![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 64. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 29, 2017, at 17:28:04
I think that things seem pretty bad, here. I'm unhappy here. The paper seems to be trying to tell me that things seem pretty bad here for most people. Very high rates of suicide. Very high rates of child abuse. Very high rates of domestic violence. Very high rates of drunk driving related injury and death.
I think I was here (this country, I mean) for around 7 years (the first time) before I found myself wondering why I had to have been born, at all. Thinking that I never asked to be born. Wondering why I had to have been born since nobody seemed to value me for the good things that I had to offer this world.
Perhaps I've been back, now, for around 7 years because I find myself wondering these things again. This feeling seems to have been induced in me, again. I think there is something about the environment here. I don't know what it is, whether there is something in the water, or the food supply, or whether it is something about the people and / or the culture of the people. But it seems to be endemic. Like these people who lived some place in Chile and suffered from the heavy metals in the soil there is something particularly toxic about this country.
Maybe it is just that it is the trash heap of the English Speaking Developed world. Partly because it was the last to be settled (least civilised). Partly because it is geographically the most distant (end of the supply chain). There used to be talk of the 'brain drain' where our brightest graduates would leave for other countries. There was always rather less talk of how many of those graduates would come back later in life - only to find that there simply wasn't a place for them, here. They would come back keen to take things they learned from overseas and apply that to making this country better and they found they simply couldn't get anything done here.
I suppose that is because when the brightest graduates left then it meant that the remainder were left to take charge of this place. I don't suppose they are happy about being considered not so bright for choosing / being required to stay here. Or perhaps they are totally thrilled at their luck that they get to do far more than anybody would have let them do in any of our English speaking neighbouring countries. Then, when those who went away come back... You have a whole heap wishing they never came back. Or trying to assert that they aren't that bright, after all. Or what they want to effect (with the intention of making this place better) will never work (or people would have done that already). And people have more invested in proving how things can't get better here, than in seeing things get better here.
I'm starting to think that there isn't a place for me.
Perhaps it only was a sort of a cheap training ground for the rest of the English Speaking Developed world. A convenient rubbish heap for the not so brightest / morally dubious amongst them.
What would you do if you were us and that is a fairly accurate understanding of the situation? If you were in something like that position... What is a good way forwards for that country?
I suppose one thing you could do is try and make things / yourself as unattractive as possible. Check out our suicide rates, people, nothing to see here. Check out all the ugly people with skin cancer and horrible teeth. Getting fatter, they are, too, and dumb as posts with all that fetal alcohol and oxygen deprivation.
But what to do about the schools... I mean... If you turn out competent graduates. Kids who can read, write, do arithmetic. Kids who are capable of following instructions when said only once. Kids who are capable of entering a room, assessing a situation, and getting on with what needs to be done. These kids... If identified. Will be taken away. I mean if you are looking for a cohort within a generation... It's going to be the kids with the attention orienting response (to the teacher rather than their peers). The ones who can follow a pointing finger along it's trajectory to target (rather than staring bamboozled at the face).
So... In upside down and back to front land... What is valued is trash here. And there is apparently much of value in the trash. The trash. The trash of the world.
The whole Medicine thing... I probably won't get to do it. It really attracts the vultures. There's a lot of money about and that brings scored and scores of them. There are a lot of vulnerable people to be preyed upon. It's sort of the trifecta for all the psychopaths in the world. All the people who want nothing more than to exert power and control over other human beings. The people who most want a person-pet. And not like... Wanting to keep a stable full of prize ponies... Wanting to keep a tenement block full of rats for the fun in watching them tear each other apart when times get tough.
There used to be this talk of how Maaori and non-Maaori culture were like two different realms. And about how some of the kids would say it was like they were worlds apart and they would live in one world at school and then live in another world at home. Only... That is becoming less and less of the case. Or, the worlds are being divided up differently, is more the point. Those kids aren't really getting to experience that other school world, anymore. We aren't teaching our kids reading writing and arithmetic anymore because if we do we think they'll only get taken away. We teach them to walk into a room and go on and on and on about how they like to live in rubbish so...
So you have to be psychopathic... Two-faced. 'Adaptable' in order to survive.
And the whole traditional thing... Having the orienting response (that means you don't see the blow from your peer bully coming)... All of that... Counts as a disability indeed. In upside down and back to front land.
I'm led to believe there are elements of this everywhere...
Maybe that is true.
Mostly I just needed to vent. I haven't felt this bad since... Since living here for a while, yeah. Seriously thinking that if I don't get to do Med then I just don't want to live anymore. I certainly don't want to live here, anymore. Becuase... How much of my life has been led not only victimised by the bullies around me... But being manhandled by the supposed Medical professionals (the trash of the Medical world, too, no doubt). The point is... Self determination. So that won't be the case, anymore. I'm not a vulture crying out for my piece of the pie or trying to get put in the position where I can sexually interfere with others (a serious motivator, of course - I mean they all but advertise it as such). It's just... Sickening. I feel sick.
People from here really are killing themselves. Our best people. And drinking themselves to death and so on. What part of this is okay?
I just...
I don't want to live like this.
Noone in their right mind would.
I mean. Let the people live how they want to live...
But beam me up.
Tick tock.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 29, 2017, at 18:15:17
In reply to politics, posted by alexandra_k on July 29, 2017, at 17:28:04
We don't really have Medicine anymore, I guess that's the thing. If we even did... Perhaps it always was a bit of a dream... I guess the thing is that you sort of have to make do with what you have got. The best you could get.
Apparently we need more GP's. Because apparently people have trouble accessing GP's. Mostly because even though we have a public health system you have to pay to see a GP. So people would rather present to the ER than go to their GP. Also, GP's tend to be 9-5 and they charge still more for after hours. But most people work so they tend to want to be seen by a doctor (preferably a free doctor) outside working hours.
So... Lets see... We need more GP's to work for free in communities on a 24/7 sort of a call schedule.
And what kids of communities want these GP's? Oh, the communities where people live in overcrowded leaky houses. The solo parent households. The commuities where people are not very educated and are fairly poor. The communities where people are sick largely because they eat sh*t, don't perform basic hygine, and they don't / won't keep their body secretions off each other.
Who wants to live right in there with them?
I think it was a couple years ago that I read in the paper that Australia was looking at withdrawing social services from some Aboriginal Communities in the Northern Territory. Most people over here went 'that's racist!!' in that intelligent way that they do, but I got to thinking... What are you supposed to do? You send in doctors and teachers... And they are supposed to live where? In the same toxic environment as the sick people? Or perhaps they get a nicer house. Perhaps there is a little security such that people are somehow made to not grope / paw at / bump into / sexually assault them when they put in public appearances... Then certain people in the community get angry that it isn't fair that these people have a privaledged way of life of relative affluence... They would rather these people go away...
And if there are some little kids there with eyes that orient to the teacher (rather than constantly scanning their peers)... Who are able to follow a pointed finger to target rather than oggling the face... Who are able to comprehend and follow a simple instruction said only once (who have the working memory and the processing and behavioural capacity) well... What are you going to do? Something something about stolen generation.
Anyway... Apparently the solution has been to increase the number of Medical Places in the Medical Schools so there will be a glut of graduates. And then basically as people graduate they apply for jobs... And they see what they get. And some people basically have the choice of working in these communities or not getting jobs as doctors at all.
Anyway, apparently measures that have been taken in that direction haven't been enough... They are now talking about opening up a whole new school that is designed to churn out graduates for these communities. Dropping the basic science background. Basically offering... The same level of education as a nursing degree (in Australia or the US) where those 'doctors' are destined for rural communities.
I don't know what to say. I guess the idea is to take the person who is acceptable to the community and then train them as best you can and what they then go on to do in the community is probably better than there not being such a person in that community. And, sure, call them 'doctor' and then the people can't complain they don't have doctors in their community.
We can worry about the next thing (the quality of doctors)... I don't know... However many elections later, I guess.
And of course the universities can charge the prices they always charged on their medical degrees. And if it turns out that there aren't medical jobs for all the medical graduates then that's okay. They can go home and live with their parents after graduation and so their community still ends up with a doctor - see?
____I feel kinda sick.
Why are most people so awful?
Actually... Pehaps the thing to do is to open a med school where that is the cohort. Where the situation is upfront from the start.
Rather than people thinking they have a chance at training to be a doctor in something like the traditional sense of doctor. Where, uh, the world has seen significant medical advances over the last 150 years...
_______________________It just upsets me that there are kids who nobody wants but to abuse. And these kids suffer a lot. And people enjoy seeing them suffer, I guess. And won't let them get out if it means they won't suffer so much if they get out. There are so very many truly horrible people in this world who should never be allowed to have control over anything / anyone with a capacity to suffer. Why are so very many of these people in charge? Why are so very many of these people selected to be in positions of power? It isn't a matter of 'least of evils' because nicer people do come along - but don't get a look in.
____________
Here is an interesting social experiment:
What would NZ be like if the indigenous people were managed at 50% of the population? You can do that - right - because people are pretty controllable on when they have kids / on how many kids they have. Still going through the demographic and epidemiological transition... They are having more babies and less of them are dying... Then we could work on managing inequities so that the life expectancy of Maaori is the same as that of non-Maaori. And so on. We could make that the entire agenda for the country.
That's not racist, apparently. That's required. That's what the Treaty means. Or something.
It kind of does involve a whole bunch of biding your time (invest in shares accordingly) while things play out over the next 150 years or so...
Cast your spores to the wind, people...
Posted by alexandra_k on July 29, 2017, at 18:37:15
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on July 29, 2017, at 18:15:17
It's like some people would rather be the head of the trash heap than be one node in an interconnected network of people...
There was this documentary about a guy who went into one of the slums in Mombai... And I got to thinking about how there were people in there... The people in the Market gild part (where he stayed). About how that was basically the elite part of the slum. About the millionare... The guy who would rather be the richest guy in the place than have a more modest income away from the trash... Living in a nicer part of Mombai.
People differ in how much they are motivated by having power / control over other people.
I don't see having power / control over other people as something that is fun. I see it as something that is a responsibility...
But then that's because I always thought it was having a duty to help the other be the best they could be.
Other people seem more focused on exploiting some collection... They don't even have the capacity to see the value in (or care about that, even).
Is the world getting worse?
Or am I just starting to ask less 'what is wrong with me' and instead seeing that... I'm not actually the problem.
Oddly... Sure my Mother is horrible... But if I think more about the other people around my Mother... I never really thought about how horrible they were because I was focused on her. She shielded me from that, I suppose. In her own special way.
Posted by beckett2 on August 2, 2017, at 2:48:26
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on July 29, 2017, at 18:37:15
We have Trump.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 5, 2017, at 3:25:38
In reply to Re: politics » alexandra_k, posted by beckett2 on August 2, 2017, at 2:48:26
Yes.
It is an election year for us. I'm not sure who we are going to get. I'm not sure it makes any kind of difference.
Which is a bit sad, really.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 17, 2017, at 18:46:51
In reply to Re: politics » beckett2, posted by alexandra_k on August 5, 2017, at 3:25:38
I've been feeling validated, lately, in some of my judgements about what is okay and what is not okay, and about various things that are going on.
It is nice, in a way. Helps me feel less crazy. That's usually the line, you see, I'm crazy, I'm being unreasonable, there must be something wrong with me. Then, if I persist, an element of ganging up. The 50 or 100 or 200 people around me don't seem to mind.
Which, I think, is why it is acceptable for me to be get up out and away from the 50 or 100 or 200 people around me who don't seem to mind.
I feel bad... Many of them are unhappy. And they don't know why they are unhappy. They don't know they are unhappy because nobody listens or cares to what they have to say about what is good for them and bad for them. They don't know they are unhappy because they are constantly being manipulated by others...
But there isn't anything I can do. Because here... I'm stuck in survival mode. I don't get my needs met and I'm not in the position to help anyone else.
I feel like this is a breeding ground for psychopaths. I suppose it is probably because they start with the economics assumptions that everyone is a self interested psychopath and insofar as they have incentive structures it's all built on that / from there...
I do just need to get away.
The theraputic potential of the internet... I feel very sad. There was / is a theraputic potential there, of course. I don't see so very much of it, anymore. It has been taken over by corporate interests...
We are just throwing an endless stream of money away... I suppose it has something to do with a false economy... This country seems incapable of investing in anything that actually has any kind of return. It just throws an endless stream of money at things...
We don't have any kind of control at all over telecommunications. I don't think we have a satellite or whatever... We just pour an endless stream of money into it while other people profiteer... It used to be that you could buy a computer and it would be still working just fine - how many years later? Now... You have to pay ongoing subscription always. Your system is constantly hijacked by system updates that obsolete various things.
They are getting rid of all the books here. They are being removed from libraries. Put into storage where you are not allowed to browse the shelves. The physical record of the books is gone. You need to do an electronic search for an electronic record. Which is so easily altered... Books are so easily vanished... Then you have computer problems and you can't read that book online anymore. Maybe you need to spend 30 minutes giving some program all your passwords and face and fingerprint recognition ID for the promise of being able to access your course information (HD AV online streamable only)... Or maybe something else will go wrong... Universities don't provide devices so much anymore it is all 'bring your own device' and then if things don't work you are expected to, what, give the university IT staff all your password permissions and everything so they can spend half a day messing about with your system to try and figure what might be wrong...
This is where things are going here...
They sell us 'you just need this $1,000 device and it will do everything' and so people buy that (instead of buying 5 proper textbooks that would be there for life and a decent second hand market). But after 6 months it doesn't and you need $1,000 for this other device. And so it goes on.
Computers used to have silent keyboards. Firm touch but they didn't used to make clack clack clacky sounds. Now everything is all about noise noise noise. Clack clack clacking of the keyboard (I can hear you pretending to work!) all teh f*ck*ng noises and flickering lights... The generation of kids has has their attention spans ruined by flicking devices and not many have the capacity to read much more than a headline / scan the text for relevant bits to copy and paste in the right place somewhere else.
The unnecessary things... University lectures (compulsory content) only accessible via online streaming... This 'capture' system that requires you have adobe. Then the requirements from adobe. The requirement to online stream instead of being able to download and watch at your leisure offline later...
It is really sh*t here.
There is no silent study space anywhere at all. Everyone is just hiding from the bullies. Always.
I went to work and income on Friday because I need to get my medical stuff renewed and I'm looking for a new place to live... And security on the door there ask me for ID (which they are allowed). And I declined to show them ID (which I am allowed). I requested that they step aside and allow me to go about my lawful business (which, to the best of my knowledge I am allowed since this is not a police state and they are not police) and they physically stand in front of me blocking my path. So... I repeat 'I am requesting that you step aside and allow me to go about my lawful business'while I basically forcefully walk through them (I'm stronger than I look with all my weight training).
I felt like... I was in some 3rd world country trying to gain access to a f*ck*ng embassy or something.
That's what things have come to here.
Then the security manager comes out and says she wants to talk to me and I'm like 'well, that's well and good but I don't want to talk to you'.
People don't listen to what anybody says here. Because you do get some people who don't mean what they say. They will say 'I'm not talking to you anymore! Do you hear me! I'm not talking to you anymore! Not talking! This is me not talking!' And so when I say 'I don't want to talk to you' they interpret me as meaning ' I want to play some trauma bonding game where we both spout rubbish at each other and we get close enough to chest bump with our posturing'.
There is no talking to people like that.
And these are the people they hire to be head of security.
Retired people... Disabled people... The most vulnerable people in our country... If you dare present yourself to work and income to ask for assistance... These are the people who are hired to greet you at the door.
And the health system is so bad because by the time people get seen by a doctor... They'll consent to anything. That's the thing, really. That's why the whole notion of informed consent over here is a joke.
I feel sick.
I'm not entirely sure what I am to do... Just finish up this semester, of course. I think I might have found a place to live... We will see... I have to go back to work and income... I won't hit anybody... But it makes me so f*ck*ng angry that they hire these awful people to bully people. And all the cowboys with construction etc... An endless stream of money thrown away while they fix one thing and mess up several others... Making horrible noises that you only notice if there is something wrong with you, clearly...
My old supervisor used to say 'you could spend your life arguing with idiots about rubbish if it makes you happy'. It doesn't make me happy. It doesn't.
I think... There was this aspect of... My having some kind of allegance to little me. I couldn't / wouldn't let that go. Because I remember when I was young being so very f*ck*ng unhappy in my room alone at night. My f*ck*ng awful mother. HOping she would stay away. But also an aspect / element of 'why doesn't someone come and get me the f*ck out of here?' and I promised myself that I would never forget. I would never forget how f*ck*ng awful and horrible things were and it was not okay. It really was not okay. And I would never forget that.
And in this way I was able to sort of bear witness for myself, I guess. For part of me. Maybe that was the start of it. And then... I guess when I was in Canberra and so on... I thought I needed to come back and... Try and help the little me's, I guess.
Only, I find a lot of kids who aren't like little me, at all. I feel like I'm stuck in some gamma baby factory in my residential hall where people are mostly focused on being part of some merged 5 or 6 people group person where everyone must assent and constantly focus on each other. I mean, people push past me in the lunch cue (i'm a non person because I don't have a herd) to join a group ahead of me...
I see some of the fear and hurt in some of their eyes sometimes... But the fact is that there is nothing that I can do for them. Living here forces me to be in survival mode. It's just awful.
I really do want to do medicine. And since I'm not a citizen of anywhere else I can only do that here... If I even get picked to do it. And getting the medical degree from the university is necessary but not sufficient for getting picked to do it / for getting selected to train with a college. I don't think our kids are doing so well on getting selected to train with the colleges. Largely because of the whole brain drain thing we have taken to only selecting / promoting those from early levels who aren't suitable for later stage training. Or... I don't know... I don't know how it goes... I suspect there is an awful lot of that. I suspect the undergraduate curriculum is all filled up with... Fluff that has nothing to do with preparing our students well for their qualifying exams. I bet it is filled up with a whole bunch of fluff that takes time away from people preparing for their qualifying exams...
I don't know why it is so nasty / horrid here. Except that I'm not having a good day (I can't use my new computer online on campus without a windows login and I don't see why the hell I should have to have a windows account / windows login) . I'm tired of 3 or 4 different popups requiring 3 or 4 differnet passwords to even use my computer at all.
it is a costly fitness trap indeed.
Cost of defection (opting out of computer / phone / telecommunications)=
Non-person.
Non-entity
Non-being
Not tagged. No bank account. Nothing.
Thats where we are.
I feel very sad.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 17, 2017, at 19:03:26
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on September 17, 2017, at 18:46:51
And this year is supposed to be particularly horrid because it's the tagging and sorting year.
This is the year the kids get tagged and sorted.
People doing the HSFY curriculum have comperable access to course materials and so on and so forth and you see how they do...
And all the information you get...
I mean... If you really cared to...
You could take a look at what they have on their phone (the pictures they took) and what their friends have on their phone (the pictures they took). You could take a look at how they conduct themselves in the meal cues. You could take a look at what they put on their plate. You could take a look at whether they steal the girls underwear from the laundry room or whether they look after their socks. You could take a look whether they throw up on the hallway or are responsible for breaking the glass. Whether they own up if they think that people don't view the security footage.
There is an awful lot you could learn about a person.
You could see how many hours they spend studying (if you equate studying with streaming online lectures or filling in online activity forms or hours they have online textbooks open). There is a risk they might walk away from their screen and do something else so you can automate logout after 5 minutes of no activity...
You could (in theory) use all this information for good. To decide which students to invest in. To decide which students are worth teaching.
Or not, of course.
You could just hand all this data over to overseas interests...
You could figure which of the biggest bullies to hire to stand outside work and income. I mean... How much of a bully do you need to be before the people learn not to ask for help?
That's the way things have gone here.
And then... And then you get to go 'they must enjoy being bullied / brutalised or they wouldn't present for help'. They deserve what they get, you see.
I refuse to stay in this country if I can't have control over my own health care. I mean... That's the line, anyway. Well well well stay home and at least everyone has equitable access to the internet. Look after yourself and so on. Well, then, I'll be needing the information so that I can do just that. I don't think they like to tell us that actually they are taking that information away from us, as well... It's all advertising over here... You know how it goes. This infant formula is healthy and only eat foods that paid $5,000 for the health heart tick and so on...
Some things money can't buy... My experience with ACC over here is that money doesn't buy you healthcare, either. It might buy you pretty receptionists and potted plants but it doesn't buy you competent health professionals...
This year gets me down because it doesn't feel like it's only 1 year. I mean... My year at auckland was supposed to be only 1 year... And so on... I'm wasting my life in the rubbish, it feels like. This horrible horrible country with the horrible horrible people. And the horrible horrible internet now too.
There is no respite from the awful bullies who are too stupid to see the damage they do.
:(
Posted by beckett2 on September 23, 2017, at 15:28:04
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on September 17, 2017, at 18:46:51
>They are getting rid of all the books here. They are being removed from libraries. Put into storage where you are not allowed to browse the shelves. The physical record of the books is gone. You need to do an electronic search for an electronic record. Which is so easily altered... Books are so easily vanished... Then you have computer problems and you can't read that book online anymore. Maybe you need to spend 30 minutes giving some program all your passwords and face and fingerprint recognition ID for the promise of being able to access your course information (HD AV online streamable only)... Or maybe something else will go wrong... Universities don't provide devices so much anymore it is all 'bring your own device' and then if things don't work you are expected to, what, give the university IT staff all your password permissions and everything so they can spend half a day messing about with your system to try and figure what might be wrong...
I worked at a Uni library in which they were doing just that. Some were pleased, but maybe a third of use were mournful. Through the years those paper cards had marginalia written by students and professors. Personally, I still prefer pencil and paper, and the digital age is difficult for me sometimes. Other times it's brilliant. I'm able to talk with you for example. I can research drugs and health and not depend on just one doctor's opinion. And the news! Sometimes it's a boon, and then just as harmful. You probably have heard about the Russian interference the US, on Facebook and other places. Then it's a crazy, 'fact' distorting echo chamber.
>My old supervisor used to say 'you could spend your life arguing with idiots about rubbish if it makes you happy'. It doesn't make me happy. It doesn't.
Maybe the word 'happy' obscures the truth in that statement. As in 'you can make yourself crazy arguing with idiots'.Medicine sounds like a place to do some good, not in as a do-gooder, but as a sometimes satisfying connection and also a position of enough power to effect some minor good within people's lives.
We're in this togther, which is incredibly scary! Silly as the following illustration may be, we saw It, that Stephen King movie. He's incredibly popular, and his best stories are about the tenderness and immediacy of friendship and it's joys that goes hand in hand with alien horror, over which, for awhile at least, these friends exert a modicum of control.
Do you think of yourself as having dealt with trauma? Sometimes that gives an unwelcome sense of the dark side of us.
Hang in there. You're a good person.
Posted by beckett2 on September 23, 2017, at 15:36:47
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on September 17, 2017, at 19:03:26
>There is no respite from the awful bullies who are too stupid to see the damage they do.
Yes, it is horrid. Here the president and cabinet want to carve into our parks department. For now they're blocked. The despair I feel over the lack of concern, moreover, the greedy designs towards our environment. I don't want to pour fuel onto your anger and despair. I want you to know you're not alone in your anger and sense of powerlessness in the face of those who do harm in their pursuit of power and capital.
We were told, us citizens here, that democracy is not to be taken for granted and must always be tended. The situation really taxes my ability to remain positive and even keeled. Chin up though girl! We're all we have.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 28, 2017, at 15:06:45
In reply to Re: politics » alexandra_k, posted by beckett2 on September 23, 2017, at 15:28:04
> I worked at a Uni library in which they were doing just that. Some were pleased, but maybe a third of use were mournful.
I didn't realise before just how much of a rare skill it was to be able to immerse yourself in a book. Those who are unable to do it... Most of them seem much happier when nobody in their vicinity does it. They set the social norms, now, instead of being asked to leave the space since they are unwilling / unable to use it appropriately.
> the digital age is difficult for me sometimes. Other times it's brilliant. I'm able to talk with you for example. I can research drugs and health and not depend on just one doctor's opinion. And the news! Sometimes it's a boon, and then just as harmful. You probably have heard about the Russian interference the US, on Facebook and other places. Then it's a crazy, 'fact' distorting echo chamber.
It is a mixed thing. Neither good nor bad intrinsically. Like splitting the atom. Enables nuclear power which (when properly maintained) is wonderful. Also enables nuclear weapons which (when improperly maintained) is a lot less wonderful for some people or other...
I am lamenting the researching of drugs or health rather than depending on just one doctors opinion. I think that once upon a time places like Babble really did have diversity of opinion. I think that once upon a time there was a lot of information on the internet. Now... I see the internet mostly being used to undermine quality information (by every 10 year old posting and reposting and rereposting misinformation) and also being used to undermine accessibility of information (I can't access medical textbooks in person walking into university libraries anymore because the whole thing is moving online and only certain logins are allowed to access this and that).
You used to hear stories about parents who were worried about their kid with cancer... They would walk across the road from the hospital to the medical library and start reading... Now they would likely get trespassed and there wouldn't be any books on the shelves for them to look at, anyway.
I worry a lot about online things being easily altered, too. Not by me, obviously, but by the software engineers etc. I mean... Bob has the power to edit our posts here - right? Well, just think about who has the power to edit things on health records... What vaccine batch a person was given. What allele was in what position of their genone. Power to remove particular x-rays from a series or portions of a pathology sample...
I can see that different logins would give you different access. Some people have access to the version that links genetic predispositions to the criminal database. Other people have access to the version that links vaccine batch actually given to... I don't know... Certain kinds of cancer however many years down the track, or whatever. Only people who don't have access to the relevant information is...
Those who have the power to see incoming doom in time to do something about it. Those who are the subject of the information.
I'm sure offshore software companies have all kinds of powers that involve their engaging in quality assurance for their software... That a lot can be done legally in the name of that. Also in future product development. Of software that is better at... I don't know... Selling alcohol to people with no predisposition. Or whatever...
I don't know why anyone in their right mind would be happy about voluntarily handing this kind of information over to foreign interest / a largely unknown company...
All the university research uploaded to the clouds...
Each software update (or is it system upload?) obsoleting various functionaities / contributing towards the not quite just noticably shitter)...
> Maybe the word 'happy' obscures the truth in that statement. As in 'you can make yourself crazy arguing with idiots'.I think the idea is that some people really are happy doing that with their time. They truly seem to be. I keep thinking that nobody in their right mind would be happy wasting their time arguing things round and round... But people really very genuinely do seem to be. There is little to be done (if you don't actually enjoy it - if you don't actually find that to be a meaningful life) but to get away from them. Because it would make me crazy, yes.
> Medicine sounds like a place to do some good, not in as a do-gooder, but as a sometimes satisfying connection and also a position of enough power to effect some minor good within people's lives.
Yes. I think so. I hope so. Knowledge is power... Things like... Learning how to look after teeth properly and then having the power to do just that. Nutrition etc. Oftentimes we have a pretty good idea of what is good for people it is just that there is so very much money to be made in spreading misinformaiton and hype and so on.
> We're in this togther, which is incredibly scary! Silly as the following illustration may be, we saw It, that Stephen King movie. He's incredibly popular, and his best stories are about the tenderness and immediacy of friendship and it's joys that goes hand in hand with alien horror, over which, for awhile at least, these friends exert a modicum of control.
Hmm. I haven't read that since I was a teenager. I'll put it on my summer reading list. I remember enjoying that one... I didn't think of it as being to do with friendship...
> Do you think of yourself as having dealt with trauma? Sometimes that gives an unwelcome sense of the dark side of us.
Yes. I feel... Traumatised most of every day by how this country treats it's people on welfare over here. I'm on disability supposedly through no fault of my own but they really treat people on welfare like sh*t. People generally. I think we treat people a lot worse in the south island... I think so... I think livnig here is giving me a sense of the dark side of us, yes. There is this awful school across the fence and I listen to abused kids scream their rage and pain everyday. I see why people think it would be kinder to blow up the school already. I need to move away from here or I'll lose my humanity, yes.
> Hang in there. You're a good person.
Thanks. You are too. Thanks for talking with me.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2017, at 18:52:52
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on September 28, 2017, at 15:06:45
So, this place I'm living. I'm finding it really rather Nasty, here. And (me being me) reflecting a lot on that... And on what is wrong with me that I'm finding it to be so very Nasty whereas other people in the community, here, seem to be revelling in it, somewhat...
Articulating...
I applied to Knox - because I thought it seemed to have a strong academic focus. I was informed that I might be happier here, since I expressed preference for my own bathroom...
So I took a look on their reccommendation.
I was told by the head of the hall that the filth would be cleaned out properly prior to the start of the academic year.
I asked the head of the hall specifically about the school just over the fence. About whether there was much noise from that, because that would bother me, quite a lot. I was told that it was nothing, really, just the sound of happy kids playing.
I was told by the head of the hall that I could move in on x date. That there would be someone here, to let me in.
_________________________________________
I arrive on x date... Making multiple trips, actually. Took around 6 trips on the bus to cart all my stuff. There was nobody here to let me in. I tried to contact the head of the hall - but he chose to ignore me since he was on some day trip and was out of town, already.
So my stuff was out in the open over night. I was lucky to arrange with my previous landlord to stay an extra night. I needed to pay an extra night accommodation.
I was offered no apology by the head of the hall, here.
The kitchen etc was really very filthy, indeed. I cleaned it all out because I don't like to live in filth, generally, and I really don't like to live in other people's filth. I swept up parts of outside, around my motorcycle. I swept cobwebs off the sides of buildings etc.
Then the kids start moving in, here... And it's still filthy. Filth on indoor walls and laundry rooms that haven't been cleaned out in several years. Socks and underwear strewn about the place. Balls of dust. The bikeshed that looked to be filled with this thick furry mold - carcinogenic mould? I half-heartedly tried to sweep it and my respiratory system did not approve... I think it needed to be dampened down with water, or something, and face masks applied to get to cleaning it...
And none of this was done, at all.
The kids over the fence... It isn't the sound of happy kids playing at morning tea and afternoon tea time. It's the sound of abused kids screaming their rage and their pain from about 8:30am through to the sound of drum practice after school and then the sound of balls and skateboards slamming through into the late evening. There is construction work, too, because you wouldn't plan for construction work to be done outside term time, clearly, you would be sure to schedule it at it's most disruptive. Starting around 7 or 7:30 am. Of course.
And then it turns out that it's not just me being supersensitive because Work Income here looked sheepish about how they know quite a lot of those kids are really very unhappy. And the head of the hall, here, actually looked rather sheepish when I said I wasn't coping so well with their screaming 'Yeah, I know, but there isn't anything we can do about that'.
But of course he could have not lied to me when I asked specifically about it prior to moving in.
How am I supposed to feel about this?
I feel... Like this is a Nasty sh*t hole of a place, honestly. I feel... Psychopathic towards these people. These people who showed no basic consideration or honesty towards me, at all.
They get students here doing chores about the place as punishment. One of the Maaori boys was sentanced to cleaning out the black mould out of the bike shed.
I mean, how am I supposed to feel about all this - honestly?
I think... They don't care... Because there is a new lot of trash people for next year... And for the year after and for the year after that... There is no point looking after what we've got properly when there is so much shiny new trash to treat like trash because we just love to treat people like trash and revel in the trash.
I just don't get it.
I really need to move away from here.
I just need to be *allowed* to look after myself. Apparently they are changing the hippocratic oath, or something... It's a real culture of bullies, down here, everyone must live like the Nastiest. It's just awful.
People choose to live like this. The head of the hall chooses not to do any cleaning himself. The head of the hall chooses not to check whether the cleaners have done the tasks they've been allocated. The head of the hall chooses not to view security footage and hold people accountable for vomiting in the hallways and breaking the glass. The head of the hall chooses not to take the school to task for letting the kids out of their classrooms to scream all day in the yard making a menace for the whole community. Which means the school doesn't have the communities support in convincing the government that something needs to be done about / for these kids. He likes it, clearly. Revels in it, or something.
It's f*ck*ng awful, here.
I don't understand how I could continue to live here... And not turn into a psychopath. I mean... They didn't treat me with any basic consideration or honesty at all.
Why do people talk when sh*t just falls out of their mouths, constantly.
I have nothing to say to them.... THey don't actually listen to a word I say, anyway 'that's just Alex complaining agian. She's being so unreasonable'.
Yeah. It must be me. There's something wrong with me.
F*ck*ng awful people.
I think the Swans have Seen me. Either they have... And I manage to get scholarships to live someplace where I am *allowed* to look after myself - away from the nasty bully people who have nothing to lose who have nothing better to do than to make things equally nasty for everyone around them... Or I apply for scholarships to live in a different country. I mean, one things for sure, I can't stay here, in living conditions like this.
I'm starting to think things like 'just f*ck*ng put them out of their misery, already'. I see how you build psychopath after psychopath after psychopath... It's f*ck*ng horrible, here.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2017, at 18:59:30
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2017, at 18:52:52
There was this thing on the news about these people living in a rural community... Of 1,500, or similar, which is, apparently, enough for a GP. Only... They can't find a GP who wants to live there. So the people need to drive for an hour to see a GP. Apparently this is unequitable, or something. It's not good enough. Rural communities need GP's etc etc etc.
And then I think...
How there are lots of people in Auckland... Who spend more than an hour commuting to work each day. Each and every f*ck*ng day.
Perspective?
Posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2017, at 19:30:37
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2017, at 18:59:30
It really is just awful people taking what they can for as long as they can because they can...
I used to feel sorry for people at the bottom of the hierarchy.
But... That's because I've spent a fair bit of time associating with people who have basically *opted out of the hierarchy* (it's others who view them as being at the bottom).
I've spent more time with people at the bottom of the hierarchy who will take help when it is offered and then will go on to kick at the people on the bottom.
Then you start to think that they deserve to be at the bottom. Even if the people at the top are no better than...
Then you see how you are starting to despise all people... All people, equally...
It's an awful view of life.
I don't want to live in that world.
This place is... Profiteering from the margins. You get a city or whatever and then you get the rubbish birds crying for their piece of pie along the edges. There is a university, here. And that brings people wanting employment. But this place is the edge... The rubbish birds opportunistically...
I think they think this is the best they can hope for in life etc...
But what happened to things like conducting yourself with some personal integrity?
I guess it's supposed to be a test. That's how we justify it. I don't buy it. I guess it is a test. Not so much by design. I guess the people who are in charge of the sh*t... Are people who f*ck*d up.
That's been the thing with me, I guess. People start with the assumption that I f*ck*d up because of me doing what I'm doing at my age. Why would I want to play with the children? What is wrong with me?
I didn't realise I'd be forced to live in the rubbish with the rubbish. I didn't realise how communal undergraduate university has become. I didn't realise that you simply can't do things in this country like read a book under a shady tree... I didn't realise that you need to live in the private sphere as much as possible... Because... The public sphere is just awful. It's bullies taking what they can for as long as they can because they can... It's everyones kid whose been taught to cry 'help ME! help ME! help ME!' constantly...
It will be progress, here, if people are allowed to look after themselves. It will be, indeed.
I'll believe it when I see it.
Lets see if I manage to live by myself... Someplace where I won't be persecuted by bullies noise pollution etc next year.
It's a nasty nasty world.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 20, 2017, at 17:48:20
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2017, at 19:30:37
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11935367
Our new Prime Minister. A tad differnet from Trump.
I might just... Get approval to live someplace habitable (independently), after all. If I make a good enough case for needing it (in the interests of my own mental health / work capacity).
Posted by beckett2 on October 23, 2017, at 1:16:09
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on October 20, 2017, at 17:48:20
> http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11935367
>
> Our new Prime Minister. A tad differnet from Trump.
>
> I might just... Get approval to live someplace habitable (independently), after all. If I make a good enough case for needing it (in the interests of my own mental health / work capacity).This sounds like potential for some good things. Is she a member of the Green Party? I find the news cheering and fuels my wish to live in NZ. I'm sorry you don't care for where you live--did I get that right?
Have you thought of volunteering for political change? I don't know why that came to mind, and you very well may be volunteering right now.
A survey in the US. 35% or so of millennials would be open to some form of military government. I'm trying to make sense of this factoid. Increasingly I don't recognize the country I live in. That's not a misanthropic view, but more that I'm getting older and feeling a bit let down.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 24, 2017, at 3:40:50
In reply to Re: politics » alexandra_k, posted by beckett2 on October 23, 2017, at 1:16:09
> Is she a member of the Green Party?
No, she is a member of the Labor Party. For the working class...
The Green Party is a little bit too extreme to get a significant majority.
Dairy exports are central for our economy - but methane emissions from cows produce significant greenhouse gas emissions and the nitrogen fertilisers from farming are killing rivers and lakes from algae blooms...
NZ really isn't the clean, green country it has marketed itself as being...
Labour does want to do something about this... But it's tricky because of the central role of farming in our economy. We've been... Literally focused on trying to feed all the babies in China...
We need to develop clean and green... But that relies on quite a lot of high tech expertise. High tech expertise isn't something that we do particularly well at. I mean... If there were a way to harvest the methane for biofuels...
It's next to impossible to get something good up off the ground here, I find. I think it is a kind of greed... There is the slippery slope of 'just one more, just one more, just that little bit more' until the whole thing is ruined. Whether it be teaching a small group a valuable skill or... Anything at all, really. As soon as people see you've got something that looks to be on the up... It gets ruined, pretty quick. Or brought out. Brought out and undermined so we revert to the way things were before...
I think...
I think that political expertise is (yet another) area in which things are looking a little scarce...
Things are going to take a turn for the worse, here.
The economy will take a hit as we stop doing some of the dodgey deals we've been doing (contaminating milk powder for increased profits, shipping live sheep to the middle east)...
Then the people who have invested in rental property... Their investment will take a hit as we start to improve our tenancy laws so landlords are required to provide habitable houses. As more houses are built and people are helped into owning their own homes.
These things (things such as these) need to happen... But National doesn't want to be the one to do it / the one in power while it's done. It's their voters who will be taking the biggest hit because it's their voters who have profited the most from these sorts of things...
It has to be labor to do it. That's the game of politics, I guess. It simply has to be done on labours watch.
And Winston Peters as deputy. So... When the chicky babe runs the economy to the ground because of her bleeding heart trying to help the working poor... Well... The stern grandfatherly type can step in, if needed, and reassure conservative NZ that everything will be okay...
And it's time to see about closing our borders and... Looking after NZ(ers) First. As he's been saying for... Most of my life, actually.
Funny how he's grown on me, over the years.
I think I should stay away from politics, really. I... Could have pursued law. And / or political philosophy. I could have tried harder to get a policy advisor sort of a position in the capital (I half heartedly pursued it - but you really need to persist for around a year before something comes through and I got tired of it / heart wasn't really in it after around 3 months).
> A survey in the US. 35% or so of millennials would be open to some form of military government. I'm trying to make sense of this factoid. Increasingly I don't recognize the country I live in. That's not a misanthropic view, but more that I'm getting older and feeling a bit let down.
What does 'military government' mean? I don't really know...
Over here... I see quite a lot of disaffected youth. Kids who would really like to be doing something useful, but nobody will teach them how to do anything useful. It's hard because a lot of them... Their parents haven't taught them basic things like to be quiet and listen when someone is trying to teach you. It's also hard because a lot of them... The people employed to teach them haven't actually had anything worth listening to... So...
And then you see footage of something happening in China... And you see rows of people. I mean, so many freaking people. Being orderly. Being quiet. Not bouncing off each other. Walking in step.
And you get to thinking... I don't see how living amongst the screaming rabble constitutes freedom in any meaningful sense.
Not sure if that's related.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 24, 2017, at 4:46:22
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on October 24, 2017, at 3:40:50
I don't care for where I live... Because I really just want a quiet place by myself.
I have been forced to live with others out of financial necessity for much of my life, and it never works out well for me.
I always end up withdrawing from the people I live with because I don't feel I get enough personal space. This results in them feeling slighted and they often decide that it is fun to antagonise me in the spirit of 'any attention is better than no attention at all'. On some instances it escalates to outright bullying.
Living in more crowded places like residential halls tends to reduce the bullying aspect because there are enough people around for everybody to get their social needs met.
Living in more crowded places like residential halls is a sort of a torture for me, however, because walls are plywood and you can hear people in neighbouring rooms coughing, f*rt*ng, chatting to their grandma etc.
Where I am is on the quieter side of residential halls... But the difference is made up by the intermediate school just outside my window where 10 and 11 year olds yip and squawk and scream and yell for most of every day. Then skateboards slamming into the evening etc.
I have dreams... Of a house on a section big enough to be surrounded by shady trees as a noise / visibility buffer from neighbouring sections. With one of those metal picket fences (that disuades climbing). With an auto gate so neighbours don't get a good look at me (so they don't decide to target me as someone who must be their friend or suffer their escalating noise - because any attention would be better than no attention).
It's a shame we don't do medium density construction properly such that there is a reasonable degree of soundproofing between internal walls - but we just won't / don't in this country - so I suppose someone will have to come and mow the lawns.
With a kitchen... With properly weighted sharp knives. And with a fridge that I don't have to share with anybody else so my covered things stay covered and so nobody spits in my milk. So I can *enjoy* spending a 1/2 day cooking (on occasion). And with a freezer so I can make my own convenience meals. Sort of open plan... To a living area that is aesthetically pleasant. With a green leafy tree aspect to it. Someplace *pretty* where I can sprawl out all my stuff and... Get on with it.
It would be great to have a kent fire with the flume as central heating. I have never looked after my own fire, before... I think you can keep them burning on low for quite some time without tending them with coal... I would need to look into that... Since we don't do central heating here...
Leafy trees during the day and a fire at night...
I would actually feel like a person.
Trying to explain this to anybody else... I'm being 'unreasonable', 'super-sensitive', 'too fussy', and 'expecting too much'.
I don't feel like a person living here. I feel like the person is falling out of me. With every squeak and yip and squawk and slam slam slam I become colder with respect to the people who upset me, so. Of course rationally I understand that it is reasonable that they bounce their balls about on the ball court and so on...
That doesn't change the effect it has on me.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 24, 2017, at 5:00:44
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on October 24, 2017, at 4:46:22
And if I had something like that...
Then maybe I would find the idea of having some people over for a time to be something that I would enjoy.Maybe I would even start to feel lonely and would think about having someone else live with me.
I don't know. I've never had the opportunity to find out.
I keep thinking of Kant...
Consent.
He said something about how you can't say 'yes' if you don't have the power to say 'no'.
And that's it, exactly.
I'm not in a position to have a relationship with anyone because there is no equality. I'm not even a person. Feels to me.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 25, 2017, at 20:24:47
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on October 24, 2017, at 5:00:44
The will to live starts to receed.
Because the will starts to receed.
Because there isn't a person, there, at all.
There is no me because the world will not let you be.
The world rushes into you and through you like you are a ghost.
You don't exist as a separate entity, at all.
Other people will tell you what to see
FLASH!!! FLASH!!! FLASH!!! LOOK AT ME!!!
Other people will tell you what to hear
SQUARP!!! YELL!!! SCREAM!!! LISTEN TO ME!!!
Other people will tell you what to buy
Other people will tell you what to think
Other people will tell you what to believe
Other people will tell you what to do
And you must stay with them and love them and like them and try and be like them, just like them, for always, for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever, amen.And I...
Really don't want to live,
Like that.Why am I living with these awful people? Why do I always end up being forced to live with such awful people, here, in this awful f*ck*ng country?
Why me?
Why ME?
I don't f*ck*ng understand.
Posted by beckett2 on October 25, 2017, at 22:11:31
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on October 25, 2017, at 20:24:47
Alexandra, I'm sorry you're feeling so cr*ppy at the moment. Are you living in student housing?
And are you okay when you talk about not wanting to live... like that?
Posted by alexandra_k on October 28, 2017, at 19:57:48
In reply to Re: politics » alexandra_k, posted by beckett2 on October 25, 2017, at 22:11:31
> Alexandra, I'm sorry you're feeling so cr*ppy at the moment.
Thanks.
> Are you living in student housing?
Yes.
> And are you okay when you talk about not wanting to live... like that?Yes.
I think around 630 or 650 people committed suicide in this country last year. That is in a population of around 4 million.
I don't know how many tried to kill themself, but didn't succeed.
I don't know how many thought long and hard about trying, but lacked the energy / were too afraid of failing to try and kill themself...
But that's just the tip of the iceburg on how many people don't want to live... Like this.
Life is not very nice for quite a few people in this country. A great proportion of people in this country... We could talk about neurotransmitter levels and so on... But that would be a cop out so that we didn't need to think we seriously needed to address the social factors in this country that results in people preferring to be dead than to continue living on in their communities, the way that they are.
There was this thing in the paper yesterday about this guy appearing before a judge... The lawyer saying that basically the guy was committing a bunch of senseless crimes because he wanted to go to jail and get some treatment. This is something we see over and over and over and over again. People drink-driving, particularly. Really going on benders and rampages... People want judges to sentence them to treatment because that's the only way they can get treatment. People want to go to jail because they don't want to live in their communities and there is some kind of hope that they may be rehabilitated in jail.
Of course we have a bunch of people who keep on that people should be treated *in their communities*. And now I need to be careful here, because things (and people) do, of course, vary... But a lot of the time we can't get Doctors or Good Teachers etc in certain communities because they don't want to live in those communities, either. Sometimes... Sometimes you end up with a bunch of volunteers or allied health people whose livlihood depends on people in the communities begging them / relying on them for help. They can sometimes be part of the problem. A very big part of the problem. It's the people whose livlihood depends on people in communities begging for help all the time who have most to gain by keeping people in their communities begging for help...
People just really don't want to live there, like that.
But then you go... If so very many people don't want to live there, like that, then why don't they change the way they live so their lives are nicer?
And... I'm not sure what to say...
I feel like either: 1) There is a sorting process that has failed. So that different people are genuinely happiest living in different sorts of environments (e.g., high stimulus vs low stimulus). Or 2) There is more uniformity in what is good for people / what would make them happier and healthier it is just that...
?
Hurting people do lash out?
?
________________________________________
People have gotten to know me, down here. They know that I'm basically clean and tidy and quiet living and hard working and... All the things that you need to assess over time because people don't even attempt to represent themselves accurately / don't know who the f*ck they are, half the time.
With all these people owning all these houses that other people are expected to rent... It shouldn't be that I need to buy my own house in order to have suitable housing... If suitable housing that I can afford to rent doesn't come through for me, next year, then I'll face the fact that this country really doesn't value me, (or people in some sense 'like me') at all.
So, it will be time to look at getting the f*ck out.
I really do want to stay here. I just want a quiet place so I can focus on my work. I don't know how many times I've said it... And how many times I've needed to explain to people that children screaming *is not quiet* - at which point it turns out they were just basically... Lying to me about it being quiet. They were basically just nasty people who lied to me and didn't give a care at all about the misery that would result in me from my moving into a place that wasn't suitable for me to live in.
Something that gets me away from these awful people...
So I can refresh, recharge, rejuvinate...
So as to *genuinely helping them* for however many hours out of every day *that I'm working - for them*. Some home... That is *for me*.
Otherwise... It's just not feasible, at all. Not without psychopathy.
Like how they lied to me... 'Yes, of course, we are doing everything we can to help you...
...
Rot in your community'.
It really needs to be less awful, here.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2017, at 14:47:16
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on October 28, 2017, at 19:57:48
So, apparently 50% of specialists / doctors burn out, here.
Not sure how they compile those statistics. It is part of this whole 'look after yourself' health strategy thing we have got going on here. Part of the whole attempt to 'lead by example'. There's been a change to the hippocratic oath something along the lines of how a doctor swears to look after themself so they may provide the highest standard of care for their patients.
You really do have to tell people in NZ that they should look after themself. That's what the health system, here, has always told me. That there wasn't much of anything wrong with me, that I should go away, that I should look after myself. Even... That I looked after myself better than most of their health workers seemed to...
Indeed.
And, of course, it still comes back to: 'And will the people let me?' Will the people let me sleep when I need to sleep or will the people insist that banging away and yapping and squealing away outside my window is their being 'perfectly reasonable'? Because if they are right that it is perfectly reasonable for them to do those things... Then it is perfectly reasonable for me to not have to live in their community. It's really as simple as that.
Sigh.
I don't understand why we don't have zones. Oh, wait, we do, it's just that I can't afford to live in a quiet zone. And we simply refuse to look after the things we've got. In the whole spirit of 'why would be try and reduce burn-out in locally trained doctors when we can just recruit foreign ones who have been struck off their registers / who haven't completed their training and pay them peanuts and treat them like sh*t and they'll nod and smile and work here for however long they need for their ticket to Australia'?
Close the borders, Winston. New Zealander's First. Go on... It's the only way we'll start looking after the things we've got. Time to stop pissing off Australia for being the backdoor for the sh*t of the world...
It's really bad for me, living here. I just need to use the experience to articulate a case for me... For others like me (in some sense of like me)... Because the government people can understand me... So maybe it doesn't matter so much that I'm not so fussed on maths... Maybe it doesn't matter so much with this particular government...
Anyway...
I hope something will come through for me for next year.
It's just awfully stressful on my nervous system living here. And I see glimpses of the psychopath within that would be nurtured if I were to continue living in such an environment. Perhaps I start to see why so many clinicians had eyes that were glazed over. Why they didn't interact with / relate to patients as people, as persons, at all. You don't see humanity at it's best when you are continually assaulted by the nonsense squarps and bangs of unhappy people. You just don't. It's like... Living in an orphanage for the intellectually handicapped. Or one of those old school asylums before the birth of antipsychotics. Start feeling... Postal, about it all. Start to understand why people want to blow up schools.. Neighbourhoods.. Countries.. Just to get a little peace and quiet.
It's f*ck*ng horrible, here.
It's the sound of countless people 'This is how it feels to be me! This is how it feels to be me!'
Indeed. 7 years the first time before I started wishing I was dead, already. Back again for another 7 years and I really don't need y'all constantly squarping and banging at me that y'all would really rather be dead. I f*ck*ng get it.
Maybe if every single person in this country... Every single person in this world listened to you bang and squarp all day and felt just like you... The world would be a better place? You'd have got what you wanted?
I just don't get it.
Just have to get out.
F*ck*ng awful people and their f*ck*ng awful lives. Determined to spread their f*ck*ng awful.
Beam me up, already.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2017, at 15:05:06
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2017, at 14:47:16
And of course maybe it's just my stressed out nervous system talking. Maybe they wouldn't rather be dead, at all, maybe it's the joyous sounds being emmitted from joyous people and there is something specially autistic about me that I can't appreciate the sounds of happy kids (and happy adults) playing and expressing their joy, all day.
I think he was wrong to say (in the paper) that burnout in medicine is particularly... common? problematic? Because of the long hours and because of the life and death nature / serious impact on peoples lives nature of the decisions. or bad decisions / mistakes that are made as people become burned out).
I think that saying that is more likely to get non-doctors off-side as they go MY job has long hours too and MY job involves important decisions too! Wah! From nursing support staff to truck drivers and people working in mines who may actually have a point to... Just every f*ck*ng one who has been taught to cry 'me too! me too! me too!'.
Also... I think perhaps, that it is just not true.
I think it is more that there is a flip side to certain abilities. The ability to make fine grained discriminations... Training that ability... So you can (for example) distinguish between just noticable differences in the radiograph etc... Being sensitive to these subtleties... The flip side of that is noticing the accumulation of filth and noticing the squarps... Noticing and being bothered by those things.
And it's not just doctors, of course. There are countless people being driven quite mad by the noisy f*ck*ng bastards in their communities.
And then there are countless people who aren't bothered at all but will cry 'me too! me too! me too! I am just like you, me too!' and often it is these people who have the power to change the situation, but won't, because they lack the capacity to understand all they do is cry 'me too! me too! me too! I totally understand everything you say and mean and I agree 100%! me too! me too! me too!' from the meaning-blind... Zombies. hmm...
It is mostly males. I don't know why we are so damn sure we can't find some war to believe in...
Posted by alexandra_k on November 4, 2017, at 17:32:06
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2017, at 15:05:06
I guess the thing about keeping people kicked down / believing that the locus of responsibility is with them is that it induces depression. Whereas if they believe the locus of responsibility is external to them then it is more likely to induce psychopathy / sociopathy. Blaming the environment... Makes one... Want to leave. I guess. Of course there is the whole 'what makes you think that things will be better anyplace else'... But... Things were better someplace else... I've experienced that before...
I think it is looking like I find out by the 23rd of December. I'm worried sick about it... Have been too busy foucsing on exams to really think about it, properly... Last exam tomorrow morning...
Then there are heaps of seminars. I mean, like practically every day there is a seminar that seems interesting. Couple conferences (that I can't even afford registration for)...
I'm worried sick... Because this is it, really. If it doesn't work out... It's unthinkable, really.
I'm so f*ck*ng tired of being treated like trash being expected to be happy and grateful living in the trash...
Seeing how psychopathic people have more autonomy than me, over their own lives... Over making miserable the lives of other people...
This all better seem like a bad dream...
Posted by alexandra_k on November 4, 2017, at 17:34:57
In reply to Re: politics, posted by alexandra_k on November 4, 2017, at 17:32:06
There were swings... Which was nice, for me. To swing on the swings. I could go for a bit of a walk and get a bit of exercise and swing up high on the swings. Good for my vestibular system etc.
And so now they've been taken down. Someone from the council, I guess. Removed the chains / seats so that's that, really.
I suppose it's because they were little kid swings, really. And then I swung and people saw me swinging. And then older kids thought it was cool to hang out by the swings. 11 year olds or 13 year olds or 18 year olds or 22 year olds or 45 or 65 year old men, or whatever. I guess there was some element of not safe for little kids anymore?
Whatever... Whatever the reason...
I liked something
Other people ruined it
It's goneYep.
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Politics | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.