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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 29 to 53 of 55. Go back in thread:
Posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:43:03
In reply to Re: + Deneb -, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:40:09
> I'm not telling you what to feel or not to feel - just as you feel accused - others might feel pressured by you to give you an apology by your statement.
>
> That's not fair either.
>
> No one asked you to apologize, & I feel very pressured by the statement "I deserve an apology".I didn't write that. I wrote that I *feel* like I deserve an apology. I'm not telling people to apologize.
Deneb*
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:47:07
In reply to Re: + Deneb - » one woman cine, posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:43:03
That is not my impression of your post.
& I must re-iterate - this thread is not about you.
Posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:49:03
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy!, posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:03:50
> Does anyone care that I feel accused in this thread?
>
> I feel like I deserve an apology
>
> Deneb*I'm not saying this thread is making me feel accused. I'm saying I feel accused.
Deneb*
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:51:35
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy!, posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:49:03
Ok, if this thread isn't making you feel accused -then why do you feel accused? Please explain to me in concrete terms that I can understand.
How do you feel accused?
Posted by Declan on February 15, 2007, at 13:52:06
In reply to Re: + Deneb -, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:40:09
Is it bad if we feel pressured?
O my goodness.
Posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:56:25
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy!, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:51:35
> Ok, if this thread isn't making you feel accused -then why do you feel accused? Please explain to me in concrete terms that I can understand.
>
> How do you feel accused?I don't want to explain it. I'm not sure I can. I don't even understand it all myself.
Deneb*
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:58:33
In reply to Something, posted by Declan on February 15, 2007, at 13:52:06
"Is it bad if we feel pressured?
O my goodness. "
Um, in case you didn't know Bob made a "i feel pressured" ruling - a short time ago. Check the archives.
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 14:01:56
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy! » one woman cine, posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:56:25
Then I don't understand how you can say - you "feel like you deserve an apology" if you can't explain how you feel accused. How can someone apologize for something they did to you that you don't even understand yourself?
I confess - I haven't had coffee yet.
Posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 14:05:40
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy!, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 14:01:56
> Then I don't understand how you can say - you "feel like you deserve an apology" if you can't explain how you feel accused. How can someone apologize for something they did to you that you don't even understand yourself?
>
> I confess - I haven't had coffee yet.I'm sorry. I think my words made people feel bad again. I always write the wrong things. :-(
I dunno what to write anymore. I just want everyone to feel good.
(((((((((everyone))))))))))))
Deneb*
Posted by Quintal on February 15, 2007, at 14:08:40
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy! » Declan, posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 15, 2007, at 12:41:55
>Well perhaps I'm quite mild mannered IRL, so civility things come naturally to me.
I was just thinking that actually. Our mild-mannered, good-natured Meri........ I suppose my fiery temperament is bound to get backs up and lead to blockings from time to time.
Q
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 14:10:51
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy! » Meri-Tuuli, posted by Quintal on February 15, 2007, at 14:08:40
If so, welcome back.
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 15, 2007, at 14:21:56
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy! » Meri-Tuuli, posted by Quintal on February 15, 2007, at 14:08:40
> Our mild-mannered, good-natured Meri........ I suppose my fiery temperament is bound to get backs up and lead to blockings from time to time.
That made me laugh out loud (not very mild mannered but hey). I'd rather be fiery. I'm too under-assertive.
Cucumber sandwich anyone?
Meri
Posted by fayeroe on February 15, 2007, at 14:33:30
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy! » Quintal, posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 15, 2007, at 14:21:56
> > Our mild-mannered, good-natured Meri........ I suppose my fiery temperament is bound to get backs up and lead to blockings from time to time.
>
> That made me laugh out loud (not very mild mannered but hey). I'd rather be fiery. I'm too under-assertive.
>
> Cucumber sandwich anyone?
>
> Meriyes, please......pat
>
>
Posted by Declan on February 15, 2007, at 17:30:56
In reply to Re: Something, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:58:33
Sometimes I feel that psychobabble is 'the expense of spirit in a waste of shame'.
Is that feeling pressured?
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 17:40:07
In reply to Pressure » one woman cine, posted by Declan on February 15, 2007, at 17:30:56
I'm not sure I understand your statement.
Are you feeling pressured?
Posted by Declan on February 15, 2007, at 17:54:40
In reply to Re: Pressure, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 17:40:07
My statement had no real logical pattern and therefore evaded comprehension.
Am I feeling pressured? I guess so.
As you suggest I should read the faq but I'm too lazy and passive-aggressive for that.
Posted by Declan on February 15, 2007, at 18:03:46
In reply to Re: Pressure, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 17:40:07
and adopted the Psychobabble code, I would say that I feel ****triggered**** by people arguing, but truly, who cares?
Posted by gabbi-2 on February 15, 2007, at 18:56:46
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy!, posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 14:05:40
Deneb, I think I'd feel accused too, if something I'd said in that vein was singled out. I'm particularly surprised in this situation because
1.
You were saying that you'd felt BAD about what you'd done, and that you weren't going to do it again..2. There are posts all over babble like yours
"I yelled at my kids.. my boyfriend, I told him to take a hike.. I wish I hadn't, I'd been drinking and I shouldn't have said it..Generally it seems that support is what those inspire.
"Well you had a bad day, we all do it"I'm often perplexed, not just here, everywhere! when I think that that the focus of civility or other social convention focussing on the feelings of "others" doesn't appear to acknowledge the feelings of the person who's behaviour is being questioned.
It's confusing to me, because I think civility, like genuine good manners are meant to make people feel at ease, and yet both can be so easily used to evoke the opposite feelings
((Deneb))
Posted by 64Bowtie on February 16, 2007, at 1:36:59
In reply to A civility question...., posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 14, 2007, at 3:35:31
IMO, central to your question is, "What about the lack of respect we are showing the recipient(s) of the in-civility???" IMO you are sharing feelings about the in-civility appearing equal in measure to a measured lack of respect for the recipients... Also, IMO, I share your concern...
In this light, I suggest that we take personal responsibility and refrain from these abstract in-civilities unless and until we are certain that we have a healthy dose of self-respect, and over a period of time, not just an aclamation or self-declaration...
Otherwise, how can we be sure of our motives and our intent??? Are'nt in-civilities sourced in griping, grumbling, complaining and gossipping???
IMO, YUP!!!
No matter how ruthlessly I assaulted those deserving my rath, griping/grumbling/complaining and gossip only hurt their feelings, thus never making a dent in their repulsive behavior... Eventually, this led me to question the wisdom of acting and speaking with in-civility...
When I was certain of myself and my healthy dose of self-respect, I no longer wasted my time 'hurting feelings'... I demanded responsibility and accountability in their altered and amended behaviors... The problems became solved, some sooner, some later...
Is'nt an in-civility a striking at others in order to inflict emotional pain by hurting their feelings???
Rod
Posted by zazenduckie on February 16, 2007, at 8:54:49
In reply to » Meri-Tuuli » civility question -vs- self-respect, posted by 64Bowtie on February 16, 2007, at 1:36:59
Are your statements about in-civility as the term is used on Babble? Do you believe those who are told to be civil or blocked by Bob have committed in-civility? If so, I strongly disagree with your statements.
> IMO, central to your question is, "What about the lack of respect we are showing the recipient(s) of the in-civility???" IMO you are sharing feelings about the in-civility appearing equal in measure to a measured lack of respect for the recipients... Also, IMO, I share your concern...
>
> In this light, I suggest that we take personal responsibility and refrain from these abstract in-civilities unless and until we are certain that we have a healthy dose of self-respect, and over a period of time, not just an aclamation or self-declaration...
>
> Otherwise, how can we be sure of our motives and our intent??? Are'nt in-civilities sourced in griping, grumbling, complaining and gossipping???
>
> IMO, YUP!!!IMO not at all.
I was blocked for 3 weeks for posting that I thought "ugly was a strong word to describe a particular thread". I wasn't griping, grumbling, complaining or gossiping. I was disagreeing. My self-respect was intact before during and after my post:)
Another poster was blocked for 30 weeks for stating that particular government leaders were destroying a particular civilization. He wasn't griping, grumbling, complaining or gossiping. He was thinking and drawing conclusions.
>
> No matter how ruthlessly I assaulted those deserving my rath, griping/grumbling/complaining and gossip only hurt their feelings, thus never making a dent in their repulsive behavior... Eventually, this led me to question the wisdom of acting and speaking with in-civility...
>
> When I was certain of myself and my healthy dose of self-respect, I no longer wasted my time 'hurting feelings'... I demanded responsibility and accountability in their altered and amended behaviors... The problems became solved, some sooner, some later...
>
> Is'nt an in-civility a striking at others in order to inflict emotional pain by hurting their feelings???Certainly not in the vast majority of cases on Babble which I have observed.
Posted by zazenduckie on February 16, 2007, at 9:03:46
In reply to If I took myself seriously, posted by Declan on February 15, 2007, at 18:03:46
Does it help if I cared but not enough to quit arguing?
sorry
> and adopted the Psychobabble code, I would say that I feel ****triggered**** by people arguing, but truly, who cares?
Posted by Declan on February 16, 2007, at 14:42:18
In reply to Re: If I took myself seriously » Declan, posted by zazenduckie on February 16, 2007, at 9:03:46
Posted by 64bowtie on February 23, 2007, at 15:56:59
In reply to Do you mean In-civility as defined by Bob? » 64Bowtie, posted by zazenduckie on February 16, 2007, at 8:54:49
> Are your statements about in-civility as the term is used on Babble? Do you believe those who are told to be civil or blocked by Bob have committed in-civility? If so, I strongly disagree with your statements.
>
<<<< In-civility is a general performance label... Are they performing with civility or not???
>
Rod
Posted by zazenduckie on February 24, 2007, at 11:04:50
In reply to » zaz » Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, posted by 64bowtie on February 23, 2007, at 15:56:59
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 26, 2007, at 0:08:28
In reply to + Deneb - » Deneb, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:28:57
> I feel it's unfair for you to demand an apology
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused.
But please don't take this personally, either, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please first see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
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