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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by waki on September 6, 2004, at 17:17:55
I stopped by to see what goes on here in admin because I heard you people rip each other to shreds.
Do some of you posters find you enjoy ripping someone up (abusing) after you dissagree?
I have to admit from just a breif glance some of you people are ruthless on each other.
All I can say is this is really hard core.
Posted by Lou Pilder on September 6, 2004, at 19:26:26
In reply to purpose of admin board, posted by waki on September 6, 2004, at 17:17:55
Waki,
You wrote,[...my glance here shows me that some of you people are ruthless...].
Could you share with us what you saw in your glance that made you write that and could you advance some suggestions that could change the situation to the better? If you could, I would be appreciative because the perspective from a person that {has a brief glance} could be clearer than ,but not necessarrily,, the perspective from someone that has been in the forum for a long time.
Lou
Posted by Waki on September 6, 2004, at 22:04:31
In reply to Lou's reply to Waki » waki, posted by Lou Pilder on September 6, 2004, at 19:26:26
Hi Lou,
I don't want to point out specific posts because it would cause the particular poster to defend their statement. Defense just perpuates more of what I saw.
I have been personally trying to avoid negitive vibes, and conflict, simply to help my anxiety dissorder.
There are hurt people out there from these posts, in which I had to look for myself. I can see why they are hurt, in which I thought I'd post the observation.
Read through the posts and look for words like "frustration", "maddening", "wearing on me", "being compassionate", "please be civil".
These words and phrases are all symptoms of conflict out of control.Debate and discussion does not have to be to the point that the above phrases have to be used or people have to be blocked.
The tongue can be more harmful then a sword, I am sure you know.
I practice a Japanese concept called "Kaizen", it means continuous improvement, ongoing improvement or change and improve.
I don't see any improvement out of 80% of the postings, I see conflict and consoling for damage done.
There was an excellent post to start a discussion posting for "relationships with others". This in my opinion is constructive, chaging and ongoing improvement.
Relationships is a great topic. It's ironic that I find serious relationship problems when I glanced at these postings.
Quick story:
One company I was doing a "turn-around" with had serious conflict with relationships among other problems. I finally figured out it was due to a failure to communicately correctly. Office people were literly emailing co-workers two desks down. Humorious as it sounds, I took some time out and had everyone stand up and introduce themselves. Everyone laughed in which I asked we try an experiment. For one month I asked that no one email each other. I cannot tell you what an improvement this made in relationships. I learned that emails can be hurtful if not carefully written.You see Lou, wars are started from lack of communication. First it's a difference of opinion, then it's lack of communication, then it's rationalizing one trying to be significant over the other.
I see no difference from a robber showing he's more significant to the victim with a gun verse someone hurting another with words.
I find there are four types of people.
1) Care and know
2) Don't care and know
3) Care and don't know
4) Don't care and don't knowI sincerely believe that posters who have hurt individuals fall under catagory 3. They care but did not know the negitive effect.
If I can change one person to not hurt another person then my posting was worth while.
Take care,
Posted by Waki on September 6, 2004, at 22:14:18
In reply to Re: Lou's reply to Waki, posted by Waki on September 6, 2004, at 22:04:31
I wish this message board had an edit key, which would be an improvement. Maybe someone would read thier post and retract it. Maybe a person would not have to repost with an addition made.
These type of changes might be admin improvements.
I think part of the problem also arises that one believes they have to convince others to agree with their point.
A very powerful tool that is not used often enough is the ability to "agree to dissagree" or the simple tool of listening.
An old guru once told me, we have two ears and one mouth because were were designed to listen twice as much as we speak. I always thought that he gave me excellent advise.
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 7, 2004, at 2:17:33
In reply to Re: Waki's reply to Lou, posted by Waki on September 6, 2004, at 22:14:18
> I heard you people rip each other to shreds.
>
> I have to admit from just a breif glance some of you people are ruthless on each other.Sorry, but I need to ask you not to post anything that could lead others to feel accused.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups in this thread should of course themselves be civil, too.
That said, the below are all good points:
> Debate and discussion does not have to be to the point that the above phrases have to be used or people have to be blocked.
>
> The tongue can be more harmful then a sword, I am sure you know.
>
> emails can be hurtful if not carefully written.
>
> I sincerely believe that posters who have hurt individuals ... care but did not know the negitive effect.> I think part of the problem also arises that one believes they have to convince others to agree with their point.
>
> A very powerful tool that is not used often enough is the ability to "agree to dissagree" or the simple tool of listening.> I wish this message board had an edit key, which would be an improvement. Maybe someone would read thier post and retract it. Maybe a person would not have to repost with an addition made.
IMO, reposting isn't the worst thing in the world, but an edit key has in fact been discussed before:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20030404/msgs/224641.html
Bob
Posted by SAW on September 7, 2004, at 2:30:17
In reply to Re: please be civil » Waki, posted by Dr. Bob on September 7, 2004, at 2:17:33
Posted by SAW on September 7, 2004, at 2:40:10
In reply to IMO? (nm), posted by SAW on September 7, 2004, at 2:30:17
Forgot to add my post - now I *really* feel dumb.
My question was: "Please please please forgive my stupidity, but what does IMO mean?"
Posted by Larry Hoover on September 7, 2004, at 8:35:20
In reply to Re: IMO? - OOPS, posted by SAW on September 7, 2004, at 2:40:10
> Forgot to add my post - now I *really* feel dumb.
>
> My question was: "Please please please forgive my stupidity, but what does IMO mean?"In My Opinion.
Alternative versions:
IMHO--In my humble opinion
IMNSHO--In my not so humble opinion
IMCO--In my considered opinionHere's a sample list:
http://acro.harvard.edu/GEI/smileys.htmlLar
P.S. What's SAW stand for....smiling and waving?
Posted by SAW on September 7, 2004, at 9:12:56
In reply to Re: IMO? - OOPS » SAW, posted by Larry Hoover on September 7, 2004, at 8:35:20
But of course, I couldn't even figure it out in context with the sentence. (Got my stupid hat on today).
I like smiling and waving much better than my initials!
Thanks for responding.
Sabrina
Posted by Shar on September 7, 2004, at 23:15:24
In reply to Re: IMO? - OOPS » SAW, posted by Larry Hoover on September 7, 2004, at 8:35:20
I love that link you gave! Thanks so much. Now, I can say so much more with so many fewer letters!!
lol,
Shar
This is the end of the thread.
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