![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on December 22, 2006, at 2:56:09
We talked about love today in therapy. Which is kind of interesting since I called last night and said I wasn't coming today. I left upset yesterday, mostly because there is a part of me that is absolutely terrified of how intensely needy I've been feeling again. And my therapist wants to muck around in the need, he wants to allow it and he talks about giving all my feelings space. I'm mortified and want to run from them. But I ended up going, mostly because my therapist left a message saying he understood if I really needed a break but he hoped I would change my mind so that we didn't have to go a whole week without seeing each other. *sigh* A week isn't really a long time except when counted in that psychological space between sessions.Then it feels like forever.
So I went. And I ended up telling him how painful it is to feel all this love for him - love that is part crush, part little kid need and part fury - all rolled up in a confusing mixture of intensity. I told him it was terrifying to know how much power he has to hurt me, especially if he rejects me. Yet how can he not? He said that all loving relationships involve risk, that there is potential for hurt because you are opening yourself up to someone. He said even in a super-safe relationship like ours, there is still risk, because we inadvertently hurt each other at some time or another. But that love can survive these hurts, because we talk about them. He said I have a very wrong view of how he sees my feelings, that he is deeply touched and honored because being loved by someone is special, not stupid. It surprised me that he would agree about the risk of being hurt, instead of telling me that therapy was a risk-free zone. But it felt honest, and real.
We've had this discussion before, I just thought my feelings had settled down into an acceptable, tolerable attachment. Now I have this flare up of need and intense loneliness between sessions. I told him I desperately want him to protect me and the only way he can do that is to be with me more, like in the middle of the night when I wake up afraid. We talked for the rest of the session about what the middle of the night is like for me and how important sleep is, etc. I gave him his Christmas gift and left in tears, both relieved that he is OK with me still loving him and scared of being without him for nearly a week.
And then...about 6 blocks from his office, my voice mail bell went off. I was shocked to hear his voice come on and say, "You just left but I wanted to leave you my voice to hang on to for the next few days. I'll be thinking about you and sending you lots of good energy and thoughts. I'll protect you as much as I can, so take me with you, hear my voice and feel my caring. I'm with you. You know you can call me if things get really bad but I worry you won't so this is something else to help you get centered again." He told me to journal and bring in the pages next week and to call and leave a message if I wanted to let him know how I was doing. He was calm and soothing -- it was such a great, long message. I hadn't thought to ask him to leave me a message, but I was so happy that he just did it. I cried most of the way home, feeling his caring and his warmth all around me.
I guess the risk of loving him, and telling him, was worth it.
Posted by LadyBug on December 22, 2006, at 8:19:13
In reply to Taking a Risk, posted by Daisym on December 22, 2006, at 2:56:09
That was an awesome message Daisym. I can feel the frustrations of loving your therapist. I too love my therapist more than anything. I feel I have a tolerable level of love most the time. Then there's the times that is hurts. I want to spend Christmas with my T. in front of the fireplace in our jammies drinking hot chocolate and chatting away. Sometimes it hurts not to have those wishes come true.
I love the voice mail he left you. I wish I had one to get me through for the next 2 weeks till my next appointment. I saw my T last night and she said something to me that has bothered me. I am thinking it's a long time to wait 2 weeks to tell her what it is.
I can tell from your message how much you love your T. Take him in, hang on to him, he's there with you and he will protect you. Feel your connection to him and let it warm your soul.
LadyBug
Posted by 10derHeart on December 22, 2006, at 11:06:28
In reply to Taking a Risk, posted by Daisym on December 22, 2006, at 2:56:09
What a beautiful post.
I take it those tears on the way home after hearing his message were the 'good' kind. They hurt, too, I know, but if there is a good kind of hurt, that's it.
You're going to be okay, Daisy. Keep taking those risks. You've inspired me - once again.
Merry Christmas and many blessings of this season on you and your loved ones...including your T., of course :-)
Posted by muffled on December 22, 2006, at 11:40:00
In reply to Taking a Risk, posted by Daisym on December 22, 2006, at 2:56:09
Thanks daisy.
You inspire me too.
Its hard.
Thanks for sharing that.
Muffled
Posted by peddidle on December 22, 2006, at 20:56:39
In reply to Taking a Risk, posted by Daisym on December 22, 2006, at 2:56:09
Your message was beautiful. You are so brave for talking to your T about those feelings. I do not love my T...I think it's more of a best friend-type of transference, if there is such a thing, but I would still be terrified to tell her about it. I know we are supposed to be able to tell our T's anything, but I am no where near being able to tell her that.
That message your T left for you was very special. How wonderful it must be to know that he will be thinking about you, even when you're not together. I think that is something we all want: to know that we are on our T's mind as much as they are on our's (well, maybe not AS much...).
I can definitely relate to the intense longing between sessions. A week is only 7 days, but for someone in therapy, it can seem like an eternity. I am on winter break now, so I still have about four weeks before I see my T again. I can only hope that I cross her mind once in a while.
But basically, I just wanted to commend you for being so open about your feelings. In the meantime, sleep well and, if you can, find comfort in your dreams.
Posted by annierose on December 22, 2006, at 21:54:40
In reply to Taking a Risk, posted by Daisym on December 22, 2006, at 2:56:09
I smiled when I read your post. When you speak the truth, it is above all else, the best gift your t could ever receive. He is so blessed to have you as his "Daisy". Over this 12 day break (it's definitely MORE than just a week!!) he will hold you in his heart and mind, wishing peace and happiness for you in the upcoming year. As do I.
Posted by canadagirl on December 22, 2006, at 23:07:25
In reply to Taking a Risk, posted by Daisym on December 22, 2006, at 2:56:09
What a lovely message from your therapist. That says a lot about you, and the kind of relationship you have together. It's very special and hold it dear to your heart.
Posted by sunnydays on December 22, 2006, at 23:10:58
In reply to Taking a Risk, posted by Daisym on December 22, 2006, at 2:56:09
That was such a wonderful message. I'm so so wishing I had a message from my T, but I refuse to call him and leave a message and bother him when he's taking a vacation from work. I did call and just listen to his voice, but it's just him saying "If this is an emergency, call the hospital," sort of thing. It feels like I'm dying, being at home and so so far away from him. Not literally, but a piece of my soul.
sunnydays
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 23, 2006, at 14:47:33
In reply to Taking a Risk, posted by Daisym on December 22, 2006, at 2:56:09
I can't imagine how hard it is for you to share these feelings, not only with your T, but with us. But I applaud you for doing it. You are so articulate about what so many of us are thinking and feeling.
Thank you.
Posted by happykat on December 23, 2006, at 16:04:56
In reply to Taking a Risk, posted by Daisym on December 22, 2006, at 2:56:09
What a wonderful post. I almost cried when I read the part about your t calling to leave you a message. Very touching!
Regards,
happykat
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.