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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tinydancer on October 29, 2003, at 0:30:48
Is it unethical if you are friends with your T after treatment commences? NOT in a sexual or romantic way, just that you are friends with them. What are the rules or "laws"?
Posted by Medusa on October 29, 2003, at 6:04:24
In reply to Being friends with T AFTER treatment commences, posted by tinydancer on October 29, 2003, at 0:30:48
Hey, I don't know about official rules or laws. Ask Jay and Co. about that.
But I do know that there's no such thing as a real friendship with someone who is or has been your therapist. It just can't work - it'll always be unbalanced. Even with the clearest, most tightly-controlled boundaries, this just won't be friendship, and the therapy would also be affected detrimentally.
There are so few good therapists, if you find one, keep her/him as a therapist. There are a lot of potential friends in the world, and if you find one who's a therapist, don't see them professionally.
Sorry to be unsupportive of what it sounds like you're hoping, but I'm supporting you as a person and your therapy process and your friendships, as I see they could work out most positively.
Posted by fallsfall on October 29, 2003, at 10:20:57
In reply to Being friends with T AFTER treatment commences, posted by tinydancer on October 29, 2003, at 0:30:48
It is not recommended because of the imbalance that medusa talks about. You might want to read "In Session" to get an idea about the complexities of the theraputic relationship.
Although, my new therapist lives in a small, tightknit town and he says that he sees some of his clients in social settings (because there just aren't that many people to choose from). I'm not in his town, and while I wanted SO badly to be friends with my old therapist, I think it would have been disasterous.
Posted by HannahW on October 29, 2003, at 12:17:47
In reply to Re: Being friends with T AFTER treatment commences, posted by fallsfall on October 29, 2003, at 10:20:57
I made an attempt at the same thing you're hoping for. In my case, I wanted to be friends with my pdoc before we started therapy, but after we started med management.
She wouldn't go for it, although in talking to her about it afterward, I do believe she wanted to (Of course, she couldn't say so directly.) She said it's not Wrong with a capital W, but that she would always be conscious that I was once her patient, and therefore wouldn't feel as free to say things to me as would be necessary in a real friendship. She said it would be too restricting for her. I good-naturedly argued with her about it, but once she made her decision (which took several days) she wouldn't budge.
Of course, if anyone *did* become friends with their T, they would have to find a new therapist. I know for sure that no decent therapist would ever try to have both relationships at once.
I think a lot of people would like to be friends with their therapist. You're not alone. Sigh.
Posted by Poet on October 29, 2003, at 12:57:03
In reply to Being friends with T AFTER treatment commences, posted by tinydancer on October 29, 2003, at 0:30:48
I would like to be friends with my therapist if and when I ever get done seeing her, but I don't think it can happen. I think it would be hard for her to stop treating me like a client and treat me like a friend.
Even though we like the same movies and books and would have lots to talk about besides my emotions, I don't think she'd go for it.
Poet
Posted by Medusa on October 29, 2003, at 17:34:05
In reply to Being friends with T AFTER treatment commences, posted by tinydancer on October 29, 2003, at 0:30:48
> Is it unethical
It *would* be unethical for a therapist, knowing what they should know about the power etc imbalances, to enter into a friendship with a patient - because the therapist MUST KNOW that s/he can't provide a clean-slate friendship and that the patient is expecting something impossible., and any attempt by the therapist to accomodate this wish would be a disappointment to the patient.
I think it's normal to have some kind of friendship-inkling feelings for a therapist who's good, who listens to you, who makes eye contact, who seems like a mensch. The thing is, that's part of their JOB, and what they do as part of doing a good job is necessarily going to make them seem attractive as friends. Which is powerful stuff for those of us with social issues.
Posted by jay on November 2, 2003, at 3:44:47
In reply to Being friends with T AFTER treatment commences, posted by tinydancer on October 29, 2003, at 0:30:48
> Is it unethical if you are friends with your T >after treatment commences? NOT in a sexual or >romantic way, just that you are friends with >them. What are the rules or "laws"?
Well...here in Canada the basic rule of thumb is 'no'....nothing beyond a professional relationship. I had a friend just recently who ran into a former client from 10 years ago at a bar. The client was "with" another guy, but she asked her former therapist if they could meet again outside work, and maybe exchange phone numbers. He (the social worker) presented the question to our licensing board here in Ontario, and they flat-out said 'no'..period. No matter how long in time, at least here anyways, there cannot be anything but a professional relationship between a client and social worker. There are many quite intricate reasons here, so it's not really worth me getting into them. From what I understand, this is also a general-practice rule for SW's across the world, and even licensed therapists. I can dig up particular laws, code of ethics and such if needed. You may also phone this therapist's licensing board, without revealing yourself or your therapist, and pose the question.
I hope that helps..
Best,
Jay
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