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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on December 24, 2005, at 2:15:52
We're trying to make a baby, which is mostly good incentive to eat -- but I can't quite manage to eat "right." I find that I'm using every excuse to restrict again, which is complicated by a wicked case of acid reflux right now.
Today my husband and I were out and about, and we stopped for lunch at a Taco Bell. (Crazy -- somehow, Taco Bell became "safe food" for me, so I can eat there. Anywhere else, I would have made an excuse not to eat.) Anyway, over lunch -- which took place near 4PM, NOT what I'm supposed to be shooting for -- my husband suddenly looked at me and said, "You do know that if we make a little baby, you will have to eat while you're pregnant? Otherwise you'll hurt the baby." I know that! Bad Word! I do know that, and it's very hard for me.
Part of me says, "Eat well, to maximize the chances of conception." Yet another part of me is saying, "No, the doctor thinks you can't have a baby without in vitro at 10K a pop, so may as well wait until you know for sure before committing yourself to being fatter than you are now..." In fact, I have to admit that I do find myself making a lot of excuses, and restricting as much as I can get away with. (Hubby's taking this week and next off work. Makes it a bit hard. Not too hard, though, since he doesnt' seem to notice that I don't eat lunch again...)
Can anyone help with this sort of thing? I honestly cannot find it in me to accept being this fat. I hate it, I need to get it off me, and I even find myself thinking it should just be chopped off me. ANYTHING to get rid of it.
ARGH!
Posted by Poet on December 24, 2005, at 11:14:03
In reply to Lost in conflicts..., posted by Racer on December 24, 2005, at 2:15:52
Hi Racer,
This is a tough decision. An anorexic friend of mine was really torn between wanting to have a child and what pregnancy would mean for her body.
She decided not to try to get pregnant because she didn't think she could handle the weight gain and eating enough to have a healthy pregnancy.
I wish I could wave that magic wand and the right decision would be within you. I'm waving it. I also promise to be here for support in any way I can offer it no matter what you decide.
Poet
Posted by Racer on December 24, 2005, at 16:37:54
In reply to Re: Lost in conflicts... » Racer, posted by Poet on December 24, 2005, at 11:14:03
You know the worst part, Poet? I've gained so much weight, and I am having so much trouble with that, and I want nothing more than to lose it. I even find myself trying to lose it by restricting.
But there's no question that I want a child. There's no question that that's what I'm trying to do, and that I can't manage to accept being barren. The only problem is that we don't know that I can. It seems so unfair if I find out that I just plain can't, after gaining so much weight on the road to trying.
Reminds me of a pattern when I was younger: my mother would say something like, "If you get rid of those shoes, I'll buy you a new pair." So, I'd get rid of them, and either she'd never hand over the money, or she'd give me $40 to replace a pair of $120 shoes. I always felt kinda bereft, cheated, whatever. And it always hurt so much. I have that same sense now. Wanting to KNOW somehow that I'll get some sort of reward for doing the right thing, even though I already feel as though being so huge is punishment, because I don't deserve to feel good about myself, to be comfortable in my skin.
URGH!
Posted by Poet on December 25, 2005, at 12:15:56
In reply to Re: Lost in conflicts... » Poet, posted by Racer on December 24, 2005, at 16:37:54
Hi Racer,
Gaining weight and not knowing if you will be able to get pregnant is anxiety on top of anxiety.
You do deserve to feel good about yourself. You deserved $120 shoes. You deserve not to be cheated after the hard work of gaining weight. C'mon baby for Racer.
Poet
Posted by overtheedge on December 26, 2005, at 10:12:11
In reply to Re: Lost in conflicts... » Racer, posted by Poet on December 25, 2005, at 12:15:56
Oh how i wish i could help you here, But do know i share your anxiety to the max, and if you need me i am here just scream so i can hear you....
This is the end of the thread.
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