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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 15, 2008, at 18:29:34
In reply to Re: Please be civil *trigger suicide discussion*, posted by ClearSkies on June 13, 2008, at 14:06:59
> There was some dispute whether or not ... the notification about Slinky's death ... was in fact true.
I wondered that myself. Denial is a common reaction, and may be more expected when false reports are possible. Unfortunately, I was able to confirm it.
> I do think that this is an appropriate action for me to take. I also feel I must honor Slinky's life and what she meant to me.
At least that one you can change your mind about. It's a good question, what actions would honor her life. What do you all think?
Bob
Posted by Dinah on June 16, 2008, at 10:32:27
In reply to Re: Slinky's death and Slinky's life, posted by Dr. Bob on June 15, 2008, at 18:29:34
> I wondered that myself. Denial is a common reaction, and may be more expected when false reports are possible. Unfortunately, I was able to confirm it.
It had rung true for me, but hearing that you were able to confirm it brought more tears.
> It's a good question, what actions would honor her life. What do you all think?
>
> BobI'm not so good at this.
I think that what several people have said is important. That maybe we could remember Slinky's death in such a way as to try to prevent further deaths. Contact our legislators about mental health parity. Recognize that not enough is being done. I do remember that Slinky tried again and again to get help, and how hard it was for her to find.
But to me personally, I'd rather honor her life by remembering her life. But I don't really know how. I like how you're posting her pictures of you. They capture the predominant impression that I always had of Slinky. The whimsy. I'd love to have a collection of links to her posts that capture that as well. But I've had little luck searching with Google.
In thinking of her whimsy, I also think of something else I always associate with her. I am woefully lacking in whimsy. And Slinky was so kind to me about that. I never remember her being unkind at all. No matter what personal pain she was in, I never remember her being unkind. I remember her as being quite accepting, even of this quite literal person.
I guess one way I always think of honoring people is by valuing the qualities they exhibited. Not that I have any chance of cultivating anything resembling whimsy...
Then there were the things I'm sad to remember. It's hard to remember exactly now, but didn't she say something about using 2001 because no one went there? Because she thought that maybe she made people uncomfortable or that they didn't know how to respond? I could be completely wrong, but I remember being surprised that someone so obviously cared about and valued could feel that way. Yet... maybe I do recall times when people did seem to feel at a loss as to what to say? I've been thinking about trying to step out of my comfort zone a bit more. It's easy to say nothing and hope that someone more qualified will respond. Or to be so afraid of saying the wrong thing that I do the worse thing and not respond at all. One of the memories that I've always cherished most about Slinky was being in a conversation with her that suddenly dipped into deep waters. I was scared to reply, and maybe hoped that someone else would reply. I did step way out of my comfort zone, and the conversation became one of those Babble moments that touched me most.
I don't know. The images run through my brain and get all swirled up together. The playfulness and the fragility. Not even alternating sometimes, but coexisting. My frustration at her doctors, since so much of what she described sounded like biological issues, alternating with side effects from those issues.
But mostly feeling like something beautiful was taken from this world. And wanting somehow to make sure that it doesn't vanish entirely, leaving no footprints. Already so many people at Babble didn't know her when she was posting regularly. Didn't have a chance to get to know her.
I think I feel angry about that.
So... I'm not sure how to honor her life. If I were an artist maybe I could think of a way.
Posted by Tabitha on June 16, 2008, at 12:44:01
In reply to Re: Slinky's death and Slinky's life, posted by Dinah on June 16, 2008, at 10:32:27
I didn't have much luck with google search either. It only seems to find the subject lines, not much of the content. It's complicated by her collection of posting names with different spacing and punctuation (CtrlAltNDel, Dreamer, Dr Eamer, Dr. Eamer Z, etc).
I wanted to find the mango thread, and all her "the little bunny says..." posts. I did find some classic slinky from 2002 on social, but I got too sad going through it, and finding SAR's posts there too. But if we set up a place, I'll search harder. I also have a text file where I saved a bunch of her ASCII art.
I'd like to see her photoshop art for the site all collected someplace. It's nice to see it on the masthead again (is that what we call the photo at the top?)
The 2001 board was almost all slinky, but I think it's been deleted. It made me kind of sad that she posted alone there, although it was often so funny and whimsical.
I'm not sure if a collection of her individual posts will capture her spirit. Her posts were often so short and cryptic. Taken out of context, they might not mean so much. I really liked the way she flirted with Bob in the middle of admin. Such a nice bit of comic relief.
Posted by Phillipa on June 16, 2008, at 12:44:54
In reply to Re: Slinky's death and Slinky's life, posted by Dinah on June 16, 2008, at 10:32:27
I didn't know her but I have googled a lot of her posts and talked with her boyfriend. I'm very sorry about the loss wish I had known her. Mental health issures need to be addressed as well as physical ones and people taken seriously. Maybe then things may change. Love Phillipa
Posted by Gabbee on June 16, 2008, at 16:06:26
In reply to Re: Slinky's death and Slinky's life, posted by Tabitha on June 16, 2008, at 12:44:01
I had wanted to find the thread where Dinah was worried about her.
And There were about 6 posts I think
"I'm worried about Slinky" Dinah
"me too" Tabitha
" me too' Gabbi
And then she posted, "me too"
And one of us posted *underneath* that
"yeah, I'm getting worried"
Posted by rskontos on June 16, 2008, at 19:37:30
In reply to Re: Slinky's death and Slinky's life, posted by Dinah on June 16, 2008, at 10:32:27
I remember the post about her meeting her boyfriend. I remember her describing his cross dressing tendencies. I can't remember how long i have been posting but I would say a year and half coming up on two years maybe.
I am so sad, I am at a loss. I remember her posts though. Those at the time of her finding this guy and being excited about him.
He said he had been with her 6 months. I will search if Tabby needs help.
It is so sad. And to have it confirmed. I think a way to memorialize her would be nice.
rsk
Posted by Tabitha on June 17, 2008, at 1:51:47
In reply to Re: Slinky's death and Slinky's life, posted by Gabbee on June 16, 2008, at 16:06:26
I'd forgotten that one. How like her, to lighten things up so easily.
Posted by ClearSkies on June 17, 2008, at 11:44:25
In reply to Re: Slinky's death and Slinky's life, posted by Dr. Bob on June 15, 2008, at 18:29:34
>
> > I do think that this is an appropriate action for me to take. I also feel I must honor Slinky's life and what she meant to me.
>
> At least that one you can change your mind about.No, I think I've done a turnaround on this particular matter far too many times for my own good. This issue, in the end, really clarified things for me. Perhaps it was a blessing in a perfectly horrible disguise.
CS
Posted by Happyflower on June 19, 2008, at 13:17:42
In reply to Re: Slinky's death and Slinky's life, posted by Dr. Bob on June 15, 2008, at 18:29:34
Do you feel it is civil and sensitive to the memory of Slinky, to have all fighting going on over it?
Posted by Tabitha on June 19, 2008, at 13:30:31
In reply to Re: Slinky's death and Slinky's life » Dr. Bob, posted by Happyflower on June 19, 2008, at 13:17:42
Well to be fair it's not *all* fighting. Slinky knew we were all a bunch of nuts anyway. I like to think she'd smile at seeing the usual fracas erupting. She never got caught up in it, which is one of the things I admired about her.
Posted by Happyflower on June 19, 2008, at 13:42:47
In reply to Re: Slinky's death and Slinky's life » Happyflower, posted by Tabitha on June 19, 2008, at 13:30:31
You are right it is not all fighting, sorry for the extremes there (trying to break that habit). But the fighting that is happening seems to me to me so disrespectful, instead people should come together and support each other during their grief. I would just think that Slinky wouldn't want her friends to be fighting, I could be wrong.
Posted by Happyflower on June 19, 2008, at 13:48:43
In reply to Re: Slinky's death and Slinky's life » Happyflower, posted by Tabitha on June 19, 2008, at 13:30:31
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 23, 2008, at 2:56:29
In reply to Re: Slinky's death and Slinky's life, posted by Happyflower on June 19, 2008, at 13:42:47
> the fighting that is happening seems to me to me so disrespectful, instead people should come together and support each other during their grief. I would just think that Slinky wouldn't want her friends to be fighting, I could be wrong.
Fighting may be a way of dealing with grief. Anger can be a natural reaction. In general, I wouldn't say there's any way one "should" grieve, but here of course I do ask everyone to be supportive.
Bob
This is the end of the thread.
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