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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by turtle on October 10, 2008, at 18:30:18
Some of you have described your therapists here in ways that have created a vivid mental image of who they are. This got me curious about how different all of the therapists out there are.
In my own experience, I don't always have the words to describe how I feel. Sometimes my mind uses imagery instead.
For much of the relationship with my first therapist, I saw her as a giant, stone, cold, unmovable statue of a Goddess. In relation to her I was an Untouchable, waiting to be struck down by lightening (and often was.) By the end of our therapy relationship, she shifted for me into the image of an insecure high school "mean girl" to my Pariah. (We were completely mismatched even in my image!)
I see my new therapist as the "wise woman" of the village. I'm no longer making it on my own and the entire village has decided it's time to lock me in the Sweat Lodge to work it out. She's the one you want to take in there with you. Wise, centered, spiritual, intellectual, and strong. There will be smoke, chanting, dancing, herbs, visions, and screaming before my emotion fueled fever breaks and I once again emerge whole. The person I am in this image is much more worthy of compassion than my Untouchable and Pariah were. This therapist is a much better fit for me.
Does anyone else have a mental image that fits you and your therapist?
Very Curious Turtle
(Want to join me in the Sweat Lodge?)
Posted by Dinah on October 10, 2008, at 19:04:31
In reply to just for fun, posted by turtle on October 10, 2008, at 18:30:18
I really like that imagery! I can see your therapy relationship perfectly. :)
It's sometimes hard, since my relationship with my therapist shifts depending on who I am on any given day. He always meets me wherever I am.
I'd say it's usually Master/Padawan. I don't think he likes that image, but I think it's often accurate. There's a lot of father(mother)/daughter in there, but it's not quite like that. He doesn't have the emotional investment a parent has, thank heavens, so it's not as charged.
Sometimes it's closer to collegial. I don't think I like that as much. It makes me nervous. I need a greater power differential.
My image of him is a Newfoundland. Big and solid and safe and calm.
Posted by DAisym on October 10, 2008, at 21:45:35
In reply to Re: just for fun » turtle, posted by Dinah on October 10, 2008, at 19:04:31
I like imagery too.
I think we have three distinct relationships.
Professionally, he is interested in the work I do. I tell him stories about the babies and he often asks very good questions about their emotional responses. I also talk to him about staff and management and money stuff from work and he helps me think about it logically. So it is the mentor/student/reflective supervision kind of relationship.Then we have the adult woman getting divorced. He is tough on her - wants her to stand up for herself and wants her to take risks in new relationships. He pushes, sometimes too hard. I think of him more as a coach/player in these circumstances. Especially when we talk about sex.
And we have a father/mother/protector - child relationship. He grows so gentle when a younger part is clearly out and talking. He isn't afraid of offering protection or of telling her stuff straight out. He doesn't make me "work for it" when I'm feeling small. He offers himself, if that makes sense.
I think my therapist would really like your image of therapy as the sweat lodge. I hope you've shared it with your own.
Posted by FindingMyDesire on October 10, 2008, at 23:06:12
In reply to Re: just for fun, posted by DAisym on October 10, 2008, at 21:45:35
Oh, I really want to play this game but I'm having trouble with it! One thing I read in what the three of you have described is a sense of alliance(s). I know I'm building that with my T, but I'm so caught up in my feelings for her right now I can only see us one way:
She is the most incredible, smart, beautiful, consistent, patient, supportive, loving (straight) woman I have ever known and I am the pathetic little emotional lesbian pining after her.
I'm hoping this imagery will change! It's clear my perspective is the problem, but I seem to be in the thick of whatever this stage is. Let's play again in a year or something.
:-)
Posted by seldomseen on October 11, 2008, at 7:02:31
In reply to just for fun, posted by turtle on October 10, 2008, at 18:30:18
For me, it is definately Gandalf the magician in the lord of the rings.
Wise, patient, powerful and definately supernatural.
What differs is my relation to him.
Sometimes I feel just like a hobbit - misbehaving, curious and in need of protection. Like Frodo, I am in the middle of a dark journey.
Other times I feel like the king of men. Capable, with power of my own, seeking only his counsel.
I will also admit that in relation to my therapist, I can be occasionally be quite the little troll - beligerent, mistrustful and arrogant.
We've actually talked about me picturing him as gandalf. He finds it very interesting that I see him in my minds eye as magical.
Seldom
Posted by Stellabystarlight on October 11, 2008, at 14:26:18
In reply to just for fun, posted by turtle on October 10, 2008, at 18:30:18
This is such a great post, Turtle. It's reminding me why my T is so great even with his flaws as I'm sitting here stewing about a hurtful thing my T said last week.
Like DAisym, my T and I also have multiple distinct relationships.
When he is a therapist, I don't feel like a client. I feel like a co-therapist who's actively helping him with analysis of myself. I feel like we're researchers excited by insights and unraveling mysteries of the mind. And it feels incredibly rewarding when he spontaneously opens up at times and I'm able to "see" him, and blow him away with my understanding of him. I get so much out of our relationship when he allows himself to relax and open up without fear of losing his professional stance. We learn about ourselves through each other.
Sometimes I see him as a cold irritable old man who needs to retire. He becomes Ebenezer Scrooge and I'm his poor suffering employee trying hard to make him love me. I know I project these images when I feel worthless and I'm frustrated because he can't just save me and fix me like a magician.
Sometimes we're 2 teenagers doing homework together. Laughing and goofing around, wanting to go out and play. I'm the smart one but allowing him to think he is the one figuring things out just because I have a crush on him and he is so boyishly cute. I wish we could just bum around and explore downtown together while holding hands.
And then, there's the woman who is wildly in love with a statuesque man. He is gorgeous with piercing green eyes but is forbidden. He also wants her, but both have understanding that it never can be without sacrificing everything else. I feel like Scarlett,and him both Ashley and Rhett from "Gone With The Wind." No matter how much it hurts to not have him, I always say to myself, "Well, there's always tomorrow." I'm making myself laugh now...
When I'm a little girl, he is Mr. Rogers from the "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood." He's wearing a yellow cardigan with a gentle smile on his face. He listens to the little girl with care and often sheds tears as he listens to her. I feel him hugging me with his heart and eyes at times with gentleness and tenderness. This is when I love him the most, when his love for the little girl feels so pure.
And so much more...this is making me cry. I need to forgive him for what he said last week.
Stellabystarlight
Posted by twinleaf on October 12, 2008, at 13:29:00
In reply to Re: just for fun, posted by Stellabystarlight on October 11, 2008, at 14:26:18
That's a wonderful description of your therapy relationship- it sounds as though all the parts of you both are really engaged and passionate to the nth degree! To you, does it seem like the strong feelings you and he have for each other translate into growth and health? I'm asking because I suspect strong positive feelings, on both sides. do play a crucial role in helping people grow, although I don't know for sure. I also have a therapist for whom I have a range of strong feelings. And there are times when he has them, too- when there are tears in his eyes, or when he shakes his head and tells me that he feels moved by what is happening between us.
I know by reputation that he is a very good analyst, but I know by my feelings that he is very good FOR ME. It's so great when one can find that.I'd love to know other peoples' views on this.
PS Thanks for the so warm and welcoming post below!
Posted by turtle on October 12, 2008, at 18:32:03
In reply to just for fun, posted by turtle on October 10, 2008, at 18:30:18
Thank you everyone for playing along! I love how all of your therapists are all so different. I'm also starting to suspect that the good therapists are able to adapt to a range of needs and meet us half way no matter what side of ourselves we bring into therapy that day. I think the relationships that struggle the most are ones where the therapist is more rigid or set on one approach that works best for the therapist, and we are left trying to conform to them (at least in my limited experience.)
You are all so creative!
Turtle
Posted by stellabystarlight on October 13, 2008, at 19:34:05
In reply to Re: just for fun » Stellabystarlight, posted by twinleaf on October 12, 2008, at 13:29:00
Hi Twinleaf,
I'm so glad to see you posting again. I glean a lot of valuable information from your posts...and you don't charge! I swear I would pay you double what I'm paying my T if you were a therapist in my town. So keep posting, please!
I'll keep my post short here and continue with a new thread later so that I don't impose on Turtle's thread.
Yes, my therapist, I'll call him Peter (from Peter Pan), well...Peter and I are definitely engaged and passionate with each other. Maybe I should call him Captain Hook, since I feel like an imprisoned Wendy right now. It's not always harmonious, but Peter is able to take me back to both painful and beautiful places in my past that no one has, and he has enabled me to get in touch with some of my authentic self again. And this has been good and bad, but I'm learning about myself and slowly changing for the better through him.
I think every therapy pair is unique and has different needs, but our "dangerously" strong connection is what drives my therapeutic relationship with Peter. I'm sure we've crossed, jumped, and skipped boundaries left and right, but it's worked for us so far. I think the boundaries can be fluid and adjusted to each therapy pair as long as the relationship is working towards growth.
We do experience a lot of warmth and caring much of the time and this has enabled me to trust him. I definitely believe that mutual strong positive feelings are crucial in growth, but the amount needed is different for everybody. In my case, I require a boat load it seems! I have noticed the most amount of growth in myself when he is seen and revealed through a mutual authentic exchange. My "knowing him" has allowed me to have him inside me, making me feel calmer and whole at times. I've been doing much less "black and white" thinking which has helped me to repair relationships instead of abandoning them. You seem to have an intense relationship with your T as well, and I'm happy to hear that you feel that he is good "FOR YOU." It's wonderful when you've found a good fit. I only know you through your posts, but you seem very well adjusted so you must be in a good therapeutic relationship. Correct me if I'm wrong about you seemimg "very well adjusted"...I might be transferencing! LOL!
One of the things that I find amazing about our relationship is how we've been able to strengthen the bond through repair of our ruptures. So I've been thinking maybe I'm not BPD, but now we're going through a tough rupture about money of all things. Maybe I'm being tested in a live version of the "trust/money game" from the BPD research article in the Science Magazine. I hope we can repair this too...I'll post about it later.
Thanks for replying and keep posting!
Stellabystarlight
Posted by stellabystarlight on October 13, 2008, at 19:37:28
In reply to Re: just for fun, posted by turtle on October 12, 2008, at 18:32:03
Posted by turtle on October 13, 2008, at 20:01:25
In reply to oops! sorry about the long post on your thread (nm) » turtle, posted by stellabystarlight on October 13, 2008, at 19:37:28
The Peter Pan/Captain Hook - Wendy description more than covered the price of admission! ;-)
No worries!
Posted by Dinah on October 13, 2008, at 20:22:05
In reply to Re: just for fun, posted by turtle on October 12, 2008, at 18:32:03
> I'm also starting to suspect that the good therapists are able to adapt to a range of needs and meet us half way no matter what side of ourselves we bring into therapy that day.
I really think that's the key.
This is the end of the thread.
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