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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 29. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by dinah 2 on May 26, 2002, at 9:17:22
I am blocking myself for far longer than a week. I'm blocking myself from Open as well.
Because quite frankly this place is making me sick.
Posted by Lou Pilder on May 26, 2002, at 9:27:56
In reply to No need to block me Dr. Bob., posted by dinah 2 on May 26, 2002, at 9:17:22
Dinah 2,
Would you write a post telling us what is making you sick? Your claification could be of great value to others if they had more infomation as to what is making you sick.
Lou
Posted by Ron Hill on May 26, 2002, at 10:30:13
In reply to No need to block me Dr. Bob., posted by dinah 2 on May 26, 2002, at 9:17:22
Posted by krazy kat on May 26, 2002, at 11:11:04
In reply to No need to block me Dr. Bob., posted by dinah 2 on May 26, 2002, at 9:17:22
Dinah:
I certainly don't see anything you've done that would warrant blocking, regardless, but that's obviously mho.
I almost just let this go, but want to make sure that there is some sort of closure in case you decide not to return.
I think you are a wonderful person with a very caring, but also very overly sensitive, soul. You don't just fall into the 'Highly Sensitive People' category (I'm thinking of the book) as I had suggested at a point, because I understand some of those feelings. I don't understand the issues you have had recently on the board.
You seem to have internalized the pain from your childhood and perhaps elsewhere and you're letting it eat you up inside. I hope that you can somehow continue to work on it, as I know you mentioned you are going to be starting Luvox and that will get in the way. Please don't forget that getting through that pain may be very healthy for others in your life, too.
I decided to post this on Babble, rather than an email, so that others' may add/refute. So many wonderful insights here.
It does seem like this site only furthers your pain. I'm sorry. Good luck.
If you need to cut off email, etc., feel free - no hard feelings.
Take care.
- kk
Posted by mair on May 26, 2002, at 11:53:22
In reply to choosing our battles... » dinah 2, posted by krazy kat on May 26, 2002, at 11:11:04
Dinah
It really pains me to watch what you put yourself through on this Board sometimes. You are without any doubt, one of the most intelligent and articulate participants on this board, and of course caring as well. You've been an immense help to me - I'm sure more than you might appreciate. However, maybe because of the OCD you do seem to have a tough time just letting things go - and the longer you hold onto them the more hurt and emotionally involved you become. - it's not the first thought you have that gets you in trouble, it's the second an beyond.
I decided late last night that my "transference" answer to your question about why get offended on others' behalf was not anywhere near as glib a response as it sounded to me at first. In fact I started writing you a more serious second reply when I stopped because I realized that "transference" ( or some form of it as I understand the concept) might be my answer again. There's a difference between simply putting yourself in someone else's shoes, and putting them on and then wearing those shoes around until they become your own. I think KK is right - that some interactions on the board maybe trigger some childhood memories that then need to be played out. I think there's nothing wrong with that - I think that happens to all of us, but it seems to cause you greater pain than most in the process, and you seem to have a greater problem avoiding those situations that upset you so much.
I hope you find a way to strike a balance on the board - that allows you to participate, contribute and ask for the support we all need, without tormenting yourself in the process - no one on the Board is worth that much torment and nothing the Board can offer you is worth that either.
Please take care of yourself.
Mair
Posted by dinah final on May 26, 2002, at 16:21:52
In reply to choosing our battles... » dinah 2, posted by krazy kat on May 26, 2002, at 11:11:04
And I just won't have you make it into a mental illness.
Yes I was teased in middle school, but I in part used that as an excuse here because I suspected that psychological issues would be given greater weight than values. I also used them as an attempt to be kind to my friends here, to try not to show disrespect to them, and in an attempt to be nonjudgemental.
The truth is that I was standing up for the one being attacked by the many from the first time I entered a group situation, kindergarten. Long before I had any "issues". And I will stand up for the one being attacked by the many to my dying day. A day I hope will not be too far off, because damn it there are far too many ones being attacked by the many's.
It may surprise you all to hear that there are others who share my values.
Some of my closest friends on this board have hurt me deeply by attacking my core values and trying to make them pathological.
And since Dr. Bob has repeatedly admonished the rest of you for saying what you have said to Lou, while not giving Lou a single please be civil, I can only imagine that he does not consider respect for the individual a pathological condition. It beats me why you keep ignoring Dr. Bob and it also is amazing to me that he keeps letting you do it time and time again.
Lou, you continue to keep to the high road, and let others choose their own roads. Because civility does come down to a choice.
Posted by dinah final on May 26, 2002, at 16:33:18
In reply to It's called E-M-P-A-T-H-Y, posted by dinah final on May 26, 2002, at 16:21:52
And I know what's coming. Where's my empathy for the others. Well, if they are honest, there are a few of them who will admit that I tried to be empathetic and careful of their feelings as well.
So don't even try that one.
Posted by dinah final on May 26, 2002, at 17:38:13
In reply to Re: It's called E-M-P-A-T-H-Y, posted by dinah final on May 26, 2002, at 16:33:18
In fact please don't. I'm blocking myself and you'll be rid of me if you just don't say anything to upset me sufficiently to come back.
Posted by krazy kat on May 26, 2002, at 17:41:56
In reply to No need to respond., posted by dinah final on May 26, 2002, at 17:38:13
I have to say I am completely at a loss as to how this got to this point.
I'll send you a potentially "final" email, I guess, Dinah, but you, of course, don't have to read it, etc.
I don't know what to say - I hope you can find some happiness.
- kk
Posted by krazy kat on May 26, 2002, at 17:52:48
In reply to No need to respond., posted by dinah final on May 26, 2002, at 17:38:13
so, you "attack" then shut down your address. Thanks. That really leaves me feeling, oh, a tad upset.
I'm posting this here, then. A block is worth it, Dinah, because you have been so protected by your friends here, and then you do this. It's unacceptable:
First of all, you hurt me, too. Ever think of that possibility?
I have walked as delicately on egg shells as possible in this "relationship" dinah. I have defended you, and worked on my understanding of your sensitivities. I have apologized when I've done nothing wrong, and will not do that again.
I was responding to your own comments re: your sensitivities and your concerns that the board was not good for you. I was Supporting you. I thought we understood each other that far.
You have some serious issues with personalizing things, Dinah. Also, your ability to "read into" things is incredible. Again, I have defended you in this, tried to point out that you are "literal".
I stand by my post. You need to learn how to handle adversity better. You Know my intentions are good, yet even I am "out to get you".
I cannot be in a relationship where I have to second guess everything I say.
I am tired, and sick, myself and don't need this.
The End.
Posted by dinah yet again on May 26, 2002, at 18:58:39
In reply to well.... » dinah final, posted by krazy kat on May 26, 2002, at 17:52:48
the shutting down of my email address was nothing personal krazy kat. it never occurred to me that anyone would want it.
i sent it to you at an old email address of yours. i think i remember that you shut it down but it's the only one i have. if you wish to yell at me in person, feel free.
i am sorry you have such a negative opinion of me krazy kat. i deserve it i'm sure. i do not defend myself, merely my ideals. on the other hand i will always remember you with the utmost kindness. and i had hoped that i had treated you with kindness as well. i suppose i failed.
if anyone else would like my email address, just let me know. again my take on it is that no one has any particular interest in it.
sorry for hurting you krazy kat.
Posted by krazy kat on May 26, 2002, at 19:16:45
In reply to Re: well.... » krazy kat, posted by dinah yet again on May 26, 2002, at 18:58:39
Posted by dinah yet again on May 26, 2002, at 19:22:01
In reply to i hope this gets resolved for you someday. (nm) » dinah yet again, posted by krazy kat on May 26, 2002, at 19:16:45
again, any amends i can make? i've admitted responsibility and expressed remorse.
Posted by dinah yet again on May 26, 2002, at 19:25:27
In reply to Re: choosing our battles...- Dinah, posted by mair on May 26, 2002, at 11:53:22
i'm sorry i took offense. if you would like my email address i'll send it to you. but don't worry if you don't. no problem.
Posted by dinah yet again on May 26, 2002, at 19:31:34
In reply to sorry to you too mair, posted by dinah yet again on May 26, 2002, at 19:25:27
well judging from kat's response, no one will want my email address. so i will close that one as well.
no offense to you. all my fault. i have serious relationship problems and no one could possibly want to be in contact with me.
no offense to you at all mair. i am just a terrible person not worth knowing.
Posted by dinah yet again on May 26, 2002, at 19:35:03
In reply to i hope this gets resolved for you someday. (nm) » dinah yet again, posted by krazy kat on May 26, 2002, at 19:16:45
I will still remember me with kindness. Even if you will leave chat in the unlikely event i should enter. Even if my emails are refused. Even if you do think of me with enormous ill will.
I will remember your kindnesses before your email.
Posted by Zo on May 26, 2002, at 19:52:50
In reply to It's called E-M-P-A-T-H-Y, posted by dinah final on May 26, 2002, at 16:21:52
>It beats me why you keep ignoring Dr. Bob and it also is amazing to me that he keeps letting you do it time and time again.
>Well, Dinah, maybe there's something in it? Don't file this under attack---I'm just bringing up the idea. . that instead of suggesting that Bob is at fault, and all the rest of us--wouldn't it be easier on you to. . .extend a little trust?
I think you're falling into a trap I've fallen into many times. . is it okay if I lend a hand, then, or will it get bitten off? The trap is thinking in terms of right and wrong--which sometimes backfires against us. In this case, well, of course you don't want to feel wrong. . .so you are making Bob and everyone else wrong, so you can feel right. It's only normal. I think when we carry it too far though, things like this happen. Think about it--this is the place where people understand feelings! Understand, if you do screw up! Understand, because they've gone through it, just about anything you can think, do or feel.
It's nice to stand up for perceived underdogs. . .but any Right Action exists in a context. It's the context that tell us *how* to do Right Action. Stay an idealist, a person with convictions! But for heaven's sake, keep an ear always open for what your friends and peers are saying. That's a rich source of guidance I know, for me, if I wobble off course.
Be well,
Zo
Posted by dinah yet again on May 26, 2002, at 20:08:46
In reply to Re: It's called E-M-P-A-T-H-Y » dinah final, posted by Zo on May 26, 2002, at 19:52:50
and i don't mind being wrong. not at all. admit to it freely. not this time, about kindness, but in general.
and i got the message of my friends loud and clear. i thank them for their feedback. it does make me realize that i'm not cut out for group :) and i will miss them. but if you end up having your friends dislike you.... Many months of friendship ruined in a couple of days. I guess that's how the real world works. I always hear about it from other people, but i tend to keep my few friends for decades.
well i guess you were right about me all along zo.
today you have been kind and i thank you. today i can use all the kindness i can get.
Posted by Mair on May 26, 2002, at 21:24:43
In reply to sorry to you too mair, posted by dinah yet again on May 26, 2002, at 19:25:27
I have no intention of letting you slip away that easily unless of course you want to be left alone. Please email me your new address. The notion that your friends, presumably me included, think you're a bad person and want nothing more to do with you is preposterous.
Mair
Posted by Zo on May 26, 2002, at 22:07:42
In reply to well zo, i never blamed dr. bob, posted by dinah yet again on May 26, 2002, at 20:08:46
. . I don't even know what I've been right about, but it sounds like it was something really awful, so I wouldn't listen to me if I were you! ; )
Take care,
Zo
Posted by krazy kat on May 26, 2002, at 22:31:31
In reply to well zo, i never blamed dr. bob, posted by dinah yet again on May 26, 2002, at 20:08:46
>> but if you end up having your friends dislike you.... Many months of friendship ruined in a couple of days. I guess that's how the real world works.
-- maybe i'm just "better" enough not to be able to handle this as well as i did initially, but you have been going back and forth with the concepts i mentioned much more so lately, and i am just worn out.
>> I always hear about it from other people, but i tend to keep my few friends for decades.
-- so do i. but, dinah, saying things, then retracting them, then reworking them, then making blanket statements such as "i'm not good enough" or whatever - that's not going to develop good relationships... it makes the people on the other end feel guilty even when they're right...
good luck. no ill feelings...
- k.
Posted by Ron Hill on May 26, 2002, at 23:49:41
In reply to Re: sorry to you too mair, posted by dinah yet again on May 26, 2002, at 19:31:34
> i am just a terrible person not worth knowing.
-------------Dinah,
I couldn't disagree more. At the risk of sounding patronizing, may I tell you that I am impressed by who you are as a person? I have read all of your posts on PSB and PSA during the last couple of days. I don't see where you did anything wrong. In fact, you seemed to go out of your way to not return tit for tat.
I don't know you Dinah, so I am reluctant to get too personal for fear of appearing inappropriate. But I'd like to share the following three observations I've made of you while reading your posts for three days. May I share? Thank you.
1. You have a very tender heart and a deep desire for justice. You are not afraid to risk rejection by your peers to stand up for someone that you don't even know but who happens to need an advocate. That takes strength, courage, and compassion. I have respect for you Dinah.
2. When your convictions are stirred, you write with bridled passion and conviction. Your writing is articulate and terse, yet tempered with a caring tone.
3. As a result of your righteous convictions, disagreements and conflicts arise, but conflict seems to bother your intensely. Here's what I mean. When you get involved in an e-mail (posting) exchange that is slightly confrontational in tone, do you continually replay the exchange over and over in you mind? And does the perceived severity of the confrontation escalate with each replay until it feels so intense that it seems best to just accept full blame for the ordeal in order to stop the replay tapes?
Dinah, my take is off at times so please don't be offended if I have missed it on this one. My motive is pure.
Someone that I hold in high regard says that we need to have the heart of a kitten and the hide of a rhinoceros. You've already got the first ingredient, please ask the Lord to give the second.
In my personal life, there have been extended seasons when I wore my emotions on my sleeves. And, at times, I still do. For most of my fifty years of life I just assumed that I was hard wired to be a hypersensitive person. You know, part of my genetic make-up, if you will. However, I now understand that it has a lot more to do with brain chemistry than it does genetics. In other words, with the correct meds, my brain chemistry does not get knocked all out of whack when conflict (or another "crisis") arises. As a result, I am able to let the personal attacts roll off my back like water off a duck (or like darts off a rhino).
Okay, let's review; heart of kitten is good, rhino skin is required, and brain chemistry may affect thickness of rhino skin. I hope you keep posting. Your contributions to the boards are beneficial.
Hey just a head's up. I think Dr. Bob wants us to use only one registered screen name, so you might want to pick one and go with it, or should I say STAY with it since I want you to stay.
-- Ron
Posted by Angel Girl on May 27, 2002, at 0:29:02
In reply to Heart and Hide » dinah yet again, posted by Ron Hill on May 26, 2002, at 23:49:41
RonI know your post was addressed to Dinah but how you described her is how "I" would describe myself. May I be so bold to ask you what meds have allowed you that thicker skin that "I" so desperately need???
I apologize for intruding on this discussion.
Angel Girl
Posted by Ron Hill on May 27, 2002, at 0:39:54
In reply to Re: Heart and Hide - Ron Hill, posted by Angel Girl on May 27, 2002, at 0:29:02
see you at PB!
Posted by Angel Girl on May 27, 2002, at 1:47:35
In reply to Angel Girl, please allow me to redirect this to PB » Angel Girl, posted by Ron Hill on May 27, 2002, at 0:39:54
Ron
I can't find your re-direct at PB. :(
Angel Girl
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