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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on January 29, 2005, at 18:05:00
Admittedly, this has been a hellish week, but I think this is more than that. Right now, I'd give anything to get this additional weight off me. I actually had visions the other night of hacking it all off with a knife! (NO, I would NOT do that, but the vision was pretty satisfying.) I'm so miserable about all this, you can't imagine. To make matters worse, it's almost all around my belly, which makes me so damned self-conscious.
I can't tell if it's my eyes or my body, but all of me looks as if it's just suddenly grown into sausage-like globs. I can't stand it, I really can't. And part of the hell is that I don't really feel as if there's any place for me to turn right now. Much as I like my therapist, she's never had anything helpful to offer about this, and so it doesn't seem worthwhile to bring it up. My RD has said things about it, that I'm still underweight, that this is a distortion, and she did warn me about the weight hitting me all in one place, but that's not enough. I go to a support group which really helps with a lot of it, but can't take the place of individual therapy, or even group therapy, but I also feel so guilty about taking up time there, when everyone there needs something.
I'm just in a really bad place right now, and swear to you that NOTHING is worth feeling this bad. I'd rather stay sick than have to keep going through this.
Posted by gardenergirl on January 29, 2005, at 21:19:40
In reply to Not wanting to recover, posted by Racer on January 29, 2005, at 18:05:00
Racer,
Warning, this is not a Moommmmeeee! post. This is tough. Stop reading now if you don't want tough.
I see you as being between a rock and a hard place. I can understand that you are feeling miserable with the changes, and it doesn't seem worth it. So going back to being how you were...that has its appeal, I'm sure. But you do know that you won't stay like that, right? Staying sick is only temporary. What happens next, your body shutting down, is permanent. Death is permanent. No do overs. No second trials. No changing your mind.Now do I want you to be in the position you are in? NO WAY! I wouldn't want to be there, either, for anything. But this is your conflict as I see it. It absolutely, positively SUCKS that you are in this place. You did not sign up for it. You do not deserve it. But you do have to deal with it. Just like my hubby has to deal with diabetes. Everyday for the rest of his life. It stinks.
Scream, yell, rail at me, rail at the world. But don't give up. You CAN fight this fight.
Okay, just a touch of Mooommmeee. I'm so sorry that recovery takes the shape it does. It sounds like cruel and unusual punishment, the way the weight you gain centers where it does. Someone with a distorted body image certainly does not need that kind of reinforcement. It sounds just awful. I'm so proud of you for talking about it...here, in your group, with your T, with your RD. That means you are aware of it, and it can't bite you too hard on the butt.
You can do this. And you are not alone in it.
(((((Racer))))
gg
Posted by partlycloudy on January 31, 2005, at 9:39:22
In reply to Re: Not wanting to recover, posted by gardenergirl on January 29, 2005, at 21:19:40
I am with gg on this, Racer. I often feel the same way with my alcoholism. It's not usually a good thing to do, but for us'uns, playing "what if I go back to the way things were?" spells certain disaster.
You're a wonderful, wonderous person. I'm priveledged to know you, and I look forward to us being Life Long Friends.
You can do it. I can do it, too. With lots of help and support.
pc
Posted by CareBear04 on February 7, 2005, at 16:55:02
In reply to Not wanting to recover, posted by Racer on January 29, 2005, at 18:05:00
i can relate, racer. sorry that this is an old post. i hate going to my doctor for weekly or however often weigh-ins. he just wants to know that i'm ok, but i hate it. right now, i have these mysterious four pounds from nowhere (straight from hell in my view). i'm embarrassed to get on the scale even though he'll probably be pleased. i'd rather go back to my original weight...
This is the end of the thread.
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