![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daisym on June 25, 2005, at 17:39:40
I know I'm biased but don't you think giving Emmy a pbc was harsh since you didn't at least caution pinkeye? Just because she apologized doesn't mean she didn't upset me. She admitted herself that she was projecting.
My initial reaction when I read her post was feeling like someone had slapped me and called me a fool. Equally bad, I felt she had insulted my therapist (not that he would care). I would say that is feeling put down.
I know this probably won't do any good but I felt the need to lodge the protest anyway.
Posted by gabbii on June 25, 2005, at 18:09:24
In reply to Protesting pbc, posted by daisym on June 25, 2005, at 17:39:40
why Annieroses post recieved a thank-you from you, and Emmy's post recieved a P.B.C?
Annierose I apologize, I agreed with your post, and an apology to Susan for bringing this up, when you've already apologized. I am confused by Dr. Bob's seeming inconsistancy though.
****Re: please be civil » TofuEmmy
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 25, 2005, at 12:17:10
In reply to Re: Daisy - I am worried for you » pinkeye, posted by TofuEmmy on June 24, 2005, at 20:32:26> What I haven't seen is a hearfelt apology to Daisy for saying anything upsetting at this difficult time.
>
> I care a great deal for my friend Daisy. She has offered me such gracious support. I felt compelled to rise up and shield her by posting these comments.It's great to want to support Daisy, but please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused.
In reply to Re: Can't get past this HATRED, posted by margie24 on June 9, 2005, at 2:46:10Susan, I think you were a bit rough on poor Margie. I try not to say anything if I cannot be supportive to someone and their situation.
AnnieroseRe: thanks for posting that (nm) » annierose Dr. Bob 6/9/05
Posted by gardenergirl on June 26, 2005, at 0:03:11
In reply to Yes, Dr. Bob could you please explain.., posted by gabbii on June 25, 2005, at 18:09:24
That IS hard to understand.
gg
Posted by crushedout on June 26, 2005, at 10:30:55
In reply to Yes, Dr. Bob could you please explain.., posted by gabbii on June 25, 2005, at 18:09:24
Yup, seems like a perfect example of inconsistency.
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 27, 2005, at 0:26:11
In reply to Yes, Dr. Bob could you please explain.., posted by gabbii on June 25, 2005, at 18:09:24
> I know I'm biased but don't you think giving Emmy a pbc was harsh since you didn't at least caution pinkeye? Just because she apologized doesn't mean she didn't upset me.
>
> daisymI'm sorry you felt upset. I know an apology doesn't undo that, but at the same time, I do appreciate and want to encourage apologizing.
--
> could you please explain
> why Annieroses post recieved a thank-you from you, and Emmy's post recieved a P.B.C?Though it upset Daisy, I didn't consider pinkeye's post uncivil.
Bob
Posted by daisym on June 27, 2005, at 2:05:03
In reply to Re: upset, posted by Dr. Bob on June 27, 2005, at 0:26:11
the question wasn't really why pinkeye didn't get one, it was why Emmy did. There seems to be an inconsistency of rules application.
OK, I'm letting it go now.
Posted by gabbii on June 27, 2005, at 14:08:33
In reply to that wasn't the question » Dr. Bob, posted by daisym on June 27, 2005, at 2:05:03
Let me see if I can get into Dr. Bob's head.. :i
I think what he was saying was.. because he didn't find Pinkeye's post to be uncivil himself, he thought Emmy was out of line in asking her to apologize. In the other situation, I think he agreed that Susan was being uncivil, therefore it was okay for for another poster to call her on what she'd said.
I don't agree with it at all. You were hurt, Emmy is your friend, and she knew you would be hurt whether or not it was deemed "Uncivil" by Dr. Bob
I think the tail is wagging the dog, the purpose of "civil" behaviour is (among other things) to prevent hurt feelings, it's purposeless as an arbitrary set of rules. That's what I think happened though. Whew..
.
Posted by 10derHeart on June 27, 2005, at 17:01:27
In reply to Re: that wasn't the question, posted by gabbii on June 27, 2005, at 14:08:33
that's just what I saw happen, too, gabbi. I just get stuck as to how to word stuff like this...
Glad you are good at stating it clearly when the need arises. Wish it wasn't necessary :-(
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 27, 2005, at 17:13:13
In reply to Re: that wasn't the question, posted by gabbii on June 27, 2005, at 14:08:33
> I think what he was saying was.. because he didn't find Pinkeye's post to be uncivil himself, he thought Emmy was out of line in asking her to apologize. In the other situation, I think he agreed that Susan was being uncivil, therefore it was okay for for another poster to call her on what she'd said.
That's the idea. Except I didn't see it as just asking her to apologize, either. I know everyone has their own style, but for example, I think it would've been different if she had simply posted:
> I think you were a bit rough on Daisy's poor T. I try to be EXTREMELY cautious in even coming close to criticizing someone's therapist.
Bob
Posted by TofuEmmy on June 27, 2005, at 17:45:57
In reply to Re: that wasn't the question, posted by Dr. Bob on June 27, 2005, at 17:13:13
Bob - Not that it will make any difference...
Falls attempted to explain the same thing I did, but Falls was so kind and cautious that, by her own admission, Pinkeye did not understand Daisy was very upset with her post. So, I was very concrete in my explanation. Then, Pinkeye understood completely. IMO, in this case, the end justified the means.
But, I'm always game for a block when it's for a good cause.
emmy
Posted by gardenergirl on June 27, 2005, at 19:17:02
In reply to Re: that wasn't the question » Dr. Bob, posted by TofuEmmy on June 27, 2005, at 17:45:57
Definitely was a good cause, but I'm glad you did not get blocked. :)
gg
Posted by TofuEmmy on June 27, 2005, at 20:33:24
In reply to Re: that wasn't the question » TofuEmmy, posted by gardenergirl on June 27, 2005, at 19:17:02
A friend is someone you'd get blocked for!
:-)
Posted by pinkeye on June 30, 2005, at 20:13:53
In reply to Definition » gardenergirl, posted by TofuEmmy on June 27, 2005, at 20:33:24
For what it is worth, I felt little put down by TofuEmmy's post. I felt really good replying to fallsfall, but TofuEmmy was little too harsh.
I agree I was not sensitive to Daisy in my initial post and I was projecting my own fears and it was not the right thing to do,( and I am sorry for that Daisy). But I was really not trying to put her down or her therapist. I really honestly think extremely high of Daisy's therapist and Daisy. Maybe you can understand it as something like "Oh he is so extremely good and nice, what if he slips even once, and how will you be affected". That was my intention. I didn't mean that he slipped before or now.. It was only a projection into the future, and speculative worry - just like we do worry for a great performer - what if he doesn't perform well in the stage kind of thing.
Even though I didn't mean it the way it came across, I realized it hurt Daisy and I apologized. But I felt TofuEmmy could have worded it better herself - more along how Dr. Bob had said.. She could have said something like - "I read your reply to Fallsfall post, but I think you don't realize how hurt Daisy is by your post. I would appreciate it if you understand how upset she is and apologize more".
Two hurts doesn't make something right.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 2, 2005, at 11:29:37
In reply to Definition » gardenergirl, posted by TofuEmmy on June 27, 2005, at 20:33:24
Hmmm, kind of like the bodyguards who throw themselves in the line of fire to protect their charge?
Oh wait, that's different. Friends do this 'cause they care. Bodyguards get paid.
You are a very caring person, Em.
((((tofubutt))))
gg
Posted by gabbii on July 2, 2005, at 18:26:49
In reply to Re: Definition » TofuEmmy, posted by pinkeye on June 30, 2005, at 20:13:53
But I was really not trying to put her down or her therapist. I really honestly think extremely high of Daisy's therapist and Daisy. Maybe you can understand it as something like "Oh he is so extremely good and nice, what if he slips even once, and how will you be affected". That was my intention.
I'm not sure by the way your post was worded, if you you think it would have been okay to have asked the question if you'd worded it like you did above.
I think that could add an awful lot of stress to someone who's already in a great deal of pain, It's not an issue for her and can't possibly be answered. To me it's like saying to someone who's already at wit's end "Wow, what if you ever lose your job how will you pay your mortgage?" Or "Your husband is so wonderful, what would you do if he left you?"
What's the good in asking such a question?
Posted by pinkeye on July 2, 2005, at 18:39:02
In reply to Re: Definition- Pinkeye » pinkeye, posted by gabbii on July 2, 2005, at 18:26:49
That is true. That is why I apologized. Except that I didn't intend it in a sarcastic or putting down kind of way. But I see how it could have been interpreted as a sarcasm.
I was more like trying to caution her that even he could slip, and asking her to protect herself against taking a severe beating if it happens. It is like when you are dating and you meet a fascinating guy who is extremely good we tell friends "He seems too good to be true.. You enjoy the time, but also remember that people do slip and may not be great all the time".. It is of course pointless I think, but my feeling was like what I said above.
TofuEmmy didn't seem to just ask me to apologize.. It was more like she was accusing me of trying to hurt Daisy.. which is why I felt put down.
> I'm not sure by the way your post was worded, if you you think it would have been okay to have asked the question if you'd worded it like you did above.
> I think that could add an awful lot of stress to someone who's already in a great deal of pain, It's not an issue for her and can't possibly be answered. To me it's like saying to someone who's already at wit's end "Wow, what if you ever lose your job how will you pay your mortgage?" Or "Your husband is so wonderful, what would you do if he left you?"
> What's the good in asking such a question?
Posted by TofuEmmy on July 2, 2005, at 21:03:38
In reply to Re: Definition- Pinkeye » gabbii, posted by pinkeye on July 2, 2005, at 18:39:02
"It was more like she was accusing me of trying to hurt Daisy..."
I absolutely never believed that you intentionally set out to hurt Daisy. I'm sorry that wasn't more clear in my post.
em
Posted by pinkeye on July 2, 2005, at 21:14:32
In reply to Re: Definition » pinkeye, posted by TofuEmmy on July 2, 2005, at 21:03:38
Ok. I am sorry I didn't understand what you meant also.
I hope now all the confusion is cleared :-)
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Administration | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.