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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on October 29, 2006, at 10:57:55
Does anyone else find compliments scary? I've come to realize more and more that that's what it is. It's not even that I necessarily tell myself that they're not true, it's that it really frightens me to get compliments -- makes me want to curl up and hide. I'm sure it has to do with the way I was brought up, where my parents wanted to make sure being smart didn't 'go to my head', but I was wondering if anyone else has that experience? I don't necessarily reject compliments, I just act like I'm ignoring them because I'm scared of accepting them. Does that make any sense?
sunnydays
Posted by rainbutterfly on October 29, 2006, at 17:18:58
In reply to afraid of compliments?, posted by sunnydays on October 29, 2006, at 10:57:55
I think it's to do with old messages about being "spoiled".... by kindness?
As if what we expect and even deserve is the opposite to kindness and sincere compliments....
And so kindness is so foreign to our core selves that it's scary...xo butterfly
Posted by sunnydays on October 29, 2006, at 18:02:13
In reply to Re: afraid of compliments? » sunnydays, posted by rainbutterfly on October 29, 2006, at 17:18:58
But is it that I don't expect kindness? It seems like I look for it all the time... but then when I find it it's scary. I don't know. I need to think about it some more. But thanks for your response. Those old messages are really hard to overcome sometimes.
sunnydays
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on October 30, 2006, at 4:47:49
In reply to Re: afraid of compliments? » rainbutterfly, posted by sunnydays on October 29, 2006, at 18:02:13
Hey! I always brush compliments off, and I never take them seriously. I always think the other person doesn't mean it.... Yeah, they kind of humilate me somehow. I don't know why. On the other hand, if someone is horrible to me I sort of expect it and tend to agree with them.
I hate buying new clothes or whatever, because I know my friends will saying something nice about what I've bought. So often I'll buy something new and then I'll be afraid of the compliments and often won't end up wearing the new thing for ages...
Oh well. I don't have much self esteem or confidence in my abilities, or rather, confidence in applying my abilities to something, like a job.
Kind regards
Meri
Posted by Phillipa on October 30, 2006, at 14:58:01
In reply to Re: afraid of compliments?, posted by Meri-Tuuli on October 30, 2006, at 4:47:49
That's what I do too brush them off and figure the person didn't mean it. For some reason it's easier to believe it when someone says something bad about me. Why? Does this happen to people. Love Phillipa
Posted by rainbutterfly on October 31, 2006, at 14:46:55
In reply to Re: afraid of compliments?, posted by Phillipa on October 30, 2006, at 14:58:01
I think it's human nature to believe bad things (about oneself) more... however kind etc. you are and however good your intentions are...... I wish it wasn't so :-(
Or maybe this is only so for people with mental health issues....Mr Butterfly, for one person, doesn't believe bad things about himself. And babies are not born with low self esteem :-(
Posted by Declan on November 4, 2006, at 18:06:12
In reply to Re: afraid of compliments?, posted by Meri-Tuuli on October 30, 2006, at 4:47:49
That's how I feel too, often enough.
Maybe one of the things with compliments is that they are not quite accurate or discriminating enough?
Maybe you just don't like to be told?
Maybe you sense a subltle subtext suggesting you have been too negative lately?
This is the end of the thread.
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