![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on September 28, 2007, at 21:11:53
Dr. Bob, I was just thinking, maybe you would rather I be your friend rather than treat you like a celebrity. If I idealize you then maybe you don't feel like you can turn to me for help.
If you want to be friends then you can't be my security blanket anymore. I'll have to think about how everything affects you. I can learn to be there for you Dr. Bob. I can't go on and on about loving you anymore because that might make you uncomfortable. I'll need to think of you first.
It's up to you Dr. Bob. If you need a friend I'll be there for you. I'll have to sacrifice this perfect Bob figure and treat you like a normal person. I really care about you so I'll give that up for you if you want me to.
Posted by gottlieb666666 on September 29, 2007, at 10:39:53
In reply to Dr. Bob, do you need a friend?, posted by Deneb on September 28, 2007, at 21:11:53
I think dr bob has plenty of friends and does not need one who has developed a dangerous obsession
to him. I notice he responds as little as possible to you, as any clinical doc would when put in an uncomfortable position of dealing with obsessive persons.Do you think starving yourself or carefully taking just enough pills so you can scare everyone but not really kill yourself is a way to win his friendship ? Who needs friends like that ?
Get some real help (you are very ill so you current help is not working). Maybe if you stop the obsessing, suicide attempts, and restricting of food dr bob would respond. As it is the drama you create is manipulative. These are not qualities on looks for in a friend.
Keep in mind that the more dramatic attempts you make the less likely you are to have friends and the less dr bob will notice you and respond to. That is what happens when you are manipulative
Posted by Deputy Dinah on September 29, 2007, at 10:56:53
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, do you need a friend?, posted by gottlieb666666 on September 29, 2007, at 10:39:53
> As it is the drama you create is manipulative. These are not qualities on looks for in a friend.
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above posts, should of course themselves be civil.
Dr. Bob is always free to override deputy decisions. His email is on the bottom of each page. Please feel free to email him if you believe this decision was made in error.
Dinah, acting as deputy to Dr. Bob
Posted by muffled on September 29, 2007, at 12:06:34
In reply to Dr. Bob, do you need a friend?, posted by Deneb on September 28, 2007, at 21:11:53
Just be who you are.
I think thats what Bob would like best.
You ARE improving IMHO.
You have many wonderful sweet qualities.
Its sad to me when people need to lash out at others. Partly cuz it hurts, but partly cuz I feel sad for the person who lashes out. There's goto be sadness and hurt in a person like that :-(
I hope all can have some peace.
M
Posted by Deneb on September 29, 2007, at 14:49:12
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, do you need a friend?, posted by gottlieb666666 on September 29, 2007, at 10:39:53
:-(
I'm sorry if I'm manipulative. I don't mean to be. I don't know how to be a normal person.
Posted by Deneb on September 29, 2007, at 15:59:28
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, do you need a friend? » gottlieb666666, posted by Deneb on September 29, 2007, at 14:49:12
Posted by muffled on September 29, 2007, at 16:11:30
In reply to I feel bad, don't know how to cope (nm), posted by Deneb on September 29, 2007, at 15:59:28
By how you do nowadays.
You realize emotions pass.
You realize just how much better you have been doing.
You realize that others words can affect you, but only if you let them.
You remember the good things you have done, like meeting babblers all by yourself.
Having a job.
Learning to cope better w/school.
Being kind to others.
You remember that this bad feelings WILL ease up in time.
You are OK Deneb, you really are.
Take good care,
Muffled
Posted by Dinah on September 29, 2007, at 16:21:48
In reply to I feel bad, don't know how to cope (nm), posted by Deneb on September 29, 2007, at 15:59:28
I think you're doing very well, Deneb. I know that you don't always like to hear that because it implies that you weren't just fine before, and I don't mean to say that. You are and always have been a worthwhile human being, but I'm guessing that this way of being leads to less distress in general? It's a shame it can't eliminate all distress.
I can understand why you might be feeling upset. But try to detach it a bit from you. What you do is in your control. What other people do is their own responsibility. Now is yet another good time for those boundaries. Let in what you find useful, and let the rest go. What other people say can hurt us, but if we keep in mind who we are, it can't really touch us.
One of my favorite poems doesn't fit this situation exactly, but it does a bit. Please forgive the religious reference. It's included and I can't figure out any way to get rid of it and keep the sense of the poem.
"They may see the good you do as self serving.
Continue to do good.They may see your generosity as grandstanding.
Continue to be generous.They may see your warm and caring nature as a weakness.
Continue to be warm and caring.For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.
It never was between you and them anyway.~ anon"
Continue to be the person you wish to be. You're doing pretty well at it, IMHO. It never is about anyone else anyway.
Posted by Deneb on September 29, 2007, at 16:45:33
In reply to Re: I feel bad, don't know how to cope » Deneb, posted by Dinah on September 29, 2007, at 16:21:48
(((((Muffled)))))))
(((((((Dinah))))))))
Thanks for your support. Thanks for the poem Dinah, it brought a tear to my eye.
I love you guys. :-)
Thanks for being my friend.
Posted by Dinah on September 29, 2007, at 17:09:19
In reply to Thanks for the support, posted by Deneb on September 29, 2007, at 16:45:33
Posted by Deneb on September 29, 2007, at 17:12:30
In reply to Thanks for the support, posted by Deneb on September 29, 2007, at 16:45:33
You're right Muffled, I can cope. I'm coping right now. :-)
Somehow I'm able to feel supported now.
I'm happy.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 29, 2007, at 19:48:08
In reply to Re: Thanks for the support, posted by Deneb on September 29, 2007, at 17:12:30
Deneb, you're a fundamentally good person. It's hard to be perfect all the time, but you TRY really hard, which is more than many people can claim.
I think you are just fine the way you are.
You have learned many very adaptive coping mechanisms and are really growing as a person.
-L
(and I have met Deneb in real life, so I *know* what I'm talking about!)
Posted by Deneb on September 29, 2007, at 23:25:36
In reply to Re: Thanks for the support » Deneb, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 29, 2007, at 19:48:08
(((((LlurpsieNoodle)))))))
Thanks Llurpsie
I have a lot of friends here. I'm grateful and touched. :-)
So many people have supported me. In chat, here on the boards, and via babblemail.
Thank-you everyone.
I love you all.
Posted by Deneb on September 30, 2007, at 0:14:36
In reply to Dr. Bob, do you need a friend?, posted by Deneb on September 28, 2007, at 21:11:53
Dr. Bob, I was just thinking again. You probably don't want to be friends with anyone here because you need to keep your distance as administrator. Plus you're kind of private so I don't think you would ask us for help with personal stuff.
That's OK. I like you just the way you are.
Dr. Bob, you said Babble is not about you right? I think you want Babble to be about the posters. You don't need support from us, you just want us to support each other. Is that right?
(((((Dr. Bob))))))
I'm not some scary obsessed fan. You met me, you know. I think about you everyday, but I don't obsess over you. Maybe I love Dr. Bob as a representation of Babble and Babblers. Maybe my love for babble manifests itself as love for Bob. LOL
Posted by Dinah on September 30, 2007, at 15:43:00
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, do you need a friend?, posted by Deneb on September 30, 2007, at 0:14:36
I think those are some good thoughts to consider, Deneb.
I also think you're right in saying that Dr. Bob wants this to be about each other, not about him. He's said that many times.
Plus, it's in general more rewarding to look for support and friendship from each other. :)
But I don't have the slightest notion that he's scared of you.
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 1, 2007, at 2:51:57
In reply to Please be civil » gottlieb666666, posted by Deputy Dinah on September 29, 2007, at 10:56:53
> Dr. Bob is always free to override deputy decisions.
You're not supposed to post under more than one name at the same time or to change your posting name without following these steps:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#names
and you've been asked to be civil before, so I'm going to block this name for good and your previous name for 1 week.
But please don't take this personally, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please first see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on October 4, 2007, at 15:51:24
In reply to Dr. Bob, do you need a friend?, posted by Deneb on September 28, 2007, at 21:11:53
Hi Deneb,
You don't know me, but I thought your post was very sweet. I lurk quite a bit and I know of your love for Dr. Bob. What's there not to love??
Anyway, I thought your offer of friendship was quite touching.
Posted by Phillipa on October 8, 2007, at 22:15:02
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, do you need a friend?, posted by Miss Honeychurch on October 4, 2007, at 15:51:24
Deneb I think you are a great person and have come a long way . I mean you're working , going to school, and have traveled far places on your own. That says a lot about you. Phillipa
Posted by karen_kay on November 13, 2007, at 7:50:30
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, do you need a friend?, posted by gottlieb666666 on September 29, 2007, at 10:39:53
sorry i missed you.
sadly, i did a brief
screen read-throughbut now i've come
to welcome one
as special as you!nice to see a new name in town!
and we don't take off points for spelling errors :)kk
Posted by ace on December 28, 2007, at 3:06:19
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, do you need a friend?, posted by gottlieb666666 on September 29, 2007, at 10:39:53
> I think dr bob has plenty of friends and does not need one who has developed a dangerous obsession
Interesting post...
How do you know Dr. Bob has plenty of friends?
How do you know this individual has a 'dangerous obsession'?
They may be sincere, they may be being silly....who knows? However, the post itself, from my viewpoint, did not seem very 'dangerous'. I might be wrong but! Again, who knows!
> to him. I notice he responds as little as possible to you,This statement, I feel, could be taken in a very bad way. This person possiblly could feel very rejected but it.
as any clinical doc would when put in an uncomfortable position of dealing with obsessive persons.That's a blanket statement, and it is incorrect. Many MD's would certainly discourage an obsession towards them...however, their has been cases where the doctor encourages it. At times psychiatrists have married their patients. A friend of mine, here in Australia, has a father who is a psychiatrist- his mother was the psychiatrists' patient, and subsequent wife!!
>
> Do you think starving yourself or carefully taking just enough pills so you can scare everyone but not really kill yourself is a way to win his friendship ? Who needs friends like that ?You seem to be 'mind-reading' here, and have other 'cognitive distortions;, I feel.
Furthermore, I feel, the last statement could be taken in a way as to upset this individual.
> Get some real help (you are very ill so you current help is not working).I think yoiu can ADVICE this person, but not best to TELL this patient what to do. How do you know this person is very ill? Give me a scientific definition of ANY psychiatric disorder (we are on a psyc webpage here!)
Maybe if you stop the obsessing, suicide attempts, and restricting of food dr bob would respond.This sounds as if you are assuming that this person, who you have defined as 'very ill', would finally have a response from someone whom they are 'obsessed with', once they STOP being ill.
Can you see what I am saying?
As it is the drama you create is manipulative. These are not qualities on looks for in a friend.
>People look for all different qualities in friends. You say that this individual engages in 'manipulative' behaviour....many people do- it is very common! Human beings aren't perfect (whatever 'perfect' means) If a person does indeed have manipulatitive behaviours, I feel that they should surely not be denied a friend for this!
> Keep in mind that the more dramatic attempts you make the less likely you are to have friends and the less dr bob will notice you and respond to. That is what happens when you are manipulative
In summary, I feel that maybe your message was a bit harsh. I feel it's best to be as gentle with each other as much as we can. Also, being on a site which is very much designed to attract psychiatric patients, I think the need to be gentle is even more so.I am not trying to be a smarty pants or anything. maybe you might construe this in such a manner.
I am not trying to be mean to you or anything. Like I said, I just feel it best to be gentle to each other.....
All the best!
Ace:)
Posted by ace on December 28, 2007, at 3:17:43
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, do you need a friend? » gottlieb666666, posted by Deneb on September 29, 2007, at 14:49:12
> :-(
>
> I'm sorry if I'm manipulative.Don't be sorry to anyone! If you feel you have traits you are not happy with, try your best to find pathways to fix them. You are just as good as anybody in this world!
I don't mean to be. I don't know how to be a normal person.
If you act in manipulative ways, i Feel you would not do this in a conscious way.
And what is 'a normal person'.?? There is NO defination that defines a human being, let alone a 'normal' human being! I feel you should do what you feel best for yourself, work hard on your life, and get help if you need it.
These are my feelings/thoughts. I felt a little sad and upset for you when I read this. You just seemed to perhaps be a little too 'down' on yourself.
Keep keeping on- there are ALWAYS people out there who will love for just the way you are!!! But most of all, try to love and appreciate yourself- even the bad points!!!!
Ace;)
>
This is the end of the thread.
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