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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 6, 2006, at 1:12:41
In reply to Re: reminder regarding other Babblers » Dr. Bob, posted by TexasChic on July 2, 2006, at 18:56:30
> I have to wonder, hypothetically, how would you respond to post where a person had their life threatened? Especially when its unclear whether or not they realize that it WAS a threat against their life and a very serious situation?
It's fine to post that you care about someone, hope they'll be safe, etc. And if they really feel they're not safe, they can call the police. Whom I would cooperate with.
Bob
Posted by gardenergirl on July 6, 2006, at 8:40:37
In reply to Re: threat against their life, posted by Dr. Bob on July 6, 2006, at 1:12:41
Does this still apply?
From the FAQ:
If someone abuses this feature, they'll be blocked from using it (and from posting). Likewise, if someone's blocked from posting, they'll be blocked from using babblemail. [The immediately preceding sentence will need to be edited if you continue the new Babblemail to blocked posters policy.] My plan isn't to monitor babblemail directly, but to ask recipients to contact me if they feel it's been abused. I guess if it comes to that, the usual civility guidelines will apply... .You have been contacted by someone regarding a potential abuse of babblemail. When and how will you be addressing this concern?
Thanks,
gg
Posted by TexasChic on July 6, 2006, at 12:54:47
In reply to Re: threat against their life, posted by Dr. Bob on July 6, 2006, at 1:12:41
I hope its okay, I'm going repeat what was said to this person.
>It's fine to post that you care about someone, hope they'll be safe, etc.
So if someone recieves an email that says, "you should be cut up and stir fried", you're supposed to say, "I care about you and hope you'll be safe"? How does this get across, "I'm very concerned about this situation and really think you should call the police"?
>And if they really feel they're not safe, they can call the police. Whom I would cooperate with.
But the point is I don't know if the person realized the situation deserved the attention of the police. I'm guessing this might just be an instance when you should babblemail them, rather than risk insulting someone? Is that what you're trying to say? Its hard to remember not to say something negative about a person who said someone else should be chopped up. But I guess that's where the whole civilty problem lies, just usually to a lesser degree (ie you're not supposed to say anything negative about someone no matter what the case).
-T
Posted by gardenergirl on July 6, 2006, at 14:12:56
In reply to Re: reminder regarding other Babblers, posted by Dr. Bob on July 2, 2006, at 12:25:47
> Emmy may have been referring to another Babbler, so although I'm glad she's receiving a lot of support, I'd like at the same time to remind everyone not to post anything that could lead another poster to feel accused or put down.
We know this now, but at the time of Emmy's post and subsequent replies, it was not apparent from any of the posts.
But given what has now been disclosed, is there something more you'd like to say about this, Dr. Bob? Perhaps something about the use of Babblemail and civility guidelines? Emmy's thread really has no bearing on potential consequences for another's behavior, does it?
gg
Posted by TexasChic on July 6, 2006, at 17:39:24
In reply to Re: threat against their life trigger » Dr. Bob, posted by TexasChic on July 6, 2006, at 12:54:47
I just want to say I know NOTHING about this other than what was said. I don't know who it was or the circumstances or anything. It could have been a bad joke for all I know. I was mainly using it as an example to try to find out how to handle such a situation. Like how you would tell a person you think they may be in a dangerous situation without being uncivil to the other person. Does that make sense?
-T
Posted by Dinah on July 6, 2006, at 17:46:04
In reply to Re: threat against their life trigger, posted by TexasChic on July 6, 2006, at 17:39:24
I think as long as you don't characterize what was said in any way, you should be fine. If you just state what concrete steps you would take if you received an email that said xxxx, that wouldn't be violating the civility guidelines. Neither would describing how you would feel if you received an email that said xxxx. But you can't use any adjectives to describe the contents of the message.
If that makes sense?
Posted by Dinah on July 6, 2006, at 17:46:50
In reply to Re: threat against their life trigger » TexasChic, posted by Dinah on July 6, 2006, at 17:46:04
Forgot to change the subject line.
Posted by TexasChic on July 6, 2006, at 18:46:33
In reply to Re: threat against their life trigger » TexasChic, posted by Dinah on July 6, 2006, at 17:46:04
This is what I said:
>I would consider going to the cops about this. Do you know who the person is? That's just not a normal thing for a person to say to another. It's just plain disturbing.What Dr Bob objected to was my saying it was 'not a normal thing for a person to say to another'.
So how would I rephrase that and still convey that I feel the situation may be more serious than the person thinks? If I were to say how I would feel if I got an email like that, I'd say, 'I would feel threatened by this.' But that's not civil either. So how would you say it?
Once again, I'm no longer talking about a particular person, but trying to find the correct way to respond to a hypothetical situation.
-T
Posted by Dinah on July 6, 2006, at 19:41:46
In reply to Re: threat against their life trigger » Dinah, posted by TexasChic on July 6, 2006, at 18:46:33
I think it would be civil to say "I would feel extremely concerned for my safety if I were to receive an email that said xxxxx. I would most likely contact the police."
That talks about *your* feelings without characterizing the email in a negative way.
If "threatened" isn't ok, it's probably because it can be a description of what someone did to you. While concerned describes only your feelings.
It's probably also wiser not to repeat what Dr. Bob has deemed to be uncivil. Better to link to it. Just to be on the safe side.
If Dr. Bob thinks I'm incorrect, I'm sure he'll explain where I'm wrong here. :)
Posted by TexasChic on July 6, 2006, at 20:21:55
In reply to Re: threat against their life trigger » TexasChic, posted by Dinah on July 6, 2006, at 19:41:46
>It's probably also wiser not to repeat what Dr. Bob has deemed to be uncivil. Better to link to it. Just to be on the safe side.
Oops! Sorry! I didn't know.
Thanks for you responses Dinah. That helped me understand.-T
Posted by Racer on July 8, 2006, at 0:25:38
In reply to Re: threat against their life trigger » TexasChic, posted by Dinah on July 6, 2006, at 19:41:46
>
>
> That talks about *your* feelings without characterizing the email in a negative way.
>
> If "threatened" isn't ok, it's probably because it can be a description of what someone did to you.I'm a little confused on this point, too. ("too," I'm afraid, in the sense that I seem to be living in a state of confusion, rather than that others are also confused by this same thing...) This is all just continuing TC's search for hypothetical enlightenment, with all the usual disclaimers.
Seriously, though -- wouldn't saying "I feel threatened" be an appropriate "I statement," since it deals with my feeling, rather than saying that someone had threatened me? I statements still confuse me, as you can probably tell, but I'm waiting anxiously to hear the response to this.
Of course, that's because I have an anxiety disorder, but still...
:-D
Posted by Dinah on July 8, 2006, at 9:36:45
In reply to Re: threat against their life trigger » Dinah, posted by Racer on July 8, 2006, at 0:25:38
I'm was going on the assumption that she had been told it wasn't ok, and trying to figure out why.
But... I think threatened can have different meanings? It can be both subjective and objective? And it might be better to avoid the possibility that Dr. Bob would read it as an objective statement by using a word that is only subjective.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 8, 2006, at 9:56:18
In reply to Re: threat against their life trigger » Racer, posted by Dinah on July 8, 2006, at 9:36:45
From the thesaurus in Word:
in danger
endangered
in jeapordy
vulnerable
susceptible
exposed
helpless
defenselessMaybe we should have a permanent link to a list of feeling words. Maybe the DBT handouts in the emotional regulation module that give all the different words for emotions by category? Even better, if you could then select a word and it pops into your text window....
Maybe that would help...
Or having emotional confetti nearby.
gg, with her tongue only slightly in cheek
Posted by TexasChic on July 8, 2006, at 11:53:12
In reply to Re: threat against their life trigger » Dinah, posted by Racer on July 8, 2006, at 0:25:38
Thanks Racer, I was beginning to feel like I was the only one having a problem understanding. Its funny because right before this post started I had taken an online, unofficial IQ test. I know it probably doesn't mean a whole lot, but I got a 131, which is high enough to join Mensa, so I was feeling all smart and everything. Then I started trying to understand all this stuff and just couldn't seem to wrap my mind around it, so I quickly realized I'm not exactly Steven Hawking.
I still don't understand completely, but I think I understand enough to know what's 'questionable'. Now its just a matter of remembering it when someone posts something that get's emotions all churned up! I've noticed we seem to get in the most trouble here when we feel indignant ON BEHALF of another person.
-T.
BTW, I only know about Mensa and Steven Hawking because of the Simpsons. :-)
Posted by TexasChic on July 8, 2006, at 12:35:49
In reply to Re: threat against their life trigger » Racer, posted by TexasChic on July 8, 2006, at 11:53:12
I finally found where this all started and am starting to understand a little better. I wouldn't have said anything negative if I had known this came from fellow posters getting upset with one another over sensitive issues. I thought it was just a random, frightening email sent to someone. Not that I think it was alright because of that, but I see now there was alot more involved than I knew.
I think seeking comfort with other babblers in social was a good thing. We were just rash to say all kinds of things because we didn't like the thought of one of our own being hurt. That comes from wanting to protect each other from a world that doesn't understand what its like to be us.
If I said anything to cause anyone to feel bad, I apologize. That certainly wasn't my intention. I hope all involved recover from this and feel better soon.
-T
Posted by tofuemmy on July 8, 2006, at 13:41:05
In reply to Re: threat against their life trigger, posted by TexasChic on July 8, 2006, at 12:35:49
Posted by TexasChic on July 8, 2006, at 19:58:20
In reply to Re: threat against their life trigger » Racer, posted by TexasChic on July 8, 2006, at 11:53:12
Thanks Emmy! I got your babblemail too. I'm glad it all came across as I intended it.
Oh, and I just wanted to say to Dr. Bob and everyone sorry I was so chatty on the post to Racer, I forgot I wasn't on social.
-T
This is the end of the thread.
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