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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Fi on May 17, 2002, at 9:21:20
Is anyone else a bit more anxious about not hearing back from people who have posted about feeling suicidal, since Sar's death?
I know its happened several times before, and that they may be in hospital, or not using the Board- which of course is absolutely up to them. I wouldnt want anyone to feel *obliged* to post.
It always worried me a bit, and its not a mega-issue for me. I was just wondering how the rest of you were about it?
Fi
Posted by IsoM on May 17, 2002, at 11:56:22
In reply to Coping with not hearing from people, posted by Fi on May 17, 2002, at 9:21:20
Definitely get thinking of others' situations when I haven't seen a post from someone who normally posts more often, wondering how they're coping & hoping they're okay. Not to the point of getting paranoid about it, but I am concerned. I don't think we're alone in feeling this way considering the number of posts that will ask another how they're doing 'cause they haven't heard from them recently.
Posted by Mair on May 17, 2002, at 22:34:27
In reply to Coping with not hearing from people, posted by Fi on May 17, 2002, at 9:21:20
People used to come and go and you never knew why they disappeared. It's entirely possible that some of them committed suicide and we would have no way of knowing. With the advent of the PSB Board, I think some connections are stronger and many more people now seem to exchange email addresses, and we all seem to know bits and pieces about other Board members. I think maybe we get to feel a little more "invested" in one another's well being although in this forum we don't have usually have the means to check up on someone who simply won't respond.
Finding out about Sar's death was probably unique, but it did sort of highlight the limitations of internet connections. I wish people wouldn't post crisis type messages unless they're willing to respond to the replies, and I wish people wouldn't leave the Board without letting people know that this is a choice they've made. Like others, I really do worry about people, and I'm still worried about some people who disappeared without warning before Sar died, and others, of course, since then. Before I heard about Sar's death I was worried about her because her posting absence was longer than usual, and she hadn't responded to an email message. Obviously i was right to be concerned, but really I don't think I knew enough to have been able to track her down. This is pretty much true of everyone else I know on the Board.
Mair
Mair
Posted by NikkiT2 on May 18, 2002, at 10:29:58
In reply to I Agree, posted by Mair on May 17, 2002, at 22:34:27
I ahve a little list, in a closed envelope (though my husband knows it where abouts) with people to contact if anything happens to me.. i worry so much about people simply not knowing... My husband knows about it, and it lists some poeple I know on line that i would like informed.. As for PB - Tina is on the list so she would be able to let anyone know!!
Nikki
Posted by mair on May 18, 2002, at 10:41:59
In reply to Re: I Agree » Mair, posted by NikkiT2 on May 18, 2002, at 10:29:58
I hope it never comes to that, but I think what you've done is very thoughtful and is an acknowledgment that internet relationships can be very real, if different.
Mair
Posted by NikkiT2 on May 19, 2002, at 9:30:51
In reply to Re: Nikki, posted by mair on May 18, 2002, at 10:41:59
I count my internet friendshiips as highly as i count my "real time" friendships.. I met my husband on line so I guess I can see hat a friendship online can turn into!!!
My list isn't just for suicide.. for hospitalisation at short notice, for accidents.. anything that would mean I was out of contact for a while.. I'd hate for people to be worrying about me..
I think finding one person you can trust on line and giving them real contact details is quite important too.. just in case!!!
Nikki
Posted by fi on May 19, 2002, at 13:13:28
In reply to I Agree, posted by Mair on May 17, 2002, at 22:34:27
Thanks for those thoughtful comments.
I think one thing which should be stressed is that we cant contact a third party to help people we are concerned about (eg email their pdoc…). I’m sure that’s obvious, but its so important to be clear on it. If we felt that we could summon help for someone, the responsibility would be overwhelming.
I also worried about people before. I was lucky in that the one I was most concerned about did post to the list again, once she was over being so acutely suicidal. I’ve always prioritised people posting when they wanted to, and not feeling obliged to. But maybe it is worth pointing out that anyone who posts when suicidal does the rest of us a favour if they post again, once they have some hope and are starting to feel better.
I realised a year or so ago it might be a good idea to have a list of where I keep key documents, as I live on my own. I keep it at work so its not a useful aid for any burglars! I’m not expecting my sister to need it (certainly in the next 30 years or so), but I can see its useful. I hadn’t thought of Nikki’s idea of people to contact, and will add that. Good idea- none of us knows if something might happen to us.
I’m pleased to say that some of the seeds I planted in memory of Sar have come through, by the way.
Fi
Posted by IsoM on May 19, 2002, at 13:27:50
In reply to Re: I Agree, posted by fi on May 19, 2002, at 13:13:28
Talking about that, has anyone heard from Lili lately? She was so full of anger & despair. I haven't seen anything from her for quite a while.
Posted by Fi on May 20, 2002, at 7:04:45
In reply to Keeping Track of People... » fi, posted by IsoM on May 19, 2002, at 13:27:50
Posted by Krazy Kat on May 20, 2002, at 18:12:45
In reply to Coping with not hearing from people, posted by Fi on May 17, 2002, at 9:21:20
There's probably a real sensitivity to the "loss" of posters also because of Sar's recent death.
It is tough, isn't it? I feel an obligation to the board because I post here. When I take little breaks, or attempt to take a larger one :), I usually come back and read and then get pulled into certain posts again. I try to answer any threads I've started.
I'm not sure it's bad to feel obligated. We do have an obligation to those who care about us. But, of course, when one is really at despair's edge, one becomes very internalized.
If there is a real connection between two people here, it is probably best to exchange emails and keep up that way. When a person doesn't respond to an email for an extended period, there is real reason to worry.
Does anyone know if people can exchange e-mails confidentially on the site?
- kk
Posted by IsoM on May 21, 2002, at 1:41:53
In reply to Re: Coping with not hearing from people, posted by Krazy Kat on May 20, 2002, at 18:12:45
> "Does anyone know if people can exchange e-mails confidentially on the site?"
Maybe we could e-mail Dr. Bob & ask him if he'd pass our address on to the person we'd like to contact? I'm not sure if he'd want the extra work, but I know of no other way about it.
Posted by Dr. Bob on May 23, 2002, at 0:56:14
In reply to Re: Coping with not hearing from people, posted by Krazy Kat on May 20, 2002, at 18:12:45
> Does anyone know if people can exchange e-mails confidentially on the site?
I've been working on this, and I think it's close to ready, but I want to test it out a little more before going live...
Bob
Posted by IsoM on May 23, 2002, at 2:29:23
In reply to Re: exchange e-mails confidentially, posted by Dr. Bob on May 23, 2002, at 0:56:14
Posted by jane d on May 24, 2002, at 10:25:25
In reply to Re: exchange e-mails confidentially, posted by Dr. Bob on May 23, 2002, at 0:56:14
This is the end of the thread.
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