weekend. She is going to Cananda and her cell doesn't work there so she can't receive any calls and of course she is going with her boyfriend and probably doesn't want to be bothered anyway (which is a reasonable request in most circumstances).
>
> Usually she has a chance to give me some notice about her trips and I have a chance to work it through with her, you know like make plans for myself duting her absence, and who else to call during this time. Also she is very good about reassuring me that she will return (a lot of my therapy recently is dealing with abandonment issues).
>
> Anyway, she said I could call tonight if I needed to talk to her about anything. So I called her early in the evening and we spoke briefly. That was okay but I was still pretty upset. She said I could call back latter on if I still needed to talk more. So I did and it sounded like her phone was turned off. I tried a couple of other times after that getting more and more anxious because I couldn't get a hold of her. I ended up having a full blown panic attack. I'm feeling very upset and started putting myself down, saying "why would she want to talk to me anyway, I'm such a needy client", and other abusive things to myself. I called my three emergency numbers and I got three voicemails. I could really use some help, anyone? - I don't know what even to ask for - I just know I'm huring and don't know where to turn. Sorry for the downer post. I know I'm a newbie and probabhly should be doing more giving than taking but I'm really struggling. Any thoughts, kind words, or perspectives on hopefulness?
>
> LS
Posted by Dinah on January 3, 2009, at 21:19:32
In reply to Can't Sleep, Hurting, posted by Little Soul on January 3, 2009, at 2:27:09
I totally understand. It is comforting to me to know that I *can* reach my therapist if I need to. And knowing that I usually don't. But if he's out of reach entirely, I get very anxious.
Do you have ways of feeling close to your therapist when she's gone? I keep my therapist's voicemails and transfer them to my iPod for when I need to ground myself with his voice. I've also got a photo he let me take. And he did a relaxation tape for me once.
Or can you write a letter to her, or have a conversation with her in your head?
Posted by Little Soul on January 3, 2009, at 21:20:22
In reply to Re: Can't Sleep, Hurting » Little Soul, posted by workinprogress on January 3, 2009, at 3:04:24
Thanks workinprogress I really appreciate your post. I feel pretty lonely and I get very panicky when I can't get a hold of my t.
BTW, my t did call this morning saying she got my (800 million) phone calls and told me her phone died last night. She said goodbye before she left and said she would think about me and send good thoughts my way. That was comforting to hear. Reduced the anxiety considerably.
From the recent posts I've read, it seems like this is a particularly hard time for many and I just want you all to know that I'm sending good thoughts you way. For me, I do believe it is helpful not only to post my issues but it's important that I respond to you all too. I look forward to hopefully being helpful to everyone here too!
LS
Posted by Little Soul on January 3, 2009, at 21:23:57
In reply to Re: Can't Sleep, Hurting » Little Soul, posted by Dinah on January 3, 2009, at 21:19:32
Thanks Dinah - what great ideas. No, I don't have a photo, but maybe I'll ask her if she is comfortable with me taking one with my cell. I do save her voice mails, but hadn't thought about transfering them to my iPod. I like your other ideas too. Thanks so much, I really appreciate it. I'm going to write a letter to her and take it in to therapy on Tuesday.
LS
Posted by onceupon on January 3, 2009, at 21:54:08
In reply to Re: Can't Sleep, Hurting » workinprogress, posted by Little Soul on January 3, 2009, at 21:20:22
I'm glad to hear that you were able to receive some comfort from your therapist before she took off. I know all too well that feeling of agitated panic when it feels like you can't make contact with someone - either literally, or figuratively.
Did you see the Camp Comfort thread above? Sounds like you could use some - comfort, that is.
Posted by Little Soul on January 4, 2009, at 10:30:52
In reply to Re: Can't Sleep, Hurting, posted by onceupon on January 3, 2009, at 21:54:08
Thanks onceupon for your post. I didn't see the camp comfort - I'll check it out. I already like the title!!
LS
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