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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shadows721 on June 27, 2004, at 19:43:34
here's a neat website
Posted by TofuEmmy on June 27, 2004, at 20:04:20
In reply to Reacting to Threat: What’s Your Style?, posted by shadows721 on June 27, 2004, at 19:43:34
Hey that's now fair - you didn't tell us YOUR style! Sadly I confess mine is probably squarely in the left column - Intellectualizing. I do strive to do more what he describes as Asserting. Though when things tense up, I tend to get pretty quite about my emotions. I'm working on it tho!
Thanks for sharing that article.
Emmy
Posted by shadows721 on June 27, 2004, at 21:15:59
In reply to Re: Reacting to Threat: What’s Your Style? » shadows721, posted by TofuEmmy on June 27, 2004, at 20:04:20
Hi Emmy,
I am sorry. You are so right. I didn't say.
I freeze a lot lately, but that wasn't on the list. hmmm. I think that's a dissociative function. It's not a good thing for me to do.
Posted by antigua on June 27, 2004, at 21:45:52
In reply to Re: Reacting to Threat: What’s Your Style?, posted by shadows721 on June 27, 2004, at 21:15:59
Like you, I'm more used to freezing. That reminds me of the flight, fight or freeze response to a threatening situation that I've learned. Wish I could fight better...
antigue
Posted by zenhussy on June 27, 2004, at 21:48:45
In reply to Re: Reacting to Threat: What’s Your Style?, posted by shadows721 on June 27, 2004, at 21:15:59
> Hi Emmy,
> I am sorry. You are so right. I didn't say.
> I freeze a lot lately, but that wasn't on the list. hmmm. I think that's a dissociative function. It's not a good thing for me to do.shadows721,
don't be upset with yourself for using a dissociatve function or coping mech. while you are probably right it isn't the best thing to do given what I know of your history (via your posts) it seems natural to go to that coping mech. as your first go to.
I do too. I'm trying to learn how to insert healthier coping mechs. but in times of extreme stress or very triggery times I automatically go into dissociative states/fugues.
So please be gentle and know that you are one of many and you're still learning how to change. That is the part to focus on and not how you've not handled this well. I think your awareness is most progressive.
kindly,
--zh
Posted by zenhussy on June 27, 2004, at 22:09:47
In reply to Re: Reacting to Threat: What’s Your Style? » shadows721, posted by antigua on June 27, 2004, at 21:45:52
> Like you, I'm more used to freezing. That reminds me of the flight, fight or freeze response to a threatening situation that I've learned. Wish I could fight better...
> antiguaantigua,
please read my post right below yours......it is addressed to shadows but they are the exact same words I would have typed for you.
you're learning. focus on that. you have learned and you are changing. might not feel like it but I've seen change over time.
gentle peace hope,
--zh
Posted by shadows721 on June 27, 2004, at 22:48:34
In reply to Re: Reacting to Threat: What’s Your Style? » antigua, posted by zenhussy on June 27, 2004, at 22:09:47
Thank you Zen. I don't think we have met, but I have heard your name on posts in a very good light.:) It's a pleasure to meet you.
Posted by zenhussy on June 27, 2004, at 23:34:53
In reply to Re: Reacting to Threat: What’s Your Style?, posted by shadows721 on June 27, 2004, at 22:48:34
> Thank you Zen. I don't think we have met, but I have heard your name on posts in a very good light.:) It's a pleasure to meet you.
Hi shadows,
Do not be fooled by the good light...it is an illusion! ; )
Thank you for saying such a nice thing. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
Be gentle....remove yourself from what feels unsafe.....and give yourself extra love.
--zh
Posted by tabitha on June 28, 2004, at 1:08:01
In reply to Reacting to Threat: What’s Your Style?, posted by shadows721 on June 27, 2004, at 19:43:34
goodness, I hate to admit to any of those boxes. I've certainly done all of them. I think I've made progress on cutting down the blaming, but I still do the placating, intellectualizing, and that last one, the clowning. But I'd rather think of them as 'being considerate of others', 'keeping a cool head', and 'injecting some much-needed comic relief'. :-)
Posted by antigua on June 28, 2004, at 8:26:53
In reply to Re: Reacting to Threat: What’s Your Style? » antigua, posted by zenhussy on June 27, 2004, at 22:09:47
Posted by Dinah on June 28, 2004, at 10:56:50
In reply to Reacting to Threat: What’s Your Style?, posted by shadows721 on June 27, 2004, at 19:43:34
I do it all, and quite a few more that aren't mentioned. I shift from one to the other with the greatest of ease. A lot of times it depends on where I'm at (a greatly outdated phrase, I know) at the moment.
Posted by Camille Dumont on June 28, 2004, at 19:09:58
In reply to Reacting to Threat: What’s Your Style?, posted by shadows721 on June 27, 2004, at 19:43:34
Yep, I'm more on the left side as well ... it usually follows the same sequence :
- First I retreat within myself and try to intellectualize
- Then, after a while, I take it so far that I just don't care
- If the treath persists for too long, I lose patience and either throw myself at the treath or all out provoke it because the waiting is worse for me that whatever pain can be thrown at me.A few of my ex-boyfirends learned a hard lesson about that when they tried to give me an ultimatum and similar "forced choices"
On the other hand, sometimes its positive because if you just throw yourself at it and know its going to happen and don't try to resist and just accept it, then whoever is treathening you loses its power over you.
Posted by TexasChic on July 1, 2004, at 12:32:49
In reply to Re: Reacting to Threat: What’s Your Style?, posted by Camille Dumont on June 28, 2004, at 19:09:58
What a great article! I'm definately under the placating title. I always take the blame myself in order to diffuse the situation. This is one of the main things I'm working on in therapy.
This is the end of the thread.
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