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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rigby on August 23, 2003, at 13:15:34
Hi,
I was wondering if people knew the answer to this. Often times I tend to write about my dreams to my therapist. She reads them, makes notes and then we will discuss them at my appointment.
Is her doing this considered extra work or is it part of the job? I am uncertain as to whether or not I'm crossing a boundary by writing to her. Or is she crossing one by doing extra work?
She has always encouraged me to write to her and I wrote a ton in the beginning but stopped b/c it was too hard to spill my guts and get no response (she only responds in person which I think makes sense.) Recently my therapist admitted that she has made lots of exceptions for me (she admitted that she got "lost") so I'm curious I guess.
We did a dream last session which was quite good and she seemed happy to have read it beforehand, and I could tell she'd put a good amount of thought into it but I'm just trying to get sense of what's the "norm." Is this well within the normal workload a therapist would have with a client?
Thanks!
Rigby
Posted by Dinah on August 23, 2003, at 14:08:11
In reply to Boundary Question, posted by Rigby on August 23, 2003, at 13:15:34
I can only answer for my therapist. He won't read anything between sessions. If I want him to read anything, I have to bring it to session. Fortunately he's a quick reader.
But I think every therapist has their own boundaries. Mine is always willing to schedule extra sessions. And he encourages me to call him between sessions rather than have a minor issue turn into a major one. Other therapists have different rules about this.
One thing I've learned is that if you wonder, ask. And then allow them to decide what is an acceptable boundary for them.
Posted by Penny on August 23, 2003, at 15:00:15
In reply to Boundary Question, posted by Rigby on August 23, 2003, at 13:15:34
I think something you might see in the above posts regards us worrying about our therapists. I know I wonder that all the time - my therapist recently went to New York for the weekend and still called me everyday - even when she was just getting back and she was sitting on the plane waiting to disboard!
Anyway - her feeling is that she is only going to do what she wants to and feels comfortable doing. It is hard for me to not be concerned about how trying I might be for my therapist and pdoc and how much they give to me, especially outside of the office. But, as they are the professionals and the ones to set the boundaries, I am trying to respect their desire to go, IMO, above and beyond the call of duty.
Try to not worry about your therapist. She will set her own limits and yours. It seems that she really cares about you, and that is fantastic! You're very fortunate.
P
Posted by judy1 on August 23, 2003, at 17:54:02
In reply to Boundary Question, posted by Rigby on August 23, 2003, at 13:15:34
I truly think people know instinctively if a therapist is crossing boundaries. As far as your situation, I also write to my psychiatrist between sessions via e-mail, he always responds within a day (even if it's a week-end) but he made it clear that this was part of being my doctor. I have never felt uncomfortable with that. I have been in a situation where a psychiatrist crossed boundaries and it was very, very different. hope this helped- judy
Posted by fallsfall on August 23, 2003, at 21:49:09
In reply to Boundary Question, posted by Rigby on August 23, 2003, at 13:15:34
I agree that it is very specific to the therapist.
My first therapist would read 1 - 5 pages (small font, small margins) from me every week. I think they had to move to a bigger office because my chart was too big...(I was on my 11th or 12th folder!) I know she read every word, and would sometimes comment on it, but not always. If there was a day when I had journalling with me and I didn't want to give it to her for some reason she would get really hurt. Usually I gave it to her after each session but rarely I would deliver it to her office (but not see her) between sessions so she could read it before I came.
So I switched therapists and asked my new one if he wanted copies of my journalling. He said something vague about not being able to guarantee that he could read it, and how would I feel if I gave it to him and he didn't read it, and we should discuss this next session. Of course we never did. I figure that if I have something important that I will give it to him, but he doesn't want to read the day to day stuff.
Posted by kb on August 23, 2003, at 22:49:18
In reply to Boundary Question, posted by Rigby on August 23, 2003, at 13:15:34
I read stuff from my clients between sessions - I don't consider it a problem. I suppose if the volume from a particular person was huge, I would address it with them and set limits, just like I do with people who overdo it in other ways like constantly paging me in non-emergency situations or showing up when they don't have appointments.
Posted by Rigby on August 25, 2003, at 10:40:52
In reply to Re: Boundary Question » Rigby, posted by kb on August 23, 2003, at 22:49:18
Hi Everyone,
Thanks so much for everyone's feedback. Sounds like there is quite a variation amongst therapists in terms of what they'll do between or outside of sessions. And it sounds like I fall into the "normal" category. My therapist had a history with me of "making exceptions" as she put it and finally admitted to "getting lost" with her boundaries with me so I'm a little touchy on all this. She said she did not think it was beneficial to share the reasons why she has made exceptions or got lost but she apologized.
Mostly *I* feel good now and through the worst of the transference feelings. So I want to focus on me and not on her boundaries but I guess since I've had a recent history with her I'm a little insecure or something.
Rigby
Posted by Adia on August 26, 2003, at 23:22:18
In reply to Boundary Question, posted by Rigby on August 23, 2003, at 13:15:34
Hi,
I just wanted to share that I think it all depends on the therapist, but it seems yours is willing to be there for you and that's wonderful..
I too write to mine in between sessions,I write her e-mails sometimes and she reads them and we talk about them in our sessions, sometimes she replies, a very short mail, if i sound too desperate...and I call her in between sessions or leave a message and she calls me back if i ask her to. She says I can call her and she will call me back when she can.
I really need to feel that safety, knowing I can reach her.
I guess it all depends on your therapist and your needs too...I feel writing and letting your T read what you write in b/sessions can be really helpful..I'm glad she's willing to do it.
Just wanted to share a bit,
Thanks,
Adia.
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