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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TexasChic on May 25, 2006, at 21:02:43
I feel like a I weigh 500 pounds. Its more around 200-250 (I haven't weighed in a long time and have been eating alot of fast food lately. I am a size 16/18. When anorexic I got down to an 8 (pre-SSRI). I would be happy with a size 14, and estatic about a size 12. I remember how fat I thought I was at that size. Now what I wounldn't give...
I actually found myself thinking tonight about trying a coke diet (I know where I could get some). That's not really my thing, what with the anxiety and all. Really pot is the extent of my illegal drug consumption for many, many years. I'm not smoking now because I'm trying to find a new job (plus, the munchies). But I know coke goes out of your system quickly. This isn't a plan or anything, just what's going through my mind, which is kind of shocking to me.
Would it be entirely out of line on this board for me to ask for recommendations for a appetite suppressant (Rx or OTC)? I'm just so distraught with my weight right now. I feel like this is it, I will never be any smaller again, only bigger. When I walk into the bathroom at work all I see is how wide my hips are, and I think, what guy would ever be interested in THIS??? I'm way more upset inside than I ever let on, even to myself. Yesterday a guy looked me up and down (cuteboy for those who are familiar) and all I could think was, "He's thinking of how fat I am."
I keep thinking, once you get past that 3 day mark of fasting, you begin to experience that high. I don't know if its physical or mental (being in control). But I remember it. I know starving yourself is unhealthy, but so is overeating! So why not choose the one that makes you look better?
Just looking for support.
-T
Posted by Racer on May 25, 2006, at 21:13:14
In reply to I am so hideously fat - trigger-trigger-trigger, posted by TexasChic on May 25, 2006, at 21:02:43
>
> Would it be entirely out of line on this board for me to ask for recommendations for a appetite suppressant (Rx or OTC)?Yeah, I think it probably would be out of line on this board. Plus, since this is a board about eating *disorders,* I can almost guarantee that none of the suggestions would be healthy...
What we can do, though, is to talk about how you feel regarding your weight. That's maybe helpful for you?
>I'm just so distraught with my weight right now. I feel like this is it, I will never be any smaller again, only bigger. When I walk into the bathroom at work all I see is how wide my hips are, and I think, what guy would ever be interested in THIS??? I'm way more upset inside than I ever let on, even to myself. Yesterday a guy looked me up and down (cuteboy for those who are familiar) and all I could think was, "He's thinking of how fat I am."
>You know, I could start by telling you all the realities around this, but that wouldn't do any good whatsoever. Even if EVERY other "fat" woman had a George Clooney clone drooling over her, it still wouldn't help much, would it?
All I can think of, though, is to remind you that your worth is not based on your weight, nor your dress size. It might be that if you can remind yourself of that every time you start thinking of your weight, it will eventually replace the "fat" thoughts. Sort of CBT style replacement of the negative with the positive.
For what it's worth, I have actually lost weight recently, I'm underweight again, and I had two finals today, including a maths final. When I left that final, on which I did abysmally badly, I called a friend to say, "I did terribly on the maths final -- and it's because I have FAT THIGHS!" What you're doing, in thinking in terms of fat/thin, is likely to continue no matter what your weight. Working on ccountering the thoughts and the feelings they bring up is probably more productive.
> Just looking for support.
>
> -TThat you got, and I do hope things get easier for you soon.
Posted by TexasChic on May 26, 2006, at 5:02:09
In reply to Re: I am so hideously fat - trigger-trigger-trigge » TexasChic, posted by Racer on May 25, 2006, at 21:13:14
Sorry, I was just freaking out last night. I was upset about other stuff and it just all overwhelmed me. Thanks for responding Racer.
-T
Posted by Racer on May 26, 2006, at 10:33:06
In reply to Sorry, that post was inappropriate, posted by TexasChic on May 26, 2006, at 5:02:09
No, it's totally appropriate to come here and say you're freaking out entirely about your weight. That's what this board is for.
I was only warning you that this wasn't the place to get diet advice, both because it's likely to trigger a lot of people here, and because you probably wouldn't get good advice. Make sense?
As for what's bothering you, I hope it gets better, and that you'll feel free to come here and discuss it when it's related to how you feel about your body image or weight.
Posted by Poet on May 26, 2006, at 11:12:49
In reply to I am so hideously fat - trigger-trigger-trigger, posted by TexasChic on May 25, 2006, at 21:02:43
Hi TexasChic,
I'm afraid any diet advice from me would be bad. I have a potential job interview that would require me to wear a suit. I don't have any dress for success clothes anymore. I'll have to try on suits which means crying in the fitting room because nothing will fit my mutant pear shape body.
I am not that fat, it's just my hips and thighs that make clothes fit all wrong. So I think that I am all wrong, too. Sounds like you're going through some of the same issues.
So, yeah, I understand the feeling that if I were thin I'd be happier. I understand the desire to lose weight quickly by any means. I wish I could make you feel better, but I can't seem to do that for myself.
I can offer empathy and sympathy. I wish you weren't feeling so hateful about your body.
Poet
Posted by TexasChic on May 26, 2006, at 15:50:32
In reply to Re: I am so hideously fat - trigger-trigger-trigger » TexasChic, posted by Poet on May 26, 2006, at 11:12:49
I appreciate you two for comforting me.
When Racer said she told her friend she failed her math test because her thighs were too big, I realized that's the same thing I was doing. I was really upset about something else, I just suddenly thought the answer to all my problems was to be thin. I guess that's what transference is huh?
I had also had a few drinks - I wasn't smashed or anything, but combined with my upset mood it was enough to make me a little fuzzy on what was appropriate. Its as if I opened the flood gates and all this crap came flying out.
Now the part about how I feel about my body is true, but the extreme to which I was expressing it wasn't. At least, not the majority of the time.
Sorry yall.
-T
Posted by Racer on May 26, 2006, at 22:25:57
In reply to Thanks you two, posted by TexasChic on May 26, 2006, at 15:50:32
>
> Sorry yall.
>
> -TStop apologizing! It's OK, you're amongst friends, and it's OK to need support, to ask for it, and even t oaccept it when it's given freely, which it has been here. You're OK.
What's that thing they sing in "Freakshow?" "We accept you, one of us."
And I didn't exactly fail my math test. Though I did very badly on it.
It was definitely my fat thighs, though. Right, Poet?
Posted by TexasChic on May 27, 2006, at 14:29:01
In reply to GRRR!!! STOP IT!!! » TexasChic, posted by Racer on May 26, 2006, at 22:25:57
Sorry for saying sorry too much. ;-)
I was just imbarrassed about what I wrote because I wasn't myself at the time.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 27, 2006, at 14:42:27
In reply to Did you just growl at me? » Racer, posted by TexasChic on May 27, 2006, at 14:29:01
... the place I need to post my request is Alternative. An herbal supplement is really what I was wanting – until I freaked out and started talking about coke. I never was actually going to do coke, the idea just kept popping into my head and it was freaking me out that my mind was going there. But like I said, I realize now I was actually upset about other stuff.
-T
Posted by Poet on May 27, 2006, at 19:41:06
In reply to GRRR!!! STOP IT!!! » TexasChic, posted by Racer on May 26, 2006, at 22:25:57
because you are good at math! Maybe you were were so intense on calculating the circumference of your thighs that you couldn't concentrate?
Now tell me how to stop my brain from telling me that no matter what outfit I wore to an interview I'd still look fat and dumpy?
Sorry, for jumping on your thread TexasChic.
Poet
Posted by Poet on May 27, 2006, at 20:10:09
In reply to Thanks you two, posted by TexasChic on May 26, 2006, at 15:50:32
Hi TexasChic,
No apology needed. When it comes to distorted body images, I know how easy it is to freak out.
Hope you find something herbal that works. I've been drinking a lot of green tea, but not sure if it's doing anything.
Poet
Posted by TexasChic on May 27, 2006, at 20:38:55
In reply to Re: Thanks you two » TexasChic, posted by Poet on May 27, 2006, at 20:10:09
Thanks Poet. And don't worry, I'm happy to have someone start talking about something else on this thread!
-T
Posted by Racer on May 28, 2006, at 0:47:53
In reply to Did you just growl at me? » Racer, posted by TexasChic on May 27, 2006, at 14:29:01
And if you come any closer, I might just hiss, too.
(Not having a good day. Those fat thighs again.)
> Sorry for saying sorry too much. ;-)Cute. I guess I can accept that apology, as long as you promise never to do it again...
Take care.
Posted by Bobby on May 29, 2006, at 21:16:26
In reply to GRRR!!! STOP IT!!! » TexasChic, posted by Racer on May 26, 2006, at 22:25:57
So what about the math test? don't beat yourself up. 1-1 still equals 0. let keep you at one...o.k.?
Posted by TexasChic on June 1, 2006, at 17:49:31
In reply to Racer » Racer, posted by Bobby on May 29, 2006, at 21:16:26
Yeah, how did you do? I hate math. I did pretty well with most college courses I've taken, but I'm still in remedial algebra. I still have to pass one more course before I can even take the algebra you get credit for (I've already taken and passed two, but that was in my younger days). The thing is, its not that I can't do it, its just that its so boring I can't stick with it! I remember the first time I ever copied someone's homework was in 5th grade math. It would have never occurred to me if a couple of other people weren't doing it too. I guess that set the precedent. Anything with reading I'm fine, numbers are just nothing to me.
I have to tell you, when you said you failed your test because of your fat thighs, it put so much in perspective for me. That's going to stay with me a long time. I guess I should write it down with my Larry-isms.
-T
Posted by Racer on June 2, 2006, at 1:10:47
In reply to Re: Racer, posted by TexasChic on June 1, 2006, at 17:49:31
> Yeah, how did you do?
Well, I got my scores the same day, and I did badly on the math, although I did get an A for the course. The final exam was the lowest I've ever gotten on a math test in college. My T has been lashing me with a wet noodle, because I didn't actually fail, but it still feels like failure to me.
Psych I did well in.
>
> I have to tell you, when you said you failed your test because of your fat thighs, it put so much in perspective for me. That's going to stay with me a long time. I guess I should write it down with my Larry-isms.
>
> -TI'm glad it helped. I'm also glad I had someone to call who would understand. (You know who you are. Thank you.) Now, if only my thighs weren't so fat, I might be ready for my next math class, which starts in five weeks. My summer Psych class has already started. I'll be missing a week of the six week course, but at least the instructor knows me...
Thanks for asking, and now will you put those fat thighs in perspective for me?
This is the end of the thread.
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