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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Penny on September 5, 2003, at 11:52:55
about the whole 'validizing' thing - how it seems she takes 'my side' when I'm talking about people I have a problem with, etc., and I asked her how that is. How can she almost always agree with me about things regarding my parents, my roommate, etc.
Her response was that she's not so concerned with the accuracy/truthfulness of the stories I relate to her, but is more concerned with my feelings surrounding those stories.
She said that she has had situations where she was doing couples counseling where one partner was clearly overly hostile or whatever toward the other, at which point she would tell them so, but she said she tried to do it in a way so they would 'hear' what she was saying as opposed to becoming defensive and/or walking out.
She also said that she doesn't 'always' agree with me - sometimes she will say "that's one way of looking at it." And I guess she does, now that I think about it. She also said that she has learned that the best way of getting people to change their perspective on something is to not be critical of what they're saying, b/c that makes people defensive.
Yep. Makes sense to me.
P
Posted by fallsfall on September 5, 2003, at 12:14:25
In reply to so I asked my therapist, posted by Penny on September 5, 2003, at 11:52:55
Good for you for bringing that up. It sounds like a really productive talk. Kinda makes sense. And that you thought she was always agreeing with you meshes with her trying not to make you defensive.
I'm proud of you for talking about that.
Posted by Dinah on September 5, 2003, at 16:31:58
In reply to so I asked my therapist, posted by Penny on September 5, 2003, at 11:52:55
A very sensible therapist you have there. :) It kind of ties in with what my therapist and I were discussing today. When I sort it out, I'll try to start a thread.
But I think you've chosen wisely in therapists Penny. Not only because what she does is sensible, but also because she answered your question honestly and fully.
Posted by allisonf on September 6, 2003, at 6:07:42
In reply to so I asked my therapist, posted by Penny on September 5, 2003, at 11:52:55
What your therapist says does make lots of sense. & It's great she openly explained her philosophy when I think she could have just as easily gotten defensive herself or something. Congratulations to you for bringing it up!
I was really curious to hear what she said b/c my therp does the same kind of thing w/validation. She's also made reference to the concern about people walking away from therapy if they feel too much conflict. I never realized there was such a skill to keeping clients from terminating before they're ready.
Posted by Penny on September 8, 2003, at 7:41:50
In reply to Re: so I asked my therapist » Penny, posted by allisonf on September 6, 2003, at 6:07:42
Yes, I'm quite impressed with my therapist. She's always very honest with me, but in a very kind, caring, sensitive way. Keeps things truthful. I'm learning that I can ask her anything, and I know that if it's something she doesn't feel comfortable answering, she won't, but I haven't found that topic yet.
As far as me asking her therapy-related questions, it doesn't even make me nervous. It did make me nervous when I went to her and told her I couldn't afford to see her 2x a week, or probably even 1x a week, b/c I was afraid that she wasn't going to work with me on it - I didn't want to stop going to therapy, but was seeing no choice, but she told me I can pay her less right now and pay her back when I can, when I finish school or whatever. Which makes me feel much better.
I feel very fortunate to have found 2 good therapists and a wonderful pdoc. Especially when I hear about some others' experiences.
P
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