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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rubenstein on October 4, 2004, at 9:58:21
Is it okay not to talk about certain things in therapy on a particular day. I always ansers my T's questions even if they are uncomfortable (that is what we are there for, eh) but I can see some stuff coming up in my future appointment that I don't know if I am ready to talk about yet. DO you ever say, I just can't talk about that right now? Or is it usually better to just dive into that uncomfortable issue, be open, and deal with the consequences later. I know this is a pretty broad topic, but any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks
Rubenstein
Posted by Skittles on October 4, 2004, at 10:42:10
In reply to therapy and openess, posted by rubenstein on October 4, 2004, at 9:58:21
I say "I just can't talk about that" almost every session! So don't feel bad about it. I think you'll know when the right time for you is. I am overwhelmed as it is, so I think to talk about these other things now would push me over the edge and I wouldn't be safe. My T tells me that she's still going to ask me about it often (and she does) but I am always free to say "not today" (and I definitely DO!!). But most of the time when she asks, I am able to give just a tiny bit more than before. So she's slowly getting the puzzle put together w/o overwhelming me.
Don't be afraid to tell your T you aren't ready!!! You are still the boss of you and you don't have to do anything you don't want.
Posted by shortelise on October 4, 2004, at 11:10:42
In reply to therapy and openess, posted by rubenstein on October 4, 2004, at 9:58:21
There are things it took me a long time to talk about. My T did not push me. Later, when I was closer to being able to talk, he did gently encourage me, and that helped me to be able to talk.
ShortE
Posted by Racer on October 4, 2004, at 12:39:19
In reply to therapy and openess, posted by rubenstein on October 4, 2004, at 9:58:21
It's always your choice. There are two sides to the question about which is better, but the bottom line is that it's always your choice.
On the one hand, answering even though you don't feel ready can force you to open up about something you might not be ready for months or even years early, and that allows you to get through it that much sooner. In a perfect world, that would be great, but in the real world, that means that you may be laid out by something much too overwhelming at a time when you're much too vulnerable to handle it. In a perfect world, you'd have adequate support around you to keep you safe and secure while your innermost being is flayed and trying to grow back new skin. In the real world, though, that's rarely the case.
Saying that you're not ready, then, has a real value. I think ShortElise is the one who said that her therapist continued to bring some of those things up, which is good, because that usually allows something to come out, a little at a time, which is often the best way for anything that's so overwhelming.
Personally, I tried to bring something up for a long time with my therapist. I started seeing this one in early June, and started trying to tell her about my eating in mid-August. It took me until late September to manage it, and then only because I had a big external push. There are things that we're just not ready to discuss at any given time, things that we're not capable of discussing until we're more ready. For me, my weight and my eating were that thing. I know that she must have had a head's up about it, based on a lot of things, but even knowing that she had probably been made aware of it before I said anything, I still couldn't say it out loud.
Just as a note about this, though, I've found that it always does take an external push for me, on the really tough issues. There are times when I hold back because I really and truly cannot yet face it, but then there are also times when I'm almost there, but it's still so scary I do need that push. I try to be aware of which state I'm in when I'm asked about something, so that I can use the appropriate pushes to get myself a little farther forward. The best method for me is a therapist who can be sensitive and not keep pushing when I'm not holding back out of worry, but out of outright, overwhelming fear.
Good luck.
Posted by badhaircut on October 4, 2004, at 12:57:56
In reply to therapy and openess, posted by rubenstein on October 4, 2004, at 9:58:21
> Is it usually better to just dive into that uncomfortable issue, be open...?
That might be a missed opportunity. My analyst usually said, "You don't have to tell me anything. But let's talk about *why* you don't want to tell me this."
And he was right: That usually was more interesting and helpful (and a little easier to talk about) than whatever dreadful secret I was agonizing over. Because a lot of times, other people just don't think the actual content of our secrets makes us as bad as we think it does.
He called it "analysis of resistance," and he said it was the true core of therapy.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on October 4, 2004, at 14:57:51
In reply to therapy and openess, posted by rubenstein on October 4, 2004, at 9:58:21
> Is it okay not to talk about certain things in therapy on a particular day. I always ansers my T's questions even if they are uncomfortable (that is what we are there for, eh) but I can see some stuff coming up in my future appointment that I don't know if I am ready to talk about yet. DO you ever say, I just can't talk about that right now? Or is it usually better to just dive into that uncomfortable issue, be open, and deal with the consequences later. I know this is a pretty broad topic, but any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks
> RubensteinI firmly believe you don't have to talk about anything until you are ready. My T even tells me the same thing. Don't force yourself if you are not ready; it will all come out in due time.
LGL
Posted by 64Bowtie on October 4, 2004, at 19:10:03
In reply to analysis of resistance » rubenstein, posted by badhaircut on October 4, 2004, at 12:57:56
bhc,
So glad to see ya' here... You have been so helpfull to my quest...
I say, "I must see clearly in order to feel clearly", because I believe in nothing as an "end" or as a "goal". Beliefs are tools. When I analyse my resistence, I go to my beliefs and invariably find the lingering barracade(s) to progress, happiness, freedom, my sanity (my own internal-conflictedness).
I guess I just don't have all the lingo down yet, so you are so instrumental in identifying and helping. I have a notion that many might balk at anything "process" oriented, looking for a fit with those items that are events, or produced by events. Landmark Education has a label called, already-always-thinking, claiming this type of thinking as a primary impediment to change (a process). Dysclaymer: Landmark Education has strict rules against any use of their trademarked (yet clearly public domain) materials. That said, I get the darnedest benefits from the darnedest places.
Thanx again, bhc....
Rod
Posted by 64Bowtie on October 4, 2004, at 19:20:40
In reply to Re: analysis of resistance, et al » badhaircut, posted by 64Bowtie on October 4, 2004, at 19:10:03
Process and event are not mutually exclusive at all. Process is one approach. Event is another. They each, and both, have purpose.
Rod
Posted by rubenstein on October 5, 2004, at 9:50:25
In reply to therapy and openess, posted by rubenstein on October 4, 2004, at 9:58:21
Thanks for your reponses, it gave me a lot to think about. I have my appointment today so I guess I'll see how it all turns out. Truly thank you
Rubenstein
Posted by badhaircut on October 5, 2004, at 20:46:59
In reply to Re: therapy and openess, posted by rubenstein on October 5, 2004, at 9:50:25
Posted by rubenstein on October 6, 2004, at 8:52:52
In reply to How did it go? (nm) » rubenstein, posted by badhaircut on October 5, 2004, at 20:46:59
It was an interesting session because he didn't bring up what it was that I thought he was going to bring up. I was at a loss of words for a lot of the time, which I usually am not, and so it was mostly him talking, which was fine. He thinks I need to live more in the moment, so we are working on that. It really wasn't that productive, but I suppose that is how things are sometimes. He did, however, have a scheduling back up in two weeks and scheduled me after hours without even checking first to see if it was okay with me (becuase I would say no becuase I would feel bad that he was having to stay longer for me) anyway I thought it was a really nice gesture of care, so that was something to help me get through this next week.
Thanks for asking.
It helped to write about it
Posted by Annierose on October 6, 2004, at 17:11:45
In reply to Re: How did it go?, posted by rubenstein on October 6, 2004, at 8:52:52
Something you wrote resonated with me. I go into a session thinking the T will bring up this "huge" issue I just hinted at the previous time, or just begun to talk about, or dropped the "bomb shell" with 2 minutes to go ... something I think is "BIG" and the next session comes, and the T doesn't even bring up the topic.
I think to myself, did they MISS IT? Do they want me to bring it up AGAIN?
Posted by Skittles on October 7, 2004, at 15:17:12
In reply to Re: How did it go? » rubenstein, posted by Annierose on October 6, 2004, at 17:11:45
Ok, are T's all over the place dropping the ball this week? Last week, at the very end of the session, I told mine that I had been using some prescription painkillers recreationally. She asked if I could stop. I told her I could, but didn't really want to b/c feeling numb is far superior to this depression. She asked if it would be alright for her to ask me about it this week. I said fine. Went in yesterday and she never brought it up. Hello???? Did she even REMEMBER what happened the week before. That added to the fact that she repeated many of the same questions leads me to believe I was the only one really *there* last week!
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