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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 3, 2012, at 20:47:54
wierd posting topic, but this is the state of thinking im in right now. Grey...no excitement, alot of things look worn down from my reality. It was my choice to end up like this or to even choose to have this mental mindset, but you can always have the will power to change the way you think....word of enourgement for anyone who reads this....
anways this is what happened 3 days ago...i was out with some people doing some methamphetamuine they had pot and herione but that's not my way to go...i usally like to be up and sharp not sloppy and stumbling...but I lost my car, I gave near 600 dollers to these drugs idiots that are professional liars, deciet, manipulators, they screwed me over. I only got maybe 3 lines of cocaine...they told me to take some roofies when they left the hotel to sell drugs at titty bars. I woke up didnt rerember who I was for about 15min and then all reality came back and it was awful, took some more roofies of course like a half a pill to just calm down from the anxiety of the situation of my car being stolen and I had get back home...my mom came to pick me up, the dude was with who stole my money, my car...begged me to stay at my house, but he took my credit card too...if he came he would start robbing me and my family of everything we had....omgod this f ucking buisness is lowlife discusting disease way of thinking. Theo only reason I stayed with them is because they kept telling me the stuff was coming and it never got their expect for a little methamphetmine and roofies, they lied and took everything. And now, alot of people know what happened and their going to put me in category of low status. I've got to work my way out of this, this is not me....the sick way they treated people and the enourmous amount of sex releated stuff that was envolved....never again.
But listen, all that's passed me now, and im back to normal....no methamphetamine in my system for about 4-5 days. Its just when I am sober my mind goes back to its sluggish way of doing things and I feel vary much lifeless in the way I think and do thing. I resort to eating, smoking, doing things that directly stimulate pleasure exepct for gambling, I never gamble, im stupid at it I would lose everything. Just this state of mind I see everything in a grey-numb like feeling, and have a pessimistic view of reality as a protection mechanism to not have to deal with trama. My psychologst said what I had descibed to him was dissociation...but not an idenity disorder...its just things go numb because im overloaded with intense feelings of unpleasantness for no reason at all. It's like I was born to be in a bad mood for the rest of my life. All this stuff I posted before abour lucifer....first of all methamphtamine iducded, 2nd it was a way of trying to change my reality from this miserable state of mind I'm in. That's why I think psychics and mediums are really intresting or anything that relates to an expanded mind, because that's what I want to achieve. Antyways....this is just a post, I would be vary happy if some knew how to relate to this nonsense...but pretty much sure no one...;)
thank you for reading friend....
rj
Posted by SLS on July 4, 2012, at 0:58:28
In reply to Pessimistic and Pale looking, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 3, 2012, at 20:47:54
You are a hell of a lot more intelligent than you portray yourself as being. However, you are also a hell of a lot more of a drug addict than you seem able to recognize. You might not be able to do much about any affective disorder you currently suffer from, but you can do things about the way your psyche operates and the behavioral loops you find yourself caught up in. In my estimation, you need intense psychotherapy and drug addiction remediation. Perhaps NA would work for you, as you seem to be interested in spirituality and the role that a higher power can play in people's lives. 12-step programs aren't for everyone, though. If it isn't the right fit for you, there are plenty of other drug-addiction counselors out there, including MICA programs.
- Scott
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 4, 2012, at 13:30:06
In reply to Re: Pessimistic and Pale looking, posted by SLS on July 4, 2012, at 0:58:28
Hey scott, thanks for the post...the only thing I'm trying to make this aware of is not the part of the drug addicted person that people portrey me as....i understand why because the way I post of using methamphetamine and the people I got envolved with but there is like another underlying reason...like i mentioned in the post, its this grey numb feeling i expierience when im sober....its like I can't relate to reality because of the enourmous amount of pain that will show up if I don't feel numb. My psychologist said its dissociation....i know what it is...but its not the main problem...people have gotten vary angry at me for doing stupid things that would be common sense to the average person...i do things like drive with directions and miss the exit which I should of been aware that it was their....people think i do these things on purpose to be a dumb *ss, and its not true this is how I am....i need help from some people to do things that a normal person would already absorb and understand. This is why I used methamphetamine because it keeps me sharp and alert and of course that false feeling of confidence it gives due to the rise of dopamine in the froutal cortex. People I know will label me drug addict and will not listen to me and understand what the main root problem is...if it is so called drug addiction its not the main problem...its a symptom of something that causes me to resort to using substances to numb or enhace my ability to do things, I am vary aware that once your an addict you always be an addict. That is true...i read some articles of people being clean for 20 years and more and then resort to their past behaviors and do things exactly the way they did them in active addiction.
Look im really looking for some options, I know of NA i still go their 4 times a week but I have trouble understanding their philipohy and don't ask them these simple questions because I know they will think im stupid....i have a dreaded fear of someone labeling me as an idiot because it has happened over and over...i just try to avoid it from happening again.
Thank you for your post....
rj
Posted by SLS on July 4, 2012, at 19:58:54
In reply to Re: Pessimistic and Pale looking, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 4, 2012, at 13:30:06
> Hey scott, thanks for the post...the only thing I'm trying to make this aware of is not the part of the drug addicted person that people portrey me as....i understand why because the way I post of using methamphetamine and the people I got envolved with but there is like another underlying reason...like i mentioned in the post, its this grey numb feeling i expierience when im sober....its like I can't relate to reality because of the enourmous amount of pain that will show up if I don't feel numb. My psychologist said its dissociation....i know what it is...but its not the main problem...people have gotten vary angry at me for doing stupid things that would be common sense to the average person...i do things like drive with directions and miss the exit which I should of been aware that it was their....people think i do these things on purpose to be a dumb *ss, and its not true this is how I am....i need help from some people to do things that a normal person would already absorb and understand. This is why I used methamphetamine because it keeps me sharp and alert and of course that false feeling of confidence it gives due to the rise of dopamine in the froutal cortex. People I know will label me drug addict and will not listen to me and understand what the main root problem is...if it is so called drug addiction its not the main problem...its a symptom of something that causes me to resort to using substances to numb or enhace my ability to do things, I am vary aware that once your an addict you always be an addict. That is true...i read some articles of people being clean for 20 years and more and then resort to their past behaviors and do things exactly the way they did them in active addiction.
>
> Look im really looking for some options, I know of NA i still go their 4 times a week but I have trouble understanding their philipohy and don't ask them these simple questions because I know they will think im stupid....i have a dreaded fear of someone labeling me as an idiot because it has happened over and over...i just try to avoid it from happening again.
>
> Thank you for your post....
> rj
I would like to reiterate that your posts on Psycho-Babble demonstrate that you are highly intelligent. I would also like to emphasize that some of what you describe as feelings of numbness and emptiness can be accounted for by dysthymia or perhaps major depressive disorder. If for you, one of these illnesses produces slowed thoughts and cognitive/memory impairments - which they can - that would explain a great deal about the way you function cognitively. It is like having a V8 engine operating on 2 cylinders for lack of sufficient fuel.Have you had tests for other conditions like hypothyroidism?
- Scott
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 4, 2012, at 23:40:41
In reply to Re: Pessimistic and Pale looking » rjlockhart04-08, posted by SLS on July 4, 2012, at 19:58:54
Yea...thanks scott for your post again, i actaully have depression i've been diagnosed with it multiple times but the root cause of it happening is because my mind is slow at processing things....even how intelligent i write these posts, if you would see me in real life and see how long it takes me to understand a joke...or do simple things that people could figure out in vary little amount of time...maybe, but really its mixed depression with some dissociation which was personally chosen by me to numb out reality. Methamphetamine makes me feel like i enjoy life...and can do anything I put my mind too...it gives you that feeling that you just want to continually be aggressive in solving a problem...its due to the high amounts of dopamine being released and reuptaked too...when it wears off you lose your superconfidence ablitites.
Hypothyroidism? ok yea...that is a good point...i havent thought about that...thanks!!
listen, all this anxiety and this depression is from a mental defieciny with not being able to do things normally, or doing things in a slow and bizarre manner...that's just who I am...i do things diffrent.
anyways thanks for posting...
rj
Posted by SLS on July 5, 2012, at 6:28:11
In reply to Re: Pessimistic and Pale looking, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 4, 2012, at 23:40:41
With severe depression, and yours does seem moderate-to-severe, the cognitive and memory impairments that are integral to the disease come first. They can get worse with age, so it is imperative to fix the problem now and not go for cheap "highs" if you resist the temptation. You would be preserving your brain tissue for achieving the goal of full remission. If your drive to feel good is insatiable, that is very understandable, and I judge you not. Only you can do this fairly.
Much of your depression right now is reactive in that anyone would experience it were they have to endure the trauma, pain, and, seeming intellectual inferiority when you compare yourself to the rest of the world. Welcome to the world of hippocampal / LPFC hypofunctiona, a subsidiary of affective disorder.
I would look into Bipolar / ADD comorbid
I hope some of this makes sense.If not. Please ask question.
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on July 5, 2012, at 10:44:53
In reply to Re: Pessimistic and Pale looking » rjlockhart04-08, posted by SLS on July 5, 2012, at 6:28:11
And RJ matt to me until one doc said you had Asperger's you have kind of given up. It doesn't mean you are less intelligent probably more so. Please stop putting yourself down and be you. Love Phillipa
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 5, 2012, at 20:37:02
In reply to Re: Pessimistic and Pale looking » rjlockhart04-08, posted by SLS on July 5, 2012, at 6:28:11
scott, i've been through these diagnosis before.....but i may have to go back the way I came to figure out why I am so low and not functioning. It's like my mind choose to not be active due to errors that caused me to be humiliated in front of other people and recieve condenmnation from many. Still.....i've always had this passive mindset even since i was a teenager so theirs not really any cause for this. I feel like I waste my time posting here....i feel like im a waste of time myself because I choose to not do things that are productive. I don't even want think about my problems because it will make me in worse mood, and plus people critize me for going on loops and circles in my thinking...not here...like people i've met and they say that I think the same thing over, say the same things over...ugh, its not pleasant.
anyways....that's all
thanks for posting....
rj
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 5, 2012, at 20:41:20
In reply to Re: Pessimistic and Pale looking, posted by Phillipa on July 5, 2012, at 10:44:53
hey phillipa
yea when that diagnosis was made it was not pleasant, i started getting alot of bad raps from people of being a borderline idiot...i do have good intelligence seriously, but it just is hard to show in certain situations. I think im like expierncing a reminission of thinking and my thinking is going backwards instead of forwards...i should be growing or be a full adult now, im 25. I mean I should of been fully going when I was 18...but there was alot of stuff that got in the way, and caused me to have to go on Benzos to calm my mental anxiety.
yea....things will get better...this nasty mindstate I put myself in to block out reality is actaully i think causin me to become sick in thinking. I've got to redo it and start over.
thanks for posting
rj
Posted by Phillipa on July 5, 2012, at 21:46:39
In reply to Re: Pessimistic and Pale looking, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 5, 2012, at 20:41:20
You listen to your second Mom stop the illegal drugs and stop beating yourself up you are smart and intelligent and don't allow anyone to say anything different. Love Phillipa
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 5, 2012, at 22:15:06
In reply to Re: Pessimistic and Pale looking » rjlockhart04-08, posted by Phillipa on July 5, 2012, at 21:46:39
thanks:)
just to say it again: people in the blackmarket if they know your not aware of their deciet plans they will take advantage and screw you over....these people gave me roofies and told me they where xanax and it completly made me forget what happened but still I got up and tried to deal with situation of my car being stolen, called my doctor. If they know they can take advantage, including forcing you to have sex with them...they'll do it. It's not big suprise and I should of been aware this was going to happen. It's just I got sucked into their words of granduer of telling me the'll get everything and take care of me. Not fun.
anyways, im on facebook too so catch up with me there....thanks mom:)
rj
This is the end of the thread.
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