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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 50. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on November 27, 2005, at 14:53:49
In reply to Re: please be civil » LipGloss, posted by Dr. Bob on November 27, 2005, at 13:42:34
I don't get it, Dr. Bob. I didn't see anything uncivil at all in this post.
Maaaayyyybeeee a Please Be Supportive, but I don't see a PBC.
You've let far more challenging statements go with no remark at all, haven't you?
I realize that hurt feelings did arise from the exchange, but that doesn't make a post uncivil, does it?
Anyhow, I just wanted to go on record.
Posted by alexandra_k on November 27, 2005, at 16:32:27
In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on November 27, 2005, at 14:53:49
> Maaaayyyybeeee a Please Be Supportive, but I don't see a PBC.
Well... There was a PBC in the thread header, but in the content of the post he said:
> Please respect the views of others even if you think they're wrong. Please be sensitive to their feelings. Please don't pressure them.
So I guess that was what he was thinking...
> I realize that hurt feelings did arise from the exchange, but that doesn't make a post uncivil, does it??
Maybe... It was to do with the poster appreciating that she was offended, and not backing down at that point... Maybe... It had to do with what Fallen had to say when this issue came up before. About... People not being supportive. I think... It is a really hard topic. And sometimes... People do want support for things that we find really very hard to support them in (believing it to be ultimately destructive). But I guess... In those circumstances we have to be careful to phrase things sensitively... Or to leave the thread for others who are able to do that.I probably shouldn't have jumped on the thread either...
Posted by Dinah on November 27, 2005, at 16:35:41
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by alexandra_k on November 27, 2005, at 16:32:27
I always have to skip those threads altogether nowadays.
Because apart from being a therapy advocate, I'm also a wife.
Posted by alexandra_k on November 27, 2005, at 16:56:33
In reply to Re: please be civil » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on November 27, 2005, at 16:35:41
> I always have to skip those threads altogether nowadays.
yeah. i try and avoid them... but then i read one... and i find it really very hard not to say something...
> Because apart from being a therapy advocate, I'm also a wife.yeah, i hear you there. i'm not a wife... but i just think about how i'd feel about that...
i dunno... i guess... i didn't think about that. admittedly... i was 14. but i didn't think about that... but i do believe i should have. i mean... i do think the burden is on him because he is in a position of authority. like the burden was on the guy i'm talking about because he was in a position of authority. but that doesn't absolve me. it does not :-(
Posted by Shortelise on November 27, 2005, at 20:22:29
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by alexandra_k on November 27, 2005, at 16:56:33
Here I am again, glad to find this discussed here.
It really is a loaded subject because for so many this falling in love with T's happens, we know T's should be ready for it, and know how to deal with it. It scares the bejeesus out of me, for one, that there might be T's out there - some too close for comfort? - who aren;t able to deal with it in a healthy therapeutic manner. I too don't read a lot of this stuff, in fact, lately I've had little to say on the psychology board, in large part because of this endless thing.
It's funny, when I think of it, I've thought that my T hated me, was disgusted by me, was tired of me, found me boring, shallow, etc., but never once has it entered my mind that he might be in love with me. He is not. Nor am I with him, though I feel attached and ... glad of him. I am very glad of him. There is no other way I can put it that expresses it as close to how I feel it.
I honestly think that Lipgloss, Voce, and both of you wrote very important things to think about. And Bob is in a delicate position. I don't know what I'd do in his position. It's important for me to get another perspective sometimes - I need to tell what's going on and have others tell me how it looks to them. It's a kind of "reality check" that I need. And when I see someone doing what appears to me to be scary, headed for pain behavior, it's hard not to say anything. That's why I don't read those posts.
A-k, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive yourself about what happened (what you did) at age 14. Honey, if it hadn't been you, it would have been someone else. And at 14, we think we know, but we don't know. As far as I am concerned, if it had been my husband, I would never, ever have blamed a young girl. Not ever.
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on November 28, 2005, at 9:53:55
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by alexandra_k on November 27, 2005, at 16:56:33
I don't think a fourteen year old can possibly be blamed, Alexandra. You should give yourself forgiveness.
On the other hand, I'd turn my husband over to the authorities for sure.
Posted by Dinah on November 28, 2005, at 9:57:01
In reply to dinah and a-k, posted by Shortelise on November 27, 2005, at 20:22:29
I just can't figure out why Dr. Bob thought it was uncivil, or even unsupportive.
Overall, it seems rather more supportive of the poster as a person than refraining from replying, as I do, is.
Posted by 10derHeart on November 28, 2005, at 12:43:29
In reply to Re: dinah and a-k » Shortelise, posted by Dinah on November 28, 2005, at 9:57:01
>Overall, it seems rather more supportive of the poster as a person than refraining from replying, as I do, is.<
My thoughts exactly about my own inability/unwillingness to reply to these kinds of threads.
For me, it's frustrating to no end. Yet so far, I still think it better not to write anything. I thought I was better than that with words, but perhaps not :-(
Posted by cricket on November 28, 2005, at 15:01:56
In reply to dinah and a-k, posted by Shortelise on November 27, 2005, at 20:22:29
Yes, I find it really hard to comment on these issues too.
In fact, I tend to shy away once the board gets too many of these types of posts.
I mean I know people struggle with these issues. But once it becomes a mutual "soulmates" type of situation, then I guess it stops being therapy.
Maybe these posts just belong on the relationship board.
I guess what would be interesting to figure out is why these posts bother me so much. I mean I do share concern about people getting hurt because it seems to be a very tricky situation but I think there is more to it than that. I definitely don't think I'm jealous.
Hmmm, I don't know. Therapy seems so serious and fraught with both so much potential and yet so much danger. I know I'm just thinking about where I'm at.
Also, Alex. I too was involved with a married man at a very young age. I guess it started when I was 9 (just kissing and cuddling stuff) and then progressed to sex at 14. We broke up when I was 18.I am sorry for it in some ways. His wife and kids (one of them was a year behind me in school) must have suffered a lot in those days.
But that man saved my life. He was the only one who would hold me and soothe me and tell me that I was okay. He owned a hair salon and I could stop in his store and he'd always have something for me to eat and a kind word.
He's still with his wife so I guess they managed to work it out and I'm sure that there were others besides me.
I think when there is just no love at home, kids (and 14 is really a kid, although I'm sure we didn't think of ourselves like that back then) will get it where they can. I think maybe it shows how vital we were. Still are I hope.
Posted by muffled on November 28, 2005, at 15:33:16
In reply to Re: please be civil Alex and Others, posted by cricket on November 28, 2005, at 15:01:56
Posted by Dinah on November 28, 2005, at 16:57:18
In reply to Re: please be civil Alex and Others, posted by cricket on November 28, 2005, at 15:01:56
I suggested that once to Dr. Bob (moving it to relationships or social), but he thought it still belonged on Psychological as long as love interest was also a person's therapist.
Posted by alexandra_k on November 28, 2005, at 17:52:11
In reply to Re: please be civil Alex and Others, posted by cricket on November 28, 2005, at 15:01:56
((((Cricket)))))
Yeah... Similar situation for me too.
And then...
Another one at 15
And another at 16
That one lasted up until...
Major depressive episode and my first hospitalisation at 19.
The first guy...
She had just had his second kid.
She blamed me because that was the only way she could take him back.
And she needed him.
I understand that now.
It was just that... I needed someone too.
And he was the first person to show any interest in me. To make me feel cared about.
Two church leaders and a teacher.
So yeah, those kinds of threads are majorly triggering for me too.
:-(
:-(
:-(
I'm sorryI found out that she threw him out a couple years later. Found all this child porn in his possession.
He called me a couple years ago.
I told him never to call again.
:-(
Posted by muffled on November 28, 2005, at 18:01:33
In reply to changing the header 'cause it scares me ;-), posted by alexandra_k on November 28, 2005, at 17:52:11
So sorry you've had so much hurt in your life :(
Those people should have known better.
You are beautiful inside Alex.
Muffled
Posted by 10derHeart on November 28, 2005, at 19:46:07
In reply to What the hell? :( :(:( (((((Alex)))) » alexandra_k, posted by muffled on November 28, 2005, at 18:01:33
Posted by Dinah on November 28, 2005, at 19:54:03
In reply to Oops..muffled *meant* to write: heck or h*ll :-) (nm), posted by 10derHeart on November 28, 2005, at 19:46:07
hell
Posted by Dinah on November 28, 2005, at 19:54:40
In reply to Looks like that word's ok?, posted by Dinah on November 28, 2005, at 19:54:03
And Merriam Webster doesn't call it vulgar.
Posted by muffled on November 28, 2005, at 19:54:43
In reply to Oops..muffled *meant* to write: heck or h*ll :-) (nm), posted by 10derHeart on November 28, 2005, at 19:46:07
Thanks 10der. Wonder why the auto thing didn't take it out? Maybe its not a swear? I dunno. Sorry.
Muffled.
Posted by muffled on November 28, 2005, at 19:57:18
In reply to Yep. No auto asterisking., posted by Dinah on November 28, 2005, at 19:54:40
Posted by alexandra_k on November 28, 2005, at 19:57:23
In reply to What the hell? :( :(:( (((((Alex)))) » alexandra_k, posted by muffled on November 28, 2005, at 18:01:33
i should have known better
and i did
but that didn't stop mei'm sorry
i think i need to go away
i really can't / shouldn't talk / think about this
Posted by muffled on November 28, 2005, at 20:11:14
In reply to Re: What the hell? :( :(:( (((((Alex)))), posted by alexandra_k on November 28, 2005, at 19:57:23
> i should have known better
> and i did
> but that didn't stop me
>
> i'm sorry
> i think i need to go away
> i really can't / shouldn't talk / think about this***Two church leaders and a teacher vs. a teenager.
Hmmmmm. Who's the adult? Whos in position of authority?
Alex, I'm serious, you really are great. We have all made mistakes, and you were so young, screwed up. Teens are young, they THINK they know it all and are adults, but they don't, not really. You did what you had to do at the time, but you're doing so much better now. And you help people here. You have helped me.
Thats a question I asked my T. Why do I hurt myself when I know its wrong? Why do I take such risks with myself safety when I know it would absolutely devastate my kids if I died? WHy, why, why? She said its an age old question. People always been that way. Everybody is. We just not perfect. We just goto do the best we can and leave the past mistakes behind, the past is past. She said it way better...
oh Alex (((((((Alex))))))) :(
Muffled
ps. I'm done stupid sh*t too, so if you're gonna be kicking *sses, kick mine too. Hard.
Posted by Declan on November 28, 2005, at 22:54:32
In reply to Re: please be civil Alex and Others, posted by cricket on November 28, 2005, at 15:01:56
Hi there
I guess this is slightly off topic, but anyway. There was a man in Brisbane, a Parliamentary Secretary, who had sex with about a thousand boys over decades. Not one of them complained, which says something about the loneliness and lack of touch that boys can experience. Eventually in some other way, I forget how, all this came to light, his house was searched and his detailed records became public knowledge. He killed himself before his trial came up. Written up by Paul Wilson in "The Man They Called A Monster".
Declan
Posted by 10derHeart on November 28, 2005, at 23:24:23
In reply to Yep. No auto asterisking., posted by Dinah on November 28, 2005, at 19:54:40
Posted by muffled on November 28, 2005, at 23:27:39
In reply to sorry. nevermind. stupid assumption :-( (nm) » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on November 28, 2005, at 23:24:23
Posted by muffled on November 28, 2005, at 23:32:12
In reply to Re: sorry. Not stupid.Very kind.:) (nm) » 10derHeart, posted by muffled on November 28, 2005, at 23:27:39
Yeah, thanks for watching my *ss 10der. F*cking son of a b*tch *ss of mines NEEDS watching!!!!!Thanks!
Muffled :)
Posted by muffled on November 28, 2005, at 23:33:25
In reply to Re: sorry. Not stupid.Very kind.:) » muffled, posted by muffled on November 28, 2005, at 23:32:12
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