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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rubenstein on May 2, 2005, at 17:43:01
So I go to a college and am good friends with a girl who used to see my therapist for a long time (actually that is how we first met). She had a falling out with him, and never ended therapy right so she is mad at him. He knows that I am her friend because I have mentioned her unique name and he has seen us together, although I have never mentioned that I know that she saw him, although I assume that he would assume that. Anyway, she has been in major crisis mode and it has caused me to be in crisis mode as well, I feel like I need to talk to him about this but I don't want to betray her confidence. If I don't mention her name I am sure recognizing the symptoms and knowing my other friends that he'll assume it is her anyway, so maybe I shouldn't say anything. I just really need to talk about this situation and how it affected me. Should I tell him. Do I tell him I know she saw him? I think she is going to be okay, but I am worried... what if she goes back to him and she knows I talked about her...acutally it is more about my issues surrounding the situation of her, but still... what should I do
help..... advice....???
Posted by Tamar on May 2, 2005, at 18:05:12
In reply to Sticky situation friends and therapy, posted by rubenstein on May 2, 2005, at 17:43:01
I think it's OK for you to tell him, but if you do you should tell him you know she used to see him. Then you can focus on *your* issues about the situation without worrying about distractions like whether he knows you know he knows...
But I don't think you need to tell her you spoke to him about it. Just keep a clear focus on your own issues about the whole thing. Your therapy is for *you*, and is confidential, so you're not betraying her by mentioning her.
That's my two cents!
Tamar
Posted by fallsfall on May 2, 2005, at 21:32:18
In reply to Sticky situation friends and therapy, posted by rubenstein on May 2, 2005, at 17:43:01
I agree that you should talk about what you need to talk about. Let the therapist handle the rest. I would be very open - i.e. let him know that you know that he saw her.
Good luck.
Posted by daisym on May 3, 2005, at 0:11:52
In reply to Re: Sticky situation friends and therapy » rubenstein, posted by fallsfall on May 2, 2005, at 21:32:18
I'd tell him everything you said here. That you want to talk about it but are concerned. It is his job to sort out things and to keep everyone's confidentiality. I'm sure he will know how to handle things.
I don't think keeping something this important is a good idea.
Posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2005, at 1:22:16
In reply to Re: Sticky situation friends and therapy, posted by daisym on May 3, 2005, at 0:11:52
I think everyone's advice is spot on. You have the right to talk about whatever you need to in therapy, and if you issues involve another friend, well then so be it. It's up to your T to manage the feelings and considerations that come up due to his knowing something about your friend.
Incidentally, one of my friends sees my T, too. My friend and I sometimes talk about him, mostly to laugh at funny things he says or does. I have used her name in therapy before, when talking about a friend, and I acknowledged that I know she sees him too. He said nothing, and it doesn't come up at all. I did notice a certain tightening of his face that suggested he closed down for a moment, but I suspect that was just his way of keeping things separate. It has never been a problem.
And your friend may figure out that you talk about her in sessions, if the problem is very prominent. But I don't think you need to tell her about it. Your sessions are private.
I used to worry that some of the people who worked under my supervision at one point might talk about me to their T's. And then I realized that whether they did or not, they were entitled to all of their own issues to talk about, whether it included me or not. And most likely, they had much more important things to talk about than me. At least I hope so! :)
Okay, enough rambling. It sounds like your school situation is similar to mine, and these kinds of issues are inevitable. Your T has probably encountered it before. You might ask him about it without mentioning any names at first, just to see what his experience is and way of handling it.
Good luck,
gg
Posted by rubenstein on May 3, 2005, at 22:06:51
In reply to Sticky situation friends and therapy, posted by rubenstein on May 2, 2005, at 17:43:01
Thanks all for the advice, I see my T on Thursday and feel more comfortable talking to him about this issue now. You all are great. Thanks for your support
rubenstein
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