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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 34. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Cydnie on December 28, 2010, at 16:38:53
I tried to, I hate typing this and am pausing before each word, I took a bunch of pills, drank more than Jim Morrison's share of wine, and took a bath Christmas night, and held my head under the water. I don't remember exactly what happened, but I did wake up the next day. My husband had gone off on me on Christmas Eve, and left and went to my family's house (who I would have spent Christmas with along with my baby and husband) and "vented" (but later learned was a lot of half truths, some outright lies, and nothing about what he had done). My family felt oh so bad for my poor husband, because he has been caretaking - he says he has caretaker burden because I am a chronic pain sufferer, and have been sick on and off since my baby was born, and then of course dealing with my post partum depression. He just couldn't take it for another moment. I had just a few days before been taken to the ER for what my doctor thought was a brain aneurysm (I thought I was going to die in those few days) and he had to take off from work and make arrangements, and I heard about how hard it has been for him. It turned out I had a toxic reaction to a thyroid medication that another doctor told me I should never had been prescribed. Before the ER, I had lost my memory, was stuttering, couldn't walk, and of course we had to get babysitters, and he told me that was draining our bank account. Anyway, he came home on Christmas and told me he wanted me to leave the house, wouldn't give me any money, and wanted a divorce. My father called him and left him a message saying Merry Christmas to him, not a mention of me. He calmed down when I went up to our bedroom, where I spent the entire day in bed crying. He later came to me to tell me it was all caregiver's burden and he took it out on me, and would tell my parents the truth, including how he's shoved me around (even when I was pregnant). He told them, and has apologized up and down, and is saying everything will change, and though I don't believe it, I want to. I just want to stop hurting, and don't want to die, and am trying to think of a way out of this pain in some way other than finishing what I started the other night. I've never missed a Xmas in my life (my husband's Jewish, so it has been so nice, we celebrated both holidays). I can't seem to feel better each day that goes by, and all I want to do is get out. I have no money, no where to go, and I still have this chronic pain and am sick (I did say to him I understood how hard it was for him to deal with me always being sick or in pain, but could he try to imagine how hard it was for me, actually feeling all of this for so long?) I think he's just so sick of it. Me too. I just happened to see a bit of House last night where he dealt with a chronic pain sufferer who just wanted to die, and he told her he understood more than she knew. I wished my husband could. He's had shingles for a few weeks (and hasn't stopped complaining about it), and I told him to imagine having that every day. Anyway, I'm alone, and I know everyone here is in some sort of pain too. I just wanted some understanding from someone, in a few words, I know it's not easy to give when you feel awful too. But if anyone can, thank you. Thank for listening to me vent too!
Posted by Phillipa on December 28, 2010, at 19:04:36
In reply to In need of kind, gentle support, posted by Cydnie on December 28, 2010, at 16:38:53
Cyndie so sorry sounds like a horrible Christmas for you. Please don't hurt yourself. Remember you have a baby to care for and I'm betting your baby loves you a whole lot. What kind of medications are you on. Seeing a pdoc? You do need to call someone for help. You sound so fragile. And an anuresym thankfully you are alive!!!! Did they operate to fix it? And what did the thyroid drug do to you? And why shouldn't it have been prescribed for you. Some hidden pieces. Thinking of you. Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on December 28, 2010, at 20:52:41
In reply to In need of kind, gentle support, posted by Cydnie on December 28, 2010, at 16:38:53
I am very sorry to hear about that has happened to you in such a short time. Are you on pain meds now that you are no longer pregnant? Or are you breast feeding and still need to stay away from them?
Do you have a friend who would be able to help you right now? If you do have someone, don't be shy to ask for help. I know you probably think you are a burden, but you are not. You would help a friend in need in a flash.
Or is there somewhere that you can go and stay? Perhaps a woman's shelter? I am sure that there are places out there that can help, the problem is locating them.
Keep posting, ok? *gentle hugs*
Posted by Cydnie on December 29, 2010, at 11:38:20
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support » Cydnie, posted by Phillipa on December 28, 2010, at 19:04:36
Oh, fragile. That seems like the perfect word. Thanks for writing to me, Philippa and Maxime are always so great about that. Thank you both. I just wanted to answer your questions. It turned out not to be an aneurysm, but a toxic reaction to the synthroid. What another doctor told me was, it needn't have been prescribed by this endo because I was barely hypo, and it was a big dose, which sent my levels skyrocketing every day worse and worse until I was having amnesia, stuttering, couldn't walk, couldn't think straight, and bled so much in my bed, and all over the floor, my husband had to mop everything up. It was so crazy, I'm so scared of taking a new medication! We're supposed to trust our doctors. I feel so alone. My baby is high needs as well, so all of this took a toll on me and my husband and our marriage. Today is the first day we're talking. We'll see where it goes! Thank you both :)
Posted by Cydnie on December 29, 2010, at 11:41:30
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support » Cydnie, posted by Maxime on December 28, 2010, at 20:52:41
Maxime, I forgot to mention I am on pain meds. The endo made me feel awful for taking them, he told me I should not be taking so many medications (for depression, and for my pain) and I should stop all of them and just take synthroid. I felt awful for taking percocets after talking to him for some reason, guilty almost, weak. I'm in a med management program so they monitor it, and do urine testing, and help me with my pain, but somehow despite all that, I felt like I was doing something wrong. Now I am thinking of doing a cleanse, and going to a naturopath and dropping my pain meds. We;ll see. Thank you so much again for the support!
Posted by Phillipa on December 29, 2010, at 21:04:40
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support, posted by Cydnie on December 29, 2010, at 11:38:20
I feel the endo was negligent if he/she prescribed a dose that was way too high. Did you contact the endo when you started feeling so bad? Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on December 30, 2010, at 0:42:17
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support » Maxime, posted by Cydnie on December 29, 2010, at 11:41:30
> Maxime, I forgot to mention I am on pain meds. The endo made me feel awful for taking them, he told me I should not be taking so many medications (for depression, and for my pain) and I should stop all of them and just take synthroid. I felt awful for taking percocets after talking to him for some reason, guilty almost, weak. I'm in a med management program so they monitor it, and do urine testing, and help me with my pain, but somehow despite all that, I felt like I was doing something wrong. Now I am thinking of doing a cleanse, and going to a naturopath and dropping my pain meds. We;ll see. Thank you so much again for the support!
You are not doing anything wrong by taking pain meds. You are taking precautions by being in a med management programme. That endo. was negligent in telling you these things.
I don't know if it's a good idea to drop your pain meds right now. You are still not stable and if you have a lot of pain on top of the depression, well, that is not good.
Take care,
Maxime
Posted by Cydnie on December 30, 2010, at 17:12:19
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support » Cydnie, posted by Phillipa on December 29, 2010, at 21:04:40
I did let the endo's assistant know that I was having an adverse reaction, and she called back and told us, "He says you should stop taking it." That was it, no other answers to any other questions, no other suggestions. I just saw my therapist and she told me I need to disregard the endo, and to definitely disregard what he told me about stopping my pain meds. She told me if I am barely getting by in this much pain, why would I stop? I was a little surprised though when I told her I was suicidal, she told me we need to set up some kind of structure to my days. That seems like a good long term solution, but I'm in crisis. It was only our 3rd session so she doesn't know me well, but I think if someone told me they were suicidal, I might want to set up something with them, make sure they know they can call me, I don't know. Does anyone have any doctors or therapists who care anymore? She told me she thinks I should send my baby to daycare, but I can't because of money. She told me to think of things I enjoy and do one every day. I told her I usually enjoy a good funny show when I'm down, but I've been so down, I can't concentrate, and I can't sleep, and I just want to stop thinking about hurting myself. She told me, well, you don't want to end up in the hospital, right? That's no fun either.
Posted by Phillipa on December 30, 2010, at 19:38:02
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support, posted by Cydnie on December 30, 2010, at 17:12:19
I'm sorry no support there either. Not a good solution for you. Do you medical insurance? Maybe a few day in the hospital would help? What do you think? Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on December 30, 2010, at 21:51:44
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support, posted by Cydnie on December 30, 2010, at 17:12:19
I don't like the sound of the kind of support your are getting from your therapist. Any chance you can get a new one?
Posted by floatingbridge on December 31, 2010, at 1:54:54
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support, posted by Cydnie on December 30, 2010, at 17:12:19
Cyndie, I'm thinking of what to write. Depression after baby, not to mention 'normal' highly emotional state with all those hormones....
Not many want to put their infant in daycare--but every mom I know, depressed, in pain, or healthy loves and craves time to one's self. You might feel you've already tapped everyone, but maybe you haven't. (Part truth, maybe, but also part fiction? Sounds like your folks might not be available.) I've been
looking at part-time childcare for my young child through our local community college. There are some really nice
students in the early education program that like part time work. And some
people really love looking after infants.Some reassurance from your therapist would be great--should be forthcoming. Can you ask her directly how available she is? Cripes, I found my therapist with doctor number four. He 'saw' me. But doc shopping in a crisis is really rough.
Are you on meds now besides pain
meds? And don't let some doctor or nurse try to shame or induce guilt for taking pain medicine. That's their agenda. Remember that. Do you have a good psychiatrist? (Insurance?) They can help oversee meds.When I found myself with only vicodin to deal with pain, I needed to take an
amount that was a depressant for me. And it made me very dull witted.Thank you so much for writing. I'm sad to think of your Christmas Eve. Keep thinking that you will get out of this. You will.
Please keep writing and posting if you care to. Do you ever journal?
Posted by roscopeeco on December 31, 2010, at 6:26:00
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support, posted by Cydnie on December 30, 2010, at 17:12:19
Sometimes a good hospital is just what suicidal patients need to stabilize. I don't think patients in a hospital setting get much from the actual therapy, but they do get a sense of safety. I recently went to a fairly decent hospital that allowed me to sleep when I wanted and participate in group when I wanted. To me that was great. There was absolutely no pressure. I know this sounds silly, but the hospital was very homey. The hospital was also smaller and had an outside area where you could smoke and chat with other patients. To sum it all up, not all pscyh hospitals are like the ones you see in movies.
Where do you live? What is the biggest city nearby.
Posted by floatingbridge on December 31, 2010, at 11:46:22
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support, posted by roscopeeco on December 31, 2010, at 6:26:00
Hi roscopeeco,
My experience in a hospital was very stressful for a number of reasons, even though it was a 'very good' one. That said, your suggestion has a lot of merit, I think, especially if it is a facility where one can truly rest.
One babbler here has gone to a crisis centre. And maybe there is a women's center to call. When I went, I didn't have a child yet, which complicates everything while making the securing of help even more imperative--not just for the child's sake, but for the mother's. I'll speak only for myself here. Having an infant is very stressful in an odd, consuming way.
Cyndie, will you maybe write us today?
fb
Posted by roscopeeco on December 31, 2010, at 13:43:41
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support » roscopeeco, posted by floatingbridge on December 31, 2010, at 11:46:22
> Hi roscopeeco,
>
> My experience in a hospital was very stressful for a number of reasons, even though it was a 'very good' one. That said, your suggestion has a lot of merit, I think, especially if it is a facility where one can truly rest.
>
> One babbler here has gone to a crisis centre. And maybe there is a women's center to call. When I went, I didn't have a child yet, which complicates everything while making the securing of help even more imperative--not just for the child's sake, but for the mother's. I'll speak only for myself here. Having an infant is very stressful in an odd, consuming way.
>
> Cyndie, will you maybe write us today?
>
> fbYeah...the hospital I went to had their own AC units in each room. I cranked it down to 60 and threw 5 covers on top of me and forgot the world existed, except when I had to eat.
I can understand her concern about her baby, but if it weren't for the hospital I might not be here. If a hospital stay is a strong consideration for her she shouldn't tell them that she is suicidal because that alone can cause later stress when you feel like its time to leave. Not to mention the 24 hour watch they put on you.
Posted by Phillipa on December 31, 2010, at 18:28:59
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support, posted by roscopeeco on December 31, 2010, at 13:43:41
Suicide watch definitely but sometimes having those checks frequently gives more contact with staff. I myself was a Psych RN and loved the patients. I realize all are not working for the same reasons same as doc some good some bad. Cyndie let us know how you are. Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on January 1, 2011, at 15:51:12
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support » roscopeeco, posted by Phillipa on December 31, 2010, at 18:28:59
> Suicide watch definitely but sometimes having those checks frequently gives more contact with staff. I myself was a Psych RN and loved the patients. I realize all are not working for the same reasons same as doc some good some bad. Cyndie let us know how you are. Phillipa
When I have had suicide checks, it didn't give me more contact with the staff. They would just check to see where I was and that I hadn't hurt myself. From my experience psych nurses actually don't have much contact with the patients although that is their role. They are supposed to ask you how you are doing etc. and then they report it back to the doctor. But the times that I have been in, they just hide behind their plexi glass fish and talk amongst themselves and do paper work. It's sad.
Posted by emmanuel98 on January 1, 2011, at 18:13:48
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support » Phillipa, posted by Maxime on January 1, 2011, at 15:51:12
When I have been hospitalized, the nurses were great. They didn't do the checks, though. The aides did. But if you needed to talk to someone besides the social worker (once a day) and the doctor (once a day for about 20 minutes), the nurses were always available. That was my experience, anyway.
Posted by Phillipa on January 1, 2011, at 19:04:49
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support, posted by emmanuel98 on January 1, 2011, at 18:13:48
Emmanuel That is exactly how it works here. We didn't have a plexiglass screen. At all times the patients could walk up to the desk, ask for meds, to talk, or report symptoms, whatever they wanted. We would let the patients use their mirrors or items deemed unsafe as long as signed out and returned. Now if on suicide watch usually lasted 24 hours during that time only use under supervision. And our med tecks also did the checks unless in seclusions then the RN's did also. Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on January 1, 2011, at 19:56:48
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support, posted by emmanuel98 on January 1, 2011, at 18:13:48
> When I have been hospitalized, the nurses were great. They didn't do the checks, though. The aides did. But if you needed to talk to someone besides the social worker (once a day) and the doctor (once a day for about 20 minutes), the nurses were always available. That was my experience, anyway.
Wow, sounds lush. Where I was there was (I've been in two places in Montreal, and 3 places in Calgary, one in Kitchener, and two in Washington DC)only one social worker for 35 patients so talking to her was not usually possible. Her role was to help patients find housing etc. after they left the hospital. I never saw my doctor once a day, maybe every 3-4 days.
Health crisis in Canada, eh?
Posted by Phillipa on January 1, 2011, at 20:29:37
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support » emmanuel98, posted by Maxime on January 1, 2011, at 19:56:48
Here a pdoc must see you daily and write in your chart. Canada doesn't sound too great. In that respect. And they say we are headed that way? Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on January 1, 2011, at 22:49:10
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support » Maxime, posted by Phillipa on January 1, 2011, at 20:29:37
> Here a pdoc must see you daily and write in your chart. Canada doesn't sound too great. In that respect. And they say we are headed that way? Phillipa
Well, that's the way it was on the psych wards even the two I was in in Washington DC. My mom was in the hospital for her surgery in March and that was completly different. The surgeon even came in on a Sunday to see all her patients which is not the norm. I guess it all depends on which unit you are on.
I think the problem is that the psych nurses (and other nurses) are tired of the way things are going. They are overworked because the government will not allow hospitals to hire more. Low wages in Quebec as well.
Sometimes I think there should be an evergreen programme for psych nurses. That after so many years they should have to go on another unit because they become too uncaring. I would ask to talk to my nurse and she/he would act like I was bothering her. I remember once in Calgary I asked a nurse for a towel because I was going to have a shower. She told me that she wasn't my nurse, and that I would have to wait for my nurse. Sometimes they would give me towel and sometimes they wouldn't and it had nothing to do with being on any special sort of watch.
Posted by Maxime on January 1, 2011, at 22:55:06
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support » Maxime, posted by Phillipa on January 1, 2011, at 20:29:37
> Here a pdoc must see you daily and write in your chart. Canada doesn't sound too great. In that respect. And they say we are headed that way? Phillipa
I am slightly hurt by what you wrote. I feel that you can't take my experience in psych wards and apply to a whole country. I feel that if the US does adopt a similar health system to Canada's, that it will not effect how your psych wards are run or how caring the nurses are. At least I would hope not.
Posted by emmanuel98 on January 1, 2011, at 23:23:41
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support » emmanuel98, posted by Maxime on January 1, 2011, at 19:56:48
> > When I have been hospitalized, the nurses were great. They didn't do the checks, though. The aides did. But if you needed to talk to someone besides the social worker (once a day) and the doctor (once a day for about 20 minutes), the nurses were always available. That was my experience, anyway.
>
> Wow, sounds lush. Where I was there was (I've been in two places in Montreal, and 3 places in Calgary, one in Kitchener, and two in Washington DC)only one social worker for 35 patients so talking to her was not usually possible. Her role was to help patients find housing etc. after they left the hospital. I never saw my doctor once a day, maybe every 3-4 days.
>
> Health crisis in Canada, eh?What a drag. Sounds like the snake pit. Why doesn't the government put more money into health? Or is it just mental health that suffers. When I was visiting my daughter in Quebec, we went to see a friend of heres who had been hospitalized with a fever and sore throat. They would never hospitalize someone for that in the states. Just give you and anti-biotic and send you home. She was weak and her WBC count was low, so they kept her in the hospital to monitor. I found this amazing.
Posted by Phillipa on January 1, 2011, at 23:59:43
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support » Phillipa, posted by Maxime on January 1, 2011, at 22:55:06
Sometimes I'm thinking ahead not good to do when I write and was thinking of a friend in Canada I write to who has had so long waits to both medical and psych docs and referrals. So My comparing sort of anyway was a catestropic sequence of what if the government adopts either socialized medicine or nationalized which I understand is better supposedly and the long waits. I've heard some provinces of Canada are better than others also. Also I worked in private psych hospitals so that may have made a difference also. Last one was combined but run by a separate company and the hospital supplied the beds and nursing staff. I loved that job. Did groups at night based them on the main diagnosis of the patients. Movie on topic first then play acted or lecture. Sometimes the small hospitals give better care. Well lets hope for the very best in this year for health care for all parts of the world. Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on January 2, 2011, at 15:34:09
In reply to Re: In need of kind, gentle support » Maxime, posted by Phillipa on January 1, 2011, at 23:59:43
Sometimes the small hospitals give better care. Well lets hope for the very best in this year for health care for all parts of the world. Phillipa
That's a good hope. I hope for the same, thank you.
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