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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 15:46:38
Soooooooooooooooooo,
I was reading, and there's this person who wrote something along these lines.When I am with my husband, in bed, and he is making advances towards me, I have managed to not run away, but rather remain primarily immobile.
My thots are, as this is going on...
WHY is he doing this?
Oh God I feel so disgusting.
Nooooooooooooo.
Stop it!
Why is he doing this?
No, no, no.
I wish I could get away.
WHY is he doing this?
I wish he would stop.
etc etc
Meanwhile my lips remain sealed, my face turned away, my eyes periodically covered by my hand as I squeeze my temples trying to escape, but no longer being able to.
There was a time I dissociated.
There was a time where there was abject terror.
I suppose this situation could be considered an improvement.
I have yet to allow full access.
I always manage to escape.
There WAS a time, a long time ago where I could feign enthusiasm. That was a long time ago.
So is anyone familiar with this scenario?
So whaddya say?
This person feels real bad bout it.
Embarrassed too.
M
Posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 16:46:50
In reply to sigh...*sex trigger* again..., posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 15:46:38
Posted by Sigismund on September 16, 2007, at 17:16:50
In reply to sigh...*sex trigger* again..., posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 15:46:38
Can you fear intimacy?
(Intimacy by definition is an easy state.)You can fear touch, or closeness or sex though.
You can just fear anything other than yourself, or indeed anything inside yourself too.Fear can be endless.
I think, insofar as it is possible, it is good to at least bear these intuitions in mind, if not act on them.
They are what you are.
Posted by Dory on September 16, 2007, at 18:05:50
In reply to Re: sigh...*sex trigger* again... » muffled, posted by Sigismund on September 16, 2007, at 17:16:50
how is intimacy "easy" by definition?
i don't find certain types of intamcy easy at all... i would go as far to say that intimacy would be something many people find difficult and are afraid.
in·ti·ma·cy [in-tuh-muh-see]
–noun, plural -cies.
1. the state of being intimate.
2. a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.
3. a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history, etc.: an intimacy with Japan.
4. an act or expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection, or the like: to allow the intimacy of using first names.
5. an amorously familiar act; liberty.
6. sexual intercourse.
7. the quality of being comfortable, warm, or familiar: the intimacy of the room.
8. privacy, esp. as suitable to the telling of a secret: in the intimacy of his studio.
Posted by Dory on September 16, 2007, at 18:21:21
In reply to sigh...*sex trigger* again..., posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 15:46:38
i don't know muffled.. it sounds very painful emotionally for her. It is so sad that basic human needs for closeness, both physical and emotional, seem to be the most quickly lost... both the ability to give and receive.
i am guessing there must have been some sort of sexual trauma in her life? It must be so hard to put those pieces back together... to reconcile both the adult and child needs of touch and closeness... with their differences.
the husband must be a very loving person.. this would be a hard situation for a partner (male or female). i don't want to say i feel "bad" for her... that isn't quite right. i feel sad that something has been lost in her life. i don't think sex is some ultimate thing, but it would seem she is not "free" to choose, she is denied regardless.
i would recommend a sex therapist for sure... they deal with this, they know and understand.
Posted by RealMe on September 16, 2007, at 18:34:47
In reply to sigh...*sex trigger* again..., posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 15:46:38
It is hard for me to say because sorry to say, but it was always easy for me to have sex with guys I did not know well and did not love. As soon as I felt love and intimacy was entering the picture, then sex became unpleasant. The consequence of lots of abuse. So, when my T said we would become very intimate, that bothered me. Why? I am not sure. I don't feel that I have been able to feel love or intimacy for a long time, not even with my husband. Sex with him became very unpleasant after a time and then seemed like some act to just go through. I really don't want to say more, but I know this is going to be a topic for therapy. How is it possible to have such enjoyable sex with someone I don't care about and not with someone I do care about. UGGGGH.
RealMe
Posted by Sigismund on September 16, 2007, at 18:47:41
In reply to Re: sigh...*sex trigger* again... » Sigismund, posted by Dory on September 16, 2007, at 18:05:50
>how is intimacy "easy" by definition?
Because love and relaxation cannot be compelled?
Because intimacy involves sensitivity, and if one person does not feel at ease and sex is persisting, sensitivity is not there?
I am not using intimacy to mean sex. It doesn't mean that for me. It's a matter of feeling.
Posted by Dory on September 16, 2007, at 20:38:11
In reply to Re: sigh...*sex trigger* again... » Dory, posted by Sigismund on September 16, 2007, at 18:47:41
This makes me more confused.. ? i am not being mean, or trying not to be, trying to follow your logic... but what you are saying is confusing to me. i can definitely see how intimacy is defined by love and sensitivity.. and i completely agree. What i don't understand is how it's easy. Love and sensitivity are necessities, but they don't guarantee intimacy...
it seems you are not following my question perhaps? maybe there is a mismatching of words for both of us somehow?
i am not asking what makes intimacy possible, or what is required... i am asking how that makes it "easy." A lot of people can't reach the other levels needed for intimacy, ie the love, etc, and for some intimacy still escapes them even when the other things are there.
i don't know... maybe i am being stupid. Quite likely actually. i don't see the connection... but we probably shouldn't hijack muffy's thread.. sorry Muffy.
> >how is intimacy "easy" by definition?
>
> Because love and relaxation cannot be compelled?> Because intimacy involves sensitivity, and if one person does not feel at ease and sex is persisting, sensitivity is not there?
>
> I am not using intimacy to mean sex. It doesn't mean that for me. It's a matter of feeling.
Posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 22:06:41
In reply to Re: sigh...*sex trigger* again... » muffled, posted by Sigismund on September 16, 2007, at 17:16:50
Sigh.
Intimacy.
I fear intimacy.
I fear that I am rotten inside and if I let anyone too close they will see....
and........
maybe bout a hundred other things....
GAD.
Yup.
Thanks for your input.
Take care.
M
Posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 22:09:05
In reply to Re: sigh...*sex trigger* again... » muffled, posted by Dory on September 16, 2007, at 18:21:21
Thanks for your input Dory.
i don't think that lady feels bad other than she feels she is not being very kind to her husbands 'needs'.
Sex is a physical act IMHO.
Thats all.
M
Posted by Dory on September 17, 2007, at 0:11:20
In reply to Re: sigh...*sex trigger* again... » Dory, posted by muffled on September 16, 2007, at 22:09:05
i dunno... i think you can have sex without physical contact... depends on your definition... and yes, i am sure most dictionaries define it as physical... there is a physical component because hormones are hormones and the body responds... but there doesn't have to be contact between the two bodies... dunno, a little conflicted that way... there is sex and there is sex. Casual body stuff and deeper mental/emotional/spiritual stuff.
Posted by Sigismund on September 17, 2007, at 3:28:02
In reply to Re: sigh...*sex trigger* again... » Sigismund, posted by Dory on September 16, 2007, at 20:38:11
>i am asking how that makes it "easy."
I certainly didn't mean it was easy to achieve.
I meant when you are there, the state is characterised by feelings of ease and comfort.It's semantics really, but we need a word to represent the state of intimacy (or whatever we call it) and if (for example) you are having sex or any other contact and you are feeling uneasy, then I would say that is not intimacy (or whatever word we choose for the state).
I realise people have problems with touch and closeness. I did and still do, though much less so now.
Posted by Dory on September 17, 2007, at 17:37:15
In reply to Intimacy » Dory, posted by Sigismund on September 17, 2007, at 3:28:02
This is the end of the thread.
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