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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 13 to 37 of 55. Go back in thread:
Posted by Honore on February 15, 2007, at 0:19:55
In reply to Re: A civility question.... » Deneb, posted by fayeroe on February 14, 2007, at 22:40:55
Deneb was using the header of the post to which she was responding, not herself asking a question.
The original post in this thread cited something Deneb wrote, and Deneb was responding to that post, which was called "A Civility Question."
Honore
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 15, 2007, at 0:56:56
In reply to Re: A civility question...., posted by Deneb on February 14, 2007, at 20:58:51
How can we have one set of civility rules for one set of people, and another for another set of people?????????
In my mind, it is much more uncivil to curse your mother than it is a politician - the opposite is true here, which is just plain crazy.
Really, doesn't that just send alot of mixed messages to everyone?
Can't we have a blanket civility rule whereby we have to be polite to everyone?
Wouldn't this then be much clearer to everyone, clearer for those who police these boards, clearer for us posters?
And, people from this board are far from anonymous. Tensor, for instance, lives quite close to me. Suppose we go to the same hospital, and see the same psychiatric team. He hates them and doesn't feel afraid to say it here on babble in an uncivil way. I love them and feel hurt when he does that......
I really think that we should try to be civil to all groups of people at all times!
Posted by Declan on February 15, 2007, at 2:08:41
In reply to Well. This is all just crazy!, posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 15, 2007, at 0:56:56
Hey Merri
You're not going to suggest we shouldn't be able to run ourselves down next are you?
We need to be able to put the boot in to someone.
How's the weather?
Declan
Posted by madeline on February 15, 2007, at 7:10:25
In reply to Well. This is all just crazy!, posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 15, 2007, at 0:56:56
There are times when I need to say that I hate my furniture, my boss, the weather, my therapist etc...
It can be very helpful just to vent and I usually get of insight from posters about the way I feel.Sometimes this is the only place where I get that.
However, I do see your point. I have read posts that just dripped venom and that marked expression of anger can be very triggering.
So perhaps when someone needs to vent about something in their life a "vent warning" might be in order as a courtesy, not a requirement, to other posters?
We do that for other triggers, so maybe in this case it is a reasonable request.
Thinking back, most people already say "I need to vent" or "rant follows" when they do post.
But we can always do better.
Posted by Quintal on February 15, 2007, at 10:39:15
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy! » Meri-Tuuli, posted by Declan on February 15, 2007, at 2:08:41
>We need to be able to put the boot in to someone.
I thought that was one of the primal urges the civility guidelines were designed to curb.
Q
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 10:57:59
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy!, posted by madeline on February 15, 2007, at 7:10:25
"There are times when I need to say that I hate my furniture, my boss, the weather, my therapist etc...
It can be very helpful just to vent and I usually get of insight from posters about the way I feel.Sometimes this is the only place where I get that."
I see what your saying too - sometimes its easier to vent on babble because of the anonymity -
& I do think there is a difference venting between objects/weather etc. than venting against a person/group of people.
However, babble FAQ also says that it's not necessarily civil to say something, although it might be therapeutic IRL.
Honesty is not held in the same regard as civility - so the same would apply for a rant/vent. You may need to say it, it may be true - you might feel better after saying it - but it falls outside of babble civility guidelines.
& for me, it's a conundrum - the only mitigating factor is a person on babble "might be offended" -but no one has a rule book as to what might offend any particular poster - no one is a mind reader - so the guidelines are extremely interpretative, in my opinion.
& yes, some posts do drip venom and hostility, even with a trigger - I do not understand why not even a "re-phrase" is not usually called for.
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 15, 2007, at 12:38:54
In reply to civility versus honesty, including rants/vents » madeline, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 10:57:59
I'm not saying we can't vent/rant about stuff, just we do it in a civil way.
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 15, 2007, at 12:41:55
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy! » Meri-Tuuli, posted by Declan on February 15, 2007, at 2:08:41
I suppose....(about the boot thing). Yeah. But that doesn't mean we need to swear blind about it.
Well perhaps I'm quite mild mannered IRL, so civility things come naturally to me.
Can you pass the sugar please?
Yes, the weather has been postively tropical of late. Its only been -2C today, and believe me, that feels warm after the temperatures we've had!
Kind regards
Meri
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:02:45
In reply to Well...., posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 15, 2007, at 12:38:54
I dunno, sounds like an oxymoron to me.
Posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:03:50
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy! » Declan, posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 15, 2007, at 12:41:55
Does anyone care that I feel accused in this thread?
I feel like I deserve an apology
Deneb*
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:25:53
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy!, posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:03:50
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:28:57
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy!, posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:03:50
I feel it's unfair for you to demand an apology, especially given the nature of some of your distressing posts.
Do you care that people have repeatedly told you they uncomfortable and afraid for you?
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:34:24
In reply to + Deneb - » Deneb, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:28:57
Posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:36:14
In reply to + Deneb - » Deneb, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:28:57
> I feel it's unfair for you to demand an apology, especially given the nature of some of your distressing posts.
>
> Do you care that people have repeatedly told you they uncomfortable and afraid for you?I don't understand what that has to do with the current issues. I don't understand.
I feel accused. I just do. Please don't tell me what I should or shouldn't feel. It's invalidating.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:39:28
In reply to + I feel pressured and accused too. (nm) » one woman cine, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:34:24
Sorry you feel pressured and accused.
Deneb*
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:40:09
In reply to Re: + Deneb -, posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:36:14
I'm not telling you what to feel or not to feel - just as you feel accused - others might feel pressured by you to give you an apology by your statement.
That's not fair either.
No one asked you to apologize, & I feel very pressured by the statement "I deserve an apology".
Posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:43:03
In reply to Re: + Deneb -, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:40:09
> I'm not telling you what to feel or not to feel - just as you feel accused - others might feel pressured by you to give you an apology by your statement.
>
> That's not fair either.
>
> No one asked you to apologize, & I feel very pressured by the statement "I deserve an apology".I didn't write that. I wrote that I *feel* like I deserve an apology. I'm not telling people to apologize.
Deneb*
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:47:07
In reply to Re: + Deneb - » one woman cine, posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:43:03
That is not my impression of your post.
& I must re-iterate - this thread is not about you.
Posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:49:03
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy!, posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:03:50
> Does anyone care that I feel accused in this thread?
>
> I feel like I deserve an apology
>
> Deneb*I'm not saying this thread is making me feel accused. I'm saying I feel accused.
Deneb*
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:51:35
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy!, posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:49:03
Ok, if this thread isn't making you feel accused -then why do you feel accused? Please explain to me in concrete terms that I can understand.
How do you feel accused?
Posted by Declan on February 15, 2007, at 13:52:06
In reply to Re: + Deneb -, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:40:09
Is it bad if we feel pressured?
O my goodness.
Posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:56:25
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy!, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:51:35
> Ok, if this thread isn't making you feel accused -then why do you feel accused? Please explain to me in concrete terms that I can understand.
>
> How do you feel accused?I don't want to explain it. I'm not sure I can. I don't even understand it all myself.
Deneb*
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 13:58:33
In reply to Something, posted by Declan on February 15, 2007, at 13:52:06
"Is it bad if we feel pressured?
O my goodness. "
Um, in case you didn't know Bob made a "i feel pressured" ruling - a short time ago. Check the archives.
Posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 14:01:56
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy! » one woman cine, posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 13:56:25
Then I don't understand how you can say - you "feel like you deserve an apology" if you can't explain how you feel accused. How can someone apologize for something they did to you that you don't even understand yourself?
I confess - I haven't had coffee yet.
Posted by Deneb on February 15, 2007, at 14:05:40
In reply to Re: Well. This is all just crazy!, posted by one woman cine on February 15, 2007, at 14:01:56
> Then I don't understand how you can say - you "feel like you deserve an apology" if you can't explain how you feel accused. How can someone apologize for something they did to you that you don't even understand yourself?
>
> I confess - I haven't had coffee yet.I'm sorry. I think my words made people feel bad again. I always write the wrong things. :-(
I dunno what to write anymore. I just want everyone to feel good.
(((((((((everyone))))))))))))
Deneb*
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